29

Angela sat at her desk high above Manhattan, chewing off the end of a pencil, staring into the void. The breathtaking view of the city at her feet, which every tourist would be happy to catch on camera, didn't lighten her mood one bit. She hadn't heard anything from Tony for more than a week, and it made her a shadow of her former self. Focussing on the proposal for a sports shoe campaign in front of her was absolutely impossible. What was taking him so long? That couldn't be a good sign, could it? She sighed - not for the first time that day. She knew she had asked him the right questions and that without an answer to these questions, she could've never let herself in for a romantic relationship with him. But the fear of losing him was almost suffocating her. It let all kinds of musings sneak into her conscience; maybe they could make it despite his feeling of insufficiency, maybe it wasn't so important after all whether he felt equal to her or not, maybe she could give up her career to make him the breadwinner, ... "Are you crazy?" Angela said out loud to herself. She was who she was and being an ambitious ad exec was an integral part of her. So either he loved her for who she was or it wasn't meant to be. If he wasn't able to cope with a successful woman, he wouldn't be the man she always thought he was anyway. She encountered enough men day in day out who couldn't stand the fact she was a female CEO and company founder. She wouldn't need one more of those at home. But this was easier said than done. 'Come on Angela, be honest with yourself! You can't think of a life without him!' Another deep sigh. Her head fell on her folded arms on her desk. This was nerve-racking. Would please somebody rescue her?

"Come on Angela, the weather is so nice and we're having a long weekend ahead of us." Angela looked up. Her mother was standing in front of her desk, shaking her head about the disturbed state she found her daughter in. "Why do you always have to be the last one in the office? Everybody is gone already, so close your folders and join me for a walk to the park. It's beautiful outside!" Mona was so cheerful and excited, Angela had very rarely seen her like this. And a walk to the park? She hesitated.

"A walk? Mother, in my high heels?" Angela asked herself what had gotten into her mother although she began to like the idea.

"Here", Mona threw her a bag, "I brought your running shoes. No excuses, Missy!"

Angela frowned and reluctantly put aside the papers she had been working on. But actually her mother was right. It was Friday afternoon, a long weekend coming up, the October sun shed its warm golden light through the skyscrapers, the atmosphere in the park sure would be wonderful. And she could use a distraction. She hadn't been to Central Park in ages. She used to go every Friday afternoon with her father when she was a kid. She had visited him in his office and before they headed back home, he had always taken her for a stroll to the Great Lawn and the Turtle Pond, had bought her a huge ice cream cone and they had talked about what happened in the office or at school. She had loved these little excursions and had been missing them terribly once her father had passed away. That her mother asked her to go there was new but Angela finally agreed. So she put on her running shoes. She wouldn't win a fashion contest with this combination: black Chanel pencil skirt, white silk blouse, pearl necklace with matching earrings and a pair of worn-out running shoes - but who cared?

"Come on. How much time do you need to put on some shoes? Shall Mommy tie your laces?" Mona asked mockingly and tapped on her wristwatch. "The sun won't be there forever!"

So they left the office and headed towards Central Park. The streets were still packed with rush-hour traffic but at soon as they had entered through the park gates, the noise subsided and all the working stress of the past week began to drop off both women. Mona linked arms with Angela. She noticed her daughter's mind was wandering around and wanted to talk to her about it.

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Oh, I was just thinking about Daddy." Angela sighed. Although her father was dead for three decades, there were moments she still missed him terribly. He had been her confidant; she could always turn to him for advice. He would have supported her during the worst times with Tony. Although she shouldn't complain, her mother had done the best she could to ease her emotional pain throughout the years. Taking her for this walk was part of her efforts, Angela knew.

"Oh sure, the Friday afternoon strolls with you were sacred to your father", Mona said.

"They were sacred to me too, Mother. We had the best talks out here."

"You know what, Angela? After your father had died I thought I could go on these walks with you. It was very obvious that you were particularly miserable on Friday afternoons. But somehow I couldn't gather the courage to ask you whether you would go with me instead of him." Mona recalled the worst time of her life, the first year after Robert's death. She knew that father and daughter had had a very special connection and saw how Angela was heartbroken over the loss of her father. It had always made her feel guilty that she hadn't been able to better help her 14-year-old daughter to cope with her father's death because her own overwhelming grief had been holding her hostage for so long.

"Why wouldn't you dare to ask me, Mother?" It had never occurred to Angela that her mother would be willing to take over this tradition.

"Well, I was afraid you'd say 'no', I guess." Mona shrugged her shoulders. "Your father and you were so close and after I already lost him I had the fear that if I tried to take his place in any way, I would lose you too. That would've killed me! I would've been lost without you, you were all I had left! ... Oh my, is it the sunshine or why are we getting so sappy?"

Emotional confessions weren't really Mona's style. Angela knew her mother well, so she just smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

"Another question, Dear ..." Mona started but in full contradiction to her usual blunt way of addressing Angela's love life she hesitated.

"What is it, Mother? If you're alluding to Tony and me ... there's nothing to tell."

"How come?"

"How come? If I only knew!" Angela replied a bit despondently. "One week ago, I asked him whether he would ever be able to cope with my professional success and he's obviously thinking about it ever since. Must be a tough decision", she concluded bitterly.

"Oh, Angela, do you really think it was so wise to ask him this directly?"

"There was no other way, Mother. We trail so many years of miscommunication, of not confiding in each other, of keeping our thoughts to ourselves. It was time we did some plain-talking. If he wants me to entrust him with my heart again, I have to be sure he will never break it. Maybe everything is over already, I don't know. Maybe that's why I haven't heard anything from him for a week, but I prefer a painful break to drawing out the agony. I wouldn't survive a break-up after having been in a relationship with him. It's nothing but self-defence, Mother."

"What do you expect from him, Angela? What are you waiting for?"

"I don't know really. An honest word? A meaningful sign? Something which shows me that I'd give my heart in safe keeping." Angela herself wasn't sure what she wanted Tony to do. She had said she needed more than an oath of love. She knew he loved her, but she wanted to be sure that his love was strong enough to withstand all the odds a life at the side of a woman of her social status would have in store for him.

"Whatever you think is right, Dear", Mona said, slightly smiling inwardly. After a while of silent strolling they approached the Great Lawn. Mona stopped and looked around.

"What is it? Why are we stopping here?" Angela asked, being pulled out of her joyless musings. Suddenly Mona perceived something - or rather someone. She squinted and tried to figure out what this someone was doing.

"Is that Tony over there riding one of those ugly quadruples or whatever they call them?"

Angela looked into the direction Mona was pointing. "Quad bikes, Mother, they're called quad bikes. Is it really Tony?" Angela shielded her eyes from the low sun. "You're right Mother. It really is him ... but he's not riding a quad."

"What is he riding then?" Mona only knew she was supposed to bring Angela out to the great Great Lawn around five o'clock. Tony had asked her to do that for him, but wouldn't tell her what for. Now this didn't make any sense to her! Why was he sitting on whatever kind of vehicle it was, driving back and forth on the Great Lawn right in the heart of Central Park?

"A lawn mower, Mother. It's a lawn mower." Angela's voice could barely be heard, it was no more than a whisper. Her pulse began to accelerate, her heart started to pound and her breathing got shallow.

"A lawn mower? Why for heaven's sake should he be riding a lawn mower?" Mona didn't understand anything. She looked at Angela and was surprised about the change in her daughter's face. Her cheeks had become rosy, her eyes were sparkling and she was beaming. "Well, Angela, you obviously know what this is all about."

"He's telling me something." Angela didn't know how to be more specific. Her heart had lost the connection to her brain. She was overflowing with joy and knew exactly why her mother had to drag her out here. This was the sign from Tony she was so desperately waiting for and her heart instantly understood.

"And what would that be? ... Oh, come on Angela, don't let me stand here like an idiot!" Mona understood something important was going on right in front of her eyes and she desperately wanted to know what.

"That he loves me and that he wants to be with me no matter what." Angela's voice trembled and finally cracked. She swallowed hard and looked at Mona, her eyes were filled with tears.

"By riding a lawn mower?" Somebody understand these two!

"By mowing the lawn in Central Park, yes." The message couldn't be any clearer.

"So, then there's only one question, Dear. Do you love him?" Although Mona knew the answer, she felt it was important for Angela to speak it out loud.

"Yes."

"And do you want to be with him no matter what?" Same procedure.

"I've always wanted to be with him."

"Then what are you still doing here? Go to him! Tell him and - more important - show him!" She gently pushed Angela in Tony's direction. "Go!"

Angela gave Mona a quick hug, showed her a huge smile, then started to walk towards the Great Lawn where Tony was still riding the ride-on mower. Slowly at first, then faster and faster until she broke into a run. The running shoes came in particularly handy now.

Mona observed them from where they had just been standing together. She could see how Angela was running up the little grassy hill, she could see Tony dismounting the vehicle, she saw them standing opposite each other and talking. "Show him, Dear!" Mona murmured. When she saw them kissing, a satisfied smile formed on her face. "Now look at these two!" she said to herself. "Thirteen years! If that isn't a lucky number."

When she saw Angela mounting the lawn mower behind Tony, wrapping her arms around his waist and snuggling into his back, she turned around and headed towards the main gate. She felt uplifted and buoyant. 'I can't believe they finally made it!' she thought. 'And it's going to be good. Really good!'

THE END

Author's note: Thanks to everybody who joined me and the characters on this loooong journey. Thanks for encouraging me with your constant reviews and ideas. It was a lot of fun writing the story, I hope it also was fun reading it. And for all of you who want to know what happened after they had finished mowing the lawn, I recommend the epilogue to this story in the M section ...

Another author's note: The sequel to this story is called "Of Mothers and Daughters".