Author's Note: I wrote this fanfiction nearing six years ago, it was posted onto another account on here if it seems familiar. Then, something went wrong with the email for the account and I can no longer get into it. So I decided to repost it with revisions here once again to let a new audience enjoy it. Don't worry, I'm the same person, all writing credit is mine. I just really missed this fanfiction and I never had the opportunity to complete it but then I took notice to a lot of the spelling and grammatical errors and the confusing misinterpretations and I knew I had to revisit it.

It's not your typical run of the mill Emma/Sean or Emma/Jay fanfiction. I'm not going to gloss over the obvious. It's a bit different. So after Back in Black its the start. It's largely in an alternate universe sort of invented by myself at that time after the first departure of Sean in season 4. This fanfiction is to directly and literally follow them leaving Sean behind in Wasaga Beach. Raw emotions of the feelings of the shooting between the three of them and some surprises along the way. I'm also embellishing a bit on Jay's then - seemingly nonexistent homelife. His mother is Fancy, rather Connie the woman who goes to Christine for her hair and is a known stripper. He has a little sister who idolizes her, Chrissy. His step sisters are Clare and Darcy. His mother got married to Darcy and Clare's father and they all live together in this big house. It was assumed that he left his wife for Jay's mom. So there's no Helen. Alex is in the fanfiction but she doesn't play a major role. Jay has some private, residual guilt about the events of the day before. Emma's presence doesn't exactly make it easier. Ellie is inconsolable. I don't want to tell the entire story here so here's my long blabbering on. So in short, it's season 4 and kind of rewrite within these characters at this time in some weird universe that obviously doesn't exist. Just to let you know, foul language and some situations that arise give it it's rating, just to be safe. Thanks for following along. - Brimi

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Chapter One

The Backseat Blues

Emma Nelson, Jay Hogart and Ellie Nash have just piled into the car and were en route back home. It was around six o'clock. The sun was orange in the sky and the air was stale. The three were hungry, sweating and dirty still from the sand lingering in their clothes. It had been a long day and a day of ages for the misfit ragtag group of acquaintances. Emma had longingly looked out the window to see their friend, Sean Cameron being ripped from their lives and their memories. She saw he had tears in his eyes. Judging by his demeanor it was difficult for him to say his goodbyes. One thing that struck her as strange was he hadn't even said goodbye to her. The wordless look was all she needed to get her by. It was worth a thousand goodbyes. Maybe his goodbye to her was just the hardest one because of their past that he more than made up for in the last twenty-four hours or so.

As the car slowly drove down the road of lookalike-trailer style homes, Jay was silent, cascading salty hot tears fell down Ellie's face as she stood blankly ahead letting them fall. She tried to stay quiet but every time she struggled to breathe all that could be heard was the crying, the groaning the heavy breathing bearing the burden of loss. The silence lasted for about a quarter-mile down where they came to a road, where Sean's face was but a memory in the rear-view mirror and reality rapidly set in. Jay reached over to the center console in his car and turned on some loud, obnoxious rock anthem and put a cigarette in his mouth. Emma noticed that it bothered Ellie but they both didn't have a place to complain. He pressed the button to activate the windows to go down and lit it up with a Bic lighter. In seconds the car smelt like tobacco. As he exhaled, he looked back at the two girls once he hit a stoplight, "Need to bum one? Departures make me crave one."

Emma shook her head declining the offer keeping her composure. She dared not let something slip about the environment or how bad they were healthwise like she normally would have done. It just wasn't in her, not today. Ellie just sniffled cupping her face in her hands sobbing not even bothering with a response, Jay sympathetically offered a sing-song way of attempting to lighten the mood, "El, if you fuck up my upholstery, you have to pay me."

Emma looked at Jay clearly infuriated which was somehow much to his delight. Jay Hogart loved getting to people. One of his favorite pastime and he knew how to get to her. He loved busting on Emma Nelson, the nature girl, he mostly liked to call her the nickname Greenpeace. Her brown eyes in slits clearly not in the mood for his routine. So far the day, hadn't been so bad where Jay had been concerned. He was as model of a friend as he could have been but that didn't come with the obvious outspoken trouble with that run in with Sean's rival, Tyler Bishop. Emma protested matter-of-factly but laden with defense in high gear, "Clearly she just had to say goodbye to her boyfriend, how do you think she's feeling?" All he did was turn around. Jay almost forgot he was driving and returned back to what he was doing and making the turn going toward home. A sign read that it was far away. Emma looked out the window longingly, she couldn't help but notice Jay watch her out the rear view or maybe he was merely surveying the road ahead. She spent a great deal of time with Jay off and on but mostly she spent some quality time with Sean. At least she got to see him off before he skipped town for what seems like for good. Jay continued to puff away at his cigarette leaving the silence just be.

When it came to Sean, Emma got her sense of closure but it didn't sting any less. She wondered if she had a reason to even feel this crushing sense of loss by losing him. Arguably, Sean was her first love. It wasn't like prior to the day before they were civil until he single-handedly saved her life and for that she remains eternally grateful. Reality for Emma hasn't set in however as she feels this sense of calm in the wake of some sort of major tragedy. She had been fighting looks the entire day, earlier at school so skipping for her was essential to heal. She remained brave unlike Ellie who faltered upon losing her emotional rock. The car ride home was awkward, as opposed to the way up. It was tense in some parts but in others everyone had a better mood once they left school. Jay had the radio on, popular music and singing ensued. It didn't even seem like Sean was all that angry. She knew he was struggling but at least he managed to put a brave face on for a little while at least. The way home was like a hangover that wouldn't pass. There was so much to say, tension was laid thick from the hood to the truck and yet no one really had anything to say at all. Back to reality, where they'd all turn their backs on one another as soon as they get back to Degrassi.

Disgruntled, Jay once again spoke, "Somebody say something! It's too quiet in here."

"Something." Ellie mumbled clearly infuriated by his recent threat about the car seats and her crying, Jay threw a wad of napkins from the front-seat back and she dabbed her disheveled and smeared raccoon eyes with the tissue.

Emma snickered inaudibly at the exchange as she remained affixed to the window looking at the scenic route that they were driving through. Observantly eyeing the trees and other cars. Jay also laughed at Ellie's snide remark. He blinked back in his seat and quieted down once again. He finally finished his cigarette and threw it out the open window. He was just waiting to hear an earful out of Emma over the environment for him littering right in front of her. She said nothing because she wasn't paying attention.

She wasn't herself. Emma mindlessly retrieved her purse off the floor in search of a hair-tie for her matted sweaty hair. She felt the sandy-tinged texture from digging in the sand with Sean, Jay and Ellie. The air conditioning in the car wasn't reaching her so she still felt sweaty and gross and couldn't wait to take a nice warm shower and lay down in her comfy bed. Her parents had gone on a retreat with Christine's salon as much as they begrudgingly didn't want to go to be there for their daughter after the events at school. It was all paid for already in advance so they'd be out money if they backed out now, too late for a replacement as well.

She thought hard as she tied her hair up in a messy bun for the time being, tightening it. She should have done it hours ago and she hadn't because she was running on autopilot. Jay again, his blue eyes she observed in the rear view mirror. She was sitting directly behind him in the back seat.

Ellie looked at Emma sympathetically, tears welling in her eyes but appearing much calmer to what Emma could see, "Did he say anything to you about leaving? When you guys were talking alone, did he say anything?"

Emma just shook her head."No? You told me, let him go, Ellie he should've done this years ago. You-he- did he?"

Emma again shook her head, once again no. Emma whispered, "Truthfully, I didn't know until you started crying he wasn't coming back with us."

All that time in that silence Ellie had been thinking about Emma and Sean talking privately and somehow she was the pin that broke it all up. It only made Emma feel worse. Emma felt uncomfortable sharing the ride with Jay and Ellie. Her past run-ins with Ellie have left Emma to assume she didn't like her much. As for Jay that was no secret. Jay was aggravated, visibly and it showed because he started to speed up on the road, Emma hollered as he made an abrupt stop at the shoulder. He breathed in and out, "Jay what are you doing?! You were going to kill us!"

Jay got out of the car, swung open Emma's door and pulled her out, dragging her by her grey hoodie sleeve, "Don't you dare, I'm warning you. Don't mess with me, Greenpeace." Before she could protest her body did all the talking.

First, Emma's eyes widened in a panic, she felt like there was enough panic swirling in the air as he stared into them with his eyes, the aroma of cigarettes and sweat flooded her senses as she fell back onto the car as cars flew down the road not taking notice. He scared her. He was intimidating, much taller and by all accounts he was hulking over her like a lunatic. She didn't understand why here, why now? Everything happened in warp speed. Why had he taken it all out on her? When reality set in he quickly realized he had held onto her arm the entire time after a long pause in conversation.

Silently, he let her arm go in that very instant as he breathed inwardly not taking his eyes off of her. She had turned him into this, he believed in his heart of hearts. Her presence enraged her. His eyes didn't match his demeanor or his bravado. As far as he was concerned, it was her fault Sean wasn't coming back with them and he needed him. It was none of her goddamn business. It was her fault he hadn't his best friend, it was her fault Ellie was crying. All of it. Jay blamed Emma for all of it. If it wasn't for her they'd all be far and away, dealing at home and just watching the news about the event in their homes. It wasn't like Emma wasn't entirely aware that she wasn't exactly welcome on this excursion away from school, to a place she had only heard about in Sean's stories about his past. Sean asked her to come along, it had happened to so fast she just only said yes and hopped in. As for Sean's past, Jay had only heard the rumors, as Ellie has. Something tells Emma that Ellie didn't know as much about Sean as she had by the way she asked about what Sean had said to her. He added, "One more self-righteous word and you're getting left and you know what? I won't come back for you." In Emma's infuriated mind, she had a list of things to say retorts and comebacks. It was no secret, Jay wasn't so fond of Emma and the feeling was mutual. It was he who broke her and Sean up with his ill-words to Sean, but even that was seedy at best. Her and Sean were having some problems with their plans, while Emma had obligations at home Sean was making trouble for all at school. It just in retrospect was going down the tubes. For awhile she hated Jay vehemently. Over time the venom in her had died down and now she simply tolerated, she hated the way he carried himself, his gangsta, loud car persona. While she usually looks for the best in worst people, Jay Hogart to her had none of that going for him. He was just all bad, all the time.

"My name is Emma. I have a name." Emma bravely stated although her bravery was eclipsed by a flinch, as she broke eye contact and cradled her arm in her hand. Ellie had to of seen what transpired outside but she wasn't going to mess with Jay. She had enough on her plate as it was. Be that as it may, Jay brings out the worst in himself when it comes to people he plain dislikes. Emma just didn't understand how in the world Sean and Jay of all people could have been friends. That's where she saw it, in his temper.

"Fine, Emma. Get the fuck back in the car." He gestured with disrespect, before adding, "I don't want to hear shit from you. I didn't even want to bring you along. Cameron insisted. Just shut up and we'll forget all of this ever happened!" He started to walk to the car but he saw Emma just stand-there frozen, in shock perhaps. Thought that she quickly managed to slip out of.

"Okay Jay, you done?" Emma rolled her eyes sarcastically. Jay glared once more at Emma, before his gaze softened as did hers. She wondered why they were just looking at each other, it wasn't long of a time, but it was just enough time for her stomach to stir inside. She pondered why Jay even gives her the time of day, or gives her that weird nickname. But she shook out of it fast, because she reminded herself that Jay isn't the kind of person to like her, or have any tolerance or respect for her. Realizing that her asking or entertaining anything she said as a comeback would be a problem, and for her it was a clear and present danger as she constantly suffered from foot in mouth.

Ellie learned over to Emma's side of the car sighing impatiently hopelessly looking at Jay through the open window, Emma's back was to her. She called out, "I need to get home and feed Bueler if you don't mind." Jay wordlessly nodded motioning Emma who was still hanging out of the car to come back inside so he could shut the door. She complied with much hesitation and before long she moved inside quickly shutting the door behind before he ran to the driver's side and they continued on their way home to Degrassi, continuing rest of the way home in silence.