This is a post 15x1 episode – so there's reference to what happened in the premiere as a warning to those of you who haven't seen it. Its not set anywhere in SVU time – just post 15x1.

As always none of them are mine, I just borrow them to play with. I have it in the M section for now because of language but later it will probably be for sexual content – don't quote me on that however because this is kind of a tricky one to write!

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Fingers in her hair she ran them through the soft locks towards the back of her head and down onto her neck. They stopped short on cool skin forgetting that her hair was shorter.

The cell phone records she was looking at still didn't make any sense. When she thought she saw her own phone number on the page she knew it was time for coffee.

She stood up and stretched, rotating her neck to work out the stiffness of the last hour of work.

There was no fresh coffee so she put a new filter in the machine and began to make a pot.

The smell permeated Amanda Rollins' nostrils as she walked into the squad room.

"Mmm. Something smells real good"

Olivia turned to see the blonde walking towards her desk; "Will be ready in two minutes"

"Detective Benson did anyone ever tell you you have perfect timing?"

"Every day. Especially the ones I catch in the middle of destroying evidence"

Amanda laughed as she slumped into her chair sighing loudly

"Long day detective?"

Amanda sighed again. "Nothing really. Just a flasher in the park. Freaked out two girls".

Olivia busied herself grabbing mugs for the coffee but they clattered together as her hands shook slightly.

"Shit, Liv, I…"

Olivia held her hand up "99.9 percent of the time Rollins they're just pervs not psychopaths"

"Yeah but…"

"Honestly Rollins, don't worry about it"

"K. I just… you know I didn't mean 'nothin' – I meant I wrote the bastard up, got the girls home safe and he's in front of a judge tomorrow for indecent exposure"

Olivia removed the coffee pot and poured coffee into two mugs.

Pulling her chair over to Rollins desk she put the two coffee cups down and waited until the blonde had stopped rambling. Giving her a small smile she pushed the second mug towards her.

"Amanda, it's okay. Lewis was the exception to the rule"

"That's awful polite. Me I'd go for something like fuckwit, scum of the earth, reckless, self righteous psychotic whack job"

Olivia gave a small smile "Thought a lot about that one didn't you?"
"Believe me that's me being polite. If there had been audio on the CCTV in here when you were…" Amanda started to play with the corner of a notebook on her desk unsure how to say it.

"It's okay Amanda you can say it, when I was abducted"
"When you were abducted" Amanda said hesitantly "if there'd been audio on those cameras" she pointed to the blinking red light in the corner "I'm pretty sure we'd all have lost our jobs over our conduct, specifically our language"

"I'm pretty sure you'd have been forgiven"

"Wouldn't have cared if we weren't once we found you" Amanda ducked her head for a second time.

She felt a hand on hers for a brief moment as Olivia squeezed her clenched fist on the desk making her relax her hand.

"I'm glad you didn't. There'd be a lot of people worse off in this city if you'd lost your shield. But I'm also dam glad you found me"

"We didn't have a choice, we couldn't not, there was never a moment where we thought we wouldn't"
"And that was part of what kept me fighting. I've never really spoken to you all about it because we see enough of it day to without having to think about one of our own going through it. But when I was…" Olivia shivered slightly and Amanda reciprocated the hand squeeze from earlier but this time she didn't remove her hand.

"You don't have to"
"No it's okay. I've talked through it a few times now. I can put the words together. I just find it hard to relate them to me still. I'm working on it"

"Shrink speak if ever I heard it" Amanda smiled as she ran her thumb over the back of Olivia's knuckles and waited for her to continue.

"When I wasn't out of it on the drugs and drink, when I wasn't thinking about how I might escape I was thinking about how you guys would find me. I knew you would, I just didn't know if it'd be too late"

They were quiet for a few moments, as the enormity of what Olivia had just said sunk in.

When Amanda cleared her throat to speak it was slightly shaky;

"We didn't think like that. We couldn't. The only time it crossed my mind was when I tried to sleep for a half hour. And even then it was fleeting. We were gona find you Liv"

The quaver in her voice hadn't gone unnoticed and Olivia moved so she could stand and gave the blonde's shoulder a squeeze.

"And you did" She saw a tear fall from cloudy blue eyes as she left her hand on the other detectives shoulder for a moment.

Amanda tried to brush it off and gather herself. She knew Olivia had seen it but she glossed over it. The only time she cried about it was when she was alone in the dark with a glass of scotch.

"So what are you working on?" she asked nodding towards the pile of files on Olivia's desk.

"Rapist in the Bronx. Guy used a lot of burner phones but he seems to have one personal mobile and he may not have had it switched off when he attacked so we might be able to get GPS to locate him at the time of the attacks. I'm checking calls he made. Seems he liked to make heavy breathing calls to random women, just checking them off and trying to find a link between them".

"Want a hand" Amanda held her hand out for Olivia to pass her some files.

"No it's fine Rollins, I got it"

"Oh I know you got it, I just don't wanna go home"

Olivia quirked her head to the left, not needing to ask a question given the gesture but she did anyway "What's up?"
"Nothin really, just feelin a bit claustrophobic"

Olivia nodded knowing exactly what the blonde was talking about. Handing her a few files she told her she could help on the condition that she leave if she got tired.

Amanda smiled that 'yeah right' smile she used to tell her colleagues thanks for the concern but she was fine.

Settling the files in front of her she booted her computer up and took a highlighter from her drawer.

1 hour later

Almost simultaneously loud frustrated sighs echoed in the bullpen. Simultaneous laughs followed as the blonde and brunette looked at each other.

"This guy sure liked his sex chat lines"

"Yeah sure did. Why can't they just go out to bars and get rejected by ten women like everyone else?"

"Dignity"

"Yeah cause jerking off to some anonymous voice is so dignified"

Amanda shuddered. That was a mental image she did not need!

"More coffee?"

Olivia looked at the clock and realised it was twenty past two in the morning.

"I think I'll call it a night"

"Okay. I'll walk out with you. You need a ride?" Amanda was trying not to sound overprotective but they were all still all on high alert.

Olivia stood and rubbed the back of her neck with her fingers.

"Ah no, you go on ahead I'm just gona shut things off and hit the lights"

Amanda sensed the hesitance in Olivia's voice but she didn't want to intrude.

"Ok, I'll see ya tomorrow"

"Night Amanda"
"Night Liv"

As she left Amanda hesitated. Her instincts were normally correct and she trusted them. Hanging back she waited in the hallway, figuring she'd tell Olivia she got a phone call when she saw her leave. But after ten minutes Olivia hadn't left.

Amanda walked back towards the bullpen and looked through the glass towards Olivia's desk. There was a gym bag on the desk and Olivia was pulling sweat pants from it.

"Kinda late for the gym" Olivia jumped at the sound of Amanda's voice.

"Jesus Rollins you scared the life out of me"

Amanda regretted almost immediately sneaking up on the detective. She could see her breathing was rapid and she'd placed her hands on the desk to steady herself. She was at the taller woman's side in a moment. She was unsure what to do but she needed to reassure herself and Olivia that it was okay. She put her hand over one of the ones Olivia had resting on her desk.

"I'm sorry Liv"

Olivia shook her head "It's okay, I'm sorry Rollins. I'm just still a little jumpy"

"Understandable. What's with the gym clothes?"

"Umm, I just…" Olivia clearly didn't have an answer and Amanda wasn't leaving until she got one. As she waited for a response she saw a second bag sitting under an abandoned side table in the corner.

"Liv, you better not be sleeping here or I swear to God I'm gona kill Cassidy". The anger in her tone and the feeling in the pit of her stomach frightened her.

"It's not what it looks like Amanda"

"It is if your stuff is here and you're about to go sleep in the cribs for the night".

Olivia began to play with the string tie on the front of the sweatpants in her hands.

"I'm gona put him in a chokehold so tight he's going to be eating through a straw for months"

Olivia held her hand up "Rollins, whoa, whoa. Slow down. I moved out"

"But he let you"

"He didn't let me Amanda, I'm a big girl, I did it myself". There was a bite in her tone that shook the fog of anger from Amanda's mind.

"Sorry, Liv. I didn't mean… I just meant… what the hell?"

"That wasn't a sentence Rollins" Olivia moved her hand and Amanda felt like reaching straight back out to take it again.

"You moved out?"
Olivia nodded. "It's not his fault"

Amanda couldn't talk about Cassidy at that moment, she was too angry.

"How long have you been sleeping here?"
"Just a couple of nights"

"A couple?"
"Four"

"That is not a couple"

"I'm fine Rollins. I don't need babysitting."

"Never said you did. And I'm no babysitter. Trust me. Babysitting my sister turned me off it for life. But I ain't leaving you here for the night"

"Amanda…"

Amanda cut across Olivia before she could argue back "Not happenin' Liv. Gather up your stuff. You're staying with me"

"I'll go to a hotel"

"Nu-uh. Come on"

Olivia put the sweatpants back in the bag and tried to decide what to do. Her back was sore from sleeping in the cribs and she was sick of having to shower with cold water every morning.

"It'll just be for a night or two"

Amanda smiled as Olivia's shoulders visibly relaxed. She reached a hand out to pick up the bag off the desk. "You can carry the other one yourself, I'm not that helpful". The blonde gave her a wink and Olivia laughed as she reached for the other bag.

Walking towards the elevator Amanda turned back to look back at the trailing Detective. "I'm still gona kill him".

"Rollins" There was an edge to her voice that warned Amanda off going there again. But she wasn't leaving it at that. She'd get it out of her.

"Okay, okay! Trucks parked round back. You eaten?"

"It's half 2 in the morning"

"Hey, when I'm hungry, I'm hungry!"

Olivia's tummy grumbled as if it was telling tales on her.

"You sound hungry to me Benson"

"I ate an apple at..." Olivia tried to add up the hours in her head

"When you have to think about it for that long you're hungry"

"Yeah you're right. I'll ring and order Chinese from a take-out place a few blocks over if you can stop on the way?"

"Course"

Both women made their way to the car park in companionable silence putting Olivia's bags in the back of the truck when they reached it.

Closing the doors on the cool air of the night Amanda instructed her new roommate to "lead the way" and they left the prescient, both feeling glad for the first time in quite a while that they were leaving work.

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The argument over the bed versus sofa was sorted quickly when Amanda threatened to go back and sleep in the prescient if Olivia didn't take the bed. She reassured her that she'd spent more than her fair share of nights sleeping on her sofa anyway and was actually more comfortable than the bed.

Olivia put her bags in Amanda's bedroom and was enticed back into the kitchen by the smell of the food Amanda was putting on plates.

"Mmm. There was no need for plates. I eat out of the cartons more often than not"

"Yeah I was trying to appear civilised but now you've seen the state of my bedroom it's kinda a pointless endeavour"

"Trust me once you've lived with Cassidy you don't notice mess"

Amanda remained quiet. She didn't want to push the Cassidy issue again so soon but the matter was far from closed.

Handing Olivia her plate piled high with noodles and shredded chicken they made their way to the small dining table.

They ate in relative silence glancing at the rain outside every once in a while.

"You on call tonight?"
"For my sins. Got some leave coming up though. Was thinking about sleeping for a week"
"You don't look that rough, few days should do it" Olivia gave her a sly wink.

"Detective Benson your sense of humour needs some work"

"Sorry, 14 years in a testosterone filled environment does that to you"

"True"

After they'd finished they made an attempt at washing the plates but tiredness was against them.

Olivia gave a small yawn as they stood at the sink but tried to cover it with her hand. It didn't escape Amanda's notice though.

"Come on sleeping beauty, bed time"

Olivia nodded "You want first dibs on the bathroom?"
"Naw you go"

"I'll call when I'm done"

"Thanks" Amanda was suddenly feeling the tiredness of the day hit her. She was glad her guest was ready to sleep.

Sitting down on the sofa she bent over to remove her boots putting a hand to her hip and massaging it as it protested at the strain in the movement. Maybe all those night sleeping on the sofa had done some damage after all. She threw her blazer on the table and removed her socks and shirt leaving her in a baby blue vest top and black jeans.

She lay down putting her head under her hand and closed her eyes listening out for Olivia.

When Olivia emerged five minutes later and didn't get a response from the living room when she called Amanda's name she walked in and saw the blonde passed out on the sofa.

She took the throw off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around the small woman, tucking it in to make sure she was warm. The urge to place a kiss on soft skin was overwhelming. She leaned in and placed her lips against Amanda's temple. The little moan that escaped the blonde's lips caused Olivia to jump but Amanda's eyes stayed closed.

Heart still beating fast, Olivia backed away, almost falling over the coffee table as she made her way to the bedroom.

She climbed under the comforter and rested her head on a soft pillow that smelled faintly of Amanda. Putting her index finger to her lips she shook her head slowly. The little voice in her head was telling her not to go there. She'd spent 12 years lusting after a partner she couldn't have. And then when she finally did get into a meaningful relationship it all went wrong. Now was not the time to be fantasising about a co-worker; never mind a co-worker who was asleep in the next room. But Olivia couldn't help it. As she tried to settle down to sleep her mind was filled with images of moving that kiss from her temple down along pale soft skin, to the blonde's neck, onto her collarbone. She drifted off imagining what it would be like to fall asleep wrapped in Amanda's arms.

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Amanda instinctively reached for her gun when she heard the screaming. Reaching in onto the shelf under the coffee table she gripped it in her hand, stood up and moved towards the back of the apartment. She was at the door of the bedroom in seconds. Even though they were four floors up, her front door was still in tact and they weren't near a fire escape Amanda knew from the job that nothing was impossible. However when she opened the door and scoped the room gun held forward she saw nothing but the faint glow from the street light outside reflecting on the woman sitting bolt upright in her bed.

She dropped the gun to her side and approached the bed unsure of what to do. She wasn't sure if Olivia was awake or dreaming. When she saw her turn to look in her direction and her eyes followed her as she sat down on the bed beside her she knew she was awake.

Placing the gun on the beside locker she switched on the lamp with one hand and used her other hand to rest on Olivia's which were clasped together in front of her shaking.

"Nightmare?"

Olivia managed a small nod as tears fell.

"I woke… I woke up and… I woke…"

Amanda needed to comfort her, had to comfort her. Standing slightly she moved forward on the bed so she was sitting at Olivia's hip. Pulling her into an embrace she smoothed her hand over her hair and whispered quiet words into her ear.

"It's okay Liv, it's okay"
When Olivia pulled away she was slightly more composed but her hands were still shaking.

"I didn't know where I was when I woke up. Sorry I just got scared"

"There's nothing to be sorry for Liv. It happens"

"Not normally with all the screaming though". Olivia bowed her head ashamed that she'd been caught and ashamed that she was so afraid.
Amanda pulled her back against her for another moment as she whispered softly again

"It's completely normal when you've been through all you've been through honey, completely normal"

She pulled away and looked Olivia in the eye "In fact I'm amazed you're not sleeping with your gun in your hand and a light on; or sleeping at all really"

Amanda wasn't sure what to do. She wanted to leave Olivia to get back to sleep because she knew she was embarrassed from the colouring of her cheeks. But she also didn't want her to be alone. Her mind made up she decided asking wasn't an option, she knew Olivia better.

"Shove over. That living room is freezing and I had no pyjama's to sleep in. Hope you don't mind the company" It wasn't really a question.

Olivia was moving over in the bed as Amanda spoke, relief overtaking the apprehension as her heart rate began to slow down. She hadn't had many nightmares but when she had she hadn't wanted Brian to see her. She'd insisted on going to sleep on the sofa or she had gotten up and went to the gym or work for a few hours. Right now she couldn't imagine not wanting company.

Amanda pulled the comforter over both of them as she lay down making sure they each had enough.

She reached out and switched off the lamp then turned on her side so she was facing Olivia. The tears had dried up but as Amanda reached out her hand to take one of Olivia's she noticed she was still shaking slightly.

Moving closer the blonde put her hand on Olivia's hip and felt the other woman do the same. Olivia moved closer so that their bodies were almost touching. Amanda slipped her other arm under the brunette locks resting on the pillow and Olivia moved slightly so Amanda could rest the arm around her on her shoulder.

She was as close to holding her as could be without being intimate. Amanda wanted to gather her into her arms and not let go. Olivia wanted the same. Right now the closeness and tenderness of this was enough to lull Olivia into a feeling of security. She closed her eyes first and Amanda watched until she was sure she was sound asleep before closing her eyes. Her arm would be dead in the morning but she didn't care once Olivia was safe. She realised she didn't care about much else except Olivia's safety right now. Sleepiness tempered her minds tendency to start worrying about this and she slept quite peacefully putting it down to knowing the detective they'd lost days sleep searching for not long back was safe in her arms. The fact that she felt so good there was something that they could deal with tomorrow.

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