Penelope let out a sigh of relief, she'd just gotten back from the hospital and she was lying on the couch. The pain medication had kicked in on their way home and Penelope was feeling more relaxed than she had in a long time.

Plus Spencer had finally left. They'd gotten a case and while Penelope knew it sucked considering it was the weekend, she was kind of glad that Spencer had a reason to leave. He'd been doting on her all morning and it was making Penelope more than a little crazy.

She had just wanted to be by herself, she couldn't stop thinking about Dave and the likely possibility that things were going to blow up in her face real soon.

Even now she wondered if Aaron and Spencer were being told the truth about her dirty little secret. She wouldn't be surprised if she got angry phone calls from all of them, though she had a feeling that Spencer's would be more hurt than angry, which made her chest ache at the thought.

She had hurt all three men, she knew all their feelings went deeper than simply fucking, which is why she always felt so guilty right after they had finished and would hurry to get away. The worst part was that she had known what she was doing but hadn't cared enough for her friends to stop herself.

Penelope rubbed her eyes with her one good hand, she needed to stop thinking about this, it was going to drive her crazy. She had dug herself this hole and no matter how things went down she would have to deal with them.

At least she had a few weeks off, she was useless to the team with only one hand so she'd called Strauss at the hospital to let her know about her broken hand.

The conversation hadn't been pleasant, it never was when it came down to talking to the Dragon Lady but at that moment, it was one hundred times better than having to call Hotch.

They had a tech filling in for her, for however long it took for her to heal. Penelope knew that would most likely be a long time from now but she was still dreading it. How was she going to work with the men on her team now?

If things did get out, she would probably have to transfer.

She wondered if Derek would distance himself from her if he found out.

The thought of losing her Hot Stuff, her rock, was heartbreaking but the whole situation was so fucked up that she couldn't blame him if he never wanted to see her again.

There had always been an underlying current to their relationship and her first few years she had shamelessly flirted with Derek hoping that it might turn into something more but their relationship ended up moulding into something far greater than something romantic that more than likely would have torn them apart, of course it would have, just look at the situation she was in now.

She needed Derek but not in a sexual way, he was the closet thing she had to family these days.

She felt panic bubble up in her chest at the thought of losing him, and her team, her family.

She took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself. She pushed all her thoughts away, she was royally screwed but if she thought about it anymore she was going to loose what sanity she had left.

It was one month into her time away from the team and Penelope was going stir crazy. Nothing had changed, as far as she knew Dave had kept her secret to himself.

She had yet to hear from him, that phone call that he'd told Spencer he'd give her had never come. Spencer came by when he wasn't on any cases to visit her and he was acting completely normal for Spencer.

Hotch had called her a few times to check in, she'd done her best to not allow things to get awkward while on the phone with him, even tho she was nearly jittering with nervous energy whenever he called.

Penelope couldn't understand it, unless Dave was planning something really horrible for her, she couldn't imagine him sitting idle after what she had done to him.

Every once in a while a hopefulness crept through her mind, thinking maybe he really didn't know the truth but she'd push it back down. The circumstances and his behaviour just didn't make any sense otherwise.

She'd been pushing away her cravings the best she could. Every time Spencer came by she had to stop herself from pouncing on him.

She'd lost the battle last time he'd been there. They had ended up in a very intense make out session but when Penelope had felt the ache in her lower regions she had pushed him away and said she suddenly didn't feel well.

Which she didn't, what she had done to the men in her life wasn't fair to them. She couldn't keep doing it to them no matter how hard it was and if she gave into that ache she knew it would take control of her and she'd spiral out of control again.

Spencer had been surprised, Penelope had never turned down sex but he didn't protest. He'd offered to stay and make her tea but she declined, thanked him and told him she was just going to lie down for a while.

That was two days ago and unusually for their team there were no cases and Spencer was around but Penelope after her close call couldn't see him right now.

Being away from the team as much as she hated to admit it was really doing her some good. She wasn't as stressed out and she found with her not being around Aaron, Dave and Spencer, her urges weren't as bad.

She still had moments where she wanted it so bad that she felt like screaming. In those moments she hated herself and wondered if there would ever be an end to her insatiable feelings.

But those moments were few and far between these days. She actually felt semi normal for the first time in a long time.

Who knew that breaking her hand would kickstart a sobering yet healing journey.

Penelope bustled around her kitchen making dinner. She'd gotten pretty good at making meals one handed. She never made anything too complex but it was still good food.

She was humming to herself as measured just about two cups of spiral pasta into the boiling water, when there was a knock on the door.

Penelope frowned and looked at the front door, she wasn't expecting anyone. She waited, hoping that maybe whoever is was would just go away.

But no luck, a minute later there was another knock and then she heard Derek's voice calling through the door "Baby Girl, it's me."

There was something in his voice that couldn't be ignored. She put down her spoon and headed to the door, opening it.

As soon as she saw him she could tell something was off.

"Derek...what's wrong?" She asked concerned.

He didn't say anything at first, instead he grunted and nodded past her, asking wordlessly if he could come in.

Penelope stepped aside and he walked past.

He was so quiet and she could feel this undercurrent of anger that he was obviously holding back.

Penelope bit her lip feeling uncomfortable, she didn't say anything, she just waited wondering if this was about what she had done.

Derek turned to her "I'm sorry to just barge in but I couldn't think of anywhere else to go."

Finding her voice Penelope asked "What do you mean? What happened?"

Derek didn't respond at first, he was tense and he wore a deep scowl. He opened his mouth like he was readying himself to tell her what was going on but snapped it shut again and instead began pacing back on forth in her small hallway.

"Derek..." People said, stepping forward and gently running a hand over his arm, there were very few times she had ever seen him this upset and he normally had no problem talking to her. "Please tell me."

Derek ran a hand over his face and then, alarmingly, he broke down, tears rolled down his face and he slumped back against the wall.

"Oh Derek," Penelope said embracing him, she felt the shake of his shoulders and could smell booze on his breath. She pressed her head against his chest and wondered what the hell had happened to put Derek in such a state. She waited for him to speak, knowing she couldn't rush him.

The tears only lasted a moment, he wiped them away with his arm and squeezed Penelope's shoulder "Thanks, Baby Girl" he said.

Penelope looked up and gave him a sad smile "Anytime."

Derek let out a long sigh "Savanah..." he stumbled over his words as he muttered "she cheated on me."

Penelope gasped "What?" she couldn't imagine Savanah cheating on him, they were so perfect together and so in love. At least they had been the last time Penelope had seen them together.

Derek shook his head, "I just walked in on her with one of her co-workers, in our bed." He grunted.

"I'm so sorry Hot Stuff!" Penelope said, holding him closer.

"I just don't understand. We've been happy...happier than I've been in a long while."

"What did you do when you saw them together?" Penelope said.

"Well I was pissed, and Savanah was apologizing and I couldn't trust myself not to pound the bastard into a bloody mess, so I got outta there. I went to a bar to cool off and had a few drinks but then I couldn't go home and I found myself hailing a cab and giving him your address."

Penelope smoothed a comforting hand over his chest "well you're welcome here anytime. I'm so sorry that happened to you Derek, I cannot believe Savanah would do that to you."

Derek grunted a non-response.

"Why don't I go and make us a cup of tea and then you can stay for as long as you need to." Penelope said.

She began to pull away but Derek caught her good hand in his "Penelope wait," he said, pulling her back.

Penelope looked down at their hands and then back up at Derek confused.

"There's something I've wanted to do for a while, but there was never the right time and now...well now there's no reason not to."

Penelope shook her head, "What are you talking about Derek? You aren't making any sense."

Derek placed a hand behind Penelope's head and before she could understand what was going on, he was kissing her. She let out a surprised yelp that was swallowed up as his mouth devoured hers.

Penelope didn't stop him, her mind had gone blank as Derek's tongue entered her mouth.

The chemistry that had always been between them sizzled in the air and Penelope felt the ache in her core begin to reawaken. Her hands found the back of his neck and pulled him closer.

He expertly maneuvered them so that Penelope was the one pressed against the wall as he kissed down her neck and she moaned in delight.

Penelope could feel the burning desire coming to life and she wanted nothing more than to rip off all of Derek's clothes and let him ravish her all night.

The ache grew and grew and her desire throbbed, he pressed his thigh firmly against Penelope's sex and she let out a long moan. She opened her eyes, which had fallen shut and stared into Derek's heated eyes, and all of her senses seemed to come back to her as she saw the anger within them.

What was she doing? Derek was her rock, the person who kept her sane and she was just going to throw that all away like she had done with her other relationships because Derek was angry at Savanah and looking for comfort.

This was so wrong. She'd been down this path before, she couldn't let it happen again. She'd promised herself she never would. She had already hurt the other men on her team and this would only make things worse.

Penelope was breaking on the inside. She'd come so far over the last month and she'd just thrown it all away, the desire was back full force and breaking through it was torture.

She pushed Derek away as hard as she could and felt a twinge in her still healing hand.

Derek stared at her confused "Baby Girl?" He asked.

"Get out." Penelope said quietly.

"What...Penelope what's wrong?" Derek was confused, he took a step forward reaching out.

Penelope's anger had reached a boiling point, her life was falling apart in front of her eyes, how could she have been so stupid to think that she could just ignore her problems and everything would get better. Everything was so screwed up and there was no fixing it.

"GET OUT!" She screamed at Derek, pushing his hand away, "Get out, get out, get out!"

Derek was lost. He stared at Penelope in shock, she had never spoken to him like that before.

"Hey," he said gently "I'm sorry, I thought you were...I shouldn't have, I'm sorry I upset you. Let's have that tea you were talking about and chat."

Penelope wiped away furious tears that had started pouring down her face.

"Baby," Derek said reaching out again, and brushing his fingers against her arm, the touch was electric and Penelope jerked away. Derek frowned and his armed dropped.

"Derek," Penelope said, a hard edge to her voice "Get out of here, please."

Derek couldn't understand what he had done wrong. Penelope had reciprocated his advances, why had she suddenly changed her mind?

"Penelope," he tried again but stopped when he saw the look on her face harden. "Okay, okay I'm going." He turned and opened the door "I'm sorry for upsetting you." Then he walked out the door and Penelope closed it quickly behind him.

She leaned against the door and cried into her hands, her world had just crumbled around her and she knew things would never be the same.

"Get a hold of yourself," Penelope said out loud.

She pushed herself away from the door and instantly she knew what she had to do. It was something she should have done months ago.

She walked purposefully into her bedroom, opened her closet and pulled out her suitcase. She couldn't stay here and wait for her problems to fix themselves. She needed to take charge of her life.