What this? A Skulduggery Pleasant Titanic AU?

this was not my fault. This was the fault of Maddz on Twitter. I am not to be held responsible. And I'm super sorry, pretty sure i probably butchered the Titanic AU. I hope it's not too bad!

It was dark, and the air was cold enough to make the hairs on Valkyrie Cain's arms stand on end. She shivered, and clutched her thin shawl tighter around her shoulders as she curled up amongst the barrels of wine and kegs of beer in the storeroom.

The ship was enormous; they said it was the biggest ship in the whole world. The thought made her breath catch in her chest; the biggest ship in the whole wide world, and here she was on board. She could go anywhere she wanted.

Naturally, she wasn't in the glamorous part of the ship. A first class ticket to New York cost £2,500! Who the hell had that kind of money? Not her, anyway.

So there she was, curled up in the alcohol storeroom with the rats and the cockroaches. Whatever. She didn't mind. It was cold, sure, and more than a little damp, but she had her shawl and she was determined. She was getting away. The only good thing about being stuck in that part of the ship was that she wasn't getting seasick, as she couldn't see the choppy waves or feel the stormy seas.

Her mouth stretched in a yawn, and she shifted in a vain attempt to get more comfortable. It didn't work. Frustrated, she let her head drop back against the wall and groaned tiredly. She couldn't remember ever being more tired. Or hungry. The gnawing hunger pains had started a while ago, and they were only getting worse.

She sat up abruptly. The kitchen was close to the storeroom. She had seen it as she slipped down the corridors. This ship was massive; surely they wouldn't miss a piece of bread.

Keeping as quiet as possible, she climbed to her feet and manoeuvred around the barrels to get to the door. As an afterthought, she left her shawl by the door. It would only hinder her if she had to move her arms quickly. Her dress, which was now quite dirty from squatting in the storeroom, tickled the back of her ankles as she gingerly pushed the door open. The metal hinges creaked and she froze, catching her breath.

After a moment she pushed forwards again, until there was a gap large enough for her to squeeze through. She froze again once she was in the hallway, glancing around quickly before scurrying down the corridor. The carpets were plush against her bare feet, and she found herself curling her toes into the soft material. As far as she could remember, the kitchen should be... Right about... There!

Taking a deep breath, Valkyrie took the handle and slowly pushed open the heavy metal door. This was so risky, but the hunger pains weren't letting her think properly. She peeked her head in quickly, making absolute certain there was no one inside before edging in.

She couldn't believe her luck; there was always someone in the kitchen! Where was everyone?

No use pondering useless questions when there was food right in front of her eyes. Valkyrie's gaze fell on a pot of casserole, and she almost fell over herself as she scrambled to get to it. She didn't even bother with cutlery as she snatched and tore a chunk of bread out of a loaf and dipped it in the casserole, very nearly swallowing it whole.

It was easily the best thing she'd ever tasted, and she almost inhaled the rest of it. So distracted in the food, she didn't even notice the sound of the big metal door opening again.

What she did notice, however, was the small noise of surprise and the sound of footsteps stopping in their tracks. She dropped the bread and whirled around, panicked.

A guard stood there. Just her luck. If it had been a cook or a kitchen assistant, she might have been able to escape. "Oh."

The guard seemed to jump slightly as he caught sight of her, and he took a deep breath as he stared at her for a very long moment. "I could be mistaken, but I think the kitchen is restricted access only." His voice was smooth and deep and beautiful and thoroughly distracting.

"Why are you here then?" Oh my god, why did I say that?! She thought the second the words had left her mouth.

He cocked his head to the side and regarded her silently. His face was completely impassive. "What's your name?"

Valkyrie tensed. "Why?"

"Because I'm asking."

"Valkyrie."

"Why are you here, Valkyrie?"

"I was hungry."

"No, I mean why are you here on the ship. Why are you here on the Titanic?"

Deciding it was best not to answer that question, Valkyrie folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. "That's none of your business."

"Actually, it is my business." The guard took a step towards her, ignoring the way she tensed even further. "Do you have a ticket?"

"Are you the ticket inspector now?" She demanded, her tone far more cheeky than she had originally intended.

"Do you have a ticket?"

He was close to her now, close enough for her to see his sharp cheekbones and dark hair and bright eyes. She realised she was staring, and jerked back a little. "I-"

"Miss, I'm going to have to insist-"

"No, okay?!" Valkyrie hissed at him, taking another step backwards. "No, I don't have a ticket! Happy?"

The guard looked at her inscrutably. "I see. So why are you on board?"

"Why am I-? Well obviously I want to go somewhere."

"And where would somewhere be?"

Suddenly unsure of herself, Valkyrie scowled at the man as she wrapped her arms around herself. "New York."

"Ah."

"So, what now? Are you going to report me?"

There was no answer for a long moment. "What were you going to New York for?"

"I- To get away. Just to escape, you know? I.. I need to go to America."

"Why?"

"Why are you asking me so many questions?"

"Would you rather I arrest you?"

She scowled. "Fine. There's more... America is better."

"Than Ireland? In some ways, I suppose. In other ways, not so much. But that doesn't entirely answer my question."

Sighing, Valkyrie glanced down at her dirty bare feet. "I grew up in Haggard. Know it?"

"Yes. It's a small village in the east of Ireland, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Very small. There was never anything to do. Never anywhere to go. Everyone knew each other, everyone was too interested in other people's business, it was horrible. What I do should never be anyone else's business. So... I saw an ad for the Titanic in the paper. It seemed... kind of perfect."

"How did you get from Haggard to Southampton?"

A short laugh burst out of her mouth, and she shrugged small shoulders. "It took a lot of time and effort. I hitched a lot of rides, and stowed away on a fishing boat to get to England."

"I see. So you stowed away on the biggest, most important ship in the world to escape your little town, purely because you think you're meant for something better than what you could get in a small town in the east of Ireland."

Her smile faded slowly. "Um.."

"I think you could be right."

"I-?"

"Where had you been hiding?"

"...Storeroom."

The guard said nothing, focusing on fixing his uniform jacket. After he had flicked a piece of invisible lint from his shoulder and straightened his hat, he cleared his throat and nodded towards the door. "Follow me."

"Follow you where?"

"Just trust me."

And for some reason, she did. And she followed.

She managed to refrain herself from asking any more questions as she followed the guard down the corridors. She didn't say anything even as they entered the living quarters of the ship.

There was an obvious visual difference as they passed into the first class living quarters. "Hey, where are we going? What if someone sees me?"

The guard didn't answer, stopping instead in front of a door at the end of the hall. "This room is empty."

Valkyrie stared uncomprehendingly at him. "Okay."

The man rolled his eyes at her. "You can stay in here."

"In.. in here? In first class?"

"It's better than the storeroom, isn't it?" The guard pointed out, fishing keys out of his uniform pockets and unlocking the door. He stepped back and swept his arm forwards to allow her entrance into the room first.

With an uncertain glance cast his way, Valkyrie stepped into the room, and promptly froze in surprise. "Holy shit."

"Is it okay?"

"Okay?" Valkyrie repeated, staring around the room. It was amazing; a queen-sized four poster bed by the wall with beautiful satiny red sheets, a brown oak wardrobe and vanity cabinet, a deep red couch with a small coffee table, an en suite bathroom. "It's.. It's.. Wow."

"There's a bath through that door. You might want to use it. You won't pass for a passenger in first class unless you're presentable."

Valkyrie was too much in awe to even shoot him a scowl. "Wow."

"I'll be going then."

"Wait!" She grabbed hold of his arm to stop him from leaving, before blushing and letting go of him quickly. "Um, sorry. I just- thank you. Thank you so much."

The guard tilted his head in acknowledgment. "You're welcome. I should get back to work now."

"Wait! You never told me your name."

He paused in the door, before turning his head and allowing her a small smile. "Skulduggery Pleasant, at your service." He offered a mock bow.

"Oh. Hi. I'm Valkyrie. Um.. I already told you that."

Skulduggery grinned wider. "I'll see you later, Valkyrie. Sleep well."