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I'm not going to hire you to investigate some made up case you nutter

It would be a more plausible justification for travel. - SH

How is visiting a friend not a plausible justification

I generally claim to have no need of friends. Going out of my way to visit one would run counter to the established paradigm and confuse people. - SH

Did you really just use the word paradigm in a text message

Yes. - SH

OK well god forbid you mess up that whole business then, very important things those paradigms

Are you being sarcastic? - SH

Yes

Stop omitting full stops. - SH

Stop signing your texts

I can't, it's an automatic message setting. - SH

Oh hey neat look my phone does it too-EC

Really. - SH

Really what-EC

Stop. - SH

Stop what-EC

Fine, you win, I turned it off. Can we please get back on track?

We were on a track?

Yes, we were discussing meeting up in Lancaster. And plans thereof. You're the one who brought up the topic in the first place.

Oh, it wasn't really meant to be a topic mate I sort of figured you could work a train schedule by yourself

Okay then, I'll just show up completely unannounced in the middle of some random weekday like a door-to-door salesman.

Sounds good

Seriously?

Yeah of course why would I care

People generally like to plan for these things.

Does pretending to be a responsible adult make you feel smart or something

Sort of.

Well stop you're smart enough already

One can never be too intelligent.

Yes they can you're living proof

Rude.

No really you could probably stand to lose about 10 thousand brain cells

Was that your motivation for getting me drunk every chance you got, then? Culling excess neurons?

Nah you're just hilarious when you're pissed, the brain damage was a side benefit

Glad to be of some entertainment then.

You've never been boring, shers

Nor have you, Eric.