Chapter 20: Light Fading

Peter Pan does save the seer of the enchanted forest. When he sets her free he asks her why she chose to remain imprisoned for so long. She said only that it was to preserve the future they both wished to pass.

"Remember to guard your light Peter Pan." She'd said before walking into the woods and leaving Pan to stare after her. He supposes if he knew too much of the future, he would speak vaguely as well.

The third year Ella wakes she and Pan are alone. He's sitting turned away from her bed and Ella almost doesn't recognize him. Not because he really looks different. His face is the same his clothes are the same, but behind the eyes he's not. He looks hardened and cold and it's breaking her heart.

"Pan." Her voice quavers and she watches the darkness on Peter grow distant and he takes his place by her side holding her hand.

"What has happened?"

"What makes you think–?"

"Peter Pan you will not lie to me." She proclaimed profusely. "You will not keep things from me." Pan swallows thickly and looks down. The darkness that was clouding him slips back into place. She grips his hand and feels like she's going to cry.

"Not from me, Pan." She chokes out. "Don't hide from me too."

"I'm sorry Ella. So sorry." He leans his head against hers and she feels the wetness of his tears on the side of her face."

"What's happened?"

"Something's wrong with me."

"Tell me."

"I've… hurt people."

"So have I." Images of sand monsters and fleeing men flash through her mind. Of Lazarus and Reagan and Luther and all of their men that she crushed the life out of.

"Not like that. No reason at all. I've become a trickster. I'm not like I was before."

"You simply do not have someone to keep your darkness at bay. That was my job. How had you ever gotten along without me my love?" She want's her words to be light but they are much too serious.

"You can't protect me from myself while I'm saving you. While you sleep." She looks down and her eyes catch on something on the floor.

"You'll have to do it on your own then."

"How?"

"There's more than one person inside us all Pan, you've just got to learn to separate the good and the bad. And be not mistaken; even the purest person has a degree of darkness within them." She reaches over the bed as she speaks. Pan watches in confusion as her hands reach out to nothing and then it hits him; the sensation tearing through his gut and the realization: She's touching his shadow. He feels the anger leaving him, as if its sweating from his skin and rolling down his limbs until he feels like he can breathe easier than he has since Ella was cursed. It's not gone entirely, its just pushed to the back of his mind. He reaches out with his consciousness though it was like the darkness was waiting. The anguish washed over him again and Pan struggled to push it back. When it was finally back on the other side of the wall he looks down at his feet and his shadow is standing next to him. He's made of smoke but he's got bright red eyes like glowing orbs. He stares until Ella's moan brings him out of his revere.

She pale more so than usual and visibly clammy. She's shuddering and shaking and Pan barely catches her before she falls of the bed.

"Ella." He tries to convey his gratitude, his loss, his misery, his love, but she merely smiles her same weak smile and touches his cheek.

"He can do now what you cannot. One day you can be set at peace with him but he will be cruel where your heart cannot."

"Ella you shouldn't have–"

"Just be sure to guard you're heart." She places her tiny palm on his chest. "Guard it as I would. I love you for trying to save me Pan, but make sure you save yourself too when it's necessary." Do not lose your light Peter Pan. She starts to cough roughly and eventually she passes out from the effort. She doesn't awake again for another year.

Sometimes Ella wakes up to only Pan there and she can't get him to say anything at all. One year she wakes up and he's not there at all. Only Felix now comes to visit her, and he tells her of all the awful things that Pan does to find this boy; The boy with the heart of the truest believer.

"He's merged back with his shadow. His goodness is buried in grief" Felix's eyes are shinning. "You are not even dead!" He growls.

"He doesn't even remember what he's fighting for." She says. She looks worse every year now, her eyes are sunken and her skin is taught. Felix fears one year she will not wake at all. He wonders how much of her deterioration is due to the strain against the curse and how much is the weight of all that Pan has become in her absence.

"I do no think that is true. But he has been driven into a craze. He loves you too much to live a good life alone now."

"And yet here he leaves me."

"Mother…" Felix looks resigned; he knows there's nothing he can do.

"Don't my boy. It's no fault of your own." He breathing hitches and she gasps a little regaining her air

"Mother you're dying."

"Fighting this makes me so ill. I'm not sure how much longer I can take it."

"What can I do?" He asks. His face is stoic and blank and Ella knows she could say anything to him right now and he would obey. She loves him so much.

"I want to meet the new boys. Gather them and bring them to me. I'll meet them and then you must take me down to the lagoon before the spell reclaims me."

"What are we doing at the lagoon?" Felix asks already on his feet.

"We are going to ask the Queen Salacia to stop my awakenings."

"Mother!"

"I feel as if I'm going to die. Perhaps if we don't do this I will." She meets his gaze and sees him swallow his pain thickly. "Go now my boy. Let me meet them first."

He leaves and comes back with the boys. Ella smiles and hugs each one taking in their name both of the island and before. She caresses every face.

"Felix we have to hurry." Ella gasps kissing a red headed boy in the head and sliding him out of her bed.

"Liam, go get the twins." A lanky boy with dark hair shoots out of the room. "The rest of you go and hide together. Not a word to Pan. Go!" The little boys run out of the room, some with final kisses to Ella; With reverent glances toward their would be mother.

The twins hustle into the room and Ella can already feel herself fading but Felix is there for her. "We need to get her down to the lagoon, hurry. Trick is already down there, the Queen will meet us." One of the twins gathered her up in his arms. Half way to the beach she was switched off to the other. The world around her is hazy, but she still startles when the cold water pierces her skin. She hears splashes as the boys dive into the water to carry her out to meet the Queen Salacia. She sees Trick and extends a shaky arm towards him. He takes it. She thinks maybe he's crying. He kisses her hand. He's knee deep in water and wet all over but Ella thinks he might be crying. The twins are keeping her legs steady and Felix is by her head.

"We're almost there. Just hang on." She tries to nod but it's a fruitless venture.

She looks at Felix when they finally stop swimming forward. She feels delicate fingers steady her head and looks up into the face of Queen Salacia herself. She speaks directly into Ella's mind.

Hello friend.

Salacia…

"Ella?" Felix prompts. Many, even those here on Neverland, are unfamiliar with the manor in which mermaids prefer speak.

I wish Pan had not kept you hidden away in that cave. You've grown so very weak. Death rests like a second coat on you're skin.

He will be furious if you help me.

Nothing compared to your actual death.

"It's okay." She says to Felix. She pulls his head down to kiss him on his forehead. He is crying, she can see that with certainty as he rests his head on hers.

Will he attack you?

Ancient though he is, he is still a child in my eyes. If he attacks we will remind him of his humility.

Thank you my friend. Goodbye for now

"Goodbye for now, my son." Salacia's voice echoes as she sings both into Ella's mind and out loud. The water around her glows faintly yellow as the magic furrows into her.

But not forever.

"But not forever."

"Felix he's coming!" Ella's world fades to black.

"Felix!"

"I heard you Trick." He yells.

"It is done." Salacia says. She swipes a thumb across Ella's head and then releases her to Felix and sinks down into the water. The other three boys quickly converge on Ella and drag her through the water back to shore. One of the twin's yells and Pan plucks him out of the water and throws him over his shoulder.

"What have you done?!" Pan yells.

"Run!" Felix tells the other three. "Just run!"

"What have you done?" Pan screams stepping up to Felix.

"What she asked of me. Can't you see she was dying?" Felix screamed.

"You had no right!"

"Of course you couldn't see, you never speak to her anymore." Pan smacks Felix across the face and for a moment there is silence. Felix touched his nose and his fingers come away bloody. Even though they are the only two on the beach Felix can practically feel the weight of a hundred small eyes watching from the tree line.

"Felix –" Pan says his voice full of remorse.

"She would be ashamed of what you've become."

"I'm trying to save her."

"Do you even remember who she is?"

"Felix–"

"We will save her. Maybe we'll save you too. But you cannot just treat us like this. Will this island be darkened to the point of no return because of you? Would you disrespect her so?"

Pan raises his hand to strike again. Felix recoils minutely before raising his head in defiance. Pan is shaking. He flinches when Pan sets his hand on his cheek but he feels the pain in he face recede as the damage mends.

"I'm so sorry." Pan says. Felix's eyes snap up to meet his. Pan is crying. They sink down to the sand and Felix throws an arm over his friend's shoulder and cries with him. The other boys move forward and circle around them, all of them silently acknowledging the pain they often keep buried away; all of them gathered in honor of Ella. Pan just keeps saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

For the first time in a long time, Felix believes him. The Pan that once was is still there beneath the layers of darkness. Felix will help Pan save Ella, and then he will help Ella save Pan.

This I promise you mother, he thinks looking at her still body. I promise.