I needed a conversation between Stef and Lena after the midnight scene in 2x1 but before the phone call (which I'm afraid will postpone this talk). This isn't really happy because the sleeping position of Stef and Lena before the phone call showed they were still upset. To be honest, as much as Stef is heading for deep waters, I totally understand the emotions that are taking her there. Her methods aren't great, but boy have I been there. You get tired of the system failing so spectacularly. I kind of jumped over another conversation I think they should have as I'm hoping that will be addressed on the show. If not, I may modify this one or add another story.

Stef went outside to take deep breaths and look at the sky. The stars were so bright tonight…so clear. She closed her eyes and opened them, their clarity feeling more mocking than soothing. She looked at her bedroom window and watched the shadow of her lover as she moved through the room, finally retreating in the direction where their bed resided. Her head dropped and she rubbed her eyes automatically, even though they were dry. The acrimony roiling in her stomach increased and she wished desperately she could take the last thirty minutes away – take away Lena's discovery. Even in this thought there was shame because she wouldn't wish away her actions regarding Robert. He had gone from an irritation to a menace in short order and she was done playing his games. Having Callie in her arms…she had been so vulnerable…so wounded. She couldn't let her continue to feel adrift. Still, she had hurt Lena with her secrecy and that was something she couldn't not feel regret about.

She walked up the stairs, hesitating at the doorways of her children, wanting to check on them but knowing that she was also avoiding her wife. When she went into their room, shadows slanting across the wall, she found Lena curled up on her side, facing away from Stef's usual spot on the bed, a clear signal that made Stef's throat ache. She sat on the side of the bed, watching her wife's face, her beauty unmarred by the frown she wore. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Stef whispered. "you were right, I left you out of it. I was just…so angry and I wanted to make it right -for Callie. I wasn't focused on anything else."

"You did it without telling me because you knew I wouldn't like it." Lena's eyes opened as she looked at her lover.

Stef swallowed, "yes," she admitted. "That's part of it too."

"I seem to remember a conversation, not that long ago, when you said by protecting one of our children, I was hurting them all. What do you think you are doing Stef?"

"I-"

Lena sat up, the blankets sliding off her body and pooling at her waist. "What do you think this will do to our family is this gets found out? You are blackmailing Robert, Stef. That's a crime. You're a cop. What are you thinking!"

"I know!" Stef's voice rose in a hoarse retort, trying to keep her voice from waking their children. "I know that," she repeated in a slightly lowered tone. "Look I-"

"What's going to happen if you lose your job?" Lena asked. "What's going to happen if you're in jail? How do we explain that to our kids? How do you think they'll feel? How do you think Callie will feel?"

"Just-" Stef helped her hands up. "Just-give me a minute Lena. Let me explain it."

"You don't have to explain it," said Lena. "I know you Stef. You were tired, you were angry. You're sick of seeing abused children and having to return them to their poor-excuse for parents."

Stef's breathing had quickened as Lena looked at her, refusing to break eye contact, refusing to give her even that smallest bit of space.

"You've seen the toll this has taken on Callie. You wanted to protect her like she should have been protected for the last six years and so you…" she took a breath, shaking her head. "You just did it."

Stef's eyes became wide, wet. "Yes," she whispered, her voice gritty. "Yes. You're right. And it's not wrong Lena. It's not. It's the world that's wrong. It's the foster care system that's wrong. It's the judge that's wrong. It's fucking Robert who is thinking more about himself then this child that's wrong. I am not wrong. I'm just fixing it." She found herself breathing rapidly, as if she had been running. Lena reached for her, cupping her hands under Stef's face, stroking her cheeks lightly with her thumbs. It was only then that Stef realized they were wet. She tried to pull away.

Lena held her, gently but with great intent. Stef sighed, her eyes dropping from the knowing gaze. "I understand all that honey. I do, but you can't keep leaving me out. I mean, you just got through telling me we're in this together…and I believed you. I trusted that. What's more, you made me want to try harder…I wanted so badly to be…that person…that couple."

Stef put her hands over Lena's. "I meant that, love. I want to know everything you're thinking…everything you're feeling. That's…it's all very important to me. I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me."

"And I don't want you feeling like you can't talk to me. For any reason."

Stef pulled away slightly, feeling an enormous desire to begin pacing around the room. Lena let go over her face but she did reach for her hand. Stef gripped it tightly, nearly hanging onto it. "I don't know what else to do Lena. I don't. Callie needs to feel like she has a choice. She's going to be seventeen soon. She has barely has a -snapshot left of her childhood. Whatever she has left, whatever she needs to do to become the woman she wants to be…it needs to happen with us. With our family. It won't happen in Robert's, as much as he wants it and no matter how much money he throws at it. It's something I know but I can't take that feeling and argue it in court. It's just my gut feeling. I can't-I can't ignore that."

Lena squirmed to her knees so she could look at Stef face-to-face. "I'm not asking you to do that. I want you to talk to me. Partly because we balance each other's decisions and partly because I want-I need to know that you trust me enough to tell me this stuff. It's not right to leave me out of it. It makes me feel…isolated."

"I'm sorry," Stef's voice was low. "I didn't want to make you feel that way. I know… I guess that's how I felt when you told Monte about the baby. It was…embarrassing but it also made me feel like an outsider…in my own home…within my own family. I hated that feeling."

Lena pulled her closer and their foreheads touched, "I'm sorry. That was never my intention. It just feels good to have a friend. We've had so much trouble seeing our old group of friends. With all our kids, and our jobs, our activities and everything else, we're kind of…outside everyone else I guess. There just this-this hole right now."

"Oh, babe. Love." Now Stef cupped Lena's face. "That's not from our friends. You know that. You do, sweetheart, you do."

Lena's eyes filled with tears and spilled over, "I miss her," she whispered.

"I do too," Stef murmured, kissing her cheek, her lips, and her head in a gentle, repeating succession. "So much. So very much."

Lena curled into Stef, and the other woman lowered them both onto their mattress, covering them with a blanket. Though they were together, they both still felt apart from one another. Lena pulled Stef's arm around her. They lay in the dark, weighed down by their thoughts and their grief. Finally, Lena turned over to look at her wife. "This doesn't change anything," her voice sounded weary and sad. "I still don't like what you did."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm still mad at you."

"I know."

"I'm going to be mad for awhile and we still need to talk and try to-" she shook her head. "Figure this out. Figure out what we can do. But right now, we need to sleep. We have too much going on right now to do our jobs or…deal with our children when we're sleep deprived."

"Okay." Stef's voice was soft and full of regret.

Lena turned her back, edging away slightly, needing some space for all her feelings and the whirling confusion that seemed to be a constant state of affairs lately.

Stef looked at her sadly, the churning in her stomach only slightly eased. She looked at her lover's back until she heard her breathing become even. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Lena returned. But that's not the problem, she thought miserably before she fell asleep.

Around an hour later, the phone rang.