AN: 5 years isn't an unreasonable time between updates, is it?

Can't you see that you're smothering me.

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control.

Numb - Linkin Park

"When did she get here?"

Vilkas spared his twin a glance before turning his eyes back to the Dragonborn who he'd found asleep at the dining table only minutes earlier. He'd venture a guess she'd shown up in the night and possibly attempted to drown her sorrows, whatever they might be. The clue for that assumption was the amount of empty mead bottles that littered the table around her, and the half bottle that remained clutched in her hand dangling precariously over the edge of the table.

"During the night, maybe," Vilkas finally responded, sensing his twins increasing concern, "She was here when I came upstairs."

"She's been drinking," Farkas muttered to himself. Vilkas ignored the obvious comment.

As they watched Artemis stirred, obviously becoming aware that she was being watched. The bottle that had been held in her hand fell to the floor with a dull thud and spilled its contents everywhere, and she murmured incoherently as she turned her face to look at the mess.

Vilkas scoffed in amusement as his twin hurried to her side and started a quiet conversation with her. Vilkas was concerned, of course, but Farkas would always be the more compassionate twin.

"What's wrong?" Vilkas heard his twin murmur in a soothing voice, kneeling next to Artemis.

He watched as her eyes focused on Farkas's face before she pushed him away from her. Her actions surprised Vilkas, and he saw the hurt in his brother's eyes as they watched the Dragonborn get unsteadily to her feet and storm off.

"Perhaps she doesn't want to talk," Vilkas suggested dryly, glancing at Farkas once Artemis had disappeared down the stairs.

Farkas looked after her, and Vilkas knew he was upset about what had happened. Vilkas had half a mind to remind his twin how he had been when Artemis had been home only a week before, but he kept his thoughts to himself.

I didn't want to speak to Farkas, but I did want to speak to Farkas. I didn't know if I could speak to Farkas, so I'd pushed him away and gone straight to bed. I didn't sleep. I lay awake for hours thinking, and trying not to think. Sometimes I got so overwhelmed that I cried, other times I tuned the world out and my mind went blank. In those times I would have sudden realizations, learn words I didn't even know were words, and then I would remember they were Thu'ums from the dragons I had slain and I was thrown back into the smothering waves of despair all over again.

Athis was gone, his pack missing from under his bed. I was relieved, but I was disappointed as well.

I didn't know how much time passed before Farkas came to see me again, but when he did I was more alert and even less willing to speak. As soon as I heard him enter the room I rolled onto my side and faced the stone wall so I wouldn't have to look at him.

"Artemis," he said softly. I felt my bed sag as he sat on the edge.

"Go away," I snapped, immediately feeling guilty for the tone I had taken.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," he responded firmly, "I'm worried about you."

"I was worried about you only ten days ago," I muttered bitterly, "But you didn't speak to me then, so why should I speak to you now?"

"Because you knew what was wrong," he told me patiently, "But I don't know what's wrong with you right now. Has something happened to you? Has someone hurt you?"

I felt warmed by the growl in his voice as he asked his last question, but it lasted only a moment before the air became too hard to breathe again. "No one hurt me," I whispered, unable to use my voice for more than that.

"Then what happened?" Farkas begged.

"I don't know if I can tell you," I whispered hoarsely as my eyes started to gloss with fresh tears.

"You can tell me anything," Farkas said quietly.

"I don't mean that I'm scared to tell you, or that I think you won't understand," I choked out, bringing my arms around myself desperately in an attempt to hold myself together, "I mean I don't know if I can say the words I need to say. I don't want to say them. If I say them, that means this is real and I won't be able to pretend it isn't."

"You're scaring me," Farkas told me seriously, "What has you so worked up? I can help you."

"No, you can't," I said letting out a shuddering breath, "No one can."

"What do you mean?" I could hear the confusion in his voice, and I wished I could be oblivious like him.

"I have to..." I trailed off, my breath catching in my throat as the tears that had been collecting on my eyelashes finally spilled over my nose and cheek, dampening my pillow. The words were right on the tip of my tongue, but it was like someone was pushing them back down my oesophagus, choking me with them.

"Breathe," Farkas murmured soothingly, placing one of his large hands on my back and rubbing slow circles.

I closed my eyes and listened to the string of comforting words that spilled from his lips as I focused on breathing in and out. When I had calmed enough I rolled onto my back and sat up so that I was sitting cross legged on my bed facing him.

"I'm sorry," I breathed, looking down at my hands, which I was clenching and unclenching in an attempt to remain calm.

"Don't be sorry," Farkas said earnestly, and I didn't have to look up to see the concern shining in those silver eyes.

"Have you ever felt like you'd been asked to do something that was just... just impossible?" I asked quietly, feeling the tremble in my bottom lip as I spoke.

"I feel like no matter what the answer is it won't compare to what you're going through," Farkas replied honestly. I felt a wave of affection for him as I looked up and met his eyes.

"I guess not," I said with a hollow laugh. I paused for a moment and Farkas waited patiently. I knew he wouldn't leave until he knew what was wrong, and I didn't want him to I realized. I needed to tell someone, and have someone who wasn't in a crazy faction of suicidal dragon hunters understand. "Do you believe in destiny?" I asked, finding myself stalling.

"I've never given it much thought," Farkas admitted, "But I suppose I do."

"So, do you think I was always destined to end up here? In Skyrim?" I pressed, feeling my chest tighten as I got closer to spilling my fears to him.

"If you weren't, then I don't think you would have come here," Farkas said simply, though he leaned over and gripped my shoulder comfortingly.

I felt warmth press through the coldness that was closing in on me. "Then it's fair to say I was always meant to be the Dragonborn," I mumbled, and he nodded. "Then do you think the world was always supposed to end?" I blurted out, unable to stop the words tumbling from my mouth.

Silence fell so heavily after my outburst that only my jagged breathing could be heard, and it felt like a saw was being taken to my ears each time I let out a shaky breath. Eventually Farkas processed my words and he frowned at me. "Can you explain that a bit better?" he asked gruffly.

I drew a deep breath and willed myself to speak, closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to see his reaction. "I haven't told you everything that's been happening to me," I admitted, my voice sounded strained to my own ears. "I haven't been on my own little quest of discovery," the words took a bitter tone. "I met a woman, and she told me about the Blades. They're ancient dragon hunters, before you ask. She wanted me to help her get rid of the dragons in Skyrim, which was a big ask anyway, because I'm the only one that can really kill a dragon."

"Vilkas and I have killed dragons," Farkas interrupted.

"I'm sure you have," I replied evenly, still not looking at him. "But they can be brought back to life. I've seen it happen. Only I can steal their souls so that they can't be revived."

"You told me you take their knowledge," Farkas broke in again, sounding disbelieving.

"That's what I was told by the Greybeards," I answered, starting to tremble again. I took another deep breath and pushed on, determined to finish before I couldn't speak anymore. "But Delphine told me the more sinister part, and I haven't wanted to share her with you. I was told it would be unwise."

"By who?"

"I don't know," I answered, feeling very uneasy at the revelation. "But that's not important. What is important is that Delphine wanted to stop the dragons, but we needed to find out more, like where they were coming from. So I went off to Solitude to find out, and I found something that pointed us to Riften to find another Blade member. Esbern."

I paused, feeling a lump form in my throat. Farkas noticed, and I felt him squeeze my shoulder again. "It's ok," he murmured, and I calmed slightly at his soft, gravelly voice.

"S-so I found Esbern, and he had information. Invaluable information," I whispered, my voice failing as tears started to leak from my closed eyes. I quickly swiped them away. "Horrible information, really. Esbern told me that it was useless trying to stop the dragons. He said Alduin had returned and that without a Dragonborn to stop him it was hopeless, that he would devour the world."

As I finished the sentence my head dropped into my hands and I fisted them in my hair. It was agonising to think about what Esbern had revealed to me, it was even more so to say it out loud. It was allowing the nightmare to become a reality. A strangled sob finally broke from my throat and my shoulders shook uncontrollably in its wake.

"Calm down," Farkas was urging me, drawing me against his armoured chest. I fell against him easily, as if I were nothing more than a girl's doll, but nothing could quell the sobs that were being wrenched from my body.

It was a long time before the wails died down to sniffles, but Farkas maintained a constant stream of supportive words. I didn't hear most of them, because I was so caught up in my own grief, but the general soothing tone did eventually get through to me.

"I can't do it," I sniffed, once I had calmed down enough to form words.

"Yes, you can," Farkas said firmly, and suddenly I was prised away from his armour. "From the moment you walked into Jorrvaskr I have believed you are capable of anything asked of you. This doesn't change anything. I still believe you are capable."

"But I'm not," I whined, shaking my head vehemently. "Dealing with bandits is one thing, but I can't save the world."

Farkas frowned at me, as if he was considering something. I felt curiosity bubbling beneath my panic. "I think we should go see Eorlund," he finally muttered.

I wanted desperately to know why Farkas thought it was a good idea to go see the old blacksmith, but I remained silent as I followed him up to the Sky Forge. It was getting quite dark, so I was surprised that Eorlund was even still working, but when we arrived he was there, standing over his forge with ash and metal shards covering his face from a long days work.

"Aye, what can I do for ya now?" Eorlund asked, looking between me and Farkas curiously. He didn't seem as cheerful as normal, but I figured he was mostly worn out.

"Eorlund, have you finished with that special project yet?" Farkas asked, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. My worries were pushed to the back of my mind, making way for my increasing curiosity.

"Aye," Eorlund nodded, "But I thought Vilkas was goin' ta be here for it?"

"I think it would be better without him," Farkas muttered, though he looked slightly guilty.

"Fine," Eorlund sighed, "You two sort that out yourselves. Come here, lass."

Eorlund waved me over, and turned to a chest that he started to unlock as I joined him. "What is that?" I asked, as the lid was opened and I caught the glint of light reflecting off of something that looked strangely familiar.

"This," Eorlund said, pulling the item from the chest and handing it to me, "Is what I've been working on for ya."

I felt my mouth fall open as I unfolded the hard, but quite flexible material and I was able to examine the strange combination of green, brown, and orange dragon scales.

"This is..." I trailed off, allowing my eyes to absorb the armour for what it was.

"Entirely dragon scale," Eorlund supplied happily. "Tougher than steel, and much lighter."

"But, where did you get the scales?" I asked, looking accusingly at Farkas. He shifted guiltily, and my suspicions were confirmed. "What were you thinking?" I demanded angrily, "You could have got yourself killed!"

"We wanted to do something nice for you," Farkas mumbled, shrinking slightly at my anger.

Eorlund chuckled, and patted my shoulder comfortingly. "Vilkas and Farkas can take care of themselves, lass. It was you they were worried about. After your story about that dragon in Kynesgrove Farkas thought you could use some better protection, something more suitable for your stature than just old steel."

At Eorlund's words I felt myself deflate, and I suddenly couldn't bear to look at the armour. "You shouldn't have done this," I murmured, pushing the armour into Farkas's chest. "I don't deserve it."

"Yes, you do," Farkas replied firmly. "You're the Dragonborn, and this is what the Dragonborn should wear. A symbol of what she's capable of. Of what I know you're capable of."

His words were so sincere that I couldn't resist the warmth that spread through me, and the small spark of belief they ignited. He handed back the armour, and I accepted it reluctantly, looking down at the handsome scales once again.

"If anyone can do this, you can," Farkas told me firmly. "Even Vilkas knows you can."

"How do you know what Vilkas thinks?" I scoffed, not wanting to show the affection I felt at the revelation.

"He told me," Farkas smirked. "Said he thought you had something to prove to yourself, and you wouldn't rest until you did."

"Well," I hummed, "Maybe he was wrong."

"Vilkas is rarely wrong," Eorlund put in. I looked at the blacksmith in surprise. I had forgotten he was there.

"I know you're scared," Farkas sighed, "Anyone would be. But I know you can stop the dragons."

I sighed, feeling less heavy than I had in days. Maybe sharing my fears with Farkas had helped lighten the load, because someone who didn't expect anything from me knew. Maybe the fact that Farkas believed in me helped me believe in myself a little. Whatever it was, it made the air a bit easier to breathe as I ran my fingers experimentally over the cool, colourful scales of my new armour.

I remained at Jorrvaskr for a few more days, and as each day passed I felt a little better. Farkas was a constant source of support, and when Athis returned he said much of the same that Farkas had before him. By the time I set out for Riverwood I had resigned myself to the fact that I would try, at the very least, to do what was asked of me.

"You're back," Delphine said dryly when I showed up in her tavern, ready to do what I needed to.

"Of course she's back," Esbern chided, indicating for me to follow them down to Delphine's secret room. I was encouraged by Esbern's blind faith in me.

"New armour," Delphine noted, walking down the stairs behind me. I felt her rap her knuckles on the shoulder guard. "Eorlund Grey-Mane's work, I suppose. Man's a great blacksmith. I don't imagine these materials were easy to come across, though."

"No, I don't suppose they were," I responded tightly, doing my best to ignore her attention. I was quite fond of the way the dragon scale armour fit, finding it very light and easy to move in. It was definitely a major improvement on steel.

"Well," Esbern smiled, waving us over to the table. Delphine hung back, but I joined him and he pointed to a map. "This is where we think Sky Haven Temple is. It was the best estimation based on the old texts I brought with me."

"It's just by Rorikstead," I commented, trailing the path from Whiterun to Rorikstead with the tip of my finger.

"Yes," Delphine affirmed impatiently, "And that area is Forsworn territory."

"Forsworn? You mean Reachmen?" I asked, remembering the tales I had heard of the Bretons that had inhabited the Reach in Skyrim. They had once tried to reclaim the land, but their rule had been short lived before the Nords took over again. I didn't know much more than that, being so far from that side of High Rock.

"Yes," Esbern nodded, and I noticed both he and Delphine looked grim.

"What's the problem, then? I thought they were relatively peaceful?" I inquired, frowning at them.

"They were once," Delphine responded darkly, "Then Ulfric Stormcloak pushed them out of Markarth, and they turned into savages that attack anyone stupid enough to come near their territories."

I processed her words and felt my mouth open to start protesting the fact that we were going to be heading straight into their territory, but Esbern cut in.

"The settlement we're heading for is quite small," he told me confidently, "And they'll be no match for Delphine or myself."

"What about me?" I asked apprehensively.

"You're a Companion, aren't you?" Delphine reminded me. "Forsworn shouldn't be a problem for you."

"If you say so," I muttered disdainfully.

"The sooner we leave the better," Delphine pressed on, ignoring me, "We've already wasted enough time waiting for you. Every second we do nothing is a second Alduin is using to gain strength, and followers."

"Fine," I hissed, "Let's go then."