CRESCENDO

Reminder: Chronology changes: Gibbs married Shannon in 1982 and they had Kelly the same year, not in 1984. Shannon and Kelly died in February 1987.

In this story, Tim is born in May 1981, instead of 1977. He's four years younger.

The story starts in the timeline of season four, a week before "Cover Story" Episode, so in 2007.

N/A: Since it's been a little over 2 years since I've updated I'm not going to keep you all waiting for a minute longer. I'll see you all at the end of the chapter.

Previously:

Gibbs listened until he heard the car driving away. He then turned towards his youngest agent only to find Tim already assessing him coldly.

Now:

They stared at each other for a moment. Gibbs could see that the young man felt absolutely no remorse for the way he talked to Abby, the punch he delivered to Tony or the way he talked to his direct superior. Gibbs didn't know what was bothering him the most: Tim's indifference towards his teammates or the fact that the kid's anger and resentment was much more important than what he had anticipated.

But it didn't matter anymore. Gibbs could clearly see that this time, the kind, shy, young geeky agent had been pushed too far by all of them, and was breaking into pieces under the rage and bitterness he felt. Despite this, a part of Gibbs was still angry at him about the whole Landon Grey mess and about those damned books.

And if the team leader was honest with himself, another part of him was royally pissed about the way Tim had talk to him, not only a few moments ago, but also the week before, in that elevator. Everyone at NCIS knew that he did not tolerate disrespect…from anyone. But cursing at him? It was usually worthy of a death sentence in his book. He did not take it from strangers or superiors, so that one of his kids dare …

Oh …

Oh.

Damn.

Gibbs felt his stomach turn into knots and his heart skip a beat. It had irrevocably come down to this…no matter what road the team leader had taken. He realized that despite years and years of trying to keep McGee at arm's length, trying not to feel any kind of fatherly possessiveness towards the boy and trying to maintain a professional distance between him and the youngest agent NCIS ever had, he couldn't.

Never mind Tony's pleas.

Never mind Abby's coldness.

Never mind the differences between him and McGee.

In Gibbs's heart and soul, the boy was his, no matter how much he tried not to feel this way. And as the older man stood there watching Tim becoming more and more nervous as the silence dragged on, another realization came to him like a physical blow.

Tim could leave.

After these last months, especially since his sister's case, none of the other members of the team gave him any feeling of belonging with them. Not even Gibbs.

The older man remembered Tim's violent rant in the elevator and knew that Tony, Ziva and Abby had been giving his youngest a very hard time, ignoring him at best, bullying him at worst. He knew Tim felt ostracized, lonely and hurt. But his own anger had blinded him to his agent's torment and he had let the team, even Palmer and Ducky, abandon the young man.

Gibbs also knew that Jenny, the Director, did not understand why Tim was on his team in the first place. She did not see him as an equal, worthy of the top MCRT team, especially after the whole debacle with John Benedict. While she clearly favored Ziva and Tony, she never had any encouragement or praise for Tim and with a dreadful feeling settling inside his chest, Gibbs realized that he had started treating the young man the exact same way.

For the first time since he has been promoted to team leader, Gibbs was at loss for words. He didn't even know where to begin to fix this.

Suddenly Tim moved, heading past him towards the exit and, without thinking, Gibbs reacted, feeling as if his fears were becoming reality, and his youngest kid was leaving him forever.

As his agent brushed past him, the older man grabbed his arm and for the third time that night, he spun him around, holding him firmly but he did not expect what happened next.

This time it seemed that Tim was ready for him because the kid immediately raised both arms, bringing his hands to Gibbs's chest, and violently pushed the man away. Caught off guard, Gibbs tumbled backward and before he could right himself, Tim was sprinting towards the door, all of his frame still strung tight with rage.

But Gibbs was not going to let the young man run away. It was high time they cleared the air and the older man was resolved to having this confrontation right now, whether Tim wanted it or not.

Cursing, Gibbs moved forward with speed and grabbed Tim's arm more solidly this time. Tim whirled around, eyes blazing with fury and spat:

"For God's sake, will you stop grabbing me!"

Gibbs swallowed back the sharp remark that he wanted to let out and answered coldly:

"I will if you stop trying to run away! We need to talk, kid."

Tim gritted his teeth hard enough to hurt and straightened his shoulders, both hands curled into fists as they gripped the bottom of his jacket like he was trying to prevent himself from punching something.

"I am not a kid! Don't call me that!"

And, really, Gibbs would have taken him seriously if his agent's entire posture wasn't so defensive and petulant, if those big green eyes weren't brimming with rage as well as hurt, if that bottom lip wasn't trembling, trying to hold back a sob.

The team leader felt his entire being soften as sorrow replaced rage and most of what was left in him was the desire to protect and comfort. Unfortunately, a small part of him was also struggling to rebuild the walls Tim had blasted away earlier when he had been struggling against the older man's grip after yelling at Abby.

Contrary to what everyone was thinking, this right here was the main reason he had tried so hard to keep the boy at arm's length, not DiNozzo's pleas or maintaining the team's status quo.

It was the little things in Timothy's facial expression. It was the way the tip of his nose turned red after he had cried hard enough, the way he always scrubbed his tears with the palms of his hands, the way he bit his lower lip when he was trying not to smile, or how those lips turned into a pout every time something annoyed him.

The brightness of his mind mingled with his humble ways, the kindness of his heart given to everyone around him, the innocence, the curiosity, the vulnerability shining through every little thing he did …

Many things about Timothy McGee reminded him of his daughter.

They even looked alike, especially their eyes, since Kelly had taken after her mother. Rationally, Gibbs knew that many kids shared those same features. He knew that green eyes and pouty lips were common enough and that the resemblance between his dead daughter and the twenty-five years old man should not have changed the way he treated the young man.

But it did.

And here he was now, facing the consequences of his mistakes and feeling like the biggest asshole in the entire world. How could he even begin to explain what he was feeling to the closed-off, pissed-off, hurting young man in front of him?

Tim looked at Gibbs who was visibly struggling to find what to say to him, and felt his eyes water again. This was it. It was over. After years of trying to integrate himself in the best MCRT this agency ever had, after years of doing and giving his best, years of trying to help, trying to be good enough, trying to fit, he was going to be fired because he finally stood up for himself.

God, he was so stupid.

He should have known better than to insult Gibbs's favorite. He should have known better than to fight back against the boss's surrogate children.

He should have stayed in his place.

Slowly, Tim felt his anger drain away to make a place for a profound sense of defeat, a sense of loss.

He had worked so hard…so hard. For nothing.

He turned his face away from his boss but he was too slow to cover up the loud sob that escaped his lips. He put a hand over his mouth anyway and screwed his eyes shut, hoping to be anywhere but here, hoping for the floor to swallow him up. He did not try to run way again though, knowing that this time, Gibbs would not stand for it. A few minutes painfully passed and after a while, Tim finally gave up on controlling his emotions. He sobbed brokenly, sounds muffled behind his hand while tears trickled down his cheeks.

He felt Gibbs's presence getting closer behind him and the older man's hand, warm and solid cupped the back of his neck. Tim made a noise of protest and immediately moved out of the contact.

However, Gibbs was nothing if not stubborn, and after a few seconds, his hand was back, firm but gentle, slowly but surely turning Tim's head towards the older man.

"Hey …Hey, Tim, shhh…come here. Come here."

Tim hated himself for caving in, he really did. He was so angry with Gibbs for everything. The older man had hurt him so badly, broken his trust so many times and yet, as Tim let himself be manhandled towards the bench made of red velvet, as Gibbs sat him down and kneeled in front of him taking his wet face between his two rough hands, the young man just crumbled. He just pushed his face out of the older man's grip only to bury it in the junction between Gibbs's neck and his shoulder, all the while crying like a lost child.

It took a while for him to be aware of the fingers caressing his hair or the soft reassurances murmured in his ear. The team leader's other hand was travelling up and down Tim's back, rubbing it slowly, like Tim just had a nightmare that needed to be chased away.

But this wasn't a nightmare. It was reality and the young man realized that he just could not do this anymore. He could not keep hurting in silence and feeling his self-esteem and his self-worth being destroyed every day for the sake of one job, no matter how important said job was to him. He could not keep hoping that DiNozzo, Ziva and Abby would treat him with respect and kindness if he did not feel any respect or kindness towards himself. He could not wait for them to turn into decent human beings either. He could not hope for Director Shepard to acknowledge his contribution to the team and give him a chance to prove himself in the field when he had no opportunity to actually go out on the field.

And most importantly, he could not…he would not…hope for Leroy Jethro Gibbs to be the father he never had. All of his life he had craved a dad. A real dad, someone who would love him like a son. Someone who would want to protect him, who would be proud of him, who would teach him to be a great man. Unfortunately, growing up, all Tim had was the Admiral, a cold, stern and unforgiving man, who made it his every day mission in life to show how much he despised his own son. The Admiral had always refuse to be call "Dad" by his disappointment of a son. The Admiral had traded advice with orders, hopes with expectations, encouragements with admonitions and the only thing he freely ever gave Tim were punishments.

Tim had spent years trying to overcome his wretched childhood. When he left his home after graduating from high school at sixteen, he never looked back. He went to the university at Johns Hopkins and buried himself in his studies, avoiding any kind of social life. After only two months in his classes, he was astonished that every single one of his professors wanted him to enroll in one of the university's most prestigious combined programs with MIT.

Painfully shy, unsure of himself but well aware that it was an opportunity he could not ignore, the young man, along with less than a dozen other geniuses, became part of an advanced class in bio-medical engineering and computer forensics.

The course had consumed all of his time and taken all of his energy but it was well worth it and Tim had the time of his life. When he graduated with honors from both universities at the age of twenty, he never felt so proud of himself and so, so relieved because the Admiral have been wrong about him. He was worth something, he could do great things, and he could help people! His graduation became the first stone he used to rebuild his shattered pride.

Being approached by NCIS and offered a first job at the Norfolk Naval Base has been something he'd wanted for so long that he did not hesitate to immediately say yes, mystifying his fellow students who knew he had already received offers from the CIA, NASA, the Pentagon and even the FBI.

However, Tim was still a Navy brat to the core, and he wanted to serve the interests of the Navy, he wanted to prove to the Admiral that to help the sailors and marines and their families, one did not need to burden his shoulders with medals and live on a ship.

He had one goal in mind. The years spent as a student and the two years working at Norfolk had been good for him; he had managed to rebuild himself enough to put up walls. He would not let anyone in; he would not let anyone figure out how much he ached inside, how much of that hurt, lonely and neglected little boy remained.

He's been doing so well…until he met Gibbs.

The version of Gibbs he had worked with during his first year and a half at NCIS has been so wonderful. The older man had encouraged, supported and guided Tim like no man before him. He had believed in him, saw his potential, and given him the best opportunity possible.

He had made Tim feel special, worthy.

He had made Tim feel like he belonged.

"You belong to me now."

The man who said this to him was the only father Tim had ever known, but that man was not here anymore. No matter how much Tim missed him, he knew now that it was time to mourn him.

It was time to move on.

The young man took a shuddering breath and raised his face away from Gibbs's neck. He felt his boss's hand slowly trail away from his hair and his back as Tim just let himself slump against the back of the chair. Gibbs did not seem to want to break contact anytime soon though, and both hands deposited themselves on the younger man's knees, giving them a soft squeeze.

"Talk to me," he murmured and if his voice was shaking a little, no one mentioned it.

Tim raised his watery eyes and for a minute he just observed his boss. He just stared at Leroy Jethro Gibbs, kneeling in front of him and holding his knees in a way to show his support but also to ensure that Tim could not slip away. The older man's posture was comforting, non-threatening and his expression was definitely concerned. His piercing blue eyes, usually so cold, were now filled with compassion and warmth. Tim could also feel the team leader's thumbs slowly rubbing the side of his knees and finally, finally, the dam broke and the storm raged on.

"The day you hired me onto your team was the best day I ever spent in it. You…you told me that day that I belong to you! You told me that! And I believed you! For a while you even acted like you meant it, but then you let DiNozzo dictate how you should treat me, only soothing his own selfish ego! You let him decided how you should train me, how you should handle me, you let him decided how safe I should feel with you and in this agency, how much support I was supposed to receive from you and from the entire team and how happy I should actually be in my every day job! How could you? How could you do that to me?"

This time the young man did not even raise his voice; he did not have enough strength for that, nothing in him did. However, the change of tone was truly staggering for Gibbs, because the devastation, the tiredness, the betrayal he could hear in his youngest agent's voice, as well as the sobs and the hiccups Tim was painfully letting out, were wrenching to the team leader's heart.

The older man swallowed a couple of times, unable to come up with something that would stop the heartbreaking display in front of him.

"I trusted you! I admired you!" Tim continued, his tearing eyes never leaving Gibbs's widening ones, "I wanted…I wanted to be just like you, I wanted to do good, to be good, and I truly thought that you would teach me how. When you hired me, I truly thought you would be there for me and have my back. I never complained when you asked for impossible things because I always took them as a challenge! I never complained about you not being interested or even willing to listen to how I do my job on computers, how difficult it is to actually hack into something and how it would be nice to have my hard work acknowledge sometimes! I said nothing when you… God…when you made me kneel on the ground for hours because Abby disobeyed my order to always check who was at the door before she stupidly opened it during her protection detail! I never said anything about the insulting nicknames, the cruel pranks and the bullying DiNozzo put me through every day and I never went to Director Morrow when I was assaulted in the graveyard after your so-called senior agent had spread the false rumors about me being gay! I said nothing! I endured all of it! I figured that if I worked hard enough, if I did my job right, this…this behavior would eventually stop and I would earn the team's respect. But it was never supposed to happen, right? Kate…Kate died when it should have been me and I know you all wanted it to be me instead of her, and I don't…I don't blame…I mean I can understand that But then…then …"

Gibbs let out a sharp, shocked noise and his grip on Tim's knees tightened abruptly. He immediately opened his mouth to respond, to deny, to yell, to say something, anything because this? This was unacceptable. God, how could Tim even think for a second that …

"Why didn't he pop McGee? All I'm saying is, you're a sizable target. The controller isn't."
"He didn't have an angle on Tim."
"Wow. You owe that shooter from the warehouse a thank you. He saved your life."

Dear Lord, what has Gibbs done? What have they all done?

All the words the older man wanted to say suddenly deserted him. They were stuck deep in his throat, mingled with bile and sorrow, fear and shame and all Gibbs could do was shake his head dazzled with guilt, his blue eyes burning with tears as Tim's obvious survivor's guilt about Kate's murder came to light. Why did Gibbs never notice that? How could this have escaped him?

"Everything got worse after Kate died. You basically encouraged DiNozzo and Abby to turn into vindictive, vicious and self-centered bullies; you never stepped in, even when they went way across the line. You…you condone their attitude and that's…that's … I don't understand how you could do that. Is it because I'm so young? Is it because I'm the youngest agent NCIS ever hired? I know that DiNozzo had a problem with it, I know he thought that it would maybe make you a little more protective towards me. Is that it? Did you think I needed to toughen up? Did you think being bullied would make me stronger? Did you think you were helping me?"

Tim's words and emotions were pouring so quickly from his mouth that Gibbs felt like he was at the heart of a storm, unable to find an anchor to hold on to or get behind a defense line. The young man's voice was almost drowning under his sobs, but he couldn't stop talking, he couldn't stop asking, demanding, pleading for the truth and despite his questions, he did not let his boss answer.

"It was like I wasn't even your agent anymore! Just the tech guy that you needed to put up with to solve your cases! And Ziva! I welcomed her to our team even when my heart was not ready to do so. I did everything to help her feel at ease, hell, I even helped her complete her move to DC! I did everything to convince her that no one blamed her for her brother killing Kate! And despite all of this, not even three months at NCIS and she was following Tony's lead in his bullying. She laughed at his cruelest pranks and once she knew about my book, she either ignored me or…or threatened me because of it! But why would she act differently since you all but verbally gave your approval for it? Why would she respect me when, every day, my own team leader showed that he does not?"

"You have let me down so many times and so utterly that I wonder if you ever really wanted me in your team in the first place! Not what I could do, not my abilities to speed up the research on cases, but me, Timothy McGee! You think this is a one-way street? You think you gave me a great opportunity when you hired me? You think you put your trust in me? Well guess what? I put my trust in you! I trusted you to teach me right! I trusted you to be my team leader! I trusted you to be my role model! I trusted you to have my back and You. Have. Let. Me. Down! I will never forget what you said to me after the whole mess with Benedict. You shattered me that day! I shot that cop! Even if we cannot know for sure if I killed him, there is still a high probability that I did. I killed an innocent man and all you could think of doing was to put a gun in my hand again? You forced me to go out into the field when I wasn't ready, you forced me into a situation where I had to shoot someone else, and then you threatened to fire me when I hesitated! Why? Why did you do that? What have I ever done that deserved that kind of treatment from you? What?"

Gibbs blinked several times as he tried to clear the tears that filled his vision. He opened his mouth but words were impossible to find. His throat had tightened to such a painful point he had to clear it twice before he took a shuddering breath and whispered:

"Tim, I…I …God, Timmy, I'm so sorry."

For a second, he felt the young man's entire body freeze before he tried to move, but Gibbs immediately shifted, and straightened himself, bracing a knee on each side of Tim's feet, effectively trapping his agent. The older man reached out and retook Tim's face between his rough hands, resting Tim's forehead against his own.

"I…I don't even know what to tell you. I don't even know where to begin. Sorry is not enough, I know it's not enough, but I am. I'm so damn sorry…I never meant … I never, ever meant to hurt you, but that's all I've done and I wish I could give you some valid reasons for it but I can't. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…I pushed you away when I should have taken you in, I threw you to the wolves when I should have sheltered you and…and I betrayed you when I should have cherished your trust…cherished you. Oh Timmy …"

His youngest agent, his youngest kid, was crying in earnest and digging his nails in Gibbs's wrists, unwilling to hear anything more, unwilling to endure anything else from the man, whether it was love or hate. He tried to shake his head but his boss's grip was too absolute.

"I don't want to hear this!" Tim wailed, trying to free himself, "No! Let me go! Let me go! It's not enough, I thought it could be but it's not! I can't! I have had enough, let me go!"

"Tim…Tim, please …"

"NO! Don't you get it? It's too late! Everything is too damn late! Even if you are sorry, even if I could forgive you, even if I could give you another chance, it's too late! Do you honestly think that Abby and DiNozzo won't go to the director after what happened tonight? Do you really think I still have a job?"

Gibbs raised his head and looked straight into Tim's green eyes as he replied fiercely.

"You. Have. A. Job! Do you hear me? You are not fired! You won't be fired! I'm not going to let that happened, no matter what you did here!"

Tim let out a wet, bitter laugh.

"At this point, I don't even know if I want to stay."

Gibbs froze and stared at him, unwilling to accept what he just heard.

"You don't mean that," he replied in a shaking rough voice.

Tim made a long noise that sounded like a wounded whine before he started his struggles anew.

"Yes, I do! I do mean it! What's the point in staying in NCIS when every day feels like a damn nightmare? What's the point in staying with people who despise me and want me gone? What's the point in trying to make a career here when we both know that Shephard is not going to let it happen? What's the point in all of this? Huh? Why should I stay? It's not like I can't get a job in any other agency. I know you've read some of the offers I received! It's not like I can't get by without all of you, it's not like I need you! So why should I stay? Why? Tell me!"

"You should stay for me!" Gibbs roared, unable to control himself anymore.

A deafening silence enveloped the room as Tim stared at his boss with a hurt and bewildered look in his red-rimmed eyes.

"What?"

Gibbs looked as shocked as Tim was and for a second his stance faltered and his hands trembled on each side of his agent's face but then, his expression started to change into something darker, with a clear edge of determination, of fierceness, of possessiveness and Tim's breath hitched. No…No.

"Oh my God," the young man murmured breathlessly and then, unable to look at the man anymore, he abruptly took Gibbs's hands from his face and, taking advantage of his boss's inattention, he managed to extricate himself from the bench he's been cornered into.

Tim's standing up forced the team leader to back off and stand up as well. The older man ignored the slight pain in his knees and straightened himself. They stood there silent and unmoving, facing each other warily for a few minutes before Tim broke his stance, both arms coming around his body. He hugged himself in a defensive, protective move that made him look even younger than he was.

"…why on earth would you say that?"

Gibbs looked at Tim with so many emotions in his eyes that the young man immediately started shaking his head with denial.

"You know why."

"No."

"You belong to me. I meant it then, I mean it now. I'm sorry I did a piss poor job at proving it to you and I'm sorry I took you for granted. But it's going to change, starting right now."

"Don't! Just stop talking!"

"No! You need to hear this!" Gibbs declared firmly and the determination in his voice did a great job masking the fear in his eyes. It was now or never. It was time to come clean.

"Tim, I know I failed you. I know I let you down, I know I've been unfair and you are right, a part of it was because DiNozzo asked me to back off when it comes to you. But…but that's not all of it… I… The reasons…. It's complicated and I will tell you about them but first you need to know how I really feel, before…before you do something you can't take back, ok?"

Tim's brows were furrowed and his big green eyes were full of confusion but the team leader could see the boy's stubborn streak starting to rear its head. He had to change Tim's mind about leaving, he had to. And the best way to do that was to be honest.

"First of all, I'm so damn proud of you, kiddo," Gibbs said softly, his eyes staring earnestly into those of his young agent. "You did so well during those three years on my team. You managed to overcome every obstacle that was thrown your way, whether it was a case or your team's shitty attitude. You did more than your fair share of work; don't think for a second that I did not noticed that. You are efficient, you are sharp, you are professional, and you are kind to everyone around you. You said you needed me to be your role model, but Timmy, I could damn well learn a lot from you too."

"When I first saw you in Norfolk, you were so green and so, so young, I can't tell you how impressed I was by the way you handled that first case with Sub Rosa."

Tim sniffed and wet his lips before he replied in a dubious, small voice.

"I almost lost my lunch that day. I was stuttering all over the place and DiNozzo made me think I had to secure the crime scene all night and made fun of me to his heart's content. You called me Michael Jackson. I …There wasn't much to be impressed by."

"And yet, it's that day I decided to hire you onto my team."

Tim looked at Gibbs incredulously.

"You hired me a year later."

"But I knew then that you were going to be on my team, sooner or later. You don't see it do you? I can think of no other agent that would have stayed all night to secure a crime scene, suspecting that he didn't need to but choosing the hard way all the same. I asked about you around the base. Imagine my surprise when I realized that a twenty-two year old newbie was basically running a federal base better than his superiors! Everyone was singing your praises, and you show me every day that it was well deserved. You were brave, dedicated and…well, you can be a stubborn little shit, Tim. That's what attracted me, that's what I was looking for."

Tim let out a small shaky laugh at that, but didn't deny his boss's words. He knew he could be relentless. He supposed he got that from his grandmother. He was also surprised that Gibbs had asked about his record around Norfolk base. He had always assumed that his boss's interest in him as been more of an impulsive thing, not a strategical, well-thought out decision.

"I kept asking for your help on cases the MCRT was working on because I wanted to see how well you would manage with them. I kept bringing you back to NCIS headquarters because I wanted to see if you could adapt to our environment, and I pushed you to do your best when you were there because I knew you would always meet my expectations. Every time. And you always proved me right, Tim. Especially when you uncovered Ari's identity."

Tim looked at Gibbs with a vulnerable expression on his face.

"You never said anything to me before."

"But I showed you, didn't I?"

Tim's mind flashed to the memory of Gibbs giving him proud smirks several times. He recalled the "Not bad, Kid" that his boss had thrown his way more than once during that first year before Tim joined the team, and he closed his eyes as he remembered the older man's warm hand that sometimes rubbed his shoulder and ruffled his hair.

Tim reopened his eyes and whispered sadly, "Yeah, you did."

Gibbs swallowed painfully after hearing the sorrow in the kid's voice but braved on anyway.

"I'm sorry I stopped. I shouldn't have, you needed me when you came into my team and I should have been there for you. The truth is, DiNozzo's fears weren't exactly unfound."

Tim's head jerked upright and he asked in a betrayed voice, "Are you defending him? Are you justifying …."

"No!" Gibbs exclaimed sternly and he pinned the young man with a firm look. "Let me finish before you jump to conclusions, ok? I'm not defending his attitude, I'm done doing that, it was unfair to you, and I shouldn't have gone along with it. But it stops now, I promise."

Tim snorted, but his petulant attitude couldn't mask his hurt and his lack of trust and Gibbs saw right through him.

"Timmy, I told you that you impressed me the first time we met at Norfolk, but what you don't know, what I tried very hard not to show you, or anyone for that matter, is that you also scared me."

The young man's brows furrowed and he stared at the team leader completely confused.

"I scared you? Why?"

Gibbs ran an agitated hand through his hair and finally he confessed in a tortured and quiet whisper.

"You were so young! The youngest agent I ever met; God, you had just turn twenty-two. I was surprised NCIS had hired someone so young, but when I learned more about your background, I understood. A little genius, a navy brat with some really fancy degrees and a big brain matching his big heart. And then I saw how much you actually wanted to be in the field, not just behind a computer. I watched your eagerness and your efforts display themselves in everything you did. I saw how much you wanted to learn and… God, Tim, it was like watching your kid discover how to ride a bike for the first time. You never complained, you tried so hard to impress me, you got up when you fell, you always smiled so brightly at me, even at the smallest praise I gave you. Tim, you reminded me of Kelly. You remind me of my daughter so much."

Tim hung his head and let out a painful, harsh sob as tears ran freely down his cheeks. Gibbs wasn't surprised to feel a single tear running down his own cheek. He had never intended to rip his boy's heart apart and in the process, make himself so vulnerable. For him, in all the years following Shannon and Kelly's death, no one has managed to became important enough to break the protective walls he had put around his heart. No one has been worth that risk, not even Abby, Tony or Ducky.

But Tim did it without even trying. Probably because he never tried to do it.

Gibbs had fought against it, had pushed the kid away, emotionally neglected him and yet, the older man couldn't deny what he was feeling, what he had felt for a long time now. And it was damn time he admitted it to his boy because losing him was simply not an option.

"I didn't think you needed me as much as the others did, and I used that feeling to keep myself from reaching out to you. I kept telling myself that you already had a father, a good father and that I had no business butting into your relationship with him. But sometimes…you looked at me in such a way that I wondered. I started to realize that maybe I was wrong about this. Not that you ever implied that anything could be wrong." Gibbs murmured and his blue eyes drilled into Tim's green's ones, searching for something that would betrayed the bittersweet lie Tim had told his teammates about his relationship with his family.

It only took a second for Gibbs to see it, the haunted and crestfallen emotion that shadowed Tim's face for a fleeting moment before disappearing. Gibbs reared back a little, and stared at his boy, breathless. Oh, how astonishingly the older man failed him. How deeply he had misjudged him. Tim could lie after all. And he always managed to hurt himself in the process. Some of Gibbs's feelings must have shown on his face because the young man briefly averted his gaze, ashamed.

"Tim, why didn't you say something? You told us you called your father every Sunday. You implied you had a supportive family, a happy childhood, and a home to go back to…but did you?"

Tim stayed silent. Gibbs shook his head, feeling guilty and confused.

"If I had known …" the older man started again.

"It would have changed nothing." Tim cut firmly, and before the team leader could protest, the young agent decided that enough was enough. Everything Gibbs has said just confirmed to him that it was time to move on and away from NCIS, no matter how much he wanted to stay. He meant to keep a strong and resolute tone but his next words came out small and hurt.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with me for so long, especially since I…I remind you of your daughter. I wish I could have met her, she sounds wonderful and…and I'm sorry you lost them, Gibbs. I really am."

The older man stood frozen and didn't reply, too caught up with the fact that Tim just called him by his name instead of the usual "Boss". The team leader didn't like the sound of that at all. Something about those words was just too distant, too formal. It sounded like a goodbye.

"I can't stay for you," Tim murmured and he had thought that he was done crying, that there were no tears left inside of him but he was wrong. Thin, cold teardrops were falling down his reddened cheeks. "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't care if it makes me selfish or hurtful, I…I…I don't want to forgive you. I don't want to give you another chance, not anymore because I know we'll end up right where we started sooner or later."

It was Gibbs's turn to feel as if someone had robbed him of all the oxygen and his vision blurred with tears, too, as he shook his head, unwilling to accept what Tim was saying.

"Don't do this."

"It's already done. I don't…I can't trust you. I can't. I just can't! All those years I've been waiting for you to tell me all the things you said tonight, but now it's just feels empty; it's all ruined… and…and…I need to let you go, I need to let NCIS go. I need to accept that we're just too different, that too much has happened for us to ever work together again. I need to move on."

"No, Tim!"

"I should have never expected you to be something that you didn't want to be, it was unfair to want it, it was selfish, and I have learned my lesson, I promise. I don't belong to you, I'm not your agent, I'm not…I'm not your kid, I'm not your anything and it's ok. It's ok because I lied to you too, you know? I should have been more honest about everything; I should have told you, told someone, anyone, about how much I struggled. I should have said something sooner. I should have put a stop to the bullying much sooner…so don't worry …" Tim said giving Gibbs a broken smile. "I get it and you're off the hook for that, don't worry…we both lied to me. We both let me down."

Gibbs didn't even try to rein in his emotions as silent tears of shame, regret and sorrow trailed down his face and he still wouldn't give up.

"No, Damn it! You are not hearing me! Tim, you don't understand! You need to let me fix it, please! You need to try and let me fix this! I'm not asking for forgiveness. I know I need to earn it but I cannot do that, I cannot fix us if won't give me the chance to!"

"You are asking for too much! You're asking me to trust you! I just told you I can't! God! How can you do that? How can you ask anything more of me?"

"Because I love you!" Gibbs roared and there was no denying the sheer power, the staggering sincerity and the deep desperation in his voice as he raged on. "I love you! I tried not to, God knows I tried not to, for so many reasons but I was wrong! Do you hear me? I was wrong! I started to see you as mine before I officially put you on my team, that's why I told you that you belong to me! I'm sorry it took so long for me to admit it, but don't you dare doubt that I love you as if you were my flesh and blood! You are my kid, you are my son, and I will not let you go! I will not give up on you or on us, no matter how much you might hate me for it! I won't let you throw away everything you built because of me, or DiNozzo, or Shephard or David or Abby! You said that it was selfish for you to expect me to be your dad when I didn't want to be, but don't you get it? I want to be, even if I completely screwed up the best title you ever gave me. I still want to be your dad, Timmy, because as far as I'm concerned you are my son and I promise you right now, I promise you, that I will never, ever hurt you like that again. I will find a way to rebuild the trust that I've shattered, I will be here for you, I won't give up just because you want me to give up! That is not happening."

Tim just stared at Gibbs, unmoving. The man's words felt like the heaviest rain falling down on him, drenching his entire body with grief, pain and sorrow. Had it been six months ago, before his sister's case, Tim would have given everything to hear those words. He would have only felt elation, happiness, pride at hearing that Gibbs calling him his son. Now though? Now ….

"I don't believe you." The words were whispered, but they might as well have been screamed.

Gibbs closed his eyes, and swallowed twice before he replied in a similar tone. "I know."

"I love you, too. I hate that I do and you don't deserve it, but I love you, too."

"…I know."

"I don't want to be yours anymore."

"…"

"I'm done"

For the first time that night, Gibbs didn't stop the kid when he moved towards the exit. The older man waited until his son was almost at the door before he spoke softly.

"You might be done with me, but I'm not done with you. I made you a promise tonight and I intend to keep it. No matter how long it will take for you to accept me in your life again, for you to forgive me. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to not trust me, but I'm going to earn you back, Timmy. Mark my words."

A long silence followed that sentence and in the shadows of the building's exit, the older man caught the slight tremor running through his boy's frame, before he finally left. That's how he knew that he had at least managed to get this point across. He had never spoken to Tim with the full firmness and distinctive safe tone of a father before and visibly his boy has been rattled by it. But Gibbs had no illusions anymore. He knew that what happened tonight was the start of an uphill battle between him and Timothy.

Well. Gibbs had no intention of losing another child. Not ever again. Things were going to be severely changed.

Well, Hello y'all.

I'm back, and so is Crescendo. Two years have passed since I have updated but I promise it is not about a lack of love for Tim. However, I must admit that apart from him and Gibbs (and Vance sometimes), the show just doesn't hold my attention anymore. I kind of clocked out at season 11/12 ish.

Still, I love Tim so much and I truly think his relationship with Gibbs and the others characters in general deserves way more than what canon gave us.

I am also writing this for everyone who ever the deep despair of being unloved, abused, betrayed or abandoned by their father, and harassed and mocked by their so-called friends.

Tim McGee team all the way y'all!

I want to thank every single one of for your wonderful support and your marvelous reviews. Everyone who favored, followed and reviewed this fic, this update and the others coming are for you. I will keep writing for you.

Thank you.

And a thousand thanks and kudos to my beta, the wonderful jerseybelle who corrected this long chapter so fast, despite a broken computer! You rock, girl.

Reviews are Semper Fi.