CHAPTER 1

BRRINGGG! BRRINGGG!

The loud ring of the phone woke me up out of a deep sleep. I really needed that nights rest. I had been so stressed lately; I haven't been able to sleep well. I guess I had better answer.

"Hello?" I asked, trying not to sound like I had just woken up.

"Hey, Sherri, it's Scott Genkinger! You got a minute?" I paused before I answered him, and realized what phone call this was. The phone call that I had been waiting for, for about a week. It's Scott Genkinger, the casting director for a new television show I had auditioned for. Something about this role seemed like the perfect fit for me. I knew it was something I wanted to go for the minute I got my hands on the script.

"Yes, yes! I hope you're calling with some good news!" I said, trying to hide the groggy sound in my voice.

"I do! We've made a decision about the role, and if you were still up for it, we'd love to have you play the role of Lena Adams on the show! What do you think?"

Yes! I got the role!

"I would love to do it! Yes definitely! Thank you so much, Scott, I can't wait to get to work on this. I have a great feeling about it!" I tried not to sound too excited, but just excited enough that he could tell how enthusiastic I was about it.

"Okay, great! Well you will get a call from someone soon, probably later in the week, about when we want to bring you all in and get this thing started, okay?"

"Yes, that sounds great!"

"Alright well then I will talk to you soon!"

"Yeah okay, and thank you again I am so excited!" I hung up the phone and tried not to scream. I grabbed my pillow and let it all out so I wouldn't wake my husband, Kamar. I had been thinking about this role ever since I laid eyes on the script. Something about playing a lesbian on a TV show intrigued me. It didn't scare me. It felt… right.

I decided to make a huge breakfast for Kamar and I, so I got up out of bed after the phone call and started cooking. I wanted it to be ready before he woke up.

I just cannot get over how happy getting this role makes me. I had gotten many parts before; been in movies and on TV, but I have never been this happy about getting a part before. I can't put my finger on why.

Kamar comes out of the bedroom and comes down the stairs and into the kitchen. He's wearing his striped pajama pants I got him for Christmas and the grungy white shirt I told him to get rid of months ago.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said with a smile on his face, "Is that breakfast I smell?"

"Good morning and yes it is! I wanted to cook a huge breakfast for us!" He looked surprised, probably because my idea of a big breakfast is usually coffee and a toaster strudel.

"Are we celebrating something?"

"Yes, in fact we are! I got a call this morning from Scott Genkinger! I got the part!" I couldn't contain my excitement! I practically squealed the news to him!

"Oh, baby, that's great! I'm very happy for you," he said as he grabbed my waist, pulled me in, and kissed me. I love him. And I used to get such a rise out of kissing him, but not so much anymore. I can't quite put my finger on it. "So what are we making here?"

"Oh just some eggs, bacon, pancakes, and biscuits!"

"Wow you really went all out, babe," he said, eyeing the food.

"Nothing but the best for my love."

After breakfast we cleaned up and I went and got ready for my day. I had to go and tell everyone the good news. Well, everyone being my sister. I'm extremely close with my sister, Lisa.

I got out of the shower and wrapped my towel around me. And then I just stared in the mirror. I looked at my fair skin and huge head of curly hair, and just thought. Thought about why I've been feeling so empty lately, and about who I am. I should have it figured it out by now, at 38 years old, right?

Just then, Kamar comes in and interrupts my thoughts.

"Hey, I want you to know just how proud I am of you for getting the role," he says as he comes closer to me and puts his hand on my face. I can tell he's definitely in the mood but I'm not.

He puts his hands around my waist and pulls me close and starts to kiss me on my lips, and then neck. I pull away. "No, sweetie, I just took a shower."

"Well," still kissing me, "you can take another shower; with me," he tries to motion us towards the shower but I pull away again.

"I'm serious, I'm having lunch with Lisa at 1 and I don't want to be late." I can tell he's disappointed, but lately my sex drive with him hasn't been in full swing.

I stand in the mirror and he stands behind me and looks at me, then walks out of the bathroom and shuts the door behind him a bit hard. I can't blame him. I haven't wanted to have sex for about a month now. I mean, we have had sex, but it wasn't passionate like it should be. I'm sure it's just normal.

I drive to the restaurant I'm meeting my sister at to tell her the big news. It's our favorite restaurant that we always go to for our lunches. My sister and I are very close. She's my best friend and we tell each other everything.

I get to the restaurant and see her already sitting at a table. I'm a little late because of that little bathroom fit with Kamar. I go and sit down at the table. "Hey, Lis!"

"Always late, you are always late!" she said, laughing.

"I am not always late! Kamar wanted a quick fix and I had to get him to get out of the bathroom so I could get ready," I say as the waitress hands me the menu.

"Oh, well you could have just texted and said to meet at 1:30 instead! Don't mean to get in between you and your man," she laughs.

"Oh no, no, you weren't interrupting anything. I just…I just haven't really been in the mood lately, you know?" I was hoping she'd tell me that losing sex drive is normal, something reassuring.

"Really? You of all people? Huh, that's weird," she said, half jokingly.

"No I'm serious, Lis. It's just been lately, for maybe the past month or so. I haven't wanted to sleep with him."

"Eh, it'll come back. Happens all the time. Next month you'll be all over him again!"

"I hope so…" I said under my breath.

"So, what's this news you wanted to tell me?"

"After we order," I hadn't told her I had an audition at all, just in case I didn't get the part. We ordered our food, she got a chicken club sandwich and I got a ceasar salad.

"Okay, so what's the news?" she asked, taking a big bite out of her sandwich.

"Well, a couple of weeks ago I read script for some producers and casting directors for a new show," I began.

"Oh Sher, that's great! And? Did you get casted?"

"Yep! I got the call this morning! And, Lisa, I feel really great about this role, I really do! I think it's a keeper. And the whole concept of the show, I think this show is going to be a big hit. I feel it!" I could feel myself getting very excited about it again. I tried to calm down.

"Wow, Sherri I am so happy for you. Okay so what's the role? What's the TV show? What's it about? Fill me in!"

"It's going to be an ABC Family original show called The Fosters and I got the role of Lena Adams," and after that, I started to hesitate.

"Okay, and what's the show about?" I don't know why I was nervous to tell my sister I was going to be playing a lesbian. She's as liberal as I am, she doesn't care about who loves who. But I was still hesitant.

"Well… It is about two lesbian moms who raise three kids. One is biological to one of the mothers from a previous marriage, and the other two were later adopted by them both. And then later, they take in two more foster kids. I have a great feeling about it! The script felt very real, not sugar coated at all. I think it's a winner," I said, starting to go off on a tangent.

"So, wait…are you playing one of the moms? One of the lesbian moms?" She just kind of gave me an off look.

"Uh, yes. Yes I am. I am playing a lesbian," my voice faded as I said it. I had never really said it aloud before. I am playing a lesbian. For some reason, that felt weird to say, but not uncomfortable.

"Oh! Well that's great. I really like that. Actually, I love that you're going to play that part. I really love that. I'm proud of you. And you know what this show sounds great; sounds like something that should have been on the air ages ago!" I was so happy she didn't find it weird. I love my sister. But for some reason I wanted to quickly change the subject.

"Uh huh and guess who executive produces it? Jennifer. Lopez. Yup."

"J-Lo, really? Well I know you'll be taking me on set very often, then!" We laughed and just talked about how amazing we thought J-Lo was while finished our lunches.

After lunch my sister and I did some shopping into the night. When I went home Kamar was lying in bed watching the game. I stood in the doorway and just stared at him for a few seconds. I loved him so much. He was my perfect man. I went into our room and turned off the TV and started kissing him. That night was the first night in a long time that I felt the passion. Maybe I was okay.