A/N: It's been too long! I'm sorry everyone for such a hold up. I haven't had much time to write and life gets in the way. I'm hoping to be more prompt on getting my chapters out there as there is a lot in store for everyone. TWO THINGS TO KNOW: I've edited chapter 10, so there are some changes there to be on the look out for. Also, (obviously) the 11th chapter is up! So if you have any comments or request to add to the story, I'd love to hear them! Please review!
He went in the room with her; sitting in the gust chair while she took the paper covered the table. The doctor had taken the rolly stool between them and opened the file. Handing over a paper to Rachel, she pointed out results.
"Its no guarantee," the doctor warned, "we still have a long way to go."
But…Jesse thought anxiously waiting to hear.
"But it's a good start," the woman finished. Good? The doctor said good. So that must be positive news right?
Looking up when he heard Rachel sniffle, he saw a smile start to grow on her face. Yes! It was good news.
"Your body seems to be responding to this therapy," the doctor went on, taking the test results back. "That doesn't mean you're out of the woods yet, but out of all the ones we have tried so far, I thought I would tell you the good news in person."
She smiled, giving a teary laugh.
"Your dads already know," the doctor added as Rachel worked through her shock. "I was on the phone with them before I came and got you. They were very happy themselves too."
"I'll bet," Rachel chuckled. Dr. Dillard patted her arm. "Have hope Rachel. Be careful on how much – but have some."
"Gosh, I feel like I can breathe again," Rachel laughed with more tears in her eyes. The doctor smiled but then also looked serious again. "That's good. Just remember, these results are not guaranteed. Things can still change. Its only been our first few tests and second round of the treatment. You're leukemia is strong so there is still a large possibility things can go wrong."
"Right," she noted, trying to contain her hope. Jesse thought the doctor was being a buzz kill. She had good results! But he understood – or at least watched as Rachel understood the intent of the doctor's message.
"Thank you Dr. Dillard," Rachel smiled while hopping off the table.
"I'll see you soon Rachel," Dr. Dillard responded, walking out behind the pair and going the other way.
"So you're in remission," Jesse said hopefully, staying close to her side while she wiped the happy tears off her cheeks.
"No, not yet," Rachel told him, "but I'm getting there."
The answer was good enough for him. It gave him strength and settled some of the worry he carried. Slipping his hand in hers, he laced their fingers together and glanced at her face for a reaction. She stared at their hands for a quick second as they walked, only looking up with a glimpse to him. Challenging her to remove them, she did no such thing and let them swing in-between them.
I love this woman, he thought as he watched her lead the way to leave.
He heard her dads shouting in happiness over the phone when she called them in the car. He couldn't help but chuckle, picturing just how ecstatic they were. As Rachel talked with them, Jesse ran his thumb over her skin in soothing motions as he drove. Although they had much more to talk about, he was happy for her. This was step one and she was doing better. When he pulled back into her driveway, she slowly began moving her conversation to an end with her dads. Telling them she loved them and would see them soon, she opened her car door and closed her phone, waiting to walk alongside Jesse.
They met half way in the driveway, both not saying anything but clearly debating it as they walked up towards the house. Finally before going to open the front door, Rachel turned to him. A giddy smile was plastered on her face; unable to hide the excitement of good news she just received. It warmed Jesse to see her in such a happy mood and it reflected just how he felt too.
"I know the doctor said you shouldn't be too happy but…" with that he picked her up by the waist and swung her around in happiness. He was so happy for her. Happy wasn't even the word! Smiling as she giggled in his ears, she held him around the neck until he finally set her down.
"Are you going to call glee club?" he wondered to her as she opened the front door for them. She debated it for a second, taking off her coat and purse at the same time while mulling it over. Opting to take his hand instead, she marched the two of them upstairs into to her bedroom, where she cuddled next to him on the bed. "Not right now. I just want to lay with you."
The words melted his heart and he began running his hands through her hair. "I missed this. I missed you."
"I missed you too," she murmured to him, hugging his body. Earlier had been erased. He knew she was giving him his shot and he was taking it with every moment he got. "Thank you Rachel" he sighed in his own blissful state.
Glancing up at him, she gave a confused gentle smile. "For what?"
"For this," he stated with his head bowed to see her as he signaled their cuddling moment. "For giving me a second chance."
Her eyebrows furrowed farther and a troubled look was starting to cloud her face. Re-adjusting her head, she broke eye contact from him and decided to listen to his heartbeat instead.
Way to go St. James he growled in his head. "Rachel…"
Rachel laid there quietly unsure of what to do. She didn't mean for it to seem like she was giving him a second chance. He had done horrible things – to her and the glee club. Was he a guy really worth giving a second change too? Yet at the same time, it was Jesse. He was a man that she couldn't live without, or so she thought. Not many would understand it, and not many would even comprehend it – heck, even she couldn't really, but what she felt for him was so strong and overwhelming…she truly did love him, even after everything.
"Jesse, I don't know if I can give you a second chance," she started off slowly with her ear still on his heart-beating chest. She had to give him an honest answer. She had to tell him exactly how she felt. Letting it sink in for a moment, feeling how he suddenly froze and stopped breathing, she took the chance to look up at him. At first all she saw was his surprised face, full of shock and disappointment, but then it slowly faded, only leaving a patient non-judgmental expression. Turning away again, she spoke her mind in a soft manner. "I want to believe everything you said Jesse, I really do. And I wouldn't doubt that Shelby put you up to those things. But you were so horrible to the glee club. You betrayed us; you manipulated my trust and theirs. You went behind our backs and continued to do that even when you saw it really hurt us. I-I-..."
Faltering, Rachel slowly got up from his arms and curled some hair behind her ear. She felt like she had to sit on her own for a second to really think about what choices she had to start making. He did all of those things. All of those bad things…yet…
"I still love you," she admitted. Seeing him in her peripheral vision sit up beside her, she took in a deep breath and tried to get out what she wanted to say. "I realized how much I good it felt to sing with you again after today and I felt how much I still cared for you. I-I know I still love you. I do. But I'm not sure if I could forgive you after everything you told me today. It was like everything had been torn open again. I felt every painful moment from when you left to when I found out the truth. I don't know if I can go through trust you Jesse. I don't know if I can really be with you after all of this."
Putting a hand on her cheek, Jesse waited until she looked in his eyes. "Give me time."
He waited until it sunk in before he elaborated. "If you give me time Rachel, I'll prove to you I'll never make that same mistake again. I know what it's like to lose you and I can't bear the thought of going through it again. I love you and I know you can't trust me right now. You feel lost and you feel scared, and that's because of me. But give me time. Give us time. We can make it through this I know we can. I just need time to show you."
He waited for a sign; any sign or emotion in her face to let him be with her. To let him prove that he could show her their relationship was worth fighting for; that he could fix what he screwed up and prove to her it was the biggest mistake he had ever made.
Remaining still in the pause of silence, he lastly saw her nod her head. He wanted to exclaim out his joy in that moment, calling out to anyone and everyone that could hear that he was getting his second chance. "I love you Rachel Berry and I promise to show you just how much." Pulling her lips against his, he poured every passionate fiber of his being into the kiss. Melting against him, Rachel enjoyed how happy she could feel him be now, and focused on how much she loved this kiss.
They laid there for what seemed like hours. Jesse didn't bother keeping time when it was just him and her laying on her bed. Their kisses and actions were all out of sweetness now. Neither had troubles or doubts any longer; neither pushed any physical boundaries and neither felt the need to fill the silence with small talk. They laid together peacefully; feeling like it was true bliss.
"Stay the night?" she wondered craning her head up to see him.
Jesse raised an eyebrow, halting his actions of running his fingers against her skin. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"My dads aren't home and I don't want to be alone. Plus, its not like we are going to do anything," she stated in a light tone. "I just want to be with you."
He chuckled, hearing her grumble out the last of her words in a pout and snuggled closer. "Of course I'll stay," he murmured kissing her head. Getting as close to her as possible, Jesse couldn't stop holding her.
"God I've missed this," he spoke softly. Rachel was wrapped up perfectly in his arms, her body flush with him. She gave a sly smirk making him go even crazier, and he kissed her again with force.
They fell asleep shortly after that. Both exhausted from day, they curled up with each other and had a sound sleep. It wasn't until the buzzing of Rachel's phone against her nightstand woke her up.
"Hello?" Rachel groaned out, barely able to move with Jesse's arms around her.
"Rachel Berry, where the heck are you? I thought we had plans to go to the movies with Finn and Brittany?"
"Oh I'm sorry Kurt," Rachel whispering quietly as she tried to slide away from Jesse so she could go in a different room to talk so she wouldn't wake him up. All she had to do was disentangle herself from his arms. "I completely forgot. After the long day today with everything and then Jesse came over to talk and we had to go to the hospital…"
"Wait, hold up!" he protested loudly over the phone. "Are you okay? Do you want me to meet you there? Did something happen? I swear if St. James…"
"I'm always the one being blamed," Jesse grumbled with his eyes still closed. Turning back in surprise, Rachel watched him give a small smile. Plucking her back to him, Jesse held her against him she couldn't escape. "Don't even think about it," he murmured.
Giving a good-hearted laugh, Rachel snuggled back against him and talked to Kurt. "No I'm okay. It was actually good news – happy news."
"So…" Kurt said waiting for her to talk. "What is it?"
Rachel laughed as her attention was diverted to Jesse, who was giving her little kisses all over her neck, shoulders, arms, and face. "Jesse," she laughed.
"St. James! Paws off, I'm trying to talk to my best friend," Kurt snapped knowing he could hear him.
Behaving, Rachel turned back to her conversation and filled Kurt in. "One of my treatments I've been on has started to show signs of progress. Its not much yet – there are still risks, but its looking a bit better." Hearing Kurt scream for joy on the other line had Rachel turning back towards Jesse with a smile of her own. It was exactly how they felt too. The two of them could hear Finn and Brittany ask Kurt was going on, but he seemed too ecstatic to respond.
"Kurt," Rachel giggled. "Kurt!" Getting his attention, she heard some shuffling over the phone. "So what does that mean? Are you you going to be okay? No, scratch that. I know you are!"
"I'm not sure yet," she replied in a calm tone. "My doctor says I have a long way to go and things could easily change."
"Oh please," he scoffed. "She obviously doesn't know you're Rachel Berry."
Jesse laughed, nuzzling himself into Rachel when she went to swat him.
"And so may I ask why Jesse is there with you?" Kurt asked slyly.
"We fell asleep," Rachel smiled over the phone.
"And you two are…"
"In a good place," she answered to her friend.
"Thank God," Kurt blabbed. "Tell St. James if he hurts you again I'll be coming after him. His ass will be mine."
Jesse rolled his eyes shaking his head teasingly. "He got it," Rachel reported with a smile. It earned her a tickle to her side from Jesse, but made her heart warm even more.
Hearing this, Kurt smiled. He was happy for his best friend. She was finally getting the joy she deserved. "Alright well I will let you two love birds go. Don't do anything too scandalous."
"Kurt!" Rachel protested, her cheeks already aflame.
"Bye Kurt!" Jesse chimed in, taking the phone from Rachel's hands, only to close it and chuck it somewhere else. He rolled her so she was on top of him, giving her a long passionate kiss.
"Jesse!" she laughed in happiness.
She's what I've always wanted, he thought.
Staring at him for a while when he went all daydream like on her, she moved a curl from his forehead and brought his attention back. "What?" she wondered shyly.
"You," he said warmly. Running his hands up and down the length of her body again, he flipped them around so her back against the plush bed. "I love you."
The glimmer in her eyes shined brighter and she looked carefree. "I love you too."
The rest of their evening was spent cooking dinner along with watching movies. They had finally gotten out of bed and done something other than cuddle and make out. Although Rachel didn't have much of an appetite and was pretty tired, she still enjoyed being with him. She felt less sick with him around and the happiness they felt kept her energy up. They sang while making dinner together, smiling at each other by the way they were so in tune, and even cleaned up like they had done it every night with one another.
"Will you come with me somewhere tomorrow?" Rachel wondered to Jesse as he had his arm around her shoulder while they watched a movie on the couch.
"Sure, where?" he questioned curiously.
"I want you to meet someone," she replied cryptically with a blush.
Jesse's interest peaked. Feeling his eyebrows raise some more, he wondered who this 'someone' was. "Can you tell me a little about this person?"
"Finn introduced me to him. His name is Sean. He's really nice, you'd like him."
Jesse gave a thoughtful face, wondering if this guy was competition that he didn't know about. Feeling her cuddle against him some more, he brushed off the thought. Rachel Berry wasn't some competition in the first place, and he definitely already had her anyways.
She had dragged Jesse after they had gotten up and stopped by his place so he could get a fresh pair of clothes on. Pointing out the directions, they pulled in front of a house and got out.
"Is he expecting you or something?"
"Or something," Rachel said, again being obscure. Ringing the door, she held Jesse's hand and waited for Sean's mom to answer the door.
"Rachel!" Mrs. Fretthold greeted.
"Hi Mrs. Fretthold, this is my friend Jesse," she stated stepping in the house like she had done a million times before. Feeling slightly awkward, Jesse did the same and said a quick "hi" to the woman.
"He should be awake, you can go see him."
"Thank you," Rachel smiled dragging him with her.
"Your friend?" Jesse questioned as they walked the hallways together. He didn't miss the title he gave her when she introduced him, and sure wanted to grump about it.
"Later," she promised, keeping his hand in hers while bringing him into a room. Jesse was greeted with a sight of a man lying on a hospital bed. He was wearing a plain white tee shirt and pair of track pants, but something seemed different.
"Rachel," Sean smiled.
"Sean," Rachel grinned, bringing Jesse closer before letting go and leaning over to give Sean a kiss on the cheek.
Observing the action, Jesse felt a smidge of jealousy.
"This is Jesse, Jesse meet Sean Fretthold."
"So you're the heartbreaker," Sean joked. Jesse was unsure to find it funny, but he thought it must have been since Rachel was blushing and rolling her eyes.
"Sorry, it's the bad humor thing," Sean explained. "At least it makes Rachel smile. She's a good audience you know."
"Oh, I do," Jesse replied looking back at his girl smiling and blushing. "So I hear you two know each other from Finn?"
"Yeah, he introduced me here to Rachel when she was losing her voice."
"He was the first one to know I was battling leukemia," Rachel added.
"So he knows?" Sean asked impressed.
"Long story," Rachel said dramatically. Knowing the two would fill each other in later, the three tried to make conversation.
"He really does have a good voice," Rachel insisted to Jesse.
"I've been getting some help," Sean told him, smiling when Rachel let out a small snicker.
"Can I hear you?" Jesse wondered still uncomfortable with how close the two of them were.
"I don't know about that…"
"Oh come on," Rachel insisted. Sean laid there thinking about it for a few seconds before turning his neck to her. "Only if you sing with me."
Flairs of jealousy re-ignited within Jesse, not liking the sound of that. Singing with her was his thing.
Weighing her options, she squeezed Jesse's hand that had somehow made its way entwined with hers before nodding. "Okay."
Thinking of a song, she put on her stage face. "Give me a second I,
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State
My lover he's waiting for me just across the bar
My seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking 'bout a scar, and"
Sean began singing then, "I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you're trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies, you know
I'm trying hard to take it back
Jesse couldn't stand it any longer; he had to add his voice in. "So if by the time the bar closes"
"And you feel like falling down" Rachel added to the last verse. "I'll carry you home"
Tonight" the three of them sang.
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun
Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun
Carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
Just carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
Carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
Just carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
The moon is on my side (Nananananana)
I have no reason to run (Nananananana)
So will someone come and carry me home tonight (Nananananana)
The angels never arrived (Nananananana)
But I can hear the choir (Nananananana)
So will someone come and carry me home (Nananananana)
Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
We can burn brighter than the sun
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I'll carry you home tonight
"You're pretty good," Jesse complimented to Sean when they were done, only now huffing slightly.
"That says a lot coming from Jesse since he's at Vocal Adrenaline," Rachel added, mixing somewhat of a compliment in there.
"Thanks," Sean added.
"Sean, its time for lunch," his mom came in.
"I'll stop by sometime this weekend," Rachel noted, giving him another kiss goodbye.
"See ya man," Jesse waved.
"Nice meeting you Jesse St. James." Sean watched them leave. "Treat her well," he said when they were out of sight.
When they got into the car, Rachel knew Jesse had questions. The drive home and halfway into her house she explained everything she knew about Sean to him. She told him Sean's situation, how she grew close to him, and that she goes to see him every week. "He's a really good guy," Rachel confirmed.
"But not as good as the guy from Vocal Adrenaline right?" Jesse teased as he quoted her earlier. She rolled her eyes hiding a smile. "Maybe." Traveling to her room, Jesse sat on her bed while she checked her email on her computer.
"So what made you do it?" He wondered.
"Do what?" she questioned, turning around to face him.
"Introduce me as your friend."
Rachel gave a small sigh, leaving her computer to go over to him. "It just slipped to be honest," she started as they sat near each other. "A-after the whole Regional's thing, and where we are now…I don't even know what to call you Jesse. Are we boyfriend and girlfriend again? Are we ready for that?"
He could tell she felt anxious and so he mustered the strength for the both of them. "I don't know about you Rachel Berry but I don't usually go around saying 'I love you' to random girls and kissing them."
Blushing, she smiled at him and curled her hair behind her ear. "Good, you better not."
Silence lapsed them again. "Just promise me this time around it will be different. No more life altering secrets and no more manipulating me or the rest of glee club. Deal?" she asked holding her hand out while staring at him in the eye.
He paused for a moment just for the dramatic pause. "Deal," he said leaning in and giving her a kiss instead.
"So what are you and Jesse doing about school?" Mercedes wondered during their glee club sleep over the next night. Jesse was now back in his own bed at home. Her dads had come home earlier in the afternoon and as much as she wanted to continue spending her day with Jesse, she had chemo (which she wouldn't allow him to attend) and then took a few hours to sleep before the mini glee club party, she liked to call it.
"What do you mean?" Rachel wondered while a few of them sat around to talk. Another movie had been put on, this time being some cheesy drama her, Kurt, Mercedes, and Quinn weren't really into.
"Well, he's still attending Carmel right? With Vocal Adrenaline?" Quinn clarified, trying to make the girl realize what hadn't changed. Although she backed Rachel and was glad she was happy, she could see this still ending badly.
"Well…y-yea I guess but…I mean, he wouldn't do those things again. He promise."
Kurt, Mercedes and Quinn all snuck a look to each other.
"Rachel," Kurt said taking her hands, "we trust him…"
"Actually we trust you," Quinn stated pointedly. There was no way she trusted a traitor yet. The whole team had opened their club to him only to be betrayed right before Regional's.
Mercedes agreed, "yeah, we trust you; him I'm not so sure of yet."
"Regardless," Kurt noted trying to get out what he was saying, "I think I can speak on behalf of all of us when we say be careful. As much as you love Jesse – which is great – he did betray us."
Rachel sat there speechless, thinking how this could possibly happen.
"We are happy for you," Kurt reminded her.
"We just want to make sure he doesn't have any other intentions," Quinn added again.
"What do you think he would try to do?" Rachel wondered to the three of them.
"Who knows girl," Mercedes shrugged, "I mean, I would have never thought about going that far into tricking the competition, no offense, but I don't want you to fall for another one of his tricks if it is."
Feeling scared, Rachel looked to Kurt. "Do you think it is?"
He took a long while to think about it. He had to admit, he had thought about it for a while – curious if the St. James was playing everyone again, but he knew he had to be careful with whatever answer would come out of his mouth. Somehow his opinion about Jesse meant more to Rachel than anyone else's.
"I'm not sure. I don't think that's for me to decide. You should just be careful. We both know how similar you can be and will do almost anything to win," he teased at the end.
Both Quinn and Mercedes saw how Kurt was trying to lighten the mood, so they laughed along too.
Rachel stayed silent though. She began deep thinking wondering if what they were saying was true. She was giving him a second chance. Was it wrong to?
"Vocal Adrenaline just has a lot of power over him," Quinn had to admit.
"Your mom too," Mercedes quipped.
They were right Rachel knew. It was how the whole thing had begun, because of his team and her mom.
"I-I-I don't know if I can lose him again," she told the group with teary eyes. It was the truth and probably her biggest fear. She wouldn't be able to go through another heartbreak caused by Jesse St. James.
"We're not saying you will," Quinn said coming over to wrap an arm around her shoulders. The poor girl had already gone through so much and she didn't want their concern to be misunderstood for being mistrusting or sneaky.
"We just want you to be careful," Mercedes said taking one of her other hands Kurt lent to her.
"We care for you Rachel," Kurt added with a soft smile.
"Its what friends do," Mercedes smiled, bringing smiles among the rest of their faces.
A/N: Review review!