"Ahah…Link! I have been waiting for you! Heh heh heh…I was hoping I could make Zelda vanish in front of your eyes. Behold! The last moment of Princess Zelda!"

Link, battered and bruised from his trek through the castle, could only witness the spectacle before him in abject horror as the princess' still form wafted itself into the air. Face illuminated in ruthless glee, Agahnim enveloped her in his magic and violently thrust his arms skyward in the final gesture of the ritual.

Link's world froze around him. Blood trickled down his forehead but he paid it no heed as Zelda, the last of the maidens, the princess who he swore to protect, the woman he failed, dissipated into thin air. The enclosed space of the room trembled and reverberated with her disappearance, and Link felt himself and all he worked towards shatter.

"Ho ho ho…" Agahnim punctuated as a malicious grin split whatever face loomed underneath his cowl. "With this, the seal of the seven wise men is at last broken. It is now only a matter of time before evil power covers this land…After all, the legendary Hero cannot defeat us, the tribe of evil, when we are armed with the Power of Gold. Ho ho ho…Now, I must go!"

And go, Agahnim certainly did, as he himself warped out of the room that contained Zelda's sacrifice…

Leaving Link dumbfounded. His eyebrow rose quizzically as disbelief etched itself into every crevice of his visage. The Master Sword slack in his grip, Link cautiously treaded around the altar and towards the other end of the room.

Still hesitant, Link approached the blue curtain situated in the middle of the wall. He slowly sheathed his sword, and threaded his two hands into the separate ends of the drapes, before pulling it apart.

A gaping hole greeted him, and, his face clearing itself of all expression, Link stepped through.

A cloaked, hunched, figure's backside awaited him. A frantic sort of muttering drifted through the air towards him.

"…was pretty good, I suppose…Maybe my presentation could have been a little…? No, no, I'm certain he found it chilling…And then the…Yes, of course his expression when the princess…it practically confirmed…but how was my exit? Was the flair appropriately…"

"Are you kidding me?" Link's widened eyes and gaping mouth told only the beginning of his incredulity.

The figure, noticeably startled, leapt into the air and immediately swiveled around.

"L-Link!? How did y-I mean…You fool! So you have seen through my illusion magic, eh?"

"S-Seen throu-? Are you screwing with me right now? What kind of…of parlor trick was that? I saw you just go backwards into that curtain. A five year old couldn't have missed that petty maneuver."

Even under the darkness of the hood, Agahnim's face noticeably paled.

"You…you weren't impressed?" Agahnim inquired as his shoulders slumped.

"By that two-bit magic show?" Link rolled his eyes. "Who do you take me for? I am trying to save Hyrule right now, and here you are employing childish pranks after presumably killing Zelda, and-"

Link halted in his tirade, however, and blinked as he stared at Agahnim.

"Are you…are you…crying?" Link asked in bewilderment as Agahnim's hunched form jerked and lurched at irregular intervals, wracked with sobs.

"N-No! Of course n-not! Why would I…the great and powerful A-Agahnim…be crying over something like..l-like…"

And then the dam broke, and Agahnim practically howled and wailed as tears streamed down and created damp, darkened circles on his cloak.

"H-Hey, uh, I didn't mean to…" Link stammered, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck.

"You…You just don't understand my…my grandiose scheme. You're just a…a mere mortal, and I'm all-powerful and intelligent, and…the subtlety and the grace that comes with preparing such a performance involving the seizing and corruption of the…the Golden Power...you can't even comprehend, you…you stupid meaniehead. I worked really hard on this part!"

Agahnim continued to sob as his mouth curled into a pout.

Link, not sure about anything anymore, decided to throw common sense to the wind and walked over to Agahnim. He placed a hand on his nemesis' back and rubbed soothing circles.

"Uh..hey, big guy, I didn't mean those things I said. Um, I was just, y'know, sort of frustrated and tired and angry since you kind of vaporized the princess I was supposed to be guarding and all, so don't…don't take it personally. I think it's, um, cool, how you, well…I mean, that lightning! The way you smoothly transitioned from evil mastermind to mysterious cloaked presence was really…er…really enlightened! Yeah!"

Link plastered a fake, tremulous smile on his face and looked towards Agahnim.

Sniffing, Agahnim wiped his nose on his sleeve and glanced back.

"R-Really? You mean it?"

Link fervently nodded.

"Oh, yeah, you were…most definitely the head honcho of this operation. God forbid any other evildoer try to be like you. Moldorm? More like Moldork, compared to how awesome you are!"

Still sniffling, Agahnim broke out into a watery smile.

"Yeah, you're-" *snrrrk* "you're right. I am the greatest, aren't I?"

"Yeah, so," Link offered a hand and helped him up. "So whaddya say we get back to our, um…life-altering fight that will tip the balances of the forces of…good and evil, or…whatever. Sound good?"

Agahnim nodded, still hiccupping slightly.

As Link retreated to the other end of the room and assumed a battle stance, he sighed wearily and attempted to stem the beginnings of a migraine.

" 'Take my sword and shield, Link,' " he grumbled. " 'You've got to save the princess, Link.' "

He thought he knew what he signed up for when he took the first steps down into that abyss of a castle dungeon. He thought the task Sahasrahla entrusted him was for something he, Link, had full conviction to work towards. He thought, no matter how grand the mantle of hero that was thrust upon his shoulders was, he'd overcome it.

But this? Babysitting evil wizard overlords was not part of the job description.

"Wherever you are, Uncle," Link seethed through grit teeth. "I hope you're satisfied."

Disclaimer:

All things Zelda belong to Nintendo. I don't make any profit from this and Link to the Past and everything affiliated with it most definitely does not belong to me. All I did was borrow and break a few characters from the game. Er...*holds up broken plastic bits* Here, Nintendo, you can have them back.

Author's Note:

My friend, who's never played Link to the Past, is doing so right now in preparation for Link Between Worlds coming out. Watching him on his playthrough has caused huge, flowery bursts of nostalgia to bloom from deep within me, and I'm especially reminded of the fight with Agahnim, and of how silly pointlessly disappearing through the curtain to another room was. So I'm writing this to vent. So, Greg, this fic is sort of dedicated to you...I guess? Hope everyone enjoyed reading. I certainly got a laugh out of writing it. Read and review, plox!

Random quotation of the day:

"All I want is world peace...or a piece of the world."

Dem monster pretend nuns in Chrono Trigger are super creepy.