"Son of the Joker"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I do hope y'all enjoy this chapter, and the parody within. Aw, who am I kidding?
Chapter 10
Hermione blushed at Ragnok's show of affection. "Your Majesty does my hand too much honor."
"From what I've heard and read of Milady's exploits protecting our wealthiest customer, Milady's hand – or Milady, for that matter – can never receive too much honor in the eyes of the Goblin Nation. Lord Black, the Almighty has blessed you beyond measure in such a fair gem of a Lady."
A smiling Harry had to restrain his chuckle at Hermione's blush, yet the smile remained on his face. "I thank Your Majesty for the high praise."
"You are most welcome. Now, I presume you have other business besides the introduction of Lady Black?"
"Yes, Your Majesty. Considering that I am the Lord of Houses Black and Potter, not to mention Slytherin and Gryffindor, are more wives necessary for these other Houses, or is one wife sufficient for all?"
"Ah, the age old question of monogamy versus polygamy; a good question, Lord Black. Polygamy may have been more common in older times, but it is rare to see in this day and age. There is nothing in the laws saying you have to have one wife to cover one House, but there is nothing in the laws against the idea of polygamy either. With that consideration, it will be up to the both of you to decide if more than one wife is necessary."
"So, nothing in the law for polygamy and nothing against it either. Thanks for Your Majesty's input. For now, I'm happy enough with Hermione. If she deems it necessary for me to take another wife, we shall think about it."
"Damn right we shall," she said. "You're not getting another wife without my approval and input."
Harry kissed her. "Of course, dear. I thought I would get that question out of the way. Next, I would like to look at the marriage contracts for Narcissa Malfoy née Black and Bellatrix Lestrange née Black."
Ragnok sent a Goblin out to find those contracts. A couple minutes later, they arrived at the office.
Harry examined them, and his face broke out in the smile of a shark smelling blood. "What do you know, Dad? Our guess was right ... the marriage is null and void if the husband joins the Death Eaters."
Sirius thought for a moment. "Well, son, now that I think about it, Bellatrix is in Azkaban, but she is in a more demented state than me. She has become a Pureblood bigot to the core, I'm sad to say. As for Narcissa Malfoy, I believe she had stayed loyal to us, in spite of being married off to that faygeles Lucius Malfoy – another Pureblood bigot. As for their spawn, Draco, he may be a clone of his father, or maybe not. We shall have to wait and see about him."
Harry nodded. "Well, considering this, as Lord Black, I shall declare that these marriages – the marriage of Lucius Malfoy to Narcissa Black and the marriage of Rudolphus Lestrange to Bellatrix Black – are null and void, therefore the Family of Black shall reclaim whatever dowries they received. For joining with the Death Eaters, I cast Bellatrix Black out of the Family. For his attempt to murder my beloved by way of that Basilisk, I claim whatever shall remain of Lucius Malfoy's vault after the withdrawal of his dowry, as well as his property. So has Lord Black spoken, so mote it be!"
Out in the countryside of Wiltshire, England, a Manor catapulted Lucius Malfoy out of its environs to make a crash landing in Azkaban. The noise of the aforementioned crash landing drew the attention of a number of Dementors, who thought, "How sweet ... fresh meat!"
"Oh ... fuck me," said Lucius in a groan. "How the Hell did I end up here?"
"A bit too late for that, isn't it, Lucius?" said fellow prisoner Rudolphus Lestrange. "As I see it, you are already fucked ..."
~SON OF THE JOKER~
As they exited Gringotts, Hermione said, "Well, Harry, how about some shopping?"
Pulling out a saxophone, James started playing a jazz riff, and Sirius sang: [to the tune of "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore]
We've come out filthy rich, with many Galleons in our wallet,
Oh-oh, we're shopping, looking for some new stuff,
Merlin, this is awesome!
Harry started to rap:
"Came out of an appointment at the Goblin bank of Gringotts,
Feeling real excited about the stuff I'll buy as I shop,
Money to spend, I know it's so scary,
My friends say,"
Neville, Dean, and Seamus said,
"Well, if it isn't Harry!"
Harry continued the rap:
"Neville, hey, what's up man? I know I'm so famous and
Dean the machine, let's not forget the Irishman,
Where is the Troll Brain?"
Ron "Troll Brain" Weasley ran in:
"Somebody get this off of me!"
Harry continued:
"What is that, a new hat? Looks more like a feline to me ..."
The hat on Weasley's head started to yowl. A shopkeeper said,
"Lord Black, you can have it for free!"
Harry continued:
"Bought a cat, a rich hat, and now I'm feeling very phat,
Pretty Hot and Tempting, not like Troll Brain, that stinking rat,
'Tracting lots of witches, must give 'em my apologies,
Sorry, dears, I'm taken; Mione's the only one for me!
Gonna get the Malfoy style, gonna get the Malfoy style,
No, for real – tell the Fayg'les – he's poorer than Weasley now!
Some new Zoot suits and new Fedoras
Buying all this, and I've got some mo' Simollas!
Dressing like Sinatra, talk like a New Yorka
What's a madda me? I've been reborn, busta!
Hello, hello? Send the news to Draco:
Lucy ain't got nothing on my new style, hey, no!
Now to buy some new books and put 'em in a bag,
My friends they will all say,"
Neville, Dean, and Seamus said,
"Damn! He's gonna get shagged!"
Sirius sang:
"We've come out filthy rich, with many Galleons in our wallet,
Oh-oh, we're shopping, looking for some new stuff,
Merlin, this is awesome!
We've come out filthy rich, with many Galleons in our wallet,
Oh-oh, we're shopping, looking for some new stuff,
Merlin, this is awesome!"
Author's Note: Another fun chapter done. I believe, for once, I shall put up a small poll on my profile concerning whether Harry will stay with JUST Hermione. Read and review!
Smiles and laughter,
Loki Palmer