Disclaimer : I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters.

Author's note :

1)NOT A DEATH!FIC (but contains blood,violence and suicidal behavour)

2)NO SLASH OF ANY KIND

3)I really hope you enjoy this story!Please once you finish reading tell me what you think!Your opinion always matters!

Months had passed since Dean stopped his little brother from completing the trials. Months since Sam was lying in a hospital bed, literally knocking on Death's Door. Months since the older Winchester gave permission to an Angel to possess the younger one and start healing him from the inside, repairing the massive damage his body suffered. During this span of time, the brothers had gone back to their original strong bond: blind trust, constantly having each other's back, hunting together and studying at the Men of Letters bunker or just enjoying being in each other's company. Sam was feeling more alive than ever, having realized he had finally found his place in life and that was next to Dean, fighting evil and carrying on the legacy bestowed upon them by their grandfather, Henry Winchester. But not everything was as ideal as it seemed. Not for Dean, at least. He was being tormented on a daily basis by the secret he was harboring, the true reason why his brother was still among the land of the living. He hated he had to pretend to Sam that nothing was wrong. He hated that he had to push Cas away. And above all, he hated himself. He had wished a million times to go back, take on the demon trials and close the Gates of Hell forever. He didn't care about dying. Because if his death meant that all the demons would vanish off the face of the earth and his brother was alive and safe, then he was all for that. But it was too late to turn anything around. Plus, Dean had made Sam a promise in that church, the night the Angels fell; they would march on together, never putting anything or anyone else in front of each other. He intended to keep that promise and so did Sam. Letting Ezekiel inside Sam was only way, the only chance to show his little brother how much there still was to fight for. He knew it was not gonna be pretty when he would find out the truth but he was ok with Sam hating him as long as he was healed completely and out of the danger of dying. Dean just hoped Sam would understand why he did what he did.

There were times when Sam looked at Dean as if he knew there was something off. He was no fool. He lived with Dean 24/7 and he could read him like an open book. Dean's heavy sighs, his troubled face expression when he was lost in deep thoughts, his edgy reaction whenever Sam would bring up Cas or the Angels. There was also the fact that they often got out of really tough situations relatively unscathed. He tried various times to touch the subject but Dean always found a way to shrug him off and Sam didn't want to push it. Of course, his mind couldn't even get close to the real truth. How could it? This had never happened to anyone before. Even for them it was impossible to comprehend.

Ezekiel worked on Sam thoroughly for quite a lot of time. He had made a very good progress and finally told Dean that he had almost finished with his job. Soon, he would be leaving Sam's body and everything would go back to normal. Dean put his trust in the Angel and for the first time in what seemed like forever he was not double crossed. He had decided that since the Angel was going away shortly, he would talk to Sam about everything after his departure. He had begun to feel relief, the burden slowly being lifted off his shoulders. That is until everything went straight to Hell.

It was just another hunt, pretty much run of the mill. Or so it seemed at first. They were after a demon nest in South Dakota. Crowley had given them information on the demons and how to find them. He hadn't done it out of the goodness of his heart, of course. These demons were far from minions of his. He knew that the first chance they had to betray him they would take it and now with Abaddon holding the reigns, it was high likely that they had joined her side. Kevin had stayed back at bunker, still trying to decipher the Angel tablet and find a way to reverse Metatron's spell. Cas had settled down somewhere in a small town, working a job in a Gas n Food station, considerably safe from Bartholomew's threats. Sam and Dean found the demons' hideout rather easily thanks to Crowley's tips. It was an abandoned diner, located in a pretty isolated area. They had left the Impala a few miles back so the demons wouldn't see them coming and they walked the distance. It was almost midnight. As they came closer they turned off their flashlights and readied their weapons. They hid behind some bushes to take a good picture of the place. Sam took out a pair of binoculars and scanned the windows and doors carefully, one by one.

"Ok. One is standing right outside of the eastern door. Three of them are sitting inside, drinking or whatever and the last I can't see very clearly because she has her back turned but she's doing something alone behind the bar."

"Alright, let's get rid of the one who's here outside, first. We make some noise to make him come our way then hide behind the dumpster" Dean explained to his brother. Sam nodded and they started shaking the branches in the bushes to attract the demon's attention. It worked. The demon's head turned towards their direction, his eyes turning black and face scowling. In a matter of seconds he was in front of the bushes the brothers were waiting earlier and he saw a piece of paper on the ground. He picked it up and read "BEHIND YOU". The male demon turned around in frustration, gritting his teeth and saw Dean waving at him.

"Hello!" Dean scoffed. As the demon made a step to attack Dean, Sam showed up behind him and stabbed him with the demon killing knife.

"And goodbye" he added, finished his brother's greeting.

Dean watched as the demon's vessel lit up in an orange light and fell on the ground with a thud. Then he glanced at Sam and they exchanged pleased looks. Sam checked agaie the inside of the diner and seeing that nothing had changed, he pointed his finger towards the back door to show Dean where they should enter the place from.

"You sure? Dean asked and Sam nodded in response.

"Ok, we go in and we raise a little hell, shall we?" Sam gave Dean an approving look and they moved towards the door. Luckily, it was unlocked and they got in quickly and as silently as they could. The door led them to a small room which, from the looks of it, was probably private for the staff when the place was still open. There were a few boxes set on a table and since their plan was the same as before – lure the demons to where they were – they threw them on the floor to make some noise. They heard the demons from the other side becoming alarmed and hurried to hide : Sam behind the door leading to the kitchen and Dean inside a surprisingly large locker, the staff presumably used to keep their clothes or other of their belongings.

"Someone's here!" one of the three male demons yelled. The female one who Sam couldn't see clearly earlier remained pretty calm and ordered two of them to go check what was happening.

"You two go and see what's going on. Kill anything that moves." The two demons looked at her hesitantly but when she glared at them they did as told. She was obviously in charge.

"You, with me. We have an important call to make" she announced to the remaining male demon in the room who slowly made his way to her, fear written all over his face.

Sam and Dean were ready. The two demons checked the kitchen and the only place they had yet to look was the one the Winchesters were waiting at. They opened the door and walked in; suddenly the door closed behind them and Sam threw himself on one of the demons while Dean emerged from the locker and charged the other one. Punches were thrown left and right, too many to count. Dean's Angel Blade dropped from his hand since he was too busy struggling to get free from the demon's hold who was trying to choke him. Sam was pinned on the floor, using all of his strength to get the demon he was fighting with off of him. For a second, he took his eyes away from him and turned to Dean, noting that his brother was in real trouble. He seemed like he couldn't breathe anymore, the demons hands around his neck preventing the precious oxygen reaching his lungs and he was nearing unconsciousness.

"Dean! No! "Sam hollered. Watching his brother losing the fight, he somehow managed to channel all his energy, kick the demon on top off him away, stand up and before he could make another move on him, Sam stabbed him in the heart. The painful sound of Dean trying to take a breath caused Sam to turn around and he was welcomed by the other demon's fist that was now focused on taking him out. The force with which the demon hit him, sent Sam crashing on the table behind him which due to its old age broke entirely and Sam ended up in a really awkward position on top of the wooden debris. He shook his head trying to clear the black dots that appeared before his eyes but not in time; the demon grabbed him by the collar of his jacket, lifted him and shoved him against wall. He prepared himself for the impending punch but it never came. Dean had managed to get it together, find the Angel Blade and embed it in the demon's back. Sam stared at Dean who was still trying to catch his breath.

"Thanks!" Sam said panting.

"Me too" Dean told his brother, his voice a bit low and raspy due to the strangulation attempt he endured.

"Yeah, Sammy. I'll live. Let's go. Three down, two to go. Let's finish this and get out of this joint"

"Couldn't agree with you more"

It seemed they had the situation under control. But when they reached the dining area, a surprise was waiting for them. Definitely not a pleasant one.

"Hello, boys!"

Abaddon. The rest of the demons had summoned the new Queen of Hell to join the party. And boy did she want to have her fun with the brothers.

The blood stopped cold in Sam and Dean. They froze in their places and realized they were screwed.

"Oh no … " Dean whispered to himself and glanced at Sam worried but Sam's eyes were fixed on the red-haired demon and his mind was running 1000 miles per second, searching for a way out of this mess.

"Look who's finally landed on my lap! Is it my birthday?"

"Bitches like you have birthdays too? Well, in this case, I'd be happy to blow you a candle. Along with your brains that is" Dean barked.

"How rude to address a lady like that!" Abaddon said, playing offended.

"We don't see a lady anywhere" Sam spat at her.

"And here I thought we had respect for each other. So, here to bow before the Queen, are we?" Abaddon quipped.

"Yeah, no. We'd rather die." Dean said disgusted.

"I suppose you will. You're precious little brother at least. You, on the other hand, I have plans for. Sam's eyes turned from Abaddon to Dean. He felt terrified. Not because of the threat against his life but because of what Abaddon had just said. What plans could she have for Dean? What did she want to do to him? Sam would be damned if he sat by and let the Knight of Hell lay her hands on his big brother.

"Not gonna happen. The only one who's gonna die today is you and these lowlife demons you surround yourself with" Sam spoke grimly. In reality he didn't know how they would manage to kill her. Last they checked she could only be killed by an Archangel and they were a bit out of those at that moment: half of them dead and the others locked in Lucifer's cage.

"Sexy. And how do you plan on doing that, you brave little soldiers? With that toothpick of yours? You tried it once and failed miserably."

Dean's grip on his Angel Blade became even tighter and Abaddon looked at him, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh, with that thing? Shiny. Give me your best shot baby. Can you come close to even use it or is your Angel friend gonna pop up and save the day again?"

Dean froze. Abaddon was gonna let the cat out of the bag and Sam would learn the truth in the most horrible way. Sam glanced at Dean not understanding what the demon was referring to and turned around to face Abaddon.

"What the hell are you talking about? What Angel?" he asked confused.

"Don't play dumb with me, Winchester. You know damn well what I'm saying, you were there. Last time we met, your Angel buddy killed 3 of my demons." Abaddon accused.

"Dean what is she talking about?" Sam's eyes were locked on Dean waiting for answers. Dean could even feel them on him but he found it really difficult to look his brother in the eye. He lowered his head and stared at the tiled floor.

Sam was starting to lose his temper.

"Dean!NOW!"

Abaddon eyed them for a few seconds, not getting what was going on at first but when she put puzzle pieces together she started laughing hysterically.

"Oh my! I have to say, I didn't see that coming! I've known for a while now you Winchesters are insane but this is a whole new level of crazy!"

Dean took his eyes from the floor and glared at her.

"Shut up. SHUT. UP. Or I swear to God I'm gonna-"

"You what, Dean? What are you and your God gonna do? Or should I say you and your feathery friend who's gotten comfy inside your darling little Sammy?"

Sam was left dumbfounded. He must have heard wrong. There's not other explanation. There was no way an Angel was in him. Angels need your consent, right? He hadn't given his consent to anyone. Abaddon was playing tricks on him. But why did Dean appear so guilty? Why wasn't he laughing at her terrible lies? Why wasn't he denying it all? He felt lightheaded for a moment almost lost his balance but his anger kept him upright. How could Dean lie to him about something like that? Sam stared at Dean with an expression that hurt Dean to his core: he looked betrayed, heartbroken and appalled at the same time. Suddenly, he lost it. He walked up at Dean, grabbed him from the shoulders and pushed him against the wall. Dean let out a gasp, the air forced out of him from the force that Sam had shoved him. Abaddon sat at the edge of a table and watched them seeming rather entertained.

"Tell me she's lying! Tell me this is just a sick joke! Dean, speak!" Sam demanded.

Dean stared at Sam's hands which were holding him still but made no move to brush them off. In the end, he found the courage to look him in the eye. His little brother's eyes had started to water and his face was red from rage.

"Sam … I-I had to, I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you and I couldn't let you die!" Dean admitted with a trembling voice.

Sam was officially freaked out. His expression spoke of horror. He didn't blink and he felt like the air had been drawn entirely out of the room. He let go of Dean and took a few steps back, trying to process the huge revelation.

"Sam, Sammy, just-" Dean started to say but was interrupted by Abaddon.

"Enough with your drama act. I can't deny it's been fun watching you break down in front of me like kicked puppies but I've got better business to do. Now, how about a little massacre?

And with that she raised her hand sending Dean flying in mid-air, crashing through the diner's glass partition and landing outside on the ground; he was knocked out cold. Then she turned her attention on Sam who still seemed very much bewildered.

"You, handsome, you're gonna get it a little worse. See, I am not as interested in you as I am in your brother. No hard feelings! Bummer, you didn't get to say goodbye to him. "When she tried to use her power though, it didn't seem to affect him at all. Sam hadn't even flinched in the last couple of moments. It was as if he was not there completely but somewhere lost in the corners of his mind. She tried again and again using both her hands but nothing would work on him. She was starting to get really annoyed when Sam finally snapped out of it and looked at her.

"Leave" he said very seriously and matter of factly in a deep voice.

"What?" Abaddon asked, boiling with anger but also scared. If her powers didn't work on Sam she had to haul ass immediately.

"You heard me" he repeated himself. "LEAVE NOW or I'm gonna make you"

"Is it Sam I'm talking with or the Angel perching on his shoulder?" she queried wearing her evil smile but not hiding her stress.

"Oh, it's Sam alright. I've taken control of the devil, you bitch. Don't you think I can handle one ordinary Angel?" He was outright exasperated now and when he started walking towards her, she retreated and before disappearing she assured:

"This isn't over"

Abaddon's followers were left behind and with Sam so determined they were wasted within two minutes. When Sam finished with them, he wiped Ruby's knife off the blood, picked up the Angel Blade that Dean had dropped earlier and walked outside.

Closing the door behind him, he put the knife in the pocket of his jacket and dropped his arms at his sides, still holding the Angel Blade in one hand. He didn't even look around to see that Dean had started to come to. He just stared straight, mostly at nothing in particular. His expression was totally blank. After getting to his feet, Dean groaned. He had earned a couple of broken ribs from earlier when he went through the glass partition. Concussion was a given too. He grimaced in pain but he didn't stop to think about it. Instead, he made his way to Sam whose picture scared him terribly. He stood in front of him but didn't dare to speak. A long moment of awkward and tensed silence passed. Dean never took his eyes off Sam while Sam was lost at the nothingness he was staring at. Finally, he was the one who broke the silence.

"I remember. Everything. It all makes sense now. How one moment I feel myself dying and the next I'm alive and kicking. As if the trials never took their toll on me. How you claimed that I just slept it off. How you took out three demons just because you're "awesome". How you knew the Angels were organizing against Cas or how he came back to life. Why you happened to call for a "Zeke" but said I was just imagining things."

"Sam, let me-" Dean tried to stop him but Sam raised his voice so much that he was practically yelling.

Why that cannibal freak asked me what I was and when I woke up I was covered in my own blood with no visible wounds. You've been lying to me non-stop since day one! How could I have been so stupid? You were throwing at me all those ridiculous excuses and I still believed in you. I TRUSTED YOU, YOU DAMN LIAR! Because after everything that happened, after agreeing no more lies between us, I thought we were in this together, I thought it was you and me against the world!" At this point Sam was out of breath and his heart was beating so fast that he thought he was going to explode. He could no longer stop the hot tears streaming down his already burning face.

"No, Sam, NO! It's not like that! If you say you know everything then you know that agreeing to this was my last option. I would have never given the green light if there was another way. But there wasn't. You were in a coma. You were almost dead, Sammy! What should I have done?"

"Let me go! What's dead should stay DEAD!"

"And I'm inclined to ignore this rule when it comes to you. Sam, you said yes to life. You said yes to me!"

"No, I thought I did. You tricked me in the worst way possible! Because I didn't say yes to you, I said yes to HIM and I would have never gone on with it had I known. How many times is my body going to be used by someone else? Huh? How many times do I have to be someone's puppet? Right now, I want to peel my skin off!"

"Sam, please! You have to understand! I couldn't let you die. I had to lie to you and I am more sorry than you could ever imagine but if I had told you the truth and you ejected him you wouldn't have lasted a day. You've no idea how hard these past months have been on me. I was climbing walls, I could tell no one. You think I enjoyed hiding this from you? I hated every second of it. But I sucked it up and I did it for YOU! I did it because of you and because it IS you and me against the world. I couldn't face it without you."

"Oh, really? Because as far as I can see it's not you and me against the world. It's you me and EZEKIEL."

"No, you're wrong Sam. He's leaving soon and you'll be back to your 100 %. And even if you don't want to see it, he's done good. You've done good together. Cas and Charlie would be dead otherwise and probably so would I if Abaddon wasn't scared off by him!"

Sam's eyes were spitting fire. So many emotions going through him, He stared at Dean, his jaw and fists clenched tight. He took a deep breath and looked down at his feet. Dean was observing him, afraid of what his next words would be. He didn't have a good feeling about this. Unfortunately, his instincts would be proven right. Sam's expression softened a little but he remained serious.

"This can't go on. It won't go on. I won't allow it. He's ." Sam declared.

Dean got petrified. Sam was going to eject the Angel. The healing was almost complete but Ezekiel had said there was still some work to be done.

"Sam, no! Don't do this please! Have a little patience! The healing hasn't been completed yet! We don't know what will happen if he leaves your body now!" Dean begged but Sam was quiet. He didn't even look angry anymore.

"This ends tonight." Sam said looking straight at Dean who was worried to death about the determination in Sam's voice.

"Sam … don't …!"

"Get out. Get out NOW!" Suddenly, a wave of pain rushed through his head as if he had been electrocuted and his ears started ringing like someone was playing drums right next to them. He put his hands on the back of his head and shut his eyes trying to fight against the excruciating feeling.

"Aaaaahhh! Oh God! Aaaaahhh!" Sam screamed.

"Sam! Sammy! Noooo! Zeke! Don't leave him, please!"

Sam's legs gave away and he found himself kneeling on the ground. When he opened his eyes, they were flickering in blue light, going on and off as if someone was turning a switch.

"Aaaahhh! He … won't … leave! Why won't you leave?" Sam stuttered, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Sam, please, let it go! Don't fight him!" Dean pled.

Sam, though, couldn't register Dean's words anymore. He was talking with Ezekiel in his mind, ordering him to leave his body but Ezekiel was trying to convince him to stay. Dean, of course, could hear only one side of the conversation.

"No! I don't care if it's complete or not! Just go or I'll have to make you!"

Make him? What was Sam saying? That's when Dean noticed the Angel Blade next to Sam. He realized with horror what Sam was thinking. But before he was able to take it away from him, Sam grabbed it and hastily got on his feet.

"Fine. You give me no other choice then!" Sam stated and turned the Angel Blade against himself.

"Sam! Noooo!" Dean cried out when he saw Sam drive the blade against his abdomen. Blinding light, pierced through the night's blackness making Dean cover his eyes to protect them. Then, there was a sound of something dropping. Not something. Someone. Sam dropped on the ground, a pool of blood starting to form around him, the Angel blade still in his hand. Ezekiel's wings had marked the terrain, burning the grass and leaving nothing but ashes behind. When Dean opened his eyes, the sight before him made him want to be sick.

"SAAAAAAM!" he yelled, running towards his fallen brother. He kneeled down beside him, putting his left hand on Sam's cheek and his right on his forehead.

"Sammy, please! Why did you do this to yourself? Oh, God, NO! Sam, wake up!"

Dean kept calling his brother's name frantically, patting his cheeks and stroking his hair but Sam didn't respond. Dean placed two of his fingers on Sam's neck, searching for a pulse but fearing for the worst.

"Come on, come on!" Dean said whimpering. His tears were blurring his vision and he used his free hand to wipe them away. And then he felt it. A tiny movement under his fingers. A pulse so weak, it normally couldn't sustain a small bird but it was there and Dean would take anything at that moment.

"Thank God! Dean said letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He immediately took his jacket off and pressed it against Sam's wound. He was bleeding immensely but this could at least slow it down a bit.

"Sammy, stay with me. You're gonna be ok. I'm gonna take care of you. That's my job, it's always been and it always will be. Just hold on, ok? I know you can little brother!"

Dean had to get Sam to a hospital ASAP. They needed to be there yesterday. But the Impala was parked too far from the diner. He couldn't carry him all the way there and there was no way in hell he'd leave him alone. Fortunately, there were a couple of cars near them and he figured since the demons were dead and no one else was around he'd take one of those. He carefully half-carried, half dragged Sam towards one of the cars. He was thankful the doors were unlocked. With much caution, trying not to cause any more damage to his injured brother, he lay Sam across the backseat and once again checked for his pulse. It was barely there, but still there. Sam was so pale and so cold that if not for the weak pulse, someone would have thought he was already gone. He had lost so much blood and Dean knew if he didn't get Sam help, he wouldn't last much longer. He rushed to the driver's seat and within seconds he got the engine running, being well schooled in stealing cars. The hospital was twenty minutes away but to Dean they seemed like twenty centuries. He broke all the speed limits, daring anyone to come after him asking for reasons. His attention was often turned from the road to the backseat where Sam was lying motionless, his chest barely rising.

"We're almost there, Sammy. Almost there! You keep breathing!" Dean begged desperately. When the hospital finally came into sight, Dean pulled the car in the ambulance parking area and he was out before the engine had even stopped.

"HELP! I need help! My brother is dying!" Dean screamed at the top of his lungs. Mere seconds later members of the hospital staff approached him carrying a gurney. Dean had already gotten Sam out of the car and held him in his arms, having kneeled down on the hard concrete. He was clutching Sam's hand so firmly that they had to pry it off when they picked the younger Winchester up and placed him on the gurney. Dean followed them as they wheeled Sam inside but they wouldn't let him go any further after a point.

"But he's my brother! I need to be with him!" Dean shouted his voice breaking as he saw the ER doors closing and Sam disappearing behind them.

"Sir, we're gonna do everything we can for him but you have to-" a middle-aged doctor went on to say when someone was heard from the other end of the corridor saying "His heart stopped! We're losing him!"

Dean's world came crashing down before him. The doctor run to join the others and the older Winchester was left alone in the centre of the white painted hospital corridor not wanting to believe his brother was gone. He kept staring at the ER doors, silent tears making their way down his cheeks. He looked at his hands. They were covered in blood. Sam's blood. He started shaking and his knees threatened to buckle. He would have fallen on the floor if a nurse didn't notice in time how much he was leaning forward and didn't rush to hold him upright. He didn't even become aware of being led to a seat.

"Sir, Sir! Are you alright? Can you hear me?" the nurse asked him but Dean couldn't answer. The only thing that was going through his mind was Sam. He felt completely numb, like his soul was ripped out of him and he was left with a huge hole inside. The sole word that came out of his mouth before he blacked out was his brother's name "Sam … "and then he knew no more.

TBC

What did y'all think? Would you like me to go on? I have already written parts of the next chapter.I intend to make this into 2 or 3 parts at the your review if you can!I really appreciate the feedback :)