Speak!

Chapter 21: Peace

Be warned that there are some touchy things, triggers that may include self-harm, rape references, violence, substance abuse, etc.

October

"Mikasa… you… didn't… have to… come."

"Of course I had to come. I want coffee too. And I need to pick up some things in the area, so I might as well come with."

Even though it seemed like he didn't want Mikasa there, he was infinitely glad she had refused to take no for an answer. He knew it would be a cold day in hell before that happened though and the thought of the eternal flames freezing over brought a smirk to his face.

It was easier to be in public with someone beside him. To be around large crowds where random touches happened often with so many bodies packed together. It was nerve-wracking. Terrifying. Somewhere deep inside, Eren couldn't let that terror go, not yet. People he knew, ones he spent a lot of time around, they were fine. Otherwise…

Eren shivered, covering it up by vigorously rubbing his arms. The winds of winter were coming in early. Hands jammed into pockets they strode through the mostly vacant streets, sneakers slapping the concrete with their own little beat.

They didn't talk. There was no point in it. Mikasa wasn't one for words while Eren could only choke out so many before the agony ripped through his throat or the coughs jarred him. For them the silence was more comfortable anyway and something easily slipped into without thought or effort.

The further they trekked into the city the more people they saw. With the people came that uncomfortable feeling in his chest, a constricting weight on his ribs. One brushed by, a distracted "Sorry," called over their shoulder as they kept walking.

Eren merely drew his limbs in closer, his stomach flipping, an absolutely infuriating reaction. Shaking fingers curled in, nails biting into the flesh of his palm as more people began to pass by; began to touch him. It was disgusting, even through the layers of clothes everyone wore. Two months isn't enough to dull the fear.

Instead of focusing on the people Eren bowed his head to stare at their shoes, green, black, and white moving to an unbreakable rhythm: left, right, left, right. Cracks, leaves, scraps of paper. They all disappeared underfoot. It was a way to cross the city with a nearly empty mind, momentarily free from the frozen bars of fear that caged it. Left, right, left, right, left, right. Left. Right.

"Eren. We're almost there." The teen pried his eyes from the concrete beneath their feet, suddenly aware of their surroundings as the mindless, self-induced haze dissipated like rain on a hot summer day. If only Mikasa hadn't said anything.

So. Many. People.

When had the streets become so crowded? The bumps were constant. Eren's eye twitched. The crescents in his palms grew deeper as he somehow clenched his hands tighter, trying to keep himself together. Such actions used to be out of anger. Now they were of fear. Then Eren noticed something familiar. A thing he was well acquainted with in a bone-chilling way. He knew the street. He knew the shops.

He knew one of the alleys.

People parted around him, a stream around a rock, as his feet froze, rooted to the pavement. No. Nothing could form in the dry cavern of his mouth but he tried to swallow anyway, choking on the boulder in his throat. A head of increasingly lengthy black hair turned back as she noticed her companion no long walked beside her.

"… Eren?" Garbled and indistinct, a voice from an underwater domain to Eren's blood-filled ears. There was a booming in his chest, huge bass drums being hammered. Shriveling lungs fought for air that wouldn't arrive. Not another one… I've gotta go.

Blind with panic and rage he pushed his way through the crowd, away from that damnable street. Go, go, GO! The world whipped by him, a blur of confused faces, indistinct voices and buildings that ran together as he bolted going somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but there.

November

Frigid air nipped at his nose, cheery red from the cold that brought the pure white winter wonderland he walked through. The wind sliced through his thick blue jacket, but his mitten-clad hand was warm as he clutched a hand familiar in ways that he couldn't quite remember, just outside of the limits of his memory.

All he knew was that he held her hand tight so they wouldn't lose each other, not again. "Levi." Her voice was a whisper, the exact tone of it gone in the maze of his mind. A deafening dry pop split through his brain. It skipped forward, a damaged record jumping ahead to the intact parts.

Cold powder burned at his knees as he knelt in the drift. The pristine blankness of the snow ruptured. Red took its place. Everywhere. In the snow, on her face, staining her clothes, on his hands. "M-!"

Burning gray eyes snapped open as Levi lurched into consciousness. There was a rat-tat-tat against his ribs as adrenaline surged through him. Faint tremors filled his palms as he raised them, bleary eyes focusing on the pale, clean skin.

He could see his hands as they were, free of blood, yet he could envision those tiny, red-stained hands with such terrifying clarity. There was a feeling in his eyes, one he hadn't felt recently, one he was unaccustomed to. It was always hard, choking back tears after dreams of her, but he managed once again. I'm not gonna go back to sleep tonight.

Levi glanced over at the teen beside him who slept on with his back to the ceiling, head turned to Levi, and soft lips parted slightly. Eren sighed, but didn't even twitch as Levi slid his leg out from beneath the tan, muscled limb flung over his own. Moving the arm slung across his chest was a bit trickier, but Eren was a sound sleeper when he wasn't plagued by nightmares. Oh hell, we're both fucked up.

The slightest thud graced his ears when he rose from the bed. Before he left, Levi turned to his slumbering boyfriend, his limbs all akimbo as he sprawled across the bed he now had all to himself. Fingertips grazed over the smooth skin of his forehead, pushed back strands of chocolate-colored, melon-scented hair.

Lips ghosted along next, resting in the center of his forehead for a moment as Levi breathed in the sweet, familiar scent. "Sleep well, my brat." Levi left the bedroom on silent feet, cracking the door behind him as he headed for some sort of remedy to soothe his aching heart.

November

Muted bars of a melody Eren didn't quite recognize caressed his mind, easing him into consciousness. He knew what was missing before he'd truly registered the lack of warmth next to or around his body: Levi was gone. That explains the piano. He must have had a nightmare...

A massive yawn split his jaws as he stretched until joints cracked and his toes hung over the edge of the bed. Only then did he crawl out of Levi's bed. Red numbers bore into him as he made the bed up, twitching the covers into place: 7:45 AM. Damn. And the whole point of weekends is to sleep in 'til noon. Especially after going to bed at two in the morning.

The five hours of sleep were certainly worth it though. Just holding Levi close as they whispered to each other – Levi in his smooth, crude way, Eren in his halting patterns – to say anything that came to mind as their fingers roamed over each other's backs. Those were their moments, known only to them and the stars that served as their witnesses.

A grin lit Eren's face up as he smoothed the covers out. And they say kids our age are too young to know love. We know. We know better than some. The piano fell silent for a few moments, its' last notes fading into silence before another song took their place: "Moonlight Sonata".

I need a shower… Which drawer does Levi keep his shirts in? Attempting to be as quiet as humanely possible, Eren started to poke through Levi's drawers, searching for a shirt he could borrow. The first few contained neatly folded jeans, shorts, socks, and underwear. Two were barren. If Levi had to, he could pick right up, pack most of his possessions into a few suitcases, and leave.

Hooked fingers pulled out another drawer. The contents were far from what he expected. A beautiful, soft-looking yellow blanket lined the bottom. Several items were carefully set on it, their placing lovingly precise. Two piano keys ivory and ebony in color rested on the bed of golden fabric. Nearby sat an old VCR tape, one with "Oct. 9, '96" scrawled in a delicate, loopy cursive. A cassette tape sat beside it. The label read "Recording '95" when he flipped it over.

A small stack of papers sat near the tapes. Musical scores had been printed out across them, the black ink still stark. Classical music consisted of the first few compositions in the stack, but there were some more modern ones that looked like they'd been torn from a music book. Adjacent to the papers was a stack of photographs. Eren's fingers itched to touch them, to look through and see what images had been printed upon their glossy surfaces.

Instead, he moved on, inspecting the other contents of the drawer. Inquisitive greens fell onto a silver surface that caught the light. Two tiny wings were etched into the surface. A locket. Who's inside? Curiosity plagued him, urging him to look in the locket, leaf through the pictures, to understand why Levi had a drawer with items that any other person would find seemingly random, worthless even. But Eren knew Levi. The items had to be important to Levi.

If he kept them in such a place; arranged with such care. He almost didn't notice the last item inside until he moved to shut the drawer. A narrow piece of yellow fabric sat next to the locket, folded up into a rectangle. A scarf. Unable to quench his thirst for answers any longer, Eren pulled the fabric from its place. The butter-yellow wool was soft from countless washes over the years. Whose was this?

"Eren?"

His head snapped up. When had the music stopped? Surprised, grassy orbs found equally startled cloudy ones staring at him. Levi went rigid, fingers locked around the edge of the door. His face was a smooth, blank mask, dead of emotions. Still on his knees, holding the scarf, Eren opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He couldn't find anything to say, not with how barren Levi's face appeared. "… Levi?"

His mask shattered into a billion pieces, metal shrapnel flying everywhere as it all poured out, no longer confined to his eyes. The emotions played across his face, painstakingly apparent: startled anger; bittersweet joy; wistful sorrow; raw torment.

Levi took a half step back, right into the doorway. Back pressed to the wood he slid down as the mishmash of emotions ran rampant across his face for the first time. It was startling, seeing Levi's composure break so completely. Levi slid down to the ground, his eyes locked on the scarf cradled in Eren's hands.

Eren draped the scarf over the drawer and scrambled over to Levi, eyes wide with frantic fright. Oh God, what did I do?! "L... Levi!" He could see them up close, silent soldiers marching down his cheeks. Levi Rivaille was crying. What did I do? Mind racing, Eren did the only thing he could think of, something Armin, Mikasa, and Levi had done so often for him.

Sun-browned arms slipped around pale, broad shoulders, steady without sobs that would shake his body. Levi was strong, even when crying. He still held it back, even when Eren pressed his head onto his own shoulder. They dripped onto his shoulder, those silent tears, few in number, but potent in their existence. Each one cracked Eren's heart a little more as they soaked into his t-shirt, a reminder that he was the reason Levi was crying, even if it was only a bit.

He couldn't hold his love close enough; couldn't comfort him enough; couldn't stop those tears well enough. All Eren could do was clutch onto Levi, halting, disjointed fragments of words falling from his lips with every slow-falling tear. "I'm so… so sorry… Levi… sorry… I… didn't… mean to! P… promise… So… sorry."

After a moment, two trembling hands connected to strong, stable arms wrapped around Eren, warm chests pressing closer together until every contour of the other's chest that pressed against Eren could be felt. But Levi didn't say a thing. Thin, pale pink lips remained sealed as the last of Levi's tears dripped onto the tiny damp patch on Eren's shoulder.

Whatever Eren had found must have been important, so important that it could open Levi's strong, emotionless shell to reveal the boy inside who locked everything away, keeping himself reserved. The person locked inside was showing completely for the first time, out in the open for the world to see. The emotions he'd locked away in the strongbox of his heart for God knew how long had escaped, even for a while.

It was a phenomenon with Eren as its witness. Most would be delirious with joy to witness a phenomenon of any sort. Eren only found himself sick with apprehension as he clutched Levi, fighting back tears of his own.

November

He's avoiding me.

They had sat down on Levi's bed to watch a movie in silence, which although wasn't unusual for them was far too tense to be called normal. Instead of sitting in the middle, Levi sat at the foot of the bed. Instead of curling up next to Eren like usual he kept his distance. The one time Eren had tried to touch Levi, tried to coax an answer out of his boyfriend, Levi had disappeared into the bathroom without a word.

After that, Eren had shrunk in on himself. Shame. Anger. Both towards himself. Idiot! You shouldn't have gone poking around in his things, even if you did need a shirt! Sea-colored orbs flicked over, studying Levi. I wish I could read body language. Unfortunately, Eren was absolute shit at reading people.

Those cloudy eyes, ever changing in their shade, were focused straight ahead, never peeling away from the screen. Heaving a heavy, internal sigh, Eren gave the appearance of paying attention to the movie once more, never quite absorbing what he was seeing or hearing. His thoughts were a million miles away, locked in worry and self-doubt as he raked his mind for some sort of explanation.

I fucked up. I fucked up so much. Oh God, why did I have to go looking for a shirt? Why didn't I just fucking ask him where his were? What if I ruined everything, looking at those things, making him cry? What if he wants nothing to do with me?

He couldn't turn his attention to Zombieland, with its' junkie zombies and its' mind-numbing jokes. The thoughts just ripped into him, lead shackles that dragged him back down into a pit of murky goop that sucked at him, tugging him down with deadly, imperceptible leisure. The same dark murk that had held him in its' clutches for the last six years.

There was so much doubt in that pit of despair; so much self-loathing. It was maddening, listening to those thoughts, yet Eren couldn't block them out or push them away. Not on his own. But Levi was closed off. Armin was in the middle of a date. Mikasa had a game. Gramps was playing bridge.

They wouldn't want me to bother them. I'm nothing but a dead weight. A screw up. I can't do anything right. No wonder Dad beat me. He knew. God, I'm such a useless idiot. Levi's gonna hate me. He has every right. He should hate me. He should want me to stay away forever. Maybe he does.

Credits started to scroll across the screen, meaningless letters to Eren's blank eyes. He saw Levi stand. He watched Levi disappear into the bathroom once more, hands clenched tight. I should just go. Go for them. Go so they can be happy.

On flimsy legs with a cumbersome weight in his chest, Eren slipped out of the house where he no longer belonged. I can't go home. Home is no more. I can't go to Armin's. No one's there. I can't go to Levi's. He hates me. He doesn't want anything to do with me. Why would he?

Eren shivered as he somehow managed to stumble half-blind down the sidewalk. Chilly November air nipped at his arms through the thin material of his long-sleeved shirt and jeans. In his rush he'd left his jacket and hat. It doesn't matter. A storm was brewing up far off, already gray with the rain packed inside its' bloated body. The drums of thunder rolled, echoing through the city as the wind started to pick up.

Eren flinched, nails digging into his palms as it brought grim reminders with it of nights spent alone, body throbbing with injuries he had earned by being a disgrace of a child. Phantom fingers clutched at his arms and legs, scraped along his back, jabbed into his hips. Eren hugged himself, trying to find some scrap of comfort or warmth as he let his feet take him where they might.

It wasn't until he saw the familiar gate that he realized where he was. He almost fell into his usual swing, clutching the cold, metal chains with an iron grip. Where's that confidence now, huh? That bravery, that progress you made? All down the drain, right where it should be. Nothing, but a meek little bitch.

A muted sound of misery passed his lips. He wanted to smother it all in an air of confidence, how he used to. He couldn't. Those days were gone. Eren bowed his head, staring at the tracks his shoes – which he'd somehow managed to remember – made in the dust as they dragged. Lightning split through the air, raising the airs on his body, yet he stayed right where he was as the looming tempest grew ever-closer.

Maybe Dad should've killed me when he had the chance. I'm nothing but an insecure, worthless, broken idiot. His phone vibrated against his leg. He knew who it was. He didn't answer. He's probably fed up with me. Armin, Mikasa, Levi. They were the glue that held him together. Yet Levi was the strongest, furthest-reaching one that cemented the pieces of him into a mostly whole being.

What if he goes away? What if he can't help me keep together? I'm broken. Who wants something that's broken? I'm useless. Worthless. Nothing. I'm back to being nothing. Or maybe I was always like this and they just covered it up with love. I'm so pathetic.

Eren moaned and buried his head into his hands, trembling with feelings he couldn't put into words. Stop, stop, stop… Why won't these thoughts stop? Agony clawed at his chest, drove him off the swing for a short second to pick something up. Something that would get the pain out, even if it was just for a moment.

The object was small but freezing, the jagged edges digging into his palm. Just make it stop. Tears dripped down his cheeks, staining his shorts as he pressed the sharpest end of the rock to his wrist, bringing forth a trail of rubies to join the colorless tears.

November

Levi stared at his phone. Six calls. Twelve texts. Eren hadn't answered a single one. It was agonizing, not knowing where he was again. Shit. I screwed up. Somehow, when he had drawn into himself to repair that facade, he hadn't quite realized that doing so would drive the brunette away. Levi paced across his room, sick with concern.

It was getting dark. The storm that had been brewing for hours was right overhead, blotting out the few sunrays that might have graced the city for a few more minutes. Leaves trembled in the wind. It had yet to start raining, but it was inevitable. Far-off flashes of lightning could be seen. Levi called Eren again. The phone rang. And rang. And rang. He didn't answer. That's it. I'm gonna look for him.

Umbrella tucked under his arm, two rain jackets – one he put on, the other he draped over his arm – he marched out of his house, apprehension in his chest but a void on his face. Frosty air nipped at his skin, slicing through his rain jacket. Eren forgot his coat. He's probably freezing. He checked outside his house, then Eren's. Weeds had run rampant there with no one to take care of it.

The sidewalks were vacant of people. The population on the road had diminished as well. Few people wanted to be out in what would likely be the last, vicious fall storm. His small feet and long strides ate up the concrete beneath his feet, the buildings blurring by him.

As his feet came to a halt, lightning lit up the sky, quickly followed by an explosive crack of thunder. The white streaks seemed to strike with every step he took, lighting up everything around him. Thunder was no longer one single cannon blast: it was a bombardment of mortar shells slamming into the earth.

The swings came into view, Eren a second later. He was hunched up on a swing, the same one he had the first day they'd met. His head was pressed into his knees, hands over his head. "Eren!" The head rose up, hands falling away. Another lightning bolt sliced through the air, illuminating the park with its' bright, ethereal light.

A flinch ran through Eren's body, visible even from where Levi was. Eren surged up from his swing, body already twisted in Levi's directions. The steps were slow at first, uncertain. Another flash of lightning changed it all. Suddenly, a body collided with Levi, arms latching onto his wiry frame. "L… Levi… ple… ease… don't le… leave me… I… I'm sorry! I d… didn't… mean to!"

Gray eyes closed in a slow blink, then another, confusion seeping into their cool depths. "What the hell are you talking about? Why the fuck would I leave you after all the shit that's happened?"

The fingers clutching his jacket suddenly loosened as Eren pulled back to stare at Levi with wide, watery eyes. "W…hat?"

"I don't know what shit-spewing mouth you got that from, but it's not true, brat. Why would I leave someone I cared about?" Flashes of lightning and the dim glow of the streetlamps revealed the confusion in both sets of eyes, the only difference being the fear in the eyes that loomed above. Wetness splattered against Levi's cheek as the first wave of rain began to fall, a weak smattering.

Understanding came with another flash of lightning followed by its' explosive claps of thunder. Levi knew what it was about: Eren holding that scarf, dredging up memories that had been lurking near the surface in preparation for such an event after that nightmare while they searched for weakness in his walls.

"Idiot, I'm not mad at you for looking in that drawer. It just caught me by surprise. I was embarrassed from crying and wrapped up in thoughts. That's why I was such an insensitive dick. It's not your fault, I promise. It was just a bad time to see those things."

Those wide, innocent eyes blinked owlishly at Levi, shame mixing with relief in their depths. "Whose… were they?"

"Mom's. That scarf was all I had of her throughout foster care. The other things arrived in a package. But don't think you fucked shit up. You didn't do anything wrong. I was just fucking embarrassed and surprised."

It was easy to forget the storm that raged overhead, the rain slowly picked up alongside the wind. Yet they stayed, feet rooted into the grass near the swings. White fingers, pale as the piano keys they played, settled against the tanned flesh of Eren's cheek. "Idiot. My idiot." A chuckle shook his shoulders as he guided Eren down until the wind wasn't the only air between them.

"Go to prom with me."

Eyelids flickered over summer green irises, shock mixing with excitement as they spread across his face. "Yes."

The sky groaned over their heads, letting the rain held in its clutches fall as they pressed closer together, hot breath mingling when they pushed away the distance between them. Fingers clutched at cheeks, holding a titled head tight so Levi could breathe Eren in, a hint of mint on his tongue. A shiver ran through Eren's body as his fingers twitched against Levi's hips.

Water dripped onto Levi's face, a mixture of warm and cold, rain and tears. "Fuck," he whispered against warm, familiar lips, "I forgot it was going to rain." Eren only laughed as he slipped the rain jacket on beneath Levi's umbrella before they bolted home in soaked tennis shoes, cold-numbed fingers overtop as they clutched the umbrella together.

November

Soft blue towel in hand, Levi pressed it against Eren's still-damp hair, gently massaging the rain away. Eren had a loose, long-sleeved shirt and boxers on, the former a spare of Levi's father; the latter his because there was nothing that would quite fit Eren. He would blush occasionally, quickly followed by a tug on the plaid green boxers in an effort to cover a little more of his long, sun-kissed legs.

Cute… Levi pecked the tip of Eren's ear. He glanced into the bathroom mirror where Eren stared forward, watching Levi ruffle his hair, before he resumed ruffling the water-darkened hair. His own hair dripped, dampening his shirt, but it could wait.

A twitch pulled the towel to the side, revealing lighter, drier russet strands. Levi pulled the towel away. Chocolate-colored tresses stuck out in every possible direction, even more disheveled than usual. Slender digits stroked the soft locks, pulling them into some sort of temporary order before he handed Eren the towel.

Wordlessly they changed places, at least a finger on each other at all times. They weren't ready to let each other go. Not yet. Levi leaned back against Eren's stomach, warmth radiating through the shirt into his upper back. The fluffy cloth fell over Levi's face, overtaking his vision for a moment before Eren pulled it back to rub the shorter black hair.

A muted hum rumbled in Levi's throat, the warm, delicate touch lulling him into a state of serenity. Grays flicked up to the mirror, studying Eren as he toweled his hair. The touch from his left hand was so soft it was almost non-existent; like he was favoring it. He nearly missed the wince that twisted Eren's face. "Something wrong?"

Eren bowed his head toward the crown of Levi's head, lips sealed. Levi straightened up, eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Are you hurt?"

Eren's fingers froze on Levi's head. The color drained from his face. "No."

"You're a shitty liar." Levi grabbed the violinist's fingers, tugging them so he could see. There was nothing unusual, just his hands, calloused over from his years of playing the violin. Eren suddenly jerked his hands back, pulling his hands away from Levi. They only got as far as his ears.

Levi tilted his head back. Sea greens blinked down at him, shame playing out all over his face. Something was wrong, wrong, wrong. And it had something to do with his arms. Levi twisted Eren's arms, turning the palms up. There.

A furious red mark glared at Levi from Eren's left wrist. A small gash marred the soft skin, dried blood caked around it. There was no resistance as he drew Eren's arm closer, releasing the other one. Some of the blood was still sticky, clinging to Levi's fingers as they ran over the wound. The placement and shape were clear indicators. "Eren…"

A quiet sniff broke Eren's silent spell as he buried his head into the towel that still sat on top of Levi's head. It broke Levi's heart to touch that gash, to hear Eren be distressed again. I caused this. He pressed a tender kiss to Eren's wrist, just above the smear of blood.

Drawers rattled their way open as Levi fished around, grabbing a few things before he dropped the towel and tugged Eren up to the sink. His lithe pianist appendages cradled Eren's hand as he rinsed the blood away with warm, soapy water accompanied by gentle strokes.

Those eyes he'd come to love, like oceans in how they tended to change color, never met Levi's as he pressed a Band-Aid to the cut. Levi hoisted himself onto the counter then took Eren's hands into his, drawing Eren in slowly. "What did you do that with?"

"… Rock."

The word rumbled against Levi's shoulder, the solitary, normally insignificant word enough to freeze his insides a little more. "Idiot… Eren, be a brat, but don't be a suicidal brat. I promise it won't help. Cutting yourself open is only gonna hurt more in the long run. It's not worth it. I've seen it so many times at foster homes and it only hurt them more. Don't do that again. Ever."

"Okay…"

Levi wrapped Eren in his arms, holding him in a loving embrace. He leaned up, lips brushing Eren's ear lobe as his mind, his heart drove him into action to do the one thing that came to mind, that made sense of what to do, how to say his message.

"Well, I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
I'm telling you that, it's never that bad
Take it from someone who's been where you're at
Laid out on the floor
And you're not sure you can take this anymore

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby."

The warm body draped against him stirred, shifting as he absorbed the lyrics. Hands that Levi had recently held slid along his back, tightening their intimate embrace on his end. Eren was everywhere, that scent of melons and rain lingering on his skin. Those whispered verses slipped from his mouth, the message within being heard. Levi let a tiny smile turn the corners of his lips up as he kept up the soothing song.

"Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come

So just give it one more try to a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell
'Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Oh, honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby

Well, everybody's hit the bottom
Everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah, everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on..."

March

"You're sighing an awful lot."

"Am not."

"Eren, you've sighed at least twenty times in the past ten minutes. Spill it."

Eren glanced up from his math book to where Armin lay on his bed, an anatomy textbook opened in front of him. Armin had a no-nonsense to his face, one that demanded the truth. With a resigned sigh Eren rolled onto his side, so he could see Armin.

The floor felt good against his hot skin, cool despite the heat that had been turned up to combat the frigid winds of winter. "So?"

Cerulean irises rolled in the white sphere of Armin's eyes. "So it means that something's up. You're frustrated. And no, don't you dare protest. It's so visible even a toddler could see it." Eren glowered at Armin as his mouth shut, protests dying away in his throat. He couldn't argue with his best friend's statements. Not this time. "So tell me what's bothering you." The musician pursed his lips while he started to sign to his brilliant friend.

"Don't you think I should be better by now?"

"Not necessarily. Some people never recover. Some take years. Some take months. Very few snap right back into the state they previously were in. You're doing fine Eren, I promise."

Insecurity played his body like a drum as it hollowed him out then filled him up. It sucked him dry, spreading its poisonous doubts through him like a parasite. He knew Armin saw it. He knew it by the way those sky-blue orbs focused on him, never straying as Eren struggled to squash those feelings of uncertainty and impatience. I hate this.

"Don't worry about it Eren. The counselor said you're making excellent progression. There's no need to get impatient, okay?" The brunette rolled back over onto his stomach to focus on the much-dreaded math once more, purposely avoiding giving a response. They both knew it. Armin sighed, pointedly audible. "I'm serious, don't worry about it."

Eren let out a heavy breath right back, mind and heart weighed down. I can't.

From Armin Arlert:
Hey.
Received: 7:00 PM, March 16th, 2014

To Armin Arlert:
Hey
Sent: 7:05 PM, March 16th, 2014

From Armin Arlert:
Levi, I hate to bring this up but I think Eren's feeling insecure.
Received: 7:06 PM, March 16th, 2014

To Armin Arlert:
What the hell makes you think that?
Sent: 7:06 PM, March 16th, 2014

From Armin Arlert:
Aside from him practically flat-out saying it to me? Well, I can read him well. He practically oozed insecurity.
Received: 7:09 PM, March 16th, 2014

To Armin Arlert:
This about what I think it is?
Sent: 7:10 PM, March 16th, 2014

From Armin Arlert:
Yep.
Received: 7:10 PM, March 16th, 2014

To Armin Arlert:
Brat… He shouldn't be. He's doing fine
Sent: 7:11 PM, March 16th, 2014

From Armin Arlert:
That's what I told him. He's stubborn. Do you think he'd really listen? No.
Received: 7:12 PM, March 16th, 2014

From Armin Arlert:
Do you think we need to tell him that he doesn't need to be insecure?
Received: 7:16 PM, March 16th, 2014

From Armin Arlert:
Are you still there?
Received: 7:30 PM, March 16th, 2014

To Armin Arlert:
Yeah, sorry, I was looking for something. I have an idea. Do you know anyone that plays an instrument?
Sent: 7:32 PM, March 16th, 2014

From Armin Arlert:
Jean and I can play the guitar. No drums though. Eren can play the violin and obviously you have the piano. Why?
Received: 7:35 PM, March 16th, 2014

To Armin Arlert:
Meet me at my place afterschool. Bring Jean. Tell Eren that you have something to do. I've got an idea for that crazy brat
Received: 7:38 PM, March 16th, 2014

March

It wasn't so much of a party as it was a gathering of a few people with good music playing and some spectacular food – courtesy of Mikasa who refused Eren's help at every turn. Zoe, Oluo, Petra, Levi, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, and Eren milled around in the backyard, chatting their heads off.

No matter where Eren went he could hear Zoe's excited babble about some animal she had found or interesting things going on with her python. She was hilarious in an extraordinarily strange, outlandish way.

Initially the crowd had made Eren nervous, stirring up old fears and reactions that had faded away as the party lurched into full swing. One hand held a chilled can of Sprite, the other twisted into the warm fingers he knew so well. Eren swung their hands back and forth, smiling as he sipped his drink. "I'm glad… everyone… looks like… they're hav… having fun."

A low laugh-like breath answered him. "I agree. Then again, it could be that they're having to move and talk to not freeze."

"Not… that cold!" Levi only chuckled, muted but music to Eren's ears before he moved in front of Eren, head tilted back so they could look into each other's eyes. Those thin, pale lips called to Eren, begging to be kissed. Smokey grays glittered with amusement as Levi evaluated his expression, already guessing what Eren was thinking.

"Go join the rest. I have a little surprise for you." Levi stretched up onto his tiptoes to give Eren a fond peck on the lips before he let go of Eren's hand. Jade orbs followed Levi as he pulled Armin and Jean away, the three of them disappearing into the house.

The brunette wandered over to Mikasa, who was being subjected to a meet-and-greet with Zoe's yellow-and-gray scaled python, Phil. Why she had brought him, Eren didn't have a clue, but it was amusing to watch Mikasa's face as the thick, coiled body wrapped around her arm, inching toward her head. "Do… you know… where they… went?"

"No clue," Mikasa murmured, her eyes trained on the snake, "Male things probably. Or maybe the shorty needs some help. I don't know. They'll probably be back in a minute though." Eren threw an arm over her shoulder as he leaned in close, petting the snake on the top of her scaly head. "All My People Go" by Kris Orlowski faded into silence as another song prepared to take its place.

Guitar notes took the song's place, quick and low. The strangest part was that they sounded so natural; like they weren't coming from the speaker. Eren turned around, seeking out the origin of the guitar. His breath caught in his throat as he took it in.

Jean, Armin, and Levi stood on the back porch of the Arlert's abode. A sleek electric guitar was cradled in Jean's hands. Armin had a guitar in his, one of Gramps's older but finer ones. Levi stood between the two, a cheap black microphone stand set up before him. Sensual grays focused on Eren's face as his lips parted.

"Tonight a candle lights the room,
Tonight it's only me and you,
Your skin like gravity
Is pulling every part of me,
I fall, you and I collide

What if I stay forever?
What if there's no goodbye?
Frozen for a moment here in time,
Yeah,
If you tell me the sky is falling,
Or say that the stars collide,
The only thing that matters in my life,
Is you and I tonight

Our eyes close the candle burns away,
But I know the fire still remains
This love is all we need
We fit together perfectly,
I fall, you and I collide."

The music swelled through the air, growing in strength and volume. Mesmerized eyes full of wonder were trained on Levi as he cradled the microphone. Every verse that soared through the air filled Eren up. He knows. The insecurities that had been building up for several weeks dropped away, replaced by carefree weightlessness that filled Eren up like helium. He was light, free of all those troubles and doubts for the first time in months. It was breathtaking. Eren leaned against Mikasa as he let the music and Levi's voice carry him away.

"What if I stay forever?
What if there's no goodbye?
Frozen for a moment here in time,
Yeah,
If you tell me the sky is falling,
Or say that the stars collide,
The only thing that matters in my life,
Is you and I tonight

I wanna see this through
I'm gonna give it all to you

Tonight a candle lights the room
Tonight, it's only me and you, oh

What if I stay forever?
What if there's no goodbye?
Frozen for a moment here in time,
Yeah,
If you tell me the sky is falling,
Or say that the stars collide,
The only thing that matters in my life,
Is you and I tonight

Tell me you'll stay forever
Just you and I tonight
Tell me you'll stay forever
Just you and I tonight."

Dazed, Eren barely noticed when Levi left his impromptu stage to come over as the music faded away. Cool skin brushed against his cheeks as Levi pulled his face down. "Why are you crying?"

Dark brown eyelashes fluttered, the water spilling down his face catching his attention for the first time. Gentle thumbs swiped at his cheeks, brushing the tears away as they trickled down. Eren pressed their foreheads together, wisps of brown and black hair infringing on his vision, but he didn't care. Not one bit. "Levi, I… love you… so much."

"I love you too, my crazy idiot."

June

Was his hair too messy? Bowtie crooked? What about something on his teeth? Orbs of emerald swept the mirror, inspecting his reflection with a nervous, criticizing glare. Fumbling phalanges, too shaky for Eren's tastes, tugged on the black bowtie in a vain attempt to make it straighter.

The parched desert that seemed to have occupied his mouth refused to let him swallow, but that didn't stop him from attempting. The mere thought of what he'd be doing in less than an hour rattled his nerves. I don't even know how to dance!

If only the fear could be worked out on a punching bag. The fear and nerves had lessened over the year, but for an occasion like this… The nerves actually didn't embarrass him for the first time in a while. They made him feel like any other guy or girl getting ready for such an important aspect of high school life. Like he was normal. Then there was the matter of people all around, ones that he hadn't seen in a year. Their eyes would already be on them for their choice of a date, not to mention that the court case had filled the town with talk of Eren.

The brunette sucked a breath down. Green eyes flicked up as the door opened. Mikasa slipped in, Armin right behind her. They both looked good: Mikasa was svelte in her strapless, blood red dress that flared out from beneath the black lace on her hips down to her knees and black, slightly heeled sandals; Armin with a black tuxedo jacket, powder blue undershirt, black bowtie, black slacks, and black dress shoes.

Both had been invited by upperclassmen – Zoe and her friend Moblit. Jean had already decided that he was going to sneak in. They technically didn't have dates to the prom, not official ones at least. Maybe that's what's terrifying: the fact that I have a date and they don't. Oh, that's a stupid thing to be terrified of. It's a date. Just any old date. Oh, fuck it; it's not any other date.

"Eren, are you done straightening that bowtie yet? You've been fiddling with it for a few minutes. You need some help?"

Defeated and embarrassed, Eren dropped his hands and glanced at his friends. "Fine."

"Good," Mikasa murmured as she brushed his hair back with her fingertips before she and Armin came to stand beside him before the mirror. Armin was still the shortest, but he was gaining height quickly. Mikasa was an inch or two shorter than Eren now.

Eren found it hard to believe that ten years ago they'd been standing in front of the same mirror, six and seven years old, talking about the futures they wanted to have. Those dreams had changed, those times had faded. Now they were back, changed but still united. Eren couldn't help but smile, confident and proud of how far they'd come. If this was the Mirror of Erised, I don't know if I'd be seeing anything else. Okay, Mom and Levi would be here too.

The doorbell rang, the soft chimes echoing through the house until they faded into silence. They all knew what it meant. "Well," Armin murmured, "That's our ride. C'mon."

His hands sought out theirs and he twined their fingers together, the way they had when they were younger and more innocent, more unaware of the dangers that lay ahead. His friends smiled into the mirror before they turned around and walked to the stairs, still hand in hand. Every step only mounted the anticipation. Eren just wanted to leap down the stairs, broken bones be damned.

Three, no, four pairs of shoes came into view as they descended: small white heels, two pairs of glossy, black dress shoes, and one with well-worn, well-loved tennis shoes. Another step. Two pairs of slacks came into view: one a creamy, pristine white, the other black as sin. Three steps. Everything came into view.

His jaw nearly dropped but, it pulled up into a blindingly brilliant display of teeth instead as he took it in. Thousands of images of his boyfriend were seared in his mind, never to be forgotten, but it was the first time Levi had worn something so formal.

The creamy white tux fit him well, not ill-fitting in any way. A silky powder blue vest was beneath, white buttons winking at Eren. A powder blue bowtie hung just below the dip in the white column of Levi's neck. Hands behind his back, feet shoulder width. He looked perfect.

Just looking at Levi, taking him in, erased the feelings on gawkiness Eren had in his light, almost grass-colored tux with its black edges, white undershirt, and black bowtie. Rainy grays and summer greens locked. The warm palms that clutched his fell away as he let them go, caught on Levi's line by the hook thoroughly embedded in his heart.

Whispers, giggles, hums, voices. All the noises Armin, Mikasa, Gramps, Zoe, and Moblit made disappeared into the background, forgotten in an instant. "Hi." Eren wanted to wince at such a greeting, but his numb mind couldn't think of anything more. Unconsciously his hand stretched out, seeking a cool hand that met him halfway.

"Hey there," Levi whispered right back. "Oh. I got you something." The shorter teen pulled his other hand out from behind, something clutched between careful fingers, bringing it to the hand he held.

Light green petals brushed against Eren's wrist, softer than velvet. Several green roses were bound together into a bracelet – a corsage. One that matched his tuxedo jacket to a tee. Black lace was worked around the roses, accenting each one.

Stunned, Eren clutched Levi's hand tighter, already smiling. "Green… roses? How?"

"I bought it. It's amazing, the colors they have. But this one was the best of all… because it was for you."

Eren's free arm slipped around Levi's shoulders as Levi's own arm curled around his neck, tugging him down. "Stop growing," Levi muttered as he stretched up on his toes, minty breath ghosting over Eren's face. "Bigfoot… and Thumb…elina."

"We are not amused," Levi deadpanned as they inched closer.

"I am…"

Levi closed the minute gap between them, tenderly in a way that made Eren's knees go a little weak. It ended too soon, but Eren knew more would come soon. Gramps, like any other proud parent or grandparent, insisted on taking dozens of pictures before he let them go into the night. The limo everyone had pitched in to rent idled on the street, awaiting its passengers, a carriage of shadows to deliver them to their long-awaited prom.

June

Jean had gotten into the center with no problem. The fact that his mother was working admissions had something to do with it, but no one else had noticed that he had handed over a blank slip of paper instead of a ticket.

Armin grinned as they watched the other students bounce to a fast-paced song the energy in their limbs overflowing into the air where the excitement from the night was tangible. It could have also been because the punch was spiked, probably by one of the football players, but at least the crowd was still acceptable. For the moment.

They clutched chilled bottles of water instead, sipping on the clear liquid as they cooled down after dancing so much. Good-natured quite hung between them, their own bubble of peace amid the lively chaos that surrounded them. "This is better than I thought it'd be," Jean said, voice a little louder than normal to combat the music.

"Agreed! Although I don't know why the hell someone would spike the punch. That was just rude."

Jean laughed as he plucked the empty bottle from Armin's grasp. "I'll be back." His blonde boyfriend spun away, quickly disappearing into the crowd, empty bottles in hand. He's tough on the outside, but soft in the center. And he's too proud to admit it.

Cerulean orbs scanned the crowd, searching for familiar faces. Not many from his grade were there, but he still recognized Nanaba and Marco dancing near Zoe, Moblit, Levi, and Eren. Mikasa was chatting with some tiny, tough-looking blonde by the name of Annie.

Oluo, the poor guy, had nearly bitten his tongue off –again – which had Petra dabbing at his face with a fistful of napkins. Everyone he knew looked like they were enjoying themselves. Armin tucked some stray golden strands behind his ear, a satisfied smile growing on his lips.

"Geez blondie, whaddya do to get you and your fuck buddy in here? Blow a couple guys?" The young teen stiffened and slowly turned around. It was a jock from the basketball team, Michael. He'd made Armin do his homework in the Biology Honors class they'd shared. It had been hellish.

There had been a time when other kids would beat Armin up, but Eren and Mikasa would always come in to save the day, shouting at the other kids as they pummeled them into submission. But Eren and Mikasa were nowhere to be seen, not anymore. The only thing Armin was good with were his words. He didn't say anything. He didn't want to start anything, not here.

"Hey, what's going on?" Jean bumped Armin's shoulder as he stepped past.

"Nothing much, just askin' your bitch how he managed to get you two in."

A crack rose above the music as Jean lunged forward, fist connecting with Michael's nose before Armin could grab his arm. Michael stumbled back, a hot, sticky rush of blood streaming down his face. Jean struck the jock again, a blow to his abdomen. Some of the kids started to notice, crowding around to catch a glimpse.

Michael righted himself and lunged at Jean, fist passing an inch from Jean's face. The blonde swept the basketball player's feet out from beneath him with a kick, stepping back with his hands up in a defensive stance recognizable from boxing movies.

"Hey, hey, break it up guys!" One of the people overseeing the prom waved their arms above the growing crowd, fighting to break through. Jean whirled around, eyes bright with fury and the rush of adrenaline. He grabbed Armin's hand and started pulling him through the crowd before he could quite register what they were doing.

Armin stumbled behind as they stumbled past the ring of the crowd. Friendly faces flashed by: Eren; Levi; Mikasa; Zoe. "Run, run!" Jean laughed over the music. Moments later they hit the double doors, hurtled down the steps, and down the sidewalk, rushing away from the scene of their "crime".

All the while Armin couldn't stop laughing, shock and glee bursting through him as they kept running into the cool night, no particular destination in mind.

June

The center was decked out in green, gold, white, and black. Tables formed a semi-circle around the dance floor where passionate, throbbing music thrummed through the speakers by the DJ booth. Eren stood on the edge of the floor, a cup of cherry-flavored punch in hand.

His friends had disappeared into the crowd: Zoe, Moblit, Petra, and Oluo were dancing somewhere; Mikasa was mingling with a few friends from her Chemistry class; Armin and Jean had left after the fight; Levi had disappeared for a moment, leaving Eren with the cup of punch and a promise to be back soon.

The red, watery syrup sloshed around in the plastic cup as Eren gazed into its depths as if he was attempting to divine some future. Instead he let the memories of earlier that night wash over him: the heated, electrifying touch on his hips; the ghost of a breath on his lips and neck; the scent of cotton mixed with lavender with a hint of spice to top it off.

He smirked against the rim of his plastic cup as he sipped at the slightly too-sweet mixture within, a sour-ish taste underlying the cherry that he couldn't quite place.

"Eren." Digits brushed against his elbow as Levi slide back up to his side. Ten fingers wove together, loose but sure. "Let's go dance."

The cup immediately found a place on the closest table as Eren let the small pianist lead him out into the center of the crowd, his stomach barely clenching in nervousness at being packed in with all the other bodies. Months before, he wouldn't have been able to set foot in the gym. Now he did so with a confidence that he'd worked back with superhuman determination. And it had gotten him here.

The song faded away as another prepared to take its place. Levi's hand settled onto his hip. Eren's found Levi's shoulder. The brunette leaned down until his cheek was against Levi's cool ear, those silky strands of shadows brushing against his cheek.

"This is for you, so listen close."

Soft piano notes stirred the air, a slow melody just beginning, already gripping with its gentle start. It was more modern, one Eren didn't recognize. Their feet started to move, the petite male pressed close initiating their slow sway. A guitar and drum joined in, adding their own notes before two voices filled the air. One from the speakers. One right in Eren's ear.

"What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you."

Two pairs of feet glided over the wooden floors as the older of the two led them on, crooning quietly into the other's ear. Chills raced up and down Eren's spine as Levi serenaded him while they twirled with all the patience and grace in the world. If there had been a spotlight in that center it would have focused on them, outlining them in a golden aura for all to see. Giddy and astounded, Eren clung closer, his mind on top of the world, the rich aroma of cotton and lavender filling him up completely.

"All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she(he) does is beautiful
Everything she(he) does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

And me and all of the people with nothing to do and nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive."

June

They piled back into the limo at twelve as the prom drew to a close. Everyone was giggling a bit too much, the spiked punch having been drunk by all except for Armin and Jean. Despite that the atmosphere was sparking with energy, high with elation from the prom.

That certainly explained why Zoe was draped across Moblit, Petra, and Oluo as she sang Weird Al Yankovic tunes at the top of her seemingly infinite lungs. It was enough to make Levi consider taking Moblit's tie, turn it into a noose, and throttle his best friend. It certainly would have dampened the mood. He let his friend have it though. Prom only happened once a year after all.

Which was why they pulled up at IHop at one in the morning where the music was at just the right volume and where the place was deserted aside from the workers and a few poor saps who worked some shitty hours. The looks they got were full of amusement as they slid into booths and chairs that surrounded several tables that had been pushed together.

"Nothing better than breakfast at midnight!" Petra sang as they situated themselves.

"No, hunting for new subjects to dissect is better!" Moblit clapped a hand over Zoe's mouth, muffling her giggles. Another burst of laughter bubbled through the group. A waitress jotted down their drinks and orders, leaving them to their own devices.

Warmth enveloped the hand Levi had beneath the table as Eren's hand crept into his. Stormy grays glanced over to Eren whose eyes were trained on Armin who was weaving some tale involving a tree, a kite, and Mikasa climbing up to fetch it. He looked so content, finally perfectly at ease. Levi twisted their fingers together, their hands fitting together with familiar ease.

"Mikasa managed to get it down, but if you had seen Gramps face! He looked like he was about to blow a fuse when he saw Mikasa up there. It's amazing he only grounded her for two months."

"One actually," Mikasa tacked on with a gentle nudge to Armin's ribs.

"Same difference," Jean laughed into his cup.

"Actually, one month is distinctly different from two," Zoe stabbed at the table with her hand, aiming to get her point across. "You see, months average around four weeks with amounts to twenty-eight days, or six hundred and seventy-two hours. There's a distinct difference between four weeks and eight weeks, which would be approximately fifty-six days or… hm, thirteen hundred and forty-four hours. Therefore, one month and two months are not the same difference!"

"Zoe, if you don't shut up I'll shut you up and then you can tell the other ghosts about that crap," Levi deadpanned. The table broke out into laughter at his statement. She's so lucky I'm joking. Any more death threats were interrupted by their waitress coming back to set their plates in front of them.

Everyone dug in – with varying states of calmness. Zoe started talking around impossibly massive bites of French Toast, nattering about something that Levi didn't bother to pay attention to as he delicately cut pieces of his pancakes away. Eren had turned into a human vacuum cleaner, inhaling his towering stack of pancakes.

"Slow down, crazy brat. You're gonna choke at this rate." Eren snorted, but did manage to slow his pace with a squeeze to Levi's fingers. All of a sudden Eren stopped, fork freezing in midair before it descended back to the plate. No one but Levi noticed. They were too busy with their food and conversations, still overflowing with energy from prom. "You alright?" Levi whispered into Eren's ear.

"Listen to… the music." A familiar song greeted Levi's ears as he gave his attention to the music instead of the people around him. Guitars met his ears first, then the lyrics. Eren's grip tightened on Levi's hand as they listened together.

"Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Eren slipped out of the house with keys in hand, phone in pocket. It was a good day, an extraordinary day. Well, more of night now, but that didn't make it any different. Day, night, it was of no real importance.

It was hot once more. The sun had baked their city, making everything lethargic except for the plants that thrived in the constant showers they'd been getting. Despite the recent weather the night was clear. There was even a faint breeze that stirred the otherwise motionless, sultry air. Few were out, just the way Eren liked.

Fleet feet carried him down the pale gray concrete of the sidewalk that led him to his destination. A cauldron of excitement and butterflies bubbled in his stomach, urging him to go faster, to sprint along the streets until he reached his journey's end. He couldn't stop thinking about that message from earlier, not even when he ducked through the shadows of night he'd once been terrified of.

Eren wasn't afraid to walk the streets at night, not any more. His body was toned with muscle earned from long hours pummeling the punching bag and taking tae kwon do with Mikasa. He could protect himself now. He was willing to protect himself, to fight back. He could fight back.

The entrance he had become well acquainted with appeared soon, a gap in the brick wall across the street. Eren stole across the dead street, straight into the park. Oddly pleasant anxiety bubbled in his stomach, urging him to go faster, faster, faster.

Rustling was all around him as the gentle wind pushed the arch of leaves overhead. Other ambient noises filled the air: a hooting owl; crickets starting up their strange chirping song; small, nocturnal animals darting around.

Eren strode past it all, coming upon his endpoint all too slowly yet far too soon. The swings were there, barren of people yet steadfast in their constant existence. Somehow, someway, it seemed like everything would grow and die around those things as they lasted century after century, never changing. That's so stupid. They'd never last that long.

The chains were cool beneath his fingers as he sank into the same seat he had so long ago on that fateful night, the night he would always cherish despite what had occurred in the hours before it. The ruts beneath his feet were larger, more worn, but familiar nonetheless.

It was easy to spend hours on the swings, just watching the world pass by in a strange, lonely peace. He'd done it hundreds, maybe even thousands of times over the years. Lonely evenings and nights spent on those swings, afraid to stay out, but afraid to go home. That won't happen, not anymore.

"You know, it's dangerous to be alone in a park at night."

A smile split across Eren's face as he glanced up. He stood a few feet away in the pool of white light thrown from a nearby light pole. "You're late," he rasped as Levi strolled over, movements deliberately unhurried. Cool hands settled just above Eren's. For once Eren was the one looking up.

"Brat, I got here right on time and we both know it. You're just early. Too eager. Not enough patience."

More like Armin's house is closer than mine was. The swing started moving backwards as Levi slowly pushed it. Their feet moved together, taking the swing back until Eren's feet were stretched out, their heads almost at the same height. Those cool hands found their places against Eren's cheeks, cradling his face.

"You know…" Levi murmured as he leaned closer, their noses brushing, "I don't say this a lot. Oh hell, I don't say much anyway, but this in particular because it's important. I learned the value of it long ago. But with you, those words are never gonna be enough. Even so…"

Hot, minty air tickled Eren's face as Levi moved a bit lower, their lips brushing as he breathed the words into Eren, filling him to the brim until his heart felt like it would burst. "Eren Jaeger, I do love you. Always."

From Levi Rivaille:
"Now is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
Meet me at the park. 12 on the dot. Don't be late
Received: 10:00 PM, July 15th, 2014

FIN...

Well ladies, gents, those who are defines by no gender, and so on, we've reached the end. Nope, nope, I'm not crying, not at all. Thankfully there are still side stories. Three in fact. So Speak! will live on a little longer. Okay, I can't bear to do this any longer so many thanks to those who read this, kept up with it, loved it, commented, etc. There will be three side stories, as I already states, but there will also be a Soul Eater story, another Attack on Titan, and a few others still in the works. Before I go I must give a million, no, a billion thanks to my beta, Cal. This is our first complete work together and I must say that it was an amazing journey and I can't wait to do it all over again. And things will only get better from here ^^ So many thanks to Cal! Farewell until the next story *SOBS LOUDLY*