Jackson

Jackson lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. A voice in his head was screaming at him to get up. But he couldn't. He couldn't move. He felt empty. The alcohol was already out of his system and he didn't have surgeries or paperwork or sex with Stephanie to distract him. All he had was his mind.

And all he could think of was April.

Her hair, her voice, her smile, her eyes and more prominently her words. They consumed every hour, every minute of his waking thoughts. Even in his dreams he heard her voice, screaming at him and calling him a hypocrite and a coward.

He couldn't. He couldn't just lay here on his bed, moping about someone else's fiancée. He needed to move. He needed another distraction. He just needed to get away from it all.

Jackson hopped off his bed and started to pull on his jeans. He had no idea where he was going but he just knew he had to get away from his thoughts.

April

"Dr Kepner."

April merely jerked her head in response as Dr. Ross stood beside her. She couldn't take her eyes off the patient as she sutured part of her face back together.

"Did you get the results I asked for, Shane?"

"Oh, uh, no, not yet. Um, should I page Dr. Avery? This seems like a job for a plastic surgeon."

"Did I ask you to page Dr. Avery?" April asked angrily. "No!" she snapped, as Shane shook his head timidly, clearly taken aback by her tone. "I asked you to get test results that I need very urgently for my patient. My patient, NOT Dr. Avery's. Are you an idiot, Shane that you don't know where the lab is? Or do you think I'm incompetent, that I'm too stupid to throw a few basic stitches for a laceration or that I'm too much of a dud that you can't collect my test results?"

"No, no- " Dr. Ross stuttered, taking a few steps away from April. "I just – "

"What, Shane? What could be more important than those results right now?!"

"Your sisters," he blurted out, "Your sisters wanted me to get you."

April's head spun around at the mention of family members. Sure enough, Kimmie and Alice stood in the middle of the Emergency Department, looking around wide-eyed as EMTs wheeled in patients and doctors barked out orders at nurses and interns. April's frustration at her sisters' early arrival was slightly dissipated by the comical looks on their faces. They looked like lost sheep that had been dropped down unceremoniously in a large city with nothing but the wools on their back.

April turned back to her patient. She hurriedly finished the stitch and ordered Ross to look after Mrs. Dawson as she rushed over to her sisters, just in time to save them from Meredith, who was speeding down the corridor to treat an old man coding two beds away.

"April," they squealed as they saw her, totally unaffected by their almost-collision.

April gave each one a weak smile and a quick hug.

"What are you guys doing here already? It's only Tuesday."

Honestly, she was quite annoyed at her sisters' insistence at arriving days earlier than intended. Planning a wedding was hard but with the added drama of Jackson and now her sisters, April could barely hold it together.

"Oh, Libby told us you were under a bit of stress so we came here early to help out!" Alice said excitedly.

April did know what was more outrageous, that Libby had blabbed to her sisters after less than 24 hours in Seattle or that those two thought that their early entrance would somehow alleviate April's "stress". Or perhaps that each one of her sisters was under the impression that the best place to spring up on her was at her work.

"Look," she said firmly, as she moved sideways to accommodate another gurney. "This is a really bad time – and place – for this, okay? So why don't I let my intern show you somewhere that you can sit for a while and we'll all go home together."

"Oooooh, look at you Duckie!" cried Kimmie in her shrillest voice, "You're actually the boss of someone now! Isn't that great!"

It took everything from April not to slap her in the face.

April heaped spoonfuls of sugar into her cup, watching as some of it dissolved instantly in the boiling-hot water. It was now 2 a.m. and instead of sleeping after a long, tiring day, she was entertaining all three of her sisters in her living room. To make it worse, they had not seen each other in ages, and so were gossiping in high, excited voices about trivialities that April didn't give a crap about. She stirred her tea solemnly, thinking wishfully of her comfy bed as she shuffled back to her seat. As she sat, the topic switched from Danny, their hot neighbour back in Moline, to Jackie's (God alone knew who that was) failing marriage.

"Did you know she cheated on him?" said Kimmie proudly, always glad when she could produce some new, juicy gossip.

"No way!" gasped Alice. "With who?"

"Her yoga instructor. Apparently, he was pretty hot."

"I always thought she was bit of a whore," responded Alice with a shake of her head.

"Speaking of affairs with hotties," said Libby slyly, "our little Duckie here has quite the story to share."

April took a large gulp of the scalding hot tea and burned half of her tongue. Dammit! Not again!

"Libby!" she gasped, her eyes watering considerably, partly from the tea and partly from Libby's accusation.

Alice and Kimmie were too surprised to react. They merely looked from one sister to the other, eyes wide and mouths agape.

"What? Am I wrong?"

"It's not an affair! It's just complicated!"

"You should have seen it, girls! He came up to her house Monday night, drunk as ever and I could hear them arguing on the steps. And boy was he gorgeous! He was tall with this golden-coloured skin and striking jawline. And those eyes! – "

"No it wasn't like that I – "

"Duckie? Someone else is interested in Duckie? Who knew there could be anyone else besides Matthew?"

"I know right?! I was surprised as well, although he did show up drunk which means he wasn't totally off in the head."

"Totally!" chirped in Kimme with a giggle. "Hot guys never go for nerds unless they're crazy or liquored up!"

"I know right! That's exactly what I thought too – "

"Stop it!" April shrieked as she flew to her feet, her voice going up about ten octaves. "Listen, I've got to go to work in the morning so I'm going to bed. I'd appreciate if you guys went to sleep as well."

And without looking at them, she hurried off up the stairs and to her room, slamming the door behind her.

Honestly, she didn't need this right now! She couldn't deal with her three sisters who always seemed to suck the life out of her whenever they got together. She hated the way they talked, their stupid gossip, that idiotic nickname they had created for her since they were kids and never let go of: She hated the way they all made her feel. After 20 years, the letters MD after her name and several attempts to change her embarrassing physical features, April was still nothing more than that silly, awkward farm girl who would break out into a sweat anytime a boy so much as looked at her. They didn't see how much she had matured and blossomed. They didn't appreciate that she was a kickass trauma surgeon who demanded respect in the ER. They certainly had no respect for her upcoming nuptials. This isn't what she needed days before she was about to married.

And she definitely couldn't deal with Jackson! Him yelling at her about how selfish she was, the awkward looks between them, him showing up drunk at her apartment and declaring his love…

No. He didn't love her. Matthew did. Jackson had a chance with her and he messed it up. She couldn't spend the rest of her life having booty calls in on-call rooms and wondering if it meant more than that. She had a great guy who loved her and was willing to marry her. Matthew was everything she needed.

A loud, harsh laugh punctuated her train of thought. Her sisters were obviously having a great time downstairs, most likely pointing out the flaws in April's love life. She couldn't stay in this house with them and she didn't think she could sleep with images of Jackson and Matthew wreaking havoc in her mind.

She grabbed an old sweater of Matthew's from the closet and put it on. She went downstairs and through the side door in the kitchen, trying to avoid her sisters and their chatter in the living room. She sat on the front step of her apartment, the same place she had found the ragingly drunk Jackson the night before. April hugged her legs, placing her chin on her knees. Fiddling with her engagement ring, she tried to fill her mind with happy thoughts about her dream wedding: the beautiful white lace dress, the butterflies that she had ordered for the occasion, the barn and how splendid it would look when decorated. No matter what she imagined, however, thoughts of Jackson kept infiltrating her mind. Her butterflies were the colour of his eyes, blue-green and gorgeous; the sound of the water over the stones in the river near the barn was identical to his voice, soft, deep and soothing; the smooth, polished oak of the barn doors were similar to Jackson's honey-coloured skin, pure perfection. Even that weirdo in jeans taking an early morning run reminded her of Jackson. His muscles and legs and beard and… wait…

"Jackson?!"

Jackson

Jackson had no idea where he was going. All he knew was that he couldn't stop. The combination of jogging and loud pop music proved excellent at keeping his mind off of April.

He turned a corner onto a familiar street although he didn't fully recognize where he was. The apartment buildings on this street were close together with small front yards and hedges separating each house. He finally figured out where his jogging had taken him when he heard it.

"Jackson?!" called a voice nearby.

A voice. As if he didn't know exactly whose mouth that voice had come from, whose lips those words had brushed against. No, he needed to stop.

"Hey," he panted, coming to a stop right in front of a rose bush between her apartment and someone else's yard.

She stood on the step, her bright red hair pulled into a sloppy ponytail and her torso completely covered by an oversized sweater that ended at her knees. Probably Matthew's, he thought bitterly.

"What are you doing? Why are you jogging at this hour?" April asked.

"Couldn't sleep," he responded simply. "I had a few things on my mind."

"Oh," she replied, looking down bashfully at her feet, her eyes trained on the laces of her sneakers.

There was a long, awkward pause where Jackson stood staring at April and she looked at her feet, determined not to look up at him.

"Look," he said finally, stepping towards her. She looked up at him, her eyes round with anticipation and, from what he could tell, fear. "I'm sorry for everything I said, and did. What's in the past is in the past and I want to move forward. I want to be happy for you. You're still my best friend and you're getting married on Sunday. I'm here for you. I want us to get back to that friendship we had. I miss you."

He said that last part softly; it basically slipped out of his mouth. He meant it wholeheartedly but part of him wished he could take it back. He didn't want to ruin their friendship again by saying something that muddled the line between best friends and 'more than friends'. He didn't want her to take it the wrong way. But truth be told, even Jackson wasn't entirely sure what he meant by it.

April looked up at him, a shy smile on her face.

"I miss you too, and I miss our friendship. I want us to get back to that."

Jackson let out a tiny sigh of relief, his face breaking out in a large grin.

"Friends?" Jackson asked, opening his arms out wide and turning his head comically to the side.

April laughed.

"Friends," she agreed, hugging him tightly around his chest, her head lying somewhere next to his heart.

Jackson pulled away from her quickly. He knew that if he stood next to her for too long, he would be pulled into her, drawn by this inexplicable force that existed whenever they were together. He knew April felt it too because she took a large step away from him, moving closer to the door and her eyes fell back to her feet.

"Well, goodbye, " Jackson said awkwardly, "and good luck with the wedding and everything."

"Thanks."

Jackson knew that this was supposed to be closure for their relationship so that they could return to being good friends. But as he turned away from her doorstep, he couldn't help but feel that he was leaving part of himself on that step, unfinished and incomplete.