Title: to have and to hold
Summary: A collection of Doctor/River oneshots centered around a hurt/comfort theme - River taking care of her Doctor.
Notes: This will be a series of unrelated oneshots all focused around the same theme - River taking care of the Doctor. Some will be incredibly fluffy and domestic and not sad at all (like the one below), some will be darker, but I will try to avoid the soul-crushing sadness that I usually associate with this pairing.

1: a concentration of nerves is the worst possible design; On some days, the Doctor embodied all of his one thousand years; on others, River estimated that he was about five.

"Ow ow ow - oh, River, River, I'm dying, gah, it hurts."

On some days, the Doctor embodied all of his one thousand years; on others, River estimated that he was about five. Today was one of the latter. He reeled near the TARDIS console, balanced haphazardly on one foot, and he would have fallen had River not dropped his shoes and caught him by the shoulders. "I told you to put them on," she said, giving him a soothing rub on the back and guiding him gently to the floor, where he leaned against the console. The expression on his face was one of exaggerated pain and complete indignation, and River smiled as she knelt beside him.

"Yes, well, I was distracted - ahhhhh." The Doctor shut his eyes and with one hand clutched at his right leg, above the knee. His other hand instinctively sought out something else to hold, and River slipped her own into it.

His grip was hesitant, at first; even in the midst of pain, he was wary of hurting anyone, and River loved him for it. "You're not going to hurt me," she reminded him, shaking her head. "Squeeze as hard as you need."

He did. He held tight to her hand like a drowning man. "This is ridiculous," he said hotly, opening his eyes and glaring down at the offending appendages. "It's the universe's idea of a sick joke, that's what! Did you know that the pain of a stubbed toe is universal? In species with toes, that is. Ahhh. Literally the most useless collection of nerves, who designed this nonsense!"

On he rambled, his voice rising and falling with fresh waves of pain. For a few moments, River refrained from commenting and let him go on unchecked, through the worst of it. It was too endearing to interrupt, anyway. When his voice had tapered off somewhat, and he was muttering about how he would have set foot nerves up, River extracted her hand. "Alright," she said, sliding down to where his socked feet were splayed, "might as well have a look at it. The rate you were going, I wouldn't be surprised if you broke something."

The Doctor twitched the toes on his right foot and grimaced, hissing through his teeth as tears of pain automatically sprung forth. "No, no, I don't think so, I can move them. I hope not, that would be embarrassing."

"I think you've already achieved embarrassing, sweetie," River informed him; gently, she pulled off his sock and handed it to him to hold in place of her hand, and then she inspected his foot. The area that he'd struck against the console was bruised, already a splotchy blue, but it could have been worse.

"How does it look?" the Doctor asked; he'd scrunched his eyes closed once more.

River smiled again. "Oh, completely awful," she said merrily. "You'll probably need reconstructive surgery, after this..."

The Doctor's eyes shot open. "You're lying!" he said indignantly.

River patted his leg, smiling serenely at his glare. "Of course I am. Can you move it for me, once more?"

The Doctor complied and tightly gripped the sock bundled up in his fist, wincing as he twitched his toes again. But the pain didn't seem to be as bad, judging by the fact that his eyes didn't water this time. Ever so gently, River touched the area and deemed it to be just what it seemed: bruised. Not even sprained. Anyone else, with all that flailing and rushing about, would have accidentally broken a toe, but not the Doctor. Lucky idiot, River thought fondly.

"What's your prognosis, Doctor Song?" the Doctor asked. "And no lying."

"Ice," River answered, getting to her feet. "It's a little swollen, but that's it. I'll only be a moment. Do you think you can possibly manage to sit still until I get back?"

"Not if you're getting ice," the Doctor said, reaching up to clutch at the console, trying to pull himself up without putting weight on his right foot. "Ice is cold."

"Stunning observation, my love." River watched, both amused and warily ready to catch him, as the Doctor precariously maneuvered himself to his feet... or to one foot, specifically.

"Ha ha, you're so funny. I meant, I don't want to put ice on my toes. That hurts too!" The Doctor paused, glaring down at his injured foot. Bracing himself, he tried to hop forward on the other foot and reach down to grab his shoes all in one smooth motion - to prove that he was perfectly fine, no doubt. And naturally, with a surprised yelp, he tilted at a wild angle, toppling sideways.

River, who'd suspected he'd try something stupid once he was up, caught him smoothly, bridal-style. He blinked up at her, looking sheepish. "You're useless in normal situations," River told him. Not that she minded, particularly when she got to hold him like this.

"I know," he sighed. "Could you get my sock?"

Instead, River helped him to limp to the stairs and seated him on the top step. "Stay," she told him firmly.

"I'm not a dog, River," the Doctor said petulantly, twisting around to watch as she scooped up his sock, which had fluttered to the ground when he fell, and his shoes. "Come on, I have such an amazing place to show you! I can't believe I forgot about it. You'll love it."

"Is that why you rushed out of bed?" River sidestepped him easily, holding his sock and shoes high, where he couldn't reach them as she passed. "It can wait until that swelling goes down. Unless you'd rather hop around that amazing place on one foot."

"I can walk," the Doctor muttered sulkily, though he made no move to get up.

Chuckling, River headed to the TARDIS's med bay and opened one of the cooling units. A simple ice pack would do the trick; no doubt the bruising would be all but gone in an hour, thanks to the Doctor's Time Lord physiology. Shifting both of the Doctor's shoes to one hand, River grabbed the pack and felt the floor beneath her feet begin to shake. The familiar sound of the TARDIS's take-off screeched in her ears, and she sighed, dropping the ice pack onto the nearest countertop and grabbing for the edge to steady herself as the TARDIS tilted dangerously. The Doctor flew the old girl like he moved on one foot - that is to say, with absolutely no grace.

"He can't relax for one minute, can he?" River sighed, and the TARDIS's presence in her mind hummed in agreement.

When the floor finally settled, River once again picked up the ice pack and marched back to the console room, where the Doctor balanced against the console, grinning cheekily. "I told you it could wait," River said reproachfully, torn between exasperation and amusement; she wanted to be mad, but it was difficult when he pulled those faces at her.

"I know, but you know me, I hate waiting," the Doctor said. "Besides, it's fine! I'm fine. All this fuss over a few stubbed toes is ridiculous."

"That's not the point," River said, and perhaps something in her voice had changed, grown sharper, because the Doctor's grin faded. He looked at her now with a slight frown and a little furrow in his forehead, and he said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

River sighed again and came forward, up the stairs. "You always brush it off," she said, almost accusingly. "Any and all pain, always. And you never want anyone to take care of you, if you can help it. Even if they want to."

And that was all she said. She stood in front of him now, expectantly, and meekly the Doctor lowered himself into a sitting position, with his right leg splayed out and his left folded under it. "Well, if you want to..." he said casually.

"That's better," River said and crouched down, setting the sock and shoes aside. Gently, she placed the ice pack over the bruised area, and the Doctor winced at the sudden cold. River offered her hand, and he took it gratefully, clutching it as the pain intensified for a moment. But the ice pack soon did its work, and River could feel the Doctor relax with a small, contented sigh. He did not let go of her hand, however; instead, he pulled it in and kissed it swiftly, before looking up at her with a twinkle in his eyes and his cheeky grin back in place.

River smiled. It was hard to stay even mildly annoyed with him. "It's almost like you know how cute you are."

"Oh, I know," the Doctor assured her.

"And you abuse it shamelessly, you bad boy. Here." River guided his hand, still holding hers, down to the ice pack. "Keep that there, light pressure, while I get changed." She stood and looked down at her nightclothes; the Doctor had jumped out of bed and dressed himself so quickly that River had only had time to stare at him sleepily and wonder how someone so old moved quite so fast. "So, this amazing place you want to show me... how should I dress?"

The Doctor shifted his leg so that he could both hold the ice pack to his foot and lean back against the console. He grinned broadly at her. "It'll be quite the party. Might even be a bit dangerous. What do you think?"

River laughed. "Sexy but practical it is, then." A moment later, she fixed him with her sternest expression. "Now, don't you move while I'm changing. I don't care how tempting outside that door may be. Doctor's orders."

"Ah, but that means I can override your orders with mine."

"You're not even a medical doctor."

"Neither are you!"

"You're the one who asked me for my prognosis, sweetie," River reminded him. With a wave over her shoulder, she left the console room, headed for the wardrobe. Upon reflection, she decided that there was a 50/50 chance of finding him where she'd left him when she emerged. Honestly, the man was practically pathological when it came to seeking out adventures. Not unlike herself, she had to admit, though at least she could keep relative control of her own feet.

But then again, River thought warmly - it was one of many, many reasons why she loved him.

Notes: Fun fact - the entire idea for writing multiple oneshots on a River/Eleven h/c theme was somehow inspired by an instance where I stubbed my toes so badly that I swear they did not stop aching excruciatingly for about ten minutes. One of the worst pains I've ever experienced, and I've had stitches in my head. I really don't know how fanfiction blossomed out of the experience, though.