Eremika Drabble #13

Title: Thirteen to Live

Rated: M (A bit NSFW toward the end)

Summary: He has thirteen years to live, and she didn't want to live in a world without him

Notes: Set a few years after Shiganshina battle

Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin

Whoever inherits the power of the nine titans can only live thirteen years. And I have eight years… or less

No, she insisted. Her voice echoed emptily on the dungeon walls as he met her protest with silence.

It has to be wrong.

Still not another word was uttered. Unwilling to accept the bitter fact, she repeated her words.

It has to be.

She never really forgot those days she spent in the dark dungeon. The memories were haunting her like dark demons lurking in every corner of her thoughts. Sometimes, she would find herself awake in the dead of the night, beads of cold sweats trickling down her shivering body.

In another six years, she will lose Eren.

This world is a cruel place. She'd known that since the beginning, but she always had the choice to fight, and the power to protect him. She had always slain anyone who stood in her way – who tried to take Eren away from her. She had made a promise to herself that she would always keep him safe.

This time, it was different. Even though she knew she would lose him, there was nothing she could do. There were no enemies to fight, and her power meant nothing against the greater force of time. It was slowly ticking, each second bringing him closer to the edge of inevitable fate that will grasp his life – taking him away from her forever.

She hated how powerless that made her feel. She hated how she couldn't change anything.

It must have been how Eren always felt ever since they lost his mother to the titans, she realized now.

She tried to come to terms with it. After all, wasn't that what she'd always done? She accepted the world as it was – cruel and beautiful – and lived on.

Even after that time in Trost, when she thought she'd lost him forever, she still fought to continue to live. To retain her memories of him, she'd decided that she will not give up her life.

But what meaning will it be in a world without him? She will lose Eren, and then Armin. Thirteen years after this, she will be all alone.

And surely, that world is much too cold for her to survive.

"You are not the only one who has lost someone," he said to her one night when they were alone. She grew gradually thinner, and he seemed to notice the thoughts that had been eating her. "Anyway, if I and Armin didn't have this power – we wouldn't have survived until now."

He was right, she realized. She would have lost him back in the Battle of Trost – and Armin in the battle to retake Shiganshina.

"Eren," she said, tracing the length of her scarf and cherishing the familiar warmth of the item. Eren had promised to get her a new one, but she only wanted this one. "When you close your eyes and try to imagine the world, what do you see…?"

He looked perplexed at her unexpected question. "What do you mean, what do I see..?"

"You and Armin always dreamed of an adventure. To the land of ice, to the burning waters. Across the ocean even though you knew our enemies await us there. You see freedom in the world. But I am different – when I close my eyes and try to imagine the world, all I see is your face – and Armin." Eren watched her with a strange expression. He seemed unsure of what to say.

"My world is wherever you are," she continued. "So even when one of you died, it feels like my world is being crushed. I don't want to lose you. That's my only reason for fighting."

He seldom saw her expressions change, but when they did, he knew she was struggling with tremendous emotions within. He had seen her cry only three times in his life. When he saved her from the kidnappers, in the battlefield when she thought they were both on the edge of their deaths – right before he discovered his Coordinate Titan powers, and in the battle of Shiganshina – when they both almost lost Armin. He'd been told too that she cried her hardest when he emerged from the titan carcass back in the Battle of Trost, though he was not awake to see it.

And this was the fourth time that he'd seen her cry.

It was a silent cry, she didn't even let out a sound. It was the same cry he saw the day they almost lost Armin. Her tear-stricken eyes were cast to the floor, her face was dead. Seeing her like that, displaying her despair and helplessness in the open, he began to realize the truth behind her words.

All this time, his world was continuously expanding. But her world had always remained the same – now or back then when they were nine-year olds, she'd always seen him as the biggest part of her world. He didn't understand why. He never saw any good in himself that would make her that devoted to him.

"When I knew my father stole the titan power from the Reiss, I thought it didn't even matter if I die," he said. She looked at him, surprised. "I didn't feel like that now," he added quickly. "I guess at one time I felt like I wasn't needed in this world… But once the others trusted me to make use of my power… that sort of made me feel better."

He drew his eyes back to her. She had stopped crying, though the tears had left dried traces on both of her pale cheeks. "You've trusted me before that, though. Before you knew that I had a titan power, or before they called me humanity's last hope – you have always trusted me – even the loser that I was… even when I turned out to be a titan, and everyone else wanted to kill me for good, you still stood by my side. You have always saved me."

"Eren, I –" she started to speak, but he cut her.

"Look, I'm dumb so I probably can't say this correctly. All I wanted to say is – I'm really glad to have you in my life. Thank you for always saving my sorry ass… Mikasa."

She was quiet, obviously stunned by his words. He drew closer, hands over her pretty cheeks, until his fingers touched the remains of an old scar, probably long forgotten by her, but never by him.

"And I'm sorry for this," he added softly. He couldn't get rid of the guilt every time he saw her scar. He didn't have a single memory of that time, but people said that he attacked her – specifically targeted her – when he transformed. He didn't remember anything, but it will be a lie to say that he didn't know why he attacked her. He knew full well why.

Because she was strong, and he couldn't bear to be inferior to her. He let his insecurities drove him and let his subconscious take out his frustration on her. He only cared about how to get better than her – he never realized how many times he would have died had she not come to save him.

"I've always wanted to ask, but…" he hesitated. Mikasa's cheeks are already growing red beneath his touch. "What did you ever see in a sorry loser like me…?"

"This world is cruel, but there are times when I found it beautiful…," she said after a while. "Eren… When you gave me this, you made this cruel world much more beautiful for me. I know I have a place to come home… And it is you, Eren." She grabbed her scarf and looked back at him, suddenly smiling. He hadn't seen her smile for so long that he forgot how magnificent she looked when her eyes tinkled and her cheeks blushed slightly. He felt his heart skipped a beat when he realized she was no longer his childhood friend, his almost-sibling. She was a grown woman, incredibly attractive, with her smile as beautiful as a blooming flower. Driven by instincts, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. She drew a sharp intake of breath, but he only tightened his grip.

"This is a different one from those times I used to slip in to your bed and hug you when we were kids, when you're too afraid to sleep alone," he said. "I am a grown man, Mikasa. So this is my way of saying – I want you to be mine."

"There is no other answer to that, is there?" she asked him back. He felt her arms on his back, silently returning his embrace. "I too, want to make good use of the years that we have left."

It didn't take long. Before she knew it, they were on his bed – skin to skin with the other. Their clothes were hurriedly thrown off to the floor as they made love passionately, violently – his hands were on her breasts, her hands scratching his back. She writhed and moaned beneath him as he sated his tongue with the taste of her body. Then he lifted her legs and she felt his hardness pressing her core – she endured until the pain passed. He was covered with sweat, slick on top of her – they began to move their bodies in sync, again and again, until they come simultaneously. And then Mikasa could only hear their ragged breathing on top of her own heartbeat. He lie down beside her, and then she heard him spoke.

"I made you a promise back then, didn't I?"

"Which one…?" she asked.

"That I'll keep on wrapping this scarf around you. From now on, as many times as it takes, I'll still wrap it around you... So, what I mean is…," he paused. "I don't intend to die and leave you alone."

"But… you'll die at the end of the thirteen years."

"That's what they said. But I'm stubborn. And I'm stupid. So I won't believe what they said."

"I hope…," she said quietly. "I hope you're right."

He let out a half grin.

"I'll make it happen. Somehow, I promise you that I'll make it happen. Because I'm a loser who doesn't know when to quit."

So... I kind of have an idea of what Mikasa would say to Eren when she knows she will lose him in a few years. I tried to write it, and here is how it goes. Enjoy :)