Part 3

They're just waffles! (Don't threaten someone's pee hole)

The supermarket was a pretty small establishment for being placed in the middle of the city. It wasn't part of one of those big corporations that squeezed every last cent from the hard working population like the greedy leeches they were. No, this one was a regular, family friendly, family run shop full of mothers, grandmothers, big sisters and a few men looking pale in the baby food aisle.

"Hold yourself in readiness, friend, we're discount shopping today," Éponine told him with the most serious look on her face he had ever seen after finding a shopping cart and pushing it in front of him. "Today, you are my donkey," she said and patted him on the shoulder with an imperious nod.

What, so now he was her livestock? "Remind me again, why I'm helping you out?"

"Well, you say it's because you're a gentleman, I say it's because I'm good at making other people my slaves," she replied matter-of-factly as she motioned for him to follow her into no man's land, AKA the frozen food section.

He gave her a withering look. "You do realize you picked the wrong person to oppress, 'Ponine. I will not stand for this sort of tyranny." He still took charge of the cart though.

"Oh? What are you gonna do about it, slave boy? Build a barricade out of frozen pizza boxes?" She laughed a taunting laugh that, had she not been a girl, would have earned her a good slap over the head. God, she could be such an annoying little shit when she tried. Actually, she didn't really need to try; he suspected it was a natural talent.

"No, but that pyramid of canned peas could work." And why the fuck was he even going along with it?

"Oh, you rebellious scum! Why I should have you whipped for -" blah, blah, blah, she kept on rambling and threatening to punish him for his disobedience even as she started adding frozen strudels in the cart.

He had stopped listening after the first minute, and while talking about how she'd go all medieval S&M on his ass amused him greatly (he kept remembering Courfeyrac's funny walk from last night), he was too distracted by his damn cock that just wouldn't stop twitching inside his pants as she spoke.

Maybe he should have it checked; this was not usual behavior for the old boy. No, wait, that would mean some strange old dude would have to put his hand all over his junk. Yeah, no.

His dick finally stopped when he was startled by a sudden a loud gasp that came from behind, and he turned to find Éponine hunched over one of the freezers, her shoulders shaking slightly.

What now? Did she find gourmet frozen burger patties or something?

He approached her and was just about to tap her on the shoulder to ask what was up when she surprised him by turning 180 degrees on her heels with four boxes that were taped together in twos in each hand.

Both of them started at the unexpected proximity, and he took a step back almost instantly.

Personal space was sacred to Enjolras, and he considered it sacrilege when his own was breached. It wasn't necessarily horrible being that close to her. It was fine, actually. It was okay. It was nice. But yeah, personal space. It needed to be personal. What had he been saying?

"Enjolras, look!" Éponine said, holding the boxes up with teary eyes and looking like she had just creamed herself. He couldn't help but wonder if that was really what her face looked like after...

"Waffles. Two at the price of one." She lifted the packages and practically shoved them in his face. "TWO AT THE PRICE OF ONE, ENJOLRAS!"

He stared at the boxes, then at her expression of pure bliss, then back at the boxes again. "Am I supposed to jump up and down and squeal like a little girl at Disneyland?"

"Motherfucker, you should!" Éponine slapped him over the shoulder with one of the stacks and shook her head in disgust. "Clearly, you can't comprehend the joy of these leavened battery gifts from Jesus Christ, you heathen!"

"…Wow."

This woman was out of her mind, he thought as he rubbed his shoulder and wondered just how many bruises he was going to end up with by the time this day was over.

She must have bought at least half the packages that were available, and Enjolras just couldn't believe she could like a piece of patterned dough cooked in a toaster so much. They weren't even all that good, if you asked him.

He could never understand those who went ga-ga over food now that he thought of it. Why be so obsessed over something that just ends up becoming shit anyway? And hey, he enjoyed spending time on the can as much as the next guy, coffee tasted best when on the toilet after all, but to him, it was all just a waste of very precious time that could be spent overthrowing governments and bringing down corporate capitalism. He was so close to achieving them too.

"This day cannot possibly get any better, not after finding such bounty," Éponine said in a sing-song voice after she finished filling half the cart with fucking waffles.

"Hey, did you check the expiration date for those?" He picked up one of the boxes to examine it. "Usually when they do something like this, they're looking to get rid of them as fast as - "

"Who cares about that?!" she snapped and snatched the box from his hand like a madwoman and held it up in the air with both hands like it was fucking Simba. "Tomorrow morning, we dine like kings!"

"Oh-kay... Yeah, maybe we should move on."

He'd had enough of this aisle, and he was freezing his balls off a little bit. And if Éponine was going to go batshit crazy for every little discount she found, the faster they got this accursed shopping spree over with, the faster he could return to his regular, coffee-filled, waffle-free life. Maybe she'd tire herself out in the produce section, he hoped.

It wasn't like Enjolras blamed her for wanting to come out cheap. He really didn't. God knew how hard she worked for the shit salary she got, and if she wanted to pay all her bills and feed herself and her siblings, then she would have to save every single penny she could. And she wasn't one to accept help either, so all she and her family owned was bought with her own hard-earned money.

It really was unfair. It was outrageous and it pissed him off beyond reason how unfair it was. Because Éponine didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to bust her ass like she was just to fucking survive.

The Thénardier kids had always had it rough. Too rough. Their parents were a couple of parasites who cared more about money, the bottle and their dope than their kids, but who were now were thankfully rotting in jail, where their hateful asses belonged. Shit, he had practically thrown them in there himself, with the help of Pontmercy and Courgette's dad.

Multiple accounts of burglary, assault, extortion, fraud, and even one or two charges of murder… yeah, a couple of real model citizens those two were, and the thought that they had involved their children in the 'family business' made him want to fucking puke and call in that favor with one of his dad's more discreet friends. It had taken so much self-control, Combeferre and chai tea not to pounce on her dad and tear him limb from limb for everything he'd made his family go through, and he still regretted it to this day that he didn't at least manage to throw in a punch to that evil son of a bitch's face.

He started remembering the days of the trials and what a completely different girl Éponine had been then. Gloomy and fed up with life, angry and tired, afraid, but prepared and resigned for life to spit in her face yet again. She was brave, braver than anyone he ever knew, and selfless to boot. She never cared about what would become of her, as she had told him; it didn't matter if they'd charge and send her to jail for the things she had done, but then, what would happen to Azelma and Gavroche? All she had cared about were her little brother and sister, which had been the reason why, for the first and only time, Éponine had asked for help.

Her siblings had been underage, while she had barely turned 18. Chances would have been, after the Thénardiers got convicted, they would be sent either to foster homes or orphanages, which was something Éponine would rather have died, or mass-murdered, than let happen.

It had been a close call, but thanks to his and Pontmercy's, or rather his granddad's connections and convincing cases, they had managed to get the Thénardiers 20 years and help Éponine be granted custody of her brother and sister. That was also the first and only time he had seen Éponine cry. Not like she cried during The Lion King or Toy Story 3, but real, big fat tears of joy and relief. It had been a beautiful uncomfortable moment and she had given him the biggest bear hug he had ever received, along with tears and snot on his shirt.

Everything had been going well for them since then, except for one matter that was a source of sadness and depression for Éponine to this day, and that was the issue with her two missing brothers.

There were two more Thénardier kids, two boys, one should be around five, the other about seven, who their parents had fucking sold to who knows who and who knows where a few years back. Yeah, sold. Shit like this actually still happens in this supposedly civilized society they were living in. Made songs like 'What a wonderful world' feel really incongruous.

No one knew where the two boys had ended up, or where they were now, and Enjolras knew it was Éponine's greatest desire to see and take her little brothers back. Even though she knew that adding two more mouths to feed would probably end up bankrupting them, she had still tried everything to find the kids, but had come up short every time.

That's when he and Les Amis decided to take matters into their own hands. She, nor Azelma and Gavroche knew of the 'get the Thénardier family back together project', reason being all of them were too goddamn proud to accept their help had they offered it. Pigheadedness and pride ran in the family, after all.

So far, they had come up with nothing, but none of the guys had any intention of giving up anytime soon. Enjolras had actually flown all the way to Switzerland once, on a hint that they might have ended up there. It had been a dead end, but he was definitely not one to lose hope.

His mind was kept preoccupied by the Thénardier dilemma even as they strolled through the aisles and Éponine kept throwing shit in the cart, her sixth sense for bargains on full alert and probably keeping her too preoccupied to even register his presence anymore. Guess he really was her donkey.

It was only when suddenly, a marvelous, divine smell hit his nostrils that he stepped down from his Mind Palace and back into reality (and yeah he had a Mind Palace; actually more of a Mind Castle… Motte and Bailey… 12th century… Wales).

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes in pure, junkie bliss. "Coffee aisle." Oh, he was in heaven. But when he opened them, he was met by such a horrific sight that mortified him down to the bone marrow.

"Oh no you don't!"

He practically dashed to where Éponine was and slapped her hand away from the packet of instant coffee she was stupidly about to grab.

"Ow! What the fuck?!" She glared at him, clutching her hand and rubbing where he had hit it.

"Éponine Thénardier, if you even dare touch this disgusting, tasteless, imposturous shit, then so help me I will take it upon myself to literally smack some goddamn sense into you! It'll hurt me more than it'll hurt you, but it'll be for your own good."

She actually had the nerve to roll her eyes at him after what she had just been about to pull. "Listen dude, I know you and caffeine have a dirty little love affair going on, but instant is cheaper and quicker. Don't let me fucking remind you about my little morning problem; time is not my friend at 7am. Plus, you know I don't have a coffee machine, and no way in Mordor can I afford one right now."

Oh, this poor, misguided, Lord of the Rings fan. Good thing she had the guru of caffeinated brewed beverages to guide her to the light; or Lothlórien, if they were playing that game.

He made a hand signal for Éponine to wait right there, and he dashed off, running around the aisle, eyes and hands picking up the exact items he needed in a flash faster than the Flash. After he got everything on his mind's list, he returned by her side and stared her from above, ready to bestow his wisdom upon the sad peasant.

"Listen up and listen good, because I am not going to have this conversation with you again," he said, almost robotically, as if it had done this a thousand times (actually, it had only been 4 other times, but those were stories for another time). "Even the cheapest brand of ground coffee is better than that instant garbage people dare attribute the same name as this brew of warriors." He held up a bag of some no name brand coffee and threw it with a majestic flick of the hand into the shopping cart.

"Okay, I believe you chieftain, I really do, but I told you I don't have a coffee machine to - "

Enjolras held up a hand barely millimeters away from her face and silenced her. "Coffee filters." He held up a pack of the aforementioned product so she could see it and then tossed it with the rest of the shopping.

"Pay close attention, 'Ponine, because I am only going to explain this once, so make sure you burn these instructions deep into that intriguing, eerie mind of yours." He ignored the glare she threw him and began counting up fingers as he spoke. "Mug. Strainer. Filter. Coffee. Pour hot water slowly over coffee. Voila, manual drip machine. Easy. 10 minutes."

Her eyebrows rose a few notches. "Oh, that's pretty - "

"I'm not finished. Option number two. Let water boil to a simmer then turn heat off. Add a teaspoon of coffee for every 200 milliliters of water. Again, mug, strainer, filter. Pour brewed coffee slowly." He took a deep breath. "Cheap, quick and easy traditional coffee brewing. You're welcome, Kimosabe." He nodded and gave her the good ol' wink and a smirk to go with it.

"Wow." Éponine blinked and stared at him blankly. Clearly she was too impressed to even be able to articulate her praises. Completely understandable.

"Well," she cleared her throat and pursed her lips, "Now that was. That was… Yeah."

She shook her head slightly and after a few seconds looked like she had found her voice back. "Well, now that that's over with, do you think you can go get me some peanut butter? I gotta go grab something real quick."

"What?"

Oh hell no.

"No. You're not leaving me by myself. I won't let you." Enjolras shook his head so hard he got could she do that? Even after he had shared his wisdom with her. "No, I'm coming with you."

Okay, so supermarkets scared him a little bit. Only a little, though. And hey, lots of people had this problem; he was sure there was even some '-phobia' name for it too.

"Well, you have two choices," she replied and held up to fingers in a piece sign. "One, you could go fetch me that peanut butter and I'll even give you a spoonful to lick later, as a reward," she counted off one finger, which left only the middle one standing. Hilarious.

"Two, you could not go fetch me the peanut butter and instead come help me choose which tampons and depilatory cream to buy. Your call."

He blinked. "Okay, so where do I find the peanut butter?"

Yeah, Enjolras would rather face the great unknown of this supermarket on his own than face the great terror of the lady products aisle. There was only so much bravery he had to spare, and he was still saving it up for the sweets section.

After explaining flight attendant style where he had to go, he set off by himself while she ran in the other direction to buy mysterious girl things he had no knowledge of, or interest in.

God, he felt so awkward pushing the shopping cart by himself, and even he was feeling a little bit self-conscious of the fact that it was full to the brim with goddamn waffle boxes. He must have look like a complete gastronomically challenged loon.

Enjolras was almost power walking to the section where he would find the stupid peanut butter, pushing past grannies with carts full of cat food and moms carrying a basket in one arm and a kid in the other, ignoring the cusses they muttered and the glares they threw at him. Fuck them, he just wanted to get his stuff and find Éponine so they could get the fuck out of here ASAP. Sacrifices had to be made for the greater good, which was himself.

"Victory!" He huffed in triumph and relief when he finally reached his destination. Now all he had to do was just pick one… One…

"Oh fuck…"

Of course. Of fucking course there would be over 10 different kinds of fucking peanut butter on the rack, in 10 different sized jars, that came in 10 different brands and 10 different prices. Fucking great. He squinted to read the labels of some of them: sugar-free, sodium-free, smooth, chunky, organic, natural, regular… why were there so many types of fucking peanut butter?! It was peanut butter. Butter made out of peanuts. What kind of fucking world was this where a guy couldn't just buy a jar of peanut butter without feeling like he was on fucking Jeopardy!? Which was right and which was wrong?! He felt like he couldn't breathe well and everything was starting to grow warm. What kind of peanut butter did Éponine like?! What was he gonna do?!

"Hey, you okay?" Someone spoke and he jumped a mile up, almost having the living shit scared out of him.

Enjolras turned his head to find a man standing beside him, staring at him with a worried and slightly freaked out look on his face. The guy was taller than he was, and was of a pretty big build. He seemed like one of those healthy office workers, who jogged in the mornings, and came home to drink one of those disgusting smoothies that made your shit all gooey, because real men nowadays apparently have a healthy digestive system.

The dude was wearing a pretty fancy suit, which clashed a little bit with the shopping basket he was carrying in one arm. He was a guy who could be deemed attractive, if you were into the rich, clean-cut, bright eyed, brilliant smile, probably-goes-to-a-salon-to-get-manicures type. Disney Prince! Yeah, that was the right word.

"You looked like you were freaking out a little bit over there," said mister good-looking, flashing him a big, exaggeratedly white smile.

"Yeah, I'm good," Enjolras replied a bit awkwardly. "Just couldn't decide which type to buy." He pointed at the antagonistic shelf and internally cringed. How pathetic was he that he would lose his shit over a jar of fucking peanut butter?

Prince Charming chuckled a really charming chuckle that kinda pissed him off a little bit. "Well," he said in a deep, clear voice that probably attracted bluebirds to his window in the morning, "I'd like to think that the most expensive one is usually the best choice." He picked up a jar of organic, super-smooth peanut butter and placed it in Enjolras' hands. "Quality asks for good investment, I always say." Then he grinned and winked at him like some old-fashioned car salesman, and Enjolras puked in his mouth a little bit.

He did appreciate the advice on the peanut butter, though. "Shame not everyone can invest," he muttered as he rolled and eyed the jar in his hands pensively.

"Ah well, society is perverse like that, isn't it? I'm Gerard." He extended his hand to Enjolras and flashed him another blinding smile.

He nodded and shook the guy's, Gerard's, hand briefly before letting go. "Nice to meet you."

"I haven't seen you around here before, are you new to the neighborhood?" Pretty boy asked as he picked up an identical jar of peanut butter and placed in carefully in his basket, where it fit among the salads and fruit like there had been a special place assigned from it from the get-go. Wow, a guy who was more anal retentive than he was, what a world.

"No, actually, I'm here with someone. She just went to pick up some other things."

"Oh," Gerard replied and looked slightly put off for some reason. "Helping the girlfriend out with the shopping?"

Enjolras did a double take. "What?" His head whipped around, looking to see if Éponine had not been near enough to hear the ridiculous shit that had just come out of this guy's mouth. "No. No, no. No, she and I… No!"

"Oh." And the smile was back at full intensity. This guy was pretty fucking weird, the way he went from hot to cold and back to hot faster than it took Grantaire to down a shot of Tequila, which was Guinness Book of Records fast, mind you.

"I'm terribly sorry, usually when a man and a woman go shopping together, people automatically assume they would be a steady couple, or married." Gerard laughed and covertly eyed him with a raised eyebrow, as if he was trying to make sure of something.

Well fuck society and its stereotypes. A man and a woman could go shopping and be friends just fine. He and Éponine were just fine. Everything was fine.

"No, 'Ponine and I…" he wanted to reply, but the words got stuck in his throat for some reason.

"She does seem to like waffles, though," Gerard cut in and smirked at the shopping cart full of discount waffle packages, actually saving him the trouble of giving an answer he couldn't seem to find,.

"…yeah." Enjolras looked at cart, then at the fancy jar of peanut butter he was holding and smiled. "She does." He put the jar he back on the shelf and instead picked the cheapest, most regular kind out of the lot and threw it in the cart.

He didn't wait for Gerard to even ask. He didn't even care what the guy had to say anymore. All he wanted was to find Éponine and go home, or anywhere else. There was a bit of an urge to see her bubbling up somewhere unmentionable and it spooked him out, but he would think about that later. He needed out and he needed it now.

"I'll see you around, man," Enjolras nodded briefly in Gerard's direction and turned to leave to go find Éponine, but he was stopped in his tracks by a big, apelike hand on his shoulder that kept him firmly in place.

"Hey, why the rush?" Gerard was looking down at him with a lopsided grin and his hand clenched around his shoulder. "We should talk a bit more. I don't get to meet interesting fellows like you much."

Enjolras made a face, and tried, and failed to shake the guy's hand off. "Dude, you just met me, how the fuck do you know I'm interesting?" His personal space was being invaded again, and this time it wasn't even in the slightest bit pleasant, and the look Disney Prince was throwing at him was making all kinds of alarms go off.

"I'm a good judge of character." He still kept fucking grinning like a moron. "Why not stay a while longer? Let's chat more."

Oh.

If Gerard had gone from hot to cold, Enjolras in that moment went to full on blizzard. Every time. Every fucking time. Did it really get to the point where he couldn't go out of the house without some chick or slimeball wanting to get in his pants? 'Good judge of character' his ass; he wanted to snort, but he was too angry to even pretend to be amused. See, that's why he didn't trust people, no one was kind just for the sake of being kind anymore, it was all just to get something, or someone, in return. The world was a fucked up place and he wasn't changing it fast enough.

Apparently, Gerard was not only a good looking douchebag, he was also an idiot, because he had the gall to ignore Enjolras' death glare and actually approach the iceberg.

"You know, I think you and I could have a lot of fun together," motherfucker got closer and closer.

One breath, two breaths, three breaths, four breaths; he had to stop because Gerard's fucking expensive, high-class cologne making him want to vomit, or maybe it was just him. Probably both.

His fists were clenched at his sides, and it took so much self-control not to bust this asshole's skull open; there were children present, and Enjolras was pretty sure that seeing brains scattered all over the floor wouldn't do them good in the long run. He considered breaking his arm, but again, not the best course of action for their location.

He was so busy contemplating how to end this guy that he didn't notice Éponine approaching until she was basically a meter away from where they were. "Enjolras?"

Both his and Gerard's heads shot up when they heard her speak. She was eyeing the scene with a frown, and her eyes were dark and pretty goddamn terrifying, considering her overall appearance. Her arms were full with boxes that looked eerily feminine, a bag of tomatoes, and a long ass English cucumber that she was holding under her armpit. It was quite the sight.

"Yo, everything okay?" she asked and dumped the load of shopping into the cart, along with something black and small she pulled out of the pocket of her jeans that he couldn't really make out what it was.

Enjolras didn't get a chance to even answer, because fucking Prince Not So Charming actually cut him off and started speaking with the most condescending tone he had ever fucking heard. "Everything is fine, Mademoiselle, now please excuse us, we were having a conversation."

Ooooh, he was gonna get it now, and judging by the red tint Éponine's skin had taken, he was about to get it good.

She turned around for a second, picked the cucumber out of the cart and held it up in the air as she slowly approached Gerard, like a glorious lioness on the hunt. "Listen, Monsieur, I can clearly tell my friend over there is uncomfortable by your gross, pretty-boy ass all up in his face, so I advise you to back the fuck up, or I take this here cucumber, which I was planning on using to make a killer salad by the way, and shove it up your pee hole so hard you'll be pissing blood out your nostrils if you don't. And I say pee hole and not asshole, in the off chance that you might actually enjoy having big, long vegetables rammed up inside it." She took a deep breath and glared at Gerard with such intensity, Enjolras was worried the guy might spontaneously combust. "Get your hands of my friend. Now."

The pallor of his face made Gerard look like a corpse, which gave Enjolras, and probably Éponine, a few ideas, but they agreed with a few glances between them that murder would be too much of a hassle, and this guy totally wasn't worth the paperwork.

Without even so much as another word, pretty boy douchebag's hand left Enjolras' shoulder and he was off like a bat out of hell, before Éponine even got the chance to make glower at him some more.

Then she turned on him, and Enjolras felt his blood run cold. "What the fuck were you doing, man?" she barked and threw the cucumber back into the cart with such force it snapped in two. It made Enjolras flinch and unconsciously move his hand over his crotch. "Jesus, I leave you alone for five fucking minutes and I come back to find you getting sexually harassed by some fucking Disney Prince."

Enjolras snorted and he looked at her, ready to pretend to defend himself, not really feeling upset anymore. How could he after such a beautiful display of baddasery on her part? Still, he found his eyes were captivated by the angry blush on her face and the glint of sweat on her forehead. You could always tell when 'Ponine was mad, which was probably intentional, because no one dared fuck with her while the beast was out.

"Should I apologize?"

She sighed and rubbed at her face. "Nah, it wasn't your fault. Just don't talk to strangers from now on, okay?"

He smiled and nodded. "I can't believe you threatened his pee hole, though," he reminisced happily as they finally moved along in the direction of the checkout counter. "It was fucking beautiful."

She shrugged, trying to look all nonchalant as she started laying the shopping on the counter, but the twitch of her lips was a dead giveaway of how fucking proud of herself she was. "Yeah, well, I needed to put the fear of God into him."

"So you were actually going to sacrifice your killer salad for me?" He smirked and looked at his feet. "I'm touched."

She laughed as she put the last of the shopping on the counter, and Enjolras noticed she was especially careful in hiding that small black thing from his view. He guessed it was probably other embarrassing girly things, so he didn't ask.

"You're more important than food, man, and I really honest to God mean that. Hey, you got the right kind of peanut butter." Éponine raised her head, looking mildly surprised and grinned at him; now that was what he called a brilliant smile.

And shit, Enjolras really was touched. He was actually touched in the deep dark abyss that should be called his heart. He didn't even remember when the last time that happened was.

Today sure was weird, what with the heart touching and the cock twitching. If Joly weren't such a little psychopathic hypochondriac he would actually ask for some advice, but alas, he was insane. He couldn't ask 'Ferre, he would just get annoying and look for some deeper, philosophic meaning behind his symptoms, and nobody had time for that.

It took exactly 10 minutes for them to check everything out and pay the cashier (he had counted), and now they were finally outside in the blessed sun, hands full of plastic bags, and Enjolras actually swore to himself not to go near a supermarket for the next two to three weeks until he detoxed himself of the godforsaken atmosphere of self-service shops.

"You coming or what?" Éponine called out as she held the door of a cab open for him, and Enjolras wondered when the hell she had even hailed it.

He raised an eyebrow in confusion, but followed her anyway. "Where are we going?"

She closed the door behind her after they both got in and smirked. "My place."

Hi guys, thanks a lot for reading. I know the quality is slightly lower than the previous parts, but in my defense those were written in the span of several months, while this was done in less than a week and most of it during work. Unfortunately, I can't do any better right now.

Hope you liked it nonetheless.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and please keep it up, it motivates me to keep going.

Note: the next part will take a while, because I want to get chapter 6 of The Only One written, so please be patient with me.