A/N: Like the last chapter, this one picks up right after the last one ended. Cal and Gillian are still in the middle of a discussion about anonymous threats, nude photos and her affair. Just to bring the story into line with the show: The timeline here is sometime at the beginning of the 3rd season but sans Wallowski (since Cal and Gillian are together, I skipped Burns as well as her).

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and hope you enjoy reading it just as much. Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. Your support is very appreciated.

Disclaimer: The usual. Not mine.

Show me the photos...

Tell me his name...

Quid pro quo. Neither of them says the words out loud, but it's clear that this is what is going to happen.

They stare at each other; their mutual claims hanging in the air between them heavily. The almost relaxed atmosphere that started to set in moments ago has vanished. This is a duel of wills.

Gillian is the first to break eye contact.

"He has nothing to do with those photos," she states quietly. "So you can just as well show them to me first and we'll talk about the rest later."

"Wanna buy time and explore your options?"

Cal's expression has the fiery intensity it gets when they argue. He tilts his head back and she can tell his level of barely controlled aggressiveness from the angle alone. Very aggressive. Actually, she is not surprised. This is about her and another man. Cal is only proprietary as usual in an inappropriate way – also, as usual. If anything, being with him made her realize and accept that.

"No," she won't let him provoke her.

It was their accustomed pattern in the past. One of them would get angry, they would argue, not yell at each other, but it always got quite heated. Despite being calm and composed outwardly, Gillian has a temper, too, even if she only lets it show in private. Of course, they always made their peace with each other afterward. Their personalities are too strong and their differences in opinions take place too often, though, to keep up that time-consuming, exhausting approach. Therefore, they learned to handle situations like these in another way. Depending on the level of upset, the less angrier one of them tries to retain control and deescalate the situation.

Today this seems to be her part. What is interesting because shouldn't she be upset the most considering the photos and anonymous threats? However, looking at Cal, Gillian understands that she has no time to think it over. Either she will remain placid or this will end up in a serious fight.

"You told me yourself that there were a lot of other photos on the laptop you found and that you found no hint that there were other offenders involved. Whoever did that was someone living on blackmailing other people. Most likely the dead guy. We just need to find the connection. Now would you please show me the photos. I think I have a right to see them."

All that she says determined but in a hushed tone. Gillian knows it is her voice that always does the trick. Trying to calm Cal down by touching him doesn't work nowhere near as good. Her voice, on the other hand, seems to be the one thing in the whole world that is able to melt away his rage.

She sees his jaw move; he clenches his teeth. Then Cal stands up, gets the USB stick out of his safe and puts his laptop on the table in front of her. The stick is password protected. He did everything to make its content inaccessible for unauthorized third parties, meaning anybody but them; she has to acknowledge as much. Cal doesn't say anything or look at her. After a few clicks and without any further warning, the first photo pops up on the screen. Gillian takes a deep breath.

Show me the photos...

Somehow she expected a grainy picture, a blurry shot, hoped against all odds that it had been a misunderstanding after all, but what she sees instead is a needle-sharp photograph that leaves no doubt it is her. At least there is not much to see. She is in bed, clearly naked, yes, but the sheet covers all relevant body parts. Could be worse. Unfortunately, it gets worse when Cal clicks on the next pic.

Gillian forces herself not to look away. It won't change anything. The photos will still be there and they would still not know for sure who took or didn't take them. She needs to have a close look at them. Altogether there are ten pictures. She is in bed in all of them, her degree of nudity varying, depending on her position and whether she covered herself with the bed sheet or not. It is disturbing that she seems to look straight at the camera in some of the pics when she knows there was none, at least none that she was aware of or could see at that time. Someone captured those intimate moments and Gillian doesn't know which invasion of privacy is worst – the photo of the moment in which she apparently dozed off, lying there peacefully, completely unaware of what was happening, or the one that was taken after she sat up in bed and dropped the sheet so that there is nothing left to the fantasy of the viewer, smiling at a person entering the room that is not in the picture.

She knows when and where those photos were taken, knows that the last picture captured the moment when he came back into the room after he had taken a shower and before they went for another round. The obvious question why there are no shots of the two of them making love will remain unanswered even if the imagination that someone watched them sends a cold shiver down Gillian's back. Perhaps the blackmailer had tried out to extort couples before and had experienced too many intricacies. Perhaps he googled her name and decided he would stand a better chance to extort her instead of him. Bottom line – it is futile to hope to understand the drug-induced mind of a criminal. Things are as they are.

Cal has been standing next to her the entire time, not moving, still not saying anything. Despite his anger, he senses how difficult it is for her, put his arm on the back rest of her chair at some point so that she could lean back and feel his warmth and support without having to actually touch her. Touching would be too much right now. Not when they have to look at these pictures. It's been a while that Cal looked at them, but every time he does it feels as if someone kneed him in the guts. It must be twice as difficult for her. At least.

Gillian exhales and flips the laptop shut, unable to look at the pictures any longer. They remain silent for a moment.

"God, Cal," her voice is hoarse when she speaks, full of emotion. She didn't expect it to be so hard. "I feel ashamed, ashamed and angry, that someone took these photos, that I had no idea and that this someone watched... everything, maybe showed others the photos, too. I feel so helpless."

Cal gently strokes her back, eventually allowing himself to touch her now that they are not looking at the pictures anymore. He only loses his rhythm briefly when she says everything and Gillian realizes she just more or less confirmed that her secret and Cal's are indeed connected. He had the photos. She had the affair. Isn't the world a crazy place to live in?

The warmth of his hands, the steadiness of his touch reassure her.

"It's over, Gill. No one can hurt you any more," Cal says when he could have said something else. Something like everything? What would there have been to see? But he doesn't, puts his anger and the questions that must nag him, now even more than before, on the back burner for her. They both are well aware that some damage was done. The photos were taken, they exist; they cannot undo that. Apart from this, though, Cal prevented more damage from happening to them, especially to her.

Gillian turns around in her chair, standing up halfway so that she can embrace him. Actually, she clings to him as if her life depended on it.

"Thank you, Cal. For protecting me." Her face is buried in his shirt; he can barely hear her voice. It almost makes him forget his anger that she hid her affair from him. Almost. Either way, he puts his arms around her and holds her as close as possible, her racing heartbeat telling him how much all of it affects her.

"I know where the photos were taken," Gillian matter-of-factly adds when she has composed herself enough to think clearly again a few moments later. It doesn't surprise him much. By now, Cal knows how fast she is able to recover. "It's a hotel. Either he installed a camera in the room that was programmed to take photos or he was in the adjoining room and took them from there through a manipulated mirror or howsoever." You always heard that things like that happened but in this regard Gillian was like anybody else; she never expected it to happen to her. "That man most likely worked at the hotel or had connections to someone working there. We should check it out."

Cal looks at her for a long time. Then he steps back and takes out his phone, already dialing.

"What's the name of the hotel?"

She tells him and Cal instructs someone at the other end of the line to check it out. Probably one of his old contacts. Knowing Cal, Gillian assumes their loyalty to him persists until the bitter end of this story.

Cal hangs up and gets closer to her again. Gillian stood up, too, so that they are basically back where they started – staring at each other in a duel of wills. Save that it is her turn this time to give in.

Tell me his name...

Cal doesn't have to ask. It is the elephant in the room. Gillian takes his hand as if she wants to lead him somewhere even though they only move centimeters. It's a gesture that is supposed to say that she is at his side all the way. She hopes he understands it. They are standing right in front of the table and she flips the laptop open again to click on the photos until she finds the one she has been looking for.

"You couldn't know where the pictures were taken, but you could have known when they were taken and who was with me."

Cal darts an angry glance at her. He doesn't step back, though, stays right beside her.

"I know you don't like it when I go all psychological on you, but this is so obvious, Cal. It would be another lie of omission if I didn't point it out, and after all what happened, that is the one thing I won't do. Look at the picture, Cal. It's all there."

Instead of looking at the picture, Cal keeps looking at her, though, as if he hoped to find all answers in her face. And maybe he did find what he was looking for because when Gillian doesn't push him, just smiles at him uneasily but reassuringly, he eventually follows her request.

It is one of the more harmless photos. Not that much bare skin. Under different circumstances, it could have been a nice, erotic shot of her.

Of course, Cal noticed the rumpled bed sheets when he looked at the photos for the first time. Of course, he saw that both sides of the bed were used, meaning that she hadn't been alone. But considering that he has no idea when the photos were taken, guessing who she had been with would have been speculation. That's why he forbid himself to think about it. It would have driven him crazy otherwise.

"You are there. I can see that," he states irritated.

Compared to Gillian's patience and composed behavior, Cal's mood is still testy. He's not in the mood to play games, but he knows that she wants him to find out on his own. The fact that she shows him hereby that he basically failed in his field of expertise, overlooked important information because she was his blind spot once more, doesn't exactly improve the situation.

"If you refer to the bed, I did notice that. Rumpled sheets on both sides. Bloody hell, I'm not blind. But since you don't seem to age, the pics could have been taken any time and you could have been with anyone. Ex-boyfriend. Ex-husband. Ex-college professor. Don't like to guess."

Cal really is pissed off and about to work himself up into a jealous frenzy. Even if he payed her a compliment, his tone of voice practically insulted her. Let alone that there is no Gillian, Gill or luv as if they were strangers and not lovers. She knows how difficult this is for him, though, and wants to comfort him just like he comforted her moments ago despite his anger. Therefore, she has to remain unimpressed with his mood swings.

"What about my haircut?" she asks gently.

The question makes him lose his train of thought briefly. When Cal rediscovers his ability to speak, jealous frenzy has made room for defensive aggressiveness.

"How am I supposed to know how you have been wearing your hair in the last... what... twenty years?"

"Because we go back a long way and because I told you once."

She is right. So right that it strikes him in the face. Gillian always points out that the question not only is if someone is lying but why. Cal just didn't know as yet that this also applies when you are lying to yourself. He knew, should have seen it, but didn't. Gillian had much longer and darker hair when they first met and she had always been wearing it that way since college – that's what she told him back then. It was only recently that she decided to cut it and have some highlights, the way her hair looks in the photos. Cal feels the tension in every limb of his body when he realizes that his suspicion was right, that she must have had an affair after her divorce and before they got together.

"I didn't find a connection between the dead guy and the hotel we stayed at in Vegas," he rather growls then says.

Gillian raises an eyebrow. "Vegas? What brought up that idea?"

Because Vegas and Ben were Cal's first idea when he pondered on Gillian having an affair. Cal gave her the perfect reason when he slept with their female suspect and Ben gave her the perfect opportunity when he took her out during their last night in that enticing city. It has always rankled with Cal that Ben and Gillian never told him what actually happened.

Gillian knows why Cal thought of Vegas. She can't help but enjoy the awkward moment before he eventually answers as a late punishment for his behavior. They are together now. Remembering Vegas hurts, anyway.

"You know why Vegas," he says almost threateningly as if she were the one to blame. "Maybe the hotel name you just gave me was your special Vegas arrangement for one night only because it wasn't the one we stayed at." His tone of voice still borders on menacing. In the middle of trying to protect her against blackmail and suffering from the idea that she had an affair, Gillian won't blame Cal for losing perspective though.

"No." She shakes her head. "It wasn't Vegas. The photos were taken at a nice hotel not even an hour away from here. Since it isn't a hotel chain, I didn't need to give you a location; the name was sufficient."

Cal's thoughts stray. So that rules out Ben and puts Loker into play again – provided they are talking usual suspects here and not surprise packages like the errant boy or whoever never even was on his radar. He is relieved that it wasn't Ben, angry because now images of Gillian and Loker start to pop up in his head and simply confused because he still can't believe that it is the truth, that she actually had an affair.

Gillian sees the range of emotions flit across his face. The anger is expected, but his relief and confusion get to her; she doesn't want to stall him any longer.

"It wasn't Vegas, but it started in Vegas. What else do you need? It's his badge on the nightstand, Cal." She points at the photo, sounding defensive and defiant at the same time. In the end, Vegas hurt all of them.

There is something shiny on the nightstand. Part of a badge, easy to overlook but usually not for someone like Cal. If he took a closer look, he would be able to make a few letters of the name out, would have been able to do that when he studied the photos for the first time. The only reason he was so blind is that his subconsciousness wanted him to be.

It started in Vegas. It's his badge. Cal's first thought is astonishment that the offender was down-and-dirty enough to blackmail a woman obviously connected to a FBI agent, but probably his drug addiction had made him reckless enough at that point or perhaps he simply was too drugged to notice. Cal's second thought is that he was right. It was Ben. The man can consider himself happy that he got shot and redeployed to office duty so that he doesn't work for them anymore. Cal always liked and respected him, but he also always was highly aware that Ben had a soft spot for Gillian.

Another thought hits him out of the blue.

"How soon after Vegas did it happen?"

Gillian is almost relieved that this is his first question, that he is still there with her and hasn't left to clear things up between man and man.

"A few weeks later."

Considering the timeline, Ben still worked for them after his affair with Gillian. Why didn't he see it? Gillian definitely is his blind spot but not Ben. There is no way Cal could have missed that, no way Ben could have been that good. Unless...

"You coached him so that I wouldn't find out."

Cal can't come any nearer; they are already standing so close that their bodies nearly touch. Gillian knows that his in-your-face attitude is supposed to make her step back, that he aches for a small victory in light of the big disaster.

"Yes I did." She won't step back, but she will give him that much. There is no use in denying. Let alone that it would be a lie.

It was the least she could do for Ben. He had been so attentive to her in Vegas without making a move on her even if she had known that he wanted to. Instead Ben was a true friend and a gentleman on top of that. She felt safe in his presence whereas Cal just had proven another time that being with him would be anything but safe and that her burning desire would lead nowhere. The least she could do after she had broken up with him was to spare him Cal's anger and revenge.

If it had been up to Ben, he would have hidden nothing. But knowing him and Cal, Gillian was aware that if she wanted to avoid the two men battling for her, the only solution was to pretend that nothing had happened. The two of them are too alike. Ben as well as Cal would have chosen the between man and man solution that would for sure have included some minor injuries. Something Gillian couldn't allow to happen at their workplace. Ben never argued with her when she told him about her plan, accepted that she wanted it that way and let her coach him. The fact that he was a very good student made her feel guilty all the more. Most of all, though, it surprised her that it actually worked, that Cal didn't see anything. As time went by, it got easier. Ben had started to date again just before she and Cal got together; Gillian remembers meeting him in the coffee kitchen.

"I'm happy for you, Gillian," he said.

Funny, how she only realizes in hindsight that he never called her Gill as if he had accepted right from the beginning that this term of endearment belongs to Cal exclusively.

"Thank you, Ben."

She felt the sad smile on her face. Her words were so inadequate. He deserved something better and it burdened her once more that she couldn't have been the one to give it to him, hurt him instead. She hoped with all her heart that the woman he had started to date would be the right one for him.

"Enough with the guilt. You have what you always wanted and if I want one person in the whole world to be happy, then it's you." It was typical for Ben to be unselfish and say something like that.

They never talked about their feelings during their physical encounter (too short to call it an affair, too long to call it a one-night-stand). It was clear, anyway, that she loved Cal and Ben loved her. Aside from the fact that Gillian didn't realize that until after she had slept with Ben. Even then, he never said the actual words, but she had been working with Cal long enough to see it in his face and feel it in his touch.

She couldn't look at Ben, congratulating her on top of it all for being happy with another man.

"Gillian..." Ben checked the door to make sure that no one was there to overhear his words. "It was worth it," he then said in a low voice. "I don't regret anything. So please don't regret it either."

And that's how Ben Reynolds granted her absolution for ripping his heart out.

When she visited him in the hospital months later after he had gotten shot, Gillian met his new girlfriend and introduced herself as Ben's former colleague.

"I know who you are," the other woman said, looking Gillian over, her face and body language a mixture of curiosity, kindness and suspicion. Ben obviously had told her about them and that made Gillian very happy because he never would have done that if he hadn't been sure that this woman was the one for him.

"And I know who you are," Gillian responded. "You've made a good choice. I'm happy for the two of you."

It was only in that moment that Gillian could feel the absolution Ben had granted her because now she knew that he was happy, too.

"Nice memories?" Cal asks snappily, looking daggers at her so that her skin starts to crawl.

"For the record – you have to thank Ben that it didn't already happen in Vegas."

Gillian only then realizes that Cal didn't react to her admission that she actually coached Ben. She isn't sure what to make of it (Will he really let it pass or is he just waiting for another opportunity to criticize her for it?), but she is well aware that it would have been better to take the chance and perform damage control, now that the truth is out, instead of adding fuel to the fire.

It wasn't necessary to tell him; Cal would have never known, but Vegas is a red rag to Gillian and thinking of Ben as the good man he is made her say the words as soon as she remembered. After they'd had such a wonderful night out, it was her who practically threw herself at him. Not that blatant, of course, but Ben knew her good enough to recognize that the subtle hint rather was an overt invitation that he could have it all if he went for it. With alcohol as a factor and the knowledge that Gillian was still very upset about Cal's latest stunt, Ben knew better than to take her offer though. It made her trust him even more. As a matter of fact, he was the right man, had it all. The looks, the character. He just wasn't the man she had fallen for long ago and Ben knew that.

More memories and Cal still let's it pass without any further comment. Only the naked jealousy in his face gives away his feelings. It makes Gillian wonder if he saw the same in her face back then in Vegas. Probably not, being his blind spot and all that. But Ben saw it. That was why he gently embraced her and wished her goodnight when they stood in front of her hotel room in the wee hours and she was thinking about kissing him and more. Much more, in fact.

"It didn't happen in Vegas because Ben is a gentleman and he is not stupid, didn't want to take advantage of a woman who apparently was in love with someone else. Someone else who not only just had slept with another woman but also enjoyed rubbing my nose in it."

Now that she mentioned Vegas, Gillian wants Cal to understand. Perhaps he already assumes rightly, at least most of it. She tells him, anyway.

"When you couldn't get that smug smile out of your face after Vegas, Ben was there for me. It hurt so much, Cal, and he was the only one who knew. What were you thinking? You had been flirting with me and still slept with another woman as if it meant nothing. After my separation and divorce, I needed to feel desired, but I also needed to feel safe. I had had enough drama; I longed for stability. And there you were, sending me so many mixed signals that I was convinced there was no chance in hell we would ever get together, that all of it was just a hoax." Gillian takes a deep breath, making eye contact. "Ben was no hoax. He was real. He wanted me and I needed him."

And he loved you, Cal thinks. Even though she didn't tell him, he can tell from the way she feels obliged to defend Ben's reputation. But you didn't love him; that's why you feel so guilty. You loved me, instead, even back then, no matter how badly I treated you.

When it comes to Gillian's feelings for Ben, Cal can read her and it is a huge relief. Ben could have been the whole package, all she ever wanted. He could have snatched her from under Cal' nose. Actually, he tried. Save that you can't influence who you love and who not. Maybe Gillian even wanted to love Ben, too, but she just couldn't. And Ben isn't the kind of man to hold on to something after he lost the game.

They never discussed Vegas. They both have a past, not to mention their mutual history as business partners and friends. That part alone would make for an hours-long talk. Maybe that is the reason why they never even started, more or less ignored what was and concentrated on presence and future instead.

Cal looks rather strained. The fact that Gillian defended Ben and blamed him fueled his hurt and anger, but there is exhaustion beneath and understanding. Cal knows that he hurt her in Vegas. That's why he basically lets everything pass that she admits. As jealous and angry as he is, how could he possibly accuse her considering his role in all of that?

"I'm sorry for what I did in Vegas, Gill," he says.

This surprises her. No accusations. No snide remarks. Just a simple, honest apology. Plus he called her Gill again.

"Who are you?" Gillian dares to tease him. "And what have you done to Cal Lightman? The man who loves to argue with me to the bitter end."

"The man who not only loves to argue with you but who loves you," Cal corrects her. "And for the record – there won't ever be a bitter end when it comes to you and me."

He doesn't smile, doesn't try to mitigate the weight of the moment. Gillian touches his face, reassures herself that he can take what she is about to say, that he hopefully will even understand it.

"I'm not sorry for what happened between Ben and me," she admits after a brief pause. "I hope you understand. But I'm deeply sorry that I hurt him and that I didn't tell you sooner and hurt you thereby, too."

Somehow, they are all to blame. Mutual recriminations would be futile. Cal acted in Vegas before thinking things through to the end, but he didn't hurt her on purpose, and when Gillian acted weeks later, she didn't intend to hurt him either; her actions were more about saving herself. On some days, she still can't believe that Cal and she eventually got together – that's how convinced she had been back then that it would never happen. And then there was Ben caught in the middle...

Ben is a strong man, well-built and muscular, but he touched her so gently and tenderly as if she was fragile and could break any moment. Well, at least before passion set in. She and Ben spent a prolonged weekend together. They barely left the hotel room for four days – only to have breakfast and dinner. Four days that worked miracles to her self-confidence until she realized that his feelings ran much deeper than hers. Gillian didn't want to break up with him, would even have risked Cal finding out about them because it simply felt so good how Ben worshipped her body and soul. But no matter how good he made her feel, it wasn't worth breaking his heart. Only that it already was too late.

"I knew what this was about, Gillian," Ben said when she tried to explain why they couldn't continue whatever it was between them. "I knew it and asked you, anyway." After watching for a few weeks how Gillian continued to suffer, Ben had had enough and asked her out to have dinner and spend the weekend with him afterwards. They both hadn't pretended not to know how it would end. After all, he had booked only one room.

"Don't do that," Cal grumbles. "Don't remember how you were with him while you are standing right in front of me in my house."

Being able to read Gillian when it comes to Ben suddenly is not such a relief anymore. Cal clenches and unclenches his fists until she grabs hold of both of his hands and stops him.

"I'm sorry. It's just... I haven't thought about him for a while, and after everything I learned today, I just... I can't think straight."

Cal is not any longer angry with her, but the jealousy is still there. Fueled anew by what he saw in her face. He puts his hands on her hips and presses his body against hers in an attempt to claim what is his.

"Then don't think," he whispers into her ear, half-expecting her to stop him, but she doesn't.

"Are you jealous?" Her words are a breath of air against his neck. As if she hadn't seen it.

Instead of an answer, he holds on to her hips even firmer. Yes, he is. She slides her hands under his shirt.

"Show me how much."

The words and the way she said them are a very sexy come-on. Yet, Cal reacts in a way she didn't anticipate.

He leans back a little, raises his hands and moves them across her face tenderly as if he was blind and wanted to feel her contours. Then he proceeds, gently stroking her arms, hands, fingers, down and up again, moving his hands toward her shoulder blades then and down her lower back before he spends his time on the front of her upper body, moving his hands from hips to waist over her breasts to her collar bone where they finally come to rest. All this he does with a commitment that leaves her breathless. This is not the man anymore who hurt her in Vegas. This is what she was looking for. The whole package.

"The thing is..." It almost startles her when Cal speaks. "I could show you, but I would be afraid to crush you because this, Gill, this...," he increases the pressure and clasps her neck with his hands firmly but softly, his thumb caressing her lower jaw, "...is how much I love you so I leave it up to you to imagine how jealous I am."

If Cal was any other man, Gillian would be scared. Here and now, she feels safe instead. Loved. Wanted. She leans forward and kisses him, assuming his kiss will be as guarded as his actions, but she is wrong another time. His kiss is like wildfire, flooding through her. She is ready to not think.

"You know, I also have a lower body," she says just when his phone rings.

"Hold that thought."

Cal is reluctant to answer his phone but does it when he sees who the caller is. It is not an actual conversation. Cal only hems and haws before he ends the call with a thank you after less than a minute.

"He worked at the hotel," he confirms what Gillian hoped to hear. His contact called to inform him about the result of the research. It is the connection they were looking for. Everything starts and ends with the dead guy. It's over.

But when Cal takes her in his arms again to continue where they stopped just moments ago, she puts a hand against his chest.

"Are we okay?" Gillian asks. "Because if the lies hadn't come together..." ...she still wouldn't know about the photos and he still wouldn't know about Ben.

Quid pro quo.

Lies...

Truth...

Cal closes the distance between them, taking Gillian in his arms before he gives her an answer.

"They always do."

The end

And for those of you who noticed:

Yes, Gillian's and Cal's last line are taken from one of my favorite scenes (ending of 1x9 Life is priceless).