About Trust

Sequel to Trust Is A Flexible Word

Recovering from an abusive relationship Kurt finds it hard to trust himself or Blaine or anyone around him again. Then he gets challenged as a contender in a TV show to be the next 'Fashion Hero'. He has to work hard to compete with the other contenders and stay focused. On top of that, he has to deal with the advances of Blaine, Adam and Andrew. Who is able to win Kurt's heart for good?

This is a sequel to my story Trust Is A Flexible Word, but you can probably read this without knowing the first story. Here's what you need to know:

SUMMARY of Trust Is A Flexible Word:

One year after their break-up and not being in touch, Blaine moves to New York. He finds out that Kurt is in an abusive relationship with an older guy named Andrew. Andrew is short-tempered and strikes out when he is provoked. Feeling like he's failed in his relationship with Blaine, Kurt goes down a self-destructive path. He turns to hurting himself, and being with Andrew is just a way to keep being hurt, physically and emotionally.

When Blaine finds out, he tries to get Kurt out of this vicious circle. Blaine meets Chandler who is friends with Kurt in New York. In the end Kurt accepts his problems. He leaves Andrew, but he's not back together with Blaine. Kurt doesn't trust Blaine or himself just yet to get back together.

Blaine lives with Rachel in the loft in Bushwick, because Kurt had moved out to live with Andrew. At the end of Trust Is A Flexible Word, Kurt moves back to Bushwick. He goes back to Lima for a two-week break.

This fic features CHANDLER as a friend of Kurt, Blaine and Rachel.

This fic will also include ADAM, who is still a NYADA student but also a fashion designer wannabe. There will be the idea of Kadam, but eventually it's going to be Klaine.

Please no hate and no bashing on either Kadam or Klaine. Thank you!

WARNING: self-harm, violence, physical and emotional abuse! Also occasional smut!

Chapter 1

"Don't worry, any song from Wicked is absolutely fine," Rachel was just saying loudly into her phone. "With Wicked, The Sound Of Music and any Barbra song we're on the safe side. You just need to start worrying when he's coming up with anything from Les Miz," she happily passed on her expert opinion. "And probably Sweeney Todd, because let's face it, the majority of Todd songs are pretty sad. Oh, you're welcome. Call me again if I can be of any help. Bye!"

With a happy smile Rachel danced towards the couch on which Blaine had taken residence with his textbooks, shuffling through a stack of notes to work on a paper due the next day.

"Who was on the phone?" Blaine asked with one brow raised, twirling a pen in his fingers.

"That was Burt," Rachel explained with a big grin and plopped down on the couch next to him. "Guess what! Kurt's singing again! Only in the shower for now, but singing nonetheless. Burt was worried because the song sounded kind of sad and he doesn't want for Kurt to feel sad and lonely. Getting Burt to tell me which song Kurt was singing exactly was a tough cookie, but eventually he was able to hum the melody and it's Defying Gravity. I told Burt that Kurt singing Defying Gravity is a very good sign. That calmed him down."

"That's good," Blaine agreed with a fond smile. Kurt had left to Lima a week ago and although they were texting and talking on the phone, Blaine couldn't help feeling useless. He wanted so much for Kurt to be happy again, to be able to laugh and smile again. But when they were talking and joking around, the sound of Kurt's chuckle still sounded shallow. It'll take some time for him to heal, Blaine told himself over and over again.

The doorbell rang and Rachel jumped up to open the door.

"Delivery service!" exclaimed the blond boy wearing a green hat, big nerdy glasses and a contagious grin. "I got everything you ordered, Ms. Berry."

"Great!" Rachel enthusiastically clapped her hands. "Come on in, Chandler!"

"First I went to that Italian place you love so much, Rachel, and got your favorite vegetarian lasagna, then I got some spicy Mexican specialties pour moi and last but not least I got Chinese for Blaine," Chandler narrated while handing out the food. "And because I pre-ordered I could pick up everything in time and everything's still hot."

"Good, I'm starving!" Blaine put his textbooks aside and cleared a space on the couch for Chandler while Rachel brought some brown pop from the fridge.

"Did you bring the DVDs?" Rachel asked.

"Yup! Evita and Chicago," Chandler said, rummaging in his satchel and holding up the DVDs.

"Very good!" Rachel praised and dug into her food. "Oh, I just love onion rings," Rachel mused out loud. "The best part of being single is the food, you know. I can eat onion rings without worrying about my breath, because no one's going to want to kiss me anyway." She smiled, but her smile dissolved and she choked on a sob. "God, I hate being single."

"Me, too," Chandler said with a sigh and a sympathetic pat on Rachel's knee.

"Yeah, me, too," Blaine joined in the self-pity party, but earned himself some skeptic looks.

"You've got Kurt," Chandler said, popping an onion ring in his mouth.

"Not really," Blaine countered. "I don't really know where we stand right now. I promised Kurt I wouldn't rush him into another relationship."

"Still, you two just belong to each other," Rachel pointed out by stabbing Blaine's arm with her fork. "Even when you're not together."

"Even I can see that," Chandler said with a huge hint of jealousy in his voice.

"I just hope that's still true," Blaine said, munching away on an egg roll. "I kind of feel like we've lost that. With all that happened between us, Kurt has become distant towards me."

"You can't blame him," Rachel piped up. "Give him time to come to terms with himself, before he's able to be with you again!"

"I do that!" Blaine assured her. "It's just not easy to resist sometimes. When he's near me, I want to kiss him so badly that it's hard to hold back. And when we're talking on the phone I always want to tell him that I love him, but I'm not sure if he wants to hear it, so I just choke it back."

"Yeah, I totally get that," Chandler said with a sigh, and blushed when Rachel and Blaine looked at him with raised brows.

"I guess I'd better put the DVD on," Chandler said and quickly got to his feet.

"No, wait, first Blaine's needs to break open his fortune cookie!" Rachel insisted happily.

"All right." Blaine opened his cookie and read the prophecy on the small piece of paper.

"What does it say?" Rachel demanded.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall," Blaine read.

"...in bed!" Rachel and Chandler added in unison and laughed hysterically.

Blaine smiled. He wasn't sure how this had happened, but somehow they all had become pretty good friends. Chandler was easy to hang out with and Blaine could see why Kurt valued him so much as a friend.

"Any news on Kurt?" Chandler asked on Saturday night a week later. "Isn't he supposed to come back this weekend?"

"He didn't really say when he'd be back exactly," Rachel said. "I'm guessing he'll be with us tomorrow, so he won't be late for work on Monday. How do I look?" She twirled around in her black dress, curtsying in front of them.

"Gorgeous as always," Blaine said, standing next to her in front of the mirror, working on his bow tie.

"He'd better be back in time to prepare for the fashion designer show," Chandler said, adjusting his tie. "Or else he'll be at a disadvantage."

Both Rachel and Blaine turned to stare at him wide-eyed. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn't he tell you?" Chandler asked, his eyes growing even bigger behind his glasses. "There's a young fashion designer competition starting next month. Kurt passed the application procedure and has been chosen as one of only ten young designers to participate in weekly challenges."

"Wow, that's just amazing!" Rachel was speechless. "Why hasn't Kurt told us about it?"

"It probably slipped his mind with all that has happened lately," Chandler offered. "Also, I could imagine he wouldn't want you to talk him out of it."

"Why would we want to talk him out of it?" Rachel asked incredulously.

"Because of Andrew, of course," Chandler said, like, duh. It was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What's it to do with Andrew?" Blaine narrowed his eyes.

Chandler arched his brows at them. "Didn't I mention that Andrew is kind of in charge of the whole thing?"

"No, you didn't," Blaine said through gritted teeth. Just the mention of Andrew's name had him on the edge.

"Well, Andrew will be accompanying the wannabe-designers with a camera team in the process of creating and making their own collection. The show runs for six weeks and every Saturday the contenders have to present their work at a fashion show with a nameable jury."

"It sounds like a huge step into a fashion career," Rachel admired.

"Sure," Chandler replied. "But after all that's happened between Kurt and Andrew I was wondering if Kurt's still doing the show."

"He can't do it," Blaine stated. "Not if Andrew will be around. I don't want that shithead to talk to Kurt ever again."

"You can't forbid Kurt to do this," Rachel said, sticking her finger into Blaine's face.

"Oh, please don't tell him that I told you," Chandler quickly said when he noticed what he'd done. "Gosh, I'm a sucky friend."

"You're not," Rachel said. "And we're not going to let one word slip about it, will we, Blaine? We'll wait until Kurt tells us himself."

Blaine let out a puff of air.

"Blaine?" Rachel repeated strictly. "Promise you won't ask Kurt about this unless he tells us himself."

"Alright," Blaine agreed, disgruntled.

"Guys, we should hurry if we want to make the opening in time," Chandler pointed out with a tap on his watch.

"I'm ready to go," Rachel announced and grabbed her purse. One last check in the mirror and the three of them went to the door, startled when it opened before they'd reached it.

"KURT!"

They were all surprised to see their friend come through the door, but Rachel was the first to react and shout out his name in utter joy. Rachel launched herself at him, engulfing him in a tight hug.

"Why didn't you tell us you were coming today? We would have prepared a welcome back party!"

"That's the exact reason why I didn't tell you," Kurt said with a short laugh, hugging her back. "I didn't want you to make a fuss over me."

Blaine couldn't help but beam. He was so glad to see Kurt again, just knowing that Kurt was back with them felt like a great relief. He hated being apart from Kurt. Although they had kept in touch with texts and phone calls the past two weeks, Blaine needed to see his friend face to face. Kurt definitely looked better than when he'd left for Ohio, but yet he seemed drained. Blaine knew that it hadn't been easy for Kurt to admit his problems to his family and have them fuss over him. Kurt was so proud and independent. He hated being the cause for worry.

"We're just about to leave for an exhibit opening. Do you want to come?" Rachel invited him excitedly.

"Thanks, but I'm really tired," Kurt declined. "I just want to get a shower and go straight to bed."

"It's good to have you back in town," Chandler said, rocking back and forth on his heels.

Kurt let go of the handle of his bag and stepped forward to draw Chandler into a hug.

"Thanks, Chandler," he murmured. "And thanks also for the sweet email you send me. I'm sorry I didn't reply but I was really moved by your words."

"You're welcome," Chandler replied, his voice a little bit too emotional for Blaine's liking. But Blaine swallowed down any feelings of jealousy and waited for his turn to be hugged.

But as Kurt let go of their friend, he just grabbed the handle of his suitcase again and moved across the room. "Have fun!"

"Are you coming, Blaine?" Rachel asked.

"Actually, I think I'm staying home, too," Blaine suddenly said with an apologetic grimace. "I'm not feeling too well and perhaps Kurt needs a little company."

"I'm fine," Kurt countered. "Don't stay on my behalf."

He acted as if he didn't care what Blaine was doing. Rachel seemed to sense it, too. She pulled Blaine into a hug, whispering, "Take it slow, one step at a time."

Blaine rolled his eyes, like, duh! I know that! I won't ravage Kurt on first sight.

Rachel and Chandler left and Blaine turned to talk to Kurt, but his friend was busy getting his clothes out of the suitcase and neatly into the wardrobe.

"How was your flight?" Blaine asked casually, stuffing his hands into the back pockets of his jeans.

"Smooth," Kurt replied without looking up.

"You look good, by the way," Blaine said. During the past two weeks Kurt had refused Skyping with the excuse that he didn't want Blaine to see him.

"Thanks, but I just had a really tiring flight, I doubt that I look anything near good."

"You do, though," Blaine said, feeling put down. This wasn't how he had expected their reunion to go. They'd had very good talks over the phone over the past two weeks. He had thought Kurt would be more relaxed in his presence by now.

"How about a hug?" Blaine asked casually, internally hating himself for being jealous of Chandler and Rachel.

Kurt looked up, but wouldn't meet Blaine's eyes as he pulled an apologetic face. "I'd rather not. I feel kind of icky."

"You hugged Chandler," Blaine protested instantly, and here he was sounding all jealous and needy.

Kurt chose to ignore his comment. "I'm going to take a shower if you don't mind."

"No, sure, go ahead."

The instant Kurt closed the door to the bathroom, Blaine threw himself on his bed with a moan.

"You're an idiot, Blaine Anderson, a stupid, jealous idiot," he was chastising himself while smashing his fists into the pillow. Why did he have to be all pushy and act like an idiot instead of giving Kurt space to breathe? Where was Rachel when he needed someone to stomp on his foot to prevent him from saying stupid things?

Blaine hugged his pillow and stared at Kurt's suitcase when it struck him that the bed he was occupying wasn't really his bed. Originally it was Kurt's bed and now that Kurt was back, they had to talk about sleeping arrangements. Blaine was certain that Kurt wouldn't be okay sharing a bed with him. Of course Blaine would offer to retreat to the couch for the time being, but the dreaded question would remain if he had to get himself his own bed or if he was supposed to move out.

He hoped Kurt wouldn't want him to move out.

Blaine was starting to feel depressed. After the night when he had faced Andrew and slept with Kurt on that couch two weeks ago, Blaine had hoped that things would develop quickly for them. He was willing to give Kurt space and time to explore his feelings, but he had been hoping that they'd soon be an item again. However, when they had texted or talked on the phone, Kurt had never made any indication that he considered them more than just friends.

Why did relationships have to be such a difficult matter?

Once you had betrayed someone's trust it was hard to win it back. Blaine knew that. But he also knew that he loved Kurt with all his heart and that deep down, hidden underneath all the pain and distrust, Kurt still loved him back.

Blaine turned around on the mattress, facing the ceiling and listening to the sounds of the shower. He waited for Kurt to show up again, not knowing what exactly he was waiting for. Surely, Kurt wouldn't be up for a discussion about their relationship status. Blaine wasn't even sure if Kurt wanted him around. Perhaps Kurt just wanted to drop dead on his bed.

Which brought Blaine back to the matter at hand.

Kurt's bed. Blaine sniffed the linen and sat up. He should probably change the bedding. Kurt wouldn't appreciate the scent of his sweat on the pillows.

Getting up again, Blaine opened the chest drawer and rummaged for fresh linen. Then he worked on the buttons of the bedding.

Kurt took a long shower, longer than intended, because he knew what would inevitably happen when he came out and faced Blaine again.

He had thought a lot about Blaine in the past two weeks. On one hand thinking about Blaine had been a sweet distraction, way better than facing his mental problems. But he also knew that it was nothing else but a fantasy. He wasn't ready to be with Blaine again, not in the full-on commitment kind of way Blaine wanted them to be.

Still, Kurt couldn't deny that he was filled up to the brim with desire and need and just listening to Blaine's timbre voice on the phone made him yearn to be with him, kissing and devouring. Now that he was back in New York and living in the same loft as Blaine, it would be impossible to hide his desire from him. Gosh, Kurt couldn't even hug him. Just one look into Blaine's hazel eyes and Kurt knew he'd be on fire.

Kurt turned the shower to cold. He needed to fight these conquering feelings. It was pure lust he felt for Blaine, probably because he hadn't been touched for over a year.

Kurt wasn't going to play with Blaine's feelings, which Kurt knew were sincere. He didn't want to use Blaine, but truth-time admitted, Blaine was the only one Kurt could imagine having relations with. Sure, he could have sex with strangers, but there was no way in hell he'd ever go and have a one-night stand. Kurt was already picky with his food and he was awfully choosy when it came to clothes, he couldn't for his life imagine selecting a random sex partner.

And why would he expose himself to total strangers? He hadn't even allowed Andrew to touch him and they had officially been boyfriends. But Andrew had been a different chapter of his life altogether. Kurt hadn't been with Andrew for love.

Kurt wasn't inclined to expose his battered body to anyone. He didn't want to explain to some stranger why there were fading bruises on almost every inch of his body.

Kurt raised his arm and stared at his bruised wrist. Even after two weeks it was still his worst injury. Sometimes he would look at it almost in wonder, as if it was the wrist of another person, and he'd feel so detached to the events that his mind was unable to grasp how he'd come to have such a bruise.

Most of the time, however, he'd still feel the wire he'd worn hidden underneath the sleeve of his shirt, the always present delicious pain that would distract him from the pain inside.

There still were times when he would dig his fingernails into his wrist just to feel the echo of that pain and drown into the sensation again.

Kurt turned off the water and stood, shivering. For a long moment he was overwhelmed with emotions. Anger at himself for losing control and succumbing to his weaknesses. Fear of what lay ahead, the fight that he still had to overcome with himself to stay mentally healthy. Deep-felt gratitude for Blaine to still hang on although he'd seen the mess Kurt had become. But hovering over everything else was the pure need to feel something else other than the despair that had become a constant in his mind.

And with Blaine in reach, the only distraction that came to mind was of a sexual kind.

Kurt felt selfish and he wasn't proud that he wanted Blaine, but Blaine was the only safe choice. They knew each others hot buttons and quirks. He knew he could just let himself fall when he was with Blaine and not worry about all his imperfections. Also, Blaine had already seen Kurt's bruises and he knew the story behind them.

But he couldn't ask Blaine to just be his sex buddy, could he? Would Blaine understand that he couldn't bear the responsibility of a relationship at this point in his life? He needed to recover from his broken heart, his broken shell, his broken everything before he could be the half of a whole again.

Kurt knew it wasn't fair to let Blaine keep pining over him, but then again life just wasn't fair. If it was, then Blaine would never have cheated on him and caused his trust to crack and leave a scar too big to cover up. Was it really that bad of him to ignore Blaine's request to be boyfriends again? Was it immature to just lust for his ex-boyfriend's body? Maybe he was over-thinking things and Blaine would be a willing sex buddy. They were both just human after all.

And what better chance than tonight? Here they were, all alone, because Rachel was out. What were the chances that they would have another night together any time soon? It was a perfect opportunity to hook up and Kurt didn't want to wait much longer and watch Blaine with hungry eyes.

Kurt let out a sigh of frustration. Why did this have to be so complicated?

Kurt came out of the bathroom and found Blaine fumbling with the bedding. "What are you doing?"

Blaine jumped at the sound of Kurt's voice behind him. "You scared me," Blaine said with an embarrassed little laugh. "I'm just changing the linen, so you can lie down in a fresh bed."

"Don't," Kurt said in a low voice and reached out for Blaine's arm to stop him. "That's really not necessary."

"I just thought..." Blaine couldn't finish his sentence, because Kurt grabbed both his arms to pull him closer and then Kurt's mouth was on his. Kurt's hands moved up to frame Blaine's head with both hands, pressing his mouth onto his with closed eyes.

Blaine stood frozen, his heart stopped beating and he didn't dare move.

Kurt parted lips with a smacking sound, his eyes fluttering open again. "You think too much," Kurt simply said, stroking his thumb down Blaine's cheek. "Stop over-analyzing everything."

Blaine didn't know what to say. His head was dizzy with a million questions, wanting to know what to make of this kiss. Knowing that he would just mutter complete nonsense if he opened his mouth, he stayed mute, just giving Kurt a short nod.

"You're cute when you're rendered speechless," Kurt said with the hint of a smirk and his fingers fumbling with the bow tie Blaine was wearing. "Nice to know I still have that effect on you."

"You kissing me will always have an effect on me," Blaine admitted, waiting for Kurt to make the next move, but Kurt let go of his bow tie and wandered about the apartment as if not sure what to do, either.

Blaine knew that the time spent back in Lima had helped Kurt to see things in a different light, but still he didn't look like he was at ease with himself and the world again. There still was that sad glint in his eyes that Blaine had noticed the very first time in that coffee shop when he'd finally met Kurt again after a year's time.

After taking the shower Kurt had changed into his pajamas, which were a little too wide on his thin frame. For a second Blaine wondered if the bruises on Kurt's body were still visible. His own had faded by now to just a shadow.

"Are you hungry?" Blaine asked. "Or do you want a hot beverage?"

"A hot chocolate would be nice," Kurt said and Blaine hurried to the kitchen to make one, almost fleeing from the situation. Why did Kurt kiss him? What was up with that? He decided not to read too much into it.

Kurt followed him and leaned with his back against the counter. Blaine grew nervous as Kurt watched his every movement. There was something in the way Kurt looked at him that made Blaine extremely self-conscious.

"I missed you," Kurt said out of the blue, and Blaine lost grip of the spoon he was holding and it scattered across the counter. Kurt arched his eyebrows in obvious amusement.

"Gosh, I'm such a klutz," Blaine let out an embarrassed chuckle and retrieved the spoon.

What kind of missing was Kurt implying? Did he just miss him for the past two weeks? They had talked on the phone almost every night. Or did he mean like, I missed you since the day we broke up? I missed you since forever.

"I missed you, too," Blaine said, and cleared his throat. He'd missed Kurt forever.

"Do you want a hug now?" Kurt asked innocently.

"Always," Blaine answered with a loving smile.

Kurt stepped to him and draped his arms around Blaine's neck in that familiar movement that felt so right and sent Blaine back in time.

"God, I missed you like crazy," Blaine murmured with his hands on Kurt's waist, holding him close. Kurt gently leaned his forehead against Blaine's and closed his eyes.

Blaine closed his eyes too, slowing down his breathing, inhaling the scent of his ex-boyfriend and getting delirious on the unexpected closeness. He was tempted to say it, to say the three words that meant so much to him, but they had agreed to just be friends for now, and Blaine didn't want to rush Kurt or make him uncomfortable by telling him that he loved him.

Also, he knew that he'd die if Kurt didn't say it back.

And then Kurt's lips were on his again, this time not just a lingering pressure, but a tentative nibbling, a teasing, a careful request for more. Blaine parted his lips and allowed Kurt to do whatever he wanted with him.

Kurt deepened the kiss. He gently but determinedly pushed Blaine back against the counter, pressing his whole body against him, close, so close and his mouth so hot that Blaine felt like Kurt meant to set him on fire.

After making out like this for a while – the cocoa long forgotten – Kurt drew back a little, resting his forehead against Blaine's again, panting hard. "Is this okay with you?" he asked, breathless.

Blaine let out a chuckle. "You seriously need to ask?"

"Let's move to the bed," Kurt suggested, causing Blaine's heart to skip a beat.

"Are... are you sure?"

"If we agree that this doesn't mean we're back together, then yes, I'm sure," Kurt replied, his hands on Blaine's waist and his eyes so attentive on Blaine's face, eager not to miss the slightest change of expression.

Blaine felt himself slumping with disappointment.

"Then what is this?" Blaine asked weakly.

"How about a hook-up?" Kurt offered, tilting his head to the side, still watching Blaine with those intense eyes.

"You want us to be friends with benefits?" Blaine asked incredulously, not bothering to hide his disappointment.

"Would that be such a bad thing?" Kurt countered.

"It's not what I want," Blaine admitted quietly.

Kurt moved forward and kissed him again, this time more determined and more desperate. His teeth grazing Blaine's bottom lip not so gently. "It's all I have to offer for now," Kurt replied and repeatedly kissed Blaine's mouth in an attempt to seduce him.

"Come on, Blaine Warbler," Kurt murmured against his lips enticingly. "Let's just do it."

Blaine felt another twinge at his heart by the mention of his former nickname.

Blaine Warbler didn't exist anymore. Blaine Warbler had just been a boy, terrible at romance and awkwardly trying to act mature when he didn't really know what he was doing. Blaine Warbler had been the boy who Kurt fell in love with and who fell for Kurt.

Was this the person Kurt still saw in him? Or did Kurt wish him to become that person again? Was Kurt clinging to a past that was long gone? Because Blaine wasn't that boy anymore. He had become someone else, someone with regrets but also with determination. Someone who knew what he wanted and was willing to do anything for it. He wanted Kurt to see him for who he was now, with all his faults and weaknesses.

Perhaps he was reading too much into it.

With a firm grip on his hand Kurt pulled Blaine back to the bed.

In the dimmed light of the bedside lamp Kurt stripped off his pajama top and pants and helped Blaine to undress in an almost impatient way.

Being naked with Kurt again after all this time wasn't embarrassing in the slightest, not like Blaine had thought it might be. On the contrary, touching Kurt's skin was like coming home.

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine murmured when his eyes found the various marks of violence on Kurt's slim body. Tentatively, Blaine touched the yellowish bruises on Kurt's collarbone and chest, hating Andrew for causing them and wanting to kiss the bad memories away. But Kurt had something else in mind other than slowly and carefully reacquaint one another.

Kurt pushed him back into the pillows and kissed him again, hard and needy. He left a trail of wet kisses down Blaine's throat as their bodies strained against each other; Kurt was straddling him, grinding against him until Blaine thought he would die from the sensation. Blaine held Kurt's body close to his and nuzzled his neck behind his ear, losing himself in that wonderful scent that was all Kurt.

But soon Kurt slipped out of his embrace and started using his hands and his tongue on him, and Blaine had to grip the linen hard not to twitch about uncontrollably.

Suddenly Kurt stopped and Blaine rose up on his elbows and watched as Kurt opened a condom and unrolled it on Blaine. The next moment Kurt was clutching Blaine's waist, sliding surprisingly strong hands to Blaine's hips to guide him where he needed him to be. Blaine pulled Kurt in for a searching kiss and moved automatically when he felt Kurt's hot, tight body close around him.

It all happened so fast and unexpected that Blaine had no chance to process what was even happening. All he understood was that Kurt wanted him, needed him and that he would do anything to be what Kurt needed him to be.

Kurt changed positions, he rolled Blaine over until Blaine was on top. Kurt's breathless sighs turned into needy whines as his legs wound around Blaine's back, urging him on.

Kurt had always been a pleasure moaner and Blaine died to hear the noises Kurt made when they were together, and Blaine loved it when Kurt moaned into his mouth when they were kissing. It was an incredible turn-on for him to have Kurt so completely surrendered to his touch. Especially since Kurt usually was a very closed-up person. Blaine wanted to do more kissing, but Kurt wouldn't meet his mouth as much as Blaine wanted him to.

"Blaine..." Kurt whispered in an urgent tone, his hands firmly on Blaine's back, pressing their bodies closer together.

"Yeah?" Blaine closed his eyes, anticipating, needing to hear those words. I love you...

"Blaine... please, don't stop..."

And suddenly Blaine understood. It was exactly what Kurt had said it would be. It was just sex. It was no more than needy sex, satisfactory for the body but not for the heart.

He wouldn't go as far as to say that it was meaningless sex, because it did mean something. It meant that Kurt was able to trust him again, enough to let him into his bed again. But this wasn't about trust anymore, this was about love.

And although Blaine was sure that Kurt still loved him to a certain degree, they had lost a big part of who they once had been as a couple. Realizing this scared him and it made him feel like they would never be whole again.

Afterward they just lay there, inches apart and panting.

"Gosh, that was good," Kurt said, breathless and with a satisfied chuckle. "So, so good."

They were close, but yet Blaine felt a distance. It should make him happy that Kurt wanted to be intimate again, but instead Blaine felt empty inside. How could Kurt be happy with just being friends with benefits? This wasn't like it used to be. Blaine remembered just too well how amazing and wonderful sex had been with Kurt, back when they'd been a couple. They would tease and joke around and have fun and love, love, love each other.

They had lost that, and Blaine wasn't sure they'd find it again. Everything just felt so wrong. And although Blaine fought hard to keep it together, suddenly he was overwhelmed by his emotions and a sob escaped his throat, his eyes welled up with tears.

"Blaine? What's wrong?" Kurt was on instant alert. He switched on the bedside lamp and cupped Blaine's face with one hand. "What is it?"

Blaine leaned away from him, burying his face into the pillow and his hands and cried those miserable tears of despair he'd last cried when they'd broken up.

"Blaine, please. Talk to me." Kurt wrapped an arm around Blaine's chest and planted kisses on Blaine's shoulder to calm him down. Kurt was so sweet and caring, asking him what was wrong, but Blaine couldn't explain any of it. His throat was too tight to be able to speak.

Kurt seemed to get it anyway.

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, with tears of his own in his voice. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Blaine, you know that, right? I know you want us to be together again, but I just can't be in a relationship right now. One day I'm sure I will."

"No, you won't," Blaine said, swallowing hard around the lump in his throat. "You don't love me anymore, I can feel it. I can feel the difference."

"I don't know what I'm feeling," Kurt admitted. "That's why I asked you to give me some time to figure it out. I was completely... I... I lost myself, Blaine. Your cheating was just the trigger for it. Many factors played into it. I have always been on the edge. I'm self-confident but at the same time I'm my biggest critic. I believe that I can achieve something but at the same time I'm scared to death of failing. And yes, I still hate you for cheating, but I also hate myself for letting you down and I need to find out how to trust in myself again and how to be able to trust you. But I'm weak, and I took advantage of you and I'm sorry."

Blaine didn't reply to that, he just continued weeping miserably into the pillow.

"Blaine," Kurt rubbed his hand over Blaine's arm. "Please say something."

Blaine sniffed and wiped his eyes with one hand, turning around to face his lover. "I love you, Kurt."

"Don't say that," Kurt said with a little shake of his head.

"I can't help it," Blaine replied, shuffling closer and cupping Kurt's face with one hand. "I love you so much." He moved to kiss Kurt again, but Kurt sat up straight and raked a hand through his disheveled hair.

"Stop saying that, please. Just stop." Kurt sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He felt like an asshole.

Blaine slumped back into the mattress, staring at the ceiling. He was out of tears. After a long silence Blaine reached out his hand and gently pulled at Kurt's elbow. "Let's just sleep, okay?"

Slowly Kurt settled back under the covers. He curled up into Blaine's side and allowed Blaine to close his arms around him. It took him a while to fall asleep, but it was a deep, dreamless and restful sleep like he hadn't had in quite a long time.

Thank you for reading. :)

A big special Thank You to LaurenEP18 for helping me with this chapter! You're truly awesome! Everyone, please check out LaurenEP18's fanfiction, too. She writes incredible badboy-stories. ;)

u/3794855/LaurenEP18

If you speak Spanish, please also check out the translation of

Trust Is A Flexible Word - Spanish Version s/9787026/1

by the wonderful Htuiba u/4358200/Htuiba

OK, so the first chapter of 'About Trust' is up faster than I thought it would be, but the next chapters will take time. Please be patient with me. I'm still writing on my other story No Regrets. :)

Reviews are always welcome, but please NO HATERS!