So, I've been wanting to write something for Free! for a while, and while normally I'm a huge RinxHaru fan, I couldn't get over the cute fluffy potential of episode 6 when Haru and Makoto are stuck in that cave, and this story takes place as if Nagisa hadn't come along and found them, thus ruining the moment. I'm thinking of making this into a series, maybe even throwing in a love triangle with Rin because I love him even though he can be a big meanie. Hope you guys enjoy, I worked really hard on this.
I want to swim with you again, Haru…it's meaningless if you're not there…
These are the words flowing from Makoto's mouth, soft yet full of emotion as he looks into the very depths of Haru's soul with those jade colored eyes, and Haru is flooded with feelings. Unfamiliar feelings, scary feelings, foreign and intimidating that swirl around in his mind like a turbulent whirlpool. He knows the cause of the fear hidden behind those beautiful eyes, he knows and he hates that he is powerless to do anything about it.
Nothing he can do or say can make Makoto no longer be afraid of the ocean. Strong, steady, unyielding Makoto, who is always there for him, his foundation, his rock; that very same Makoto is genuinely afraid, and that makes Haru afraid, because his best friend is not supposed to show this kind of weakness. The tall brunette is supposed to calm his fears, he is supposed to reassure Haru in times of self-doubt. The raven haired teen always feels awkward when he isn't in the water, swimming free; he understands very little of the world outside of the pool, because he simply doesn't feel the need to, until now.
Perhaps that's why he finds himself completely frozen when Makoto gives him that pleading look, one that says I need you as their eyes meet, green and blue gazing into one another. He can feel his heart beat faster, the way it does when he's swimming freestyle; he feels his mouth go dry despite the warm, humid atmosphere of the tiny alcove they have chosen to take shelter in from the pouring rain. He feels the corners of his mouth instinctively curve into a frown when he sees that the usually cheerful and warm Makoto isn't smiling like he should be. Haru didn't like it when his friends weren't smiling; even Rin, who had hurt him deeply countless times, deserves to smile, flashing those razor sharp teeth that he is famous for.
The anguished look Makoto gives him makes Haru's heart ache; he knows the brunette blames himself for everything that had happened, even though if there was anyone to blame it is Rei. It was one of the very few times he sees his best friend on the verge of tears as he expresses his guilt for suggesting the swim camp; and Haru sits there, still and silent, and he hates himself for it. Why can't he move? Makoto needs him, now more than ever, and what is he doing? Absolutely nothing.
"I'm sorry, Haru. This is all my fault-" Makoto begins apologizing, but is abruptly cut off by a rather serious look from his raven haired friend.
"No, Makoto, it isn't. If Rei hadn't been a complete idiot and gone swimming in the ocean at night-"
This time it is Makoto's turn to cut him off, looking conflicted. "He shouldn't have done that, no, but if I hadn't suggested coming to the beach and swimming circuits he never would have felt like he was being left behind, and he never would have endangered himself to try and catch up to us," the brunette protests, voice trembling slightly as he buries his face in his hands to avoid looking at Haru. It's so unlike Makoto, who normally always watches over him, no matter the circumstances.
Haru isn't one for physical contact, and so when he feels the overwhelming urge to embrace Makoto in his time of crisis he balks; not having the courage to outright hug his friend he settles for scooting closer to him, sliding along the small patch of sand between them until he is directly next to Makoto, who hasn't noticed his friend's movements because he's been hiding his face. Haru gives him a sideways glance, unsure of how to go about getting his friend's attention without disturbing him. Finally he places a comforting hand on Makoto's shoulder, just like Coach Sasabe had done for him when he was younger after losing a race and found himself fighting back tears of disappointment. This seems to get Makoto's attention, and he finally looks up at Haruka, then to the hand firmly gripping his shoulder. The corners of his lips tug upwards slightly and he can't help but smile appreciatively at the attempt to comfort him.
Haru lets out a breath that he didn't realized he'd been holding when he sees Makoto smile once more, although it isn't one of his warm, signature genuine smiles, but it was certainly better than the sad expression he'd been wearing most of the night. For some reason, the way Makoto is looking at him now makes Haru's face heat up, and his heart flutters deep within his chest. He fights the urge to look away and removes his hand from Makoto's broad shoulder, not wanting to overstay his welcome.
"Are you…okay? " Haru asked tentatively, not wanting to upset his friend by talking about unnecessary things, but still feeling the need to make sure that he was indeed alright. The way his brows knit together in genuine concern warms Makoto's heart and he nods, eyes drifting out towards the entrance of the alcove and settling on the turbulent waters of the surrounding ocean.
Haru watches his friend stare wistfully at the crashing waves, a mixture of sadness and trepidation in those gorgeous jade eyes.
"You're still afraid of the ocean," Haru states more than asks, regretting it a bit when he sees Makoto's face instantly darken.
"Yeah…I am, I thought I'd gotten over it, but…" he forces himself to look away from the water and into Haru's eyes, which are even more beautiful and vibrant than the ocean itself. When Haru's face fills with concern he quickly tries to reassure him. "I'll be fine, though. It was a long time ago," the brunette's voice is somber and barely above a whisper, but Haruka hears him and nods, deciding that it is probably best to drop the subject.
Makoto heaves a tired sigh and flashes a small smile at Haru, unwittingly making the raven haired swimmer's stomach do back flips for some strange reason.
"You know…when I said that swimming would be meaningless without you…I meant it. If it wasn't for you showing an interest in a swim club I probably would never have swam competitively again," he says, smiling sadly, although Haru has no intention of making Makoto speak of such things more than he has to. Haru pulls his legs up to his chest and rests his chin on his knees, studying the sand between his toes and listening intently to the brunette. He feels that strange, unfamiliar heat flood his cheeks again, and he hopes that it isn't apparent on his face.
"I'm glad. That you're swimming too…so don't say that you regret making the club…because of you we all get to swim together again…" he looks up at Makoto, who he can tell is fighting back tears as he flashes Haru a smile, and an overwhelming urge to be closer to the brunette compels him to scoot even closer until their arms are touching, and for some strange reason his heart is pounding fiercely, almost as if he is swimming at top speed while sitting still. Makoto's eyes widen a bit at the sudden affectionate gesture, and against his better judgment he leans into Haruka, who tenses for a moment but doesn't pull away because it is as if the brunette has some kind of magnetic field attracting him from which he cannot escape. When he does not shy away, Makoto becomes wary, because Haruka has never been one for physical contact, either completely indifferent to it or avoiding it altogether. He hopes that it isn't because he feels he has to. The brunette never wants Haru to do anything he doesn't want to, because Haru is meant to be free, free to make his own decisions.
"Haru…you don't have to comfort me, I'll be alright. I appreciate the thought, though," he says smiling down at Haru, although the words sound harsher than he'd intended, and he sincerely wishes that he could pull them back before they reach Haru's ears.
"I want to," he says quickly to stifle anymore protests Makoto might have, and the brunette's eyes widen in surprise as he notices the slight pink tint gracing Haru's cheeks as he avoids eye contact, arms folded and head resting on Makoto's broad shoulder.
"Besides, you're warm, and it's getting cold in here," he adds as an afterthought, almost as if he's trying to hide the real reason that he doesn't pull away. Makoto can't help but chuckle, a light, airy sound that is music to Haru's ears. The brunette has always found Haru to be adorable; not in a cute puppy kind of way, but in his own, awkwardly endearing manner that sometimes made him come off as cold and aloof to others. Although their situation is less than ideal, Makoto comes to the conclusion that if he had to be stuck in the middle of nowhere during a violent storm with only one other person as company, then he would definitely prefer it to be Haru.
Nagisa would most likely talk his ear off, (and although Makoto is good at listening even he has his limits), or do something foolish like go out into the storm to try and find help. Rei would most likely panic, and in fact Makoto didn't doubt that the bespectacled male was doing just that right this very second. Rin…well, Rin would probably never end up in this kind of situation, given his antisocial tendencies as of late. Being stuck with Kou would be incredibly awkward because of the simple fact that she's a female and Makoto isn't quite sure how to act around women outside of his family.
And so, Makoto decides that perhaps being stuck in this alcove with Haru isn't really bad at all. The teen had risked his own life to save him, used every last ounce of his strength to drag him ashore, and even tried to perform CPR to breathe life back into his nearly drowned and battered body. Come to think of it, when he had woken up, the first thing he had seen was the look of trepidation on Haru's face; a look he'd only ever seen a handful of times before, one of them being when Rin left them to go to Australia, effectively breaking Haru's heart, although he tended not to show it. It wasn't like him to be afraid, and the fact that Makoto almost drowning is enough to scare the stoic male that much…it makes his heart feel full to bursting with all sorts of emotions. In fact, he almost regrets coughing up water just in time to save Haru the trouble of performing mouth to mouth…
What would Haru's lips have felt like? I'll bet he tastes like chlorine…
An unfamiliar warmth floods his cheeks, and he is glad that Haru is looking at the ground or else he might see the blush appearing on Makoto's cheeks and question why.
His mind is drawn back to the present when he feels Haru shiver, a small and subtle reaction to the cold, yet noticeable to the brunette due to their close proximity. It is then that Makoto realizes just how long they've been holed up here, in damp clothing with no source of heat and the raging storm showing no signs of ending anytime soon. He's seen this exact kind of situation before on television, except it was a party of hikers who had been trapped in a cave by an avalanche; he remembers that the only thing that prevented them from freezing to death were their thick parkas and huddling together to conserve each other's warmth…
Granted, they weren't likely to freeze to death out here, but the risk of hypothermia and pneumonia were all too real, especially with the damp conditions. Makoto can only hope that the storm will end soon, but because he has no control over Mother Nature, he cannot be sure. As Haru's shivering progressively worsens, the brunette is faced with the task of keeping the one who saved his life safe until help arrives. He only hopes that Haru will comply without protest.
"Um…Haru…"
Gorgeous blue eyes immediately look up at him in question, and with nothing to distract him for once, Makoto has his full, undivided attention. The brunette swallows hard in an attempt to clear the lump forming in his throat.
"Mmm?"
He's blushing, he can feel it, he doesn't even need a mirror to tell that he's as red as a ripe tomato. Still he must press on, because if he doesn't do everything within his power to prevent Haru from becoming ill he will never forgive himself.
"Um…well…since we don't know if anyone is looking for us…or if they're even able to because of the storm…and we have no idea when help will come…well, I was thinking that if…" he fumbles over the words, hesitating, however Haru is calm and patient as always and continues to focus on the brunette perhaps too intently.
"Well, um…you're shivering, so you must be cold…" he sounds like an idiot, he knows this, yet he cannot stop now. "So…if you want to…you don't have to, but…um…you can come closer and we can share body heat…"
Haru remains still for a moment, quiet and contemplative, and Makoto realizes how strange the words must have sounded coming from his mouth, and he immediately regrets saying them, worrying that he sounded like he was looking for an excuse to make contact. Which he certainly was not.
"Yeah, okay."
It's a simple answer, and without question Haru complies, sliding under Makoto's arm until his head is resting on the brunette's wide, muscular chest. Haru keeps his own arms in his lap, which Makoto is thankful for, because he has no idea what to do now; should he wrap his arm around Haru to bring him closer or would that be crossing the line? Would it be rude to make an effort not to touch him too much? To counteract the problem, Makoto leans back on his hands, allowing Haru to lean against him comfortably.
For some reason, it feels almost natural for Haru to use Makoto as support, to have him to lean on. He's always been the steady rock in Haru's life, the one thing that never changes, never threatens to abandon him no matter the circumstances, and the Haru feels safe, protected from anyone or anything that might cause him distress. The brunette is impossibly warm, whether it be from his size or metabolism Haru doesn't know, but the feel of lightly sun kissed skin against his own is enough to calm his shivering. He's hugged Makoto before, but that was when they were children, before Makoto got so…big.
Haru can smell the ocean on him still, salty and briny but not unpleasant. He prefers the scent of pool water, but the smell of the sea is somehow comforting in its own right, despite the fickle nature of the water that is now swirling angrily around them, ready to swallow them whole. Silence descends upon them suddenly, and in its wake Haru is able to hear the pounding of Makoto's heart, a sound that puts him at ease. He had been so afraid that the brunette had drowned when he'd dragged him from the depths of the sea, terrified that his friend's heart would never beat again, that he would never see that comforting smile or hear that beautiful, warm laughter ever again. Never had he been so afraid, and never did he ever want to experience that kind of fear ever again.
"Makoto…"
It is barely audible, and yet above the roaring waters and crashing thunder Makoto hears it, because if there is anything worth listening to, it's a man of few words, like Haru. He looks down to the male huddling next to him, concern etching itself all over his features.
"What is it, Haru? Are you still cold? I'm sorry that I couldn't be a better heat source," he laughs as he says it, but Haru does not laugh or smile in response. Hardly surprising, but discouraging nonetheless. The Haru looks pensive for a moment, as if he isn't sure whether he should speak or not. After a few seconds of contemplation, he decides that what he has to say is important enough to interrupt the comfortable silence that had fallen between them.
"No. I just want you to promise not to ever do anything dangerous ever again," his tone is the same as always, neutral and passive, and yet there is a glint in his eyes that Makoto picks up on, and soon he finds himself staring into the azure depths of those captivating orbs once again.
"Haru…" his tone is incredulous, but Haru stands firm, unyielding in his request, no matter how ludicrous it may be. He cannot lose Makoto, his rock, his only sure support in this tumultuous world. The brunette's expression softens considerably, as it always does when he looks at Haru, the one person who could send him reeling, head over heels, without even trying.
"Promise, Makoto." It is an order, no pleading or begging, just a simple command that the brunette is expected to follow. He knows he cannot possibly keep such a promise, and yet, he will try his damndest, even if it is ultimately in vain, because this Haru, and Haru is his world.
"Alright, I promise. What brought this on all of a sudden?"
"Your heart. It's beating." Haru looks at him, expression as serious as ever, eye contact never breaking.
Makoto gives Haru a look of confusion. The teen was always rather blunt, and he had a penchant for stating the obvious, but the way he said it…
"Well…yes. What about it?" he isn't trying to be rude or impatient, simply curious.
"I'm glad…it means you're alive. Promise that you won't do anything to make it stop beating. I want to be able to hear it…always."
Makoto can feel the familiar warmth of tears pooling at the corners of his eyes, and while some people may have found Haru's words strange or write them off as ramblings, the brunette understands the meaning behind them, the importance. It is Haru's own special way of saying please don't ever leave me.
Haru is perceptive this evening, and he can see the tiny droplets of water threatening to spill over from Makoto's eyes, and he turns to face the brunette, his brow furrowed in worry.
"Makoto…did I…make you sad? I didn't mean to…" He loves water, lives for it, but not when it comes in the form of tears. Tears mean sadness, right?
Makoto smiles warmly, wiping away the trail of tears that fall intermittently from his eyes, completely unbidden but not unlwelcome.
"No, I'm okay," the look of concern does not leave Haru's face, and Makoto feels that he needs to explain. "Sometimes, when people are really, really happy about something, they cry tears of joy."
Haru thinks on this, and his mind is quick to come to the conclusion that Makoto does not look sad or angry, so that must mean...
"I see. So…I made you happy?" he's seen this phenomenon on television and in movies, and even on the street when a man proposed to his girlfriend and she burst into tears before pulling him into a tight embrace. He's never experienced it himself, but if Makoto says it's true, it must be.
"Yes, Haru. You always do."
Allowing his overflowing emotions to take hold, Makoto wraps his arms around Haru's middle and pulls him close, until the Haru is sitting in his lap, nestled between his legs. He is always surprised at how strong Makoto is, and how gentle he can be at the same time. He's sure that most friends do not hug each other like this, and yet he cannot bring himself to care, he never has been one to care about what other's thought of him, except his close friends.
He can feel every breath Makoto takes as his chest expands against his upper back, and he finds himself breathing in time with the brunette after a while, slowly melding into him. Makoto can smell the ocean in Haru's hair, which is quite close to his nose as Haru leans into him, visibly relaxing and becoming more and more drowsy by the minute, head nodding slowly as he starts to fall asleep where he sits. The brunette is more than a little relieved that Haru is finally comfortable enough to let his guard down enough to drift off into a light slumber.
Against his better judgment, Makoto brushes his cheek against the soft tresses, slowly traveling downwards until his mouth is hovering slightly above the back of Haru's neck, and something stirs within him, a desire to comfort yet claim the small patch of sensitive flesh. His heart is racing, something Haru can surely feel but may not be entirely aware of due to his exhaustion. A few goosebumps appear when Makoto's breath ghosts against his skin, warm and humid in the cool night air.
What am I doing? Haru will be so angry with me if I do something weird to him while he's sleeping.
His mind is in a fierce battle with his heart, and in the end the pent up feelings and desire to be closer to Haru, even if that means becoming more than just best friends triumphs over common sense, and he plants the lightest of kisses on the soft patch of skin. He immediately pulls away when Haru stirs, and regrets his rash decision, hoping that his friend will be able to forgive him somehow.
His cheeks flush bright pink when the Haru turns to face him, and he curses himself for unconsciously licking his lips to sample the light salty taste that remained from Haru's ocean kissed skin. He avoids direct eye contact, instead focusing on the entrance of the alcove and wishing that he had an escape route at the moment.
"Makoto…that tickled."
It's an odd statement said with a straight face, and Makoto is somewhat taken aback by how his best friend of 10 years does not question his actions or criticize him, simply stating the effect his affection has had on his body.
"Ah…sorry. I won't do it again, I apologize. Please forgive me, Haru."
Out of guilt of being unable to control himself, Makoto rises to his feet, not sure where to go but needing something, anything to distract him from what just happened. To his surprise, he feels a gentle tug on his wrist, and when he looks back he sees that Haru has latched onto him, a slightly hurt look on his face.
"I don't mind…so…please don't go."
That pitiful expression is enough to soften even the hardest of hearts, and Makoto is completely powerless to fight the effect it has on him.
"Haru…you don't have to pretend it's ok to try to make me feel better. It's perfectly fine to be angry with me for touching you without permission."
"I'm not pretending…" his eyes are honest, and Makoto can tell that Haru isn't lying, because Haru doesn't lie, not about things like this.
"Haru…" his voice grows quiet as his face burns with embarrassment and elation at the same time.
"It's just that…aren't you supposed to kiss the person you like…on the lips?"
Yes, he's certain that's how it's supposed to work, because he's seen it before, countless times. He is in high school, and often times couples would eat lunch together, talking and laughing and holding hands, and occasionally they would lean into each other and press their lips together until the instructors reprimanded them.
Makoto is at a loss for words as Haru rises to his feet, approaching him with a determined look on his face. The brunette wants to take a step back, because as much as he wants this, he knows that if things go any further that they could never return to the way they were. Yet he cannot pull away, not this time, not when Haru is standing in front of him, leaning in close, eyes closed…
Makoto is powerless to pull away when Haru's lips brush against his lightly, and although it really isn't much of a kiss (more like a peck), Makoto's heart has never beat faster, his cheeks have never been so red, and his mind has never been so full of conflicting emotions. Pure happiness floods his very being as he wraps his arms around Haru's waist and pulls him close until their bare chests are touching, deepening the kiss and feeling a surge of relief when Haru reciprocates, copying Makoto and wrapping his arms around the brunette's middle.
In that moment, Makoto feels more complete than he's ever felt in his entire life, and despite the less than ideal circumstances he wishes that they could stay this way forever, cut off from the rest of the world with only each other and no one to judge whether what they were doing was moral or not, or to tell them that they must return to the real world and get on with their lives, that they have responsibilities and obligations to fulfill. He doesn't want to return to Iwatobi, not right now, and although he cares for his friends deeply, Haru is the only one he truly loves; he always has, ever since they were children, wholly and truly, and he knows from the very moment that their lips meet that there is nowhere else on earth he'd rather be.
He hopes he conveys at least a fraction of the joy he is feeling in their kiss, because he wants Haru to feel it too, because the Haru deserves all the happiness in the world just for simply being himself. However, as happy as he is, the need for oxygen takes priority over his emotions, and he is forced to pull away from the kiss, inhaling a deep breath of the cool, salty night air and finding himself drawn to those gorgeous eyes once again.
Perhaps the most beautiful thing about his relationship with Haru is that words are not truly needed for them to understand one another, and there is no need for either of them to justify what has just transpired. They need only feel, not think, as they slowly begin to become two halves of a whole, complete opposites yet soul mates in every sense of the word.
As the storm begins to die down and the bright luminescence of the moon and stars begin to break through the thick cover of rain laden clouds, neither of them move to investigate, to see if they can finally leave their tiny alcove and return to the outside world, because all that they need in that moment is the silent acceptance of the other as they become lost in one another's eyes, sapphire and jade.