Despair at the unknown

Despair at the future

Despair at your memories

Fall into despair, Makoto Naegi!

The boy awoke with a start, his vision clear and his body drenched in sweat. The fog in his mind had been lifted, yet he couldn't figure out exactly why. The room was dark, although not from any sort of despair. There were no silhouettes in the corner, no demons lurking about… The darkness came from the peaceful night. His breaths came out in pants as his green eyes looked cautiously around the room. It was as though he was in a foreign world, somewhere he didn't belong. As his breathing began to calm, the boy's eyes landed on Kyoko Kirigiri, who was asleep on his lap, unmoving, unwavering.

At least, that's what he wanted to believe.

His eyes became gentle as he looked upon her with a smile. His took timid fingers to her hair as he was reminded of how much she cared for him. Rather, reminded was not at all the right word for what he was feeling. This weightlessness, this simple kind of happiness could never be 'reminded of'. He could never let himself forget. Not about her.

He stayed like this for several minutes, before the girl finally began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open as she raised her head to meet his gaze. When their eyes met, he smiled softly to her. Naturally, the girl was startled. "M-Makoto! You're-!" She made to examine him. The boy was bemused.

"Kyoko? What's going on?"

The girl took a hand to his head. "How are you feeling? Makoto?" her voice was worried to no end. That confused him even more. "Kyoko? What's wrong? And why…" he focused his eyes on her gentle fingers "...aren't you wearing your gloves?"

She didn't answer him. "Are you thirsty?"

"N-no…" he rubbed at his eyes. "I just have this weird taste in my mouth."

She frowned. "Then maybe you should have something. I'll get you some water." She seemed rather stern about getting that glass of water, so Makoto, quickly realizing her determination, decided to keep his mouth shut and let her do as she pleased. "So..." He was forming the words, albeit a little slower than usual. "How long have I been asleep? I feel like I've been laying here forever." He said with a lighthearted grin. Still, lighthearted as he was, he still wanted to know. It was this curiosity that drove him, so have his questions answered, and to bring out the truth. She paused at the sink, her hand carefully on the faucet. She turned it, stopping the water's flow. She glanced to the left. "A bit. I'm just glad you're awake. That's all that I care about." She returned to his side, glass in hand. "Drink it slowly." She warned. The boy did as he was told, emptying the glass. "Maybe I was... a little thirstier than I thought?" He laughed. Still, Kyoko couldn't shake her frown. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? You don't have a fever, but there could still be something going on."

He dismissed it. "I'm... a little drowsy, but I think I'm okay."

" 'I think' isn't very convincing, Makoto." Still, her frown disappeared as she readjusted his blankets. "Still, I'd like to take you to the doctor... just to be safe. How about in the morning? It's pretty late at night."

He agreed. "That's fine. I'd be bad if something really was wrong, right?

You haveno idea, Makoto.

Naegi shut his eyes, only to have the face of Enoshima sneer at him. He shuttered, refusing to close them again. "What's wrong, Makoto? You just finished telling me you were alright." She gazed into his eyes, looking for even a shred of what could be wrong. Still, she already knew it. But itwas an elusive creature, one which lurked softly through their minds.

"Kyoko… Was I… dreaming?" he asked, his voice still drowsy.

The girl's eyes fell at his words as she took his hand into her own. His grip was tight. She shook, only slightly. "Yes… it was a bad dream… a very bad dream. But you're awake now, aren't you?" her voice was soft.

There was a pause.

"Aren't you?"

The boy's hand held her own a fraction tighter. "To be honest… I don't really know what's real, and what isn't anymore. Those dreams are always so bad… so realistic…They always make me want to wake up. They make me… want to see you again."

Kyoko grit her teeth.

"Those dreams… are strange. They make me feel like… Something isn't right… like everything was supposed to be different. I dunno, just a weird feeling." His voice was lighthearted, although tinged with that uncertainty. Their faces flashed before her. Her voice was heavy and immutable with their weight.

"Dreams are dreams, Makoto."

Sayaka Maizono

"Nothing was supposed to be different."

Leon Kuwata

"This is real."

Mondo Owada

"Our lives are real."

Celestia Ludenberg

She took a hand to his cheek. "This is our reality." She kissed his cheek. Softly, possessively, protectively.

Her lips left him, and he spoke again. "I know, Kyoko. I love it here. I love you…I love being in love with you… But sometimes, I feel like everything was supposed to be different, you know? Like… I still don't know why I dream like this. Do you?"

Mukuro Ikusaba

Kyoko was silent. "I don't know why I have this feeling"

Chihiro Fujisaki

"But… it just feels so real."

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

"Like I was actually there."

Hifumi Yamada

"Like I lived through it."

Sakura Ogami

"Almost like I watched it happen."

Junko Enoshima

"Isn't that… just the weirdest thing?"

Kyoko ran a soft hand through his hair, loving how soft it was, loving how real he was.

Loving the life that flowed through him.

"Makoto… don't worry about them. Just worry about us. About here, and now. Dreams are only dreams, the past is only the past. But if anything comes for you, I'll protect you, Makoto."

I'll always protect you.

He smiled. "You always know exactly what to tell me, Kyoko." He raised his arms up to embrace her, his breath pooling behind her ears, his hair tickling the skin of her neck. "You always tell me just what I need to hear." Without hesitation, without wavering, Kirigiri returned his embrace, holding him close, absolutely.

"I can't help it, Makoto. I just know you so well." She held him to her chest. The boy betrayed a warm smile at the girl's remark. "That makes me feel...like I'm at home, like this is the only place I belong. It's... nice." He looked into jaded tourmaline, the girl also showing joy through a smile of her own. She gave him a peck on the cheek. "I wouldn't have it any other way." She got up from her place beside of him and walked to the kitchen cabinets, searching in earnest for something to eat. "Are you hungry, Makoto? I can make you something if you're up to it." The boy responded quickly. "To be honest... I'm not sure if I can eat right now. I still feel a little weird." The girl marched back to him at that, taking her hand quickly to his forehead. "But that doesn't mean you shouldn't eat, Kyoko. I'd feel horrible if you didn't." The girl let her hand linger for a moment too long, then decided, with a sigh, that the boy's fever was only mild. :Well, Makoto, when you decide that you're hungry, don't hesitate to tell me." the girl said as she retook her seat beside of him. The boy looked up, bemused. "Aren't you going to eat, Kyoko? You really should."

She held up a hand. "I'm not hungry, either." When the boy's face fell a little, Kyoko quickly amended her statement. "Bu it isn't because of you, Makoto." The boy smiled brightly. "Do you need anything else? Another blanket? Something to drink? A cool towel?" Kyoko was absolutely doting. Makoto blushed. "W-well, I don't need all of that, Kyoko! But, now that you mention it..." Kyoko leaned a little closer. "I do feel a little... gross." She raised a brow. "I mean- how long have I been asleep like that? I must need a bath, or something-"

"You weren't asleep for long, Makoto." the girl was lying through her goddamn teeth. "But if you really feel that way, I'll wash your clothes while you're in."

It's the least I can do for you.

"Thanks, Kyoko." The boy arose from the bed with a stretch and a yawn. "I think a bath sounds nice." Kyoko relished a sigh of relief in the singular notion that Makoto was okay. He was alive and breathing and happy and that was all she cared about. She was completely apart from the world in the moment she could finally smile again, another thought soon reeling her back in. "Do you need help, Makoto? I'd hate it if you fell."

The boy blushed madly as he waved a dismissive arm. "N-no, no! I think I'll be alright, Kyoko."

"Are you sure, Makoto? It wouldn't be any trouble at all." She reasoned.

After a moment, the boy still declined, in that absolutely perfect, Makoto kind of way. "You're so concerned about me, Kyoko!" He beamed "To be honest, it feels..." a pause, his head lowering to his hands that clutched the sheets. "...Nice. It feels nice to know that someone's here with me... that you're here with me, Kyoko. I know I don't say it enough, but...Thank you." He held out his arms for her to embrace him, a gentle rush of warmth flowing through them as they held each other close. Kyoko kissed the top of his forehead, noticing in the back of her mind that his fever was still present. She released. "At least let me help you out of bed, Makoto." The boy nodded shyly after a moment's thought. His hands waiting for her. She looped an arm around him, to which he laughed, freely, lightly, without a care in the world. Kyoko had a singular notion in her head as his hands grasped onto her.

I want...

to stay like this forever.

With a gentle lift, and a firm hand at his back, Kyoko managed to help the boy out of bed, his feet landing softly onto the floor. His strength returning, the boy stood from the bed and began making his way to the bathroom, single step at a time. "Thanks, Kyoko."

"It's the least I can do for you, Makoto." she smiled, enjoying the view of him standing, walking, breathing, enjoying the sight of him alive. It was that returning fleet of happiness, looking upon him with crystalline eyes. Her heart was captured. Kyoko knew then that she would do anything for him. Cross any chasm. Journey any land. Dive head-first into any hell. All for him. She fought once again to stop her tears of elation. He crossed the house, step by arduous step, and she watched. She watched him believe in his worn body, have hope in their hopeless situation. To say the least, a warm chill of nostalgia passed through her. He was almost there, and she couldn't be happier. He was almost to the bathroom. She lowered her head in silent contentment as she heard the door shut. She sighed as that warmth of contentment flowed through her, sinking into her bones and lifting her spirits. If only for a moment passing, she believed that everything would be okay. She turned her head as she heard the water turn on. Naegi was in the shower.

...

.

.

.

.

The shower.

She couldn't contain her gasp. Naegi was in the shower. "No, Makoto...!"

Pop Idol had a fall

Onto a knife in the shower stall.

Her lips quivered as that warmth dissipated. She turned her head again as she heard a thump. A soft, low thump.

Like a head onto the floor.

She quickly rose to her feet, senses numb at her own carelessness. At her own hopelessness. "Makoto... you can't remember... I won't allow it!" Why-

Why did I let him go in there.

There was a knock at the door but she didn't hear it, for she was far too concerned with the incident unfolding before her. She banged on the door to the bathroom, the water still running. Still, the boy did not make a sound. "Makoto! Makoto?! Answer me, goddamn it!" She banged on the door again, her fist harsh against the wood, her hand in pain over her own strength. She turned the knob, to which she discovered that, out of old habit, the boy had locked the door. A habit he doesn'tfuckingdeserve.

Still, she was relentless, with her fists and her cries as she tried in earnest to open the door. Her breath came out in pants. Then, as she heard a clatter, she backed up from the door. And with all of her strength, she collided with the door, a shattered gasp exiting her with the pain it caused. "Makoto?" She called, frantic. "Tell me you're alright!" Another collision. "Just tell me you're okay!" Truly, Naegi hadn't been the only one tormented by this. Kirigiri had faced pain just the same. But she had someone to protect... But she could never bear to lose him. That was her despair. Give her corpses, give her fires, give her fathers day or hell itself, she was unafraid. But when faced with the death of the only one who mattered, she could only stand to crumple to the ground, hopelessly defeated and despairingly beaten, left to fall into darkness. Still, she was desperate and their apartment was cheap, and with that one final, resounding slam, the door crashed down. Her body fell onto the bathroom floor as it collapsed, her eyes soon falling on something she didn't want to think about.

There, with his head in his hands, his wilted body against itself, the shampoos and shower door in shambles. She ran to him, uncaring as her body was drenched by the falling water, by the tears that coalesced into hers. She took his body into hers as he shivered at the cold and his own afflictions. He clutched her jacket weakly, his voice and heart in pieces. "K-Kyoko... What... do I remember? Someone d-died in the shower... she's d-ead...-!" Witnessing his shivers for herself, she quickly grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it around his shoulders, and holding him. She took the brunt of the water, her back becoming soaked in it. The doorknob had already turned, and a man was standing there, his features adorning consternation and deep revelation. Now, he too, had seen it for himself.

She tried to calm the storm within him, with a gentle voice and a caress down his back. Still, he was choking on his own sadness. "I-I... I saw a dead girl. S-she was crying out for h-help-"

"Stop thinking about that, Makoto... It's alright..." the man scowled at her next words. "It was all just a bad dream."

"But I want to believe you! I just... I don't know who these people are... who... who is Sayaka?" She held him tightly at that. "Please... I-I'm so scared, Kyoko. I don't know what's real and what isn't anymore..." he choked again. "It was just a bad dream. That's what you told me, Kyoko... every time I woke up, you t-told me that it was just a bad dream. How long... has this been going on? H-how long... have I been like this? Kyoko?" He was becoming more and more desperate, in the futile way he clutched at her jacket, at the way he looked into her eyes. And Kyoko, too, was afraid. Afraid for both of them, afraid for their future... afraid... for their sanity. "Who is Sayaka? S-Sayaka?" She held in tighter as she, too, crumbled. She put her head in the crook of his neck and she cried. All of the tears came out, all at once, as he repeated that name, over and over. The man at the door looked on, unable to believe his bespectacled eyes. "Kyoko... Makoto... Just..." She kissed Makoto's forehead as the tears continued to fall, as the water continued to run down her back "Just what the hell happened to you?" She looked up at him, her eyes still full of tears. With trembling lips and tired eyes, she spoke in shaken words.

"This is it, Byakuya... this is our despair."

And still, both the water and its chill poured down her back.

Just in case you didn't catch the implication, there is a gap in time between the chapters, Makoto's bouts of psychological ailment and nightmares taking place throughout an extended period of time. Hence, Togami took about a week to arrive. Anyway, I hope you liked it!