A/N: So I have decided to write this little guide-diary-complainy thing, as it sounds amazingly fun to write, and I want to so there, I win. Enjoy.

So to kick off the first chapter of 'The Ups and Downs of Naruto Fanfiction', or TUDNF, I want to talk about something I've seen a lot of lately.

Akatsuki catfics

I mean,

why cat's?

Why not hamsters or sheep?

Or rabbits?

Rabbits are evil, so they totally fit the bill, right?

And how do they turn into cat's?

Usually its some deus ex machina jutsu that magically teleports them to our doorstep as cats, in a box. And magically its at some eccentric 16 year old female Akatsuki lover fangirl's door who lives alone, or who had her parents murdered or yada yada.

And for some reason she always has either a weird hair color, or weird eyes. And she usually has two to five friends who fall into stereotypes, for example:

The calm, stoic, intelligent girl with a tear-jerking past, usually has dark hair and eccentric eyes. Almost always loves Itachi.

The loud, tough girl who swears and argues a lot. Doesn't take shit from nobody, and usually has red hair or brown. Either paired with Hidan or Deidara (Mostly Hidan).

The silent, creative, level headed girl. Usually paired with Sasori, Kakuzu, or Itachi.

The goofy, clever, hyper girl. Usually blonde with doe-like eyes. Paired with all of them, even Zetsu.

The kind, caring, and naive girl who is always nice to everyone. Usually has doe-like eyes and is beautiful, and graceful (or clumsily cute), paired with characters that fangirls view as good such as Deidara or Itachi.

Why can't the girl be a boy? Why not a married adult, with children or something? Or someone who is realistically not buying ten weird looking cats.

I mean, I know for sure I wouldn't go to the pet store, see ten cats that look either abused or dyed a different color, and go like 'hey, y'know what, I'm going to ignore all common sense and buy them all, even though I'm 16 and have no job!', no bitch, I'd be like 'what is with that one's face? Maybe I'll get a pet another time'.

No bitch.

No.

Bad bitch.

Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done, and don't come back.

~Kaito