A/N: Just something that has been on my mind since the tribute episode for Cory Monteith. I may not have been enamored with the Finn character, but I adored Cory. My heart truly goes out to the entire Glee cast, but especially Lea, who lost not just a friend and colleague, but a partner. This is a Faberry fanfiction, but I feel that Rachel really did love Finn and needs time to grieve.

A/N: The usual disclaimers apply.

Chapter 1

Rachel sat quietly on the train ride back to New York. The events of the past few weeks had left her numb and hardly functional. Finn's death, funeral, and subsequent memorial had been a twisty emotional roller-coaster and she was still recovering from the ride. She had barely made it through the last few weeks and wouldn't have done so without Kurt by her side. He had kept her from breaking down and becoming lost in despair. She knew he was hurting almost as badly. They had both yelled, screamed, and cried together. The two of them had sobbed on each other's shoulders and swapped Finn stories repeatedly.

She glanced at Kurt, who was sleeping in the seat next to hers. He had bags under his eyes and his normally coiffed hair was disheveled. She took in his wrinkled clothes and haggard appearance and sighed as guilt twisted in her belly. Kurt had been her rock over the past year and especially through the last few weeks. He had seen her through so many things - moving to New York, breaking up with Finn, and dating Brody. They were rivals, best friends, and roommates. She had no idea where her life would be without him. She turned to look at her other sometime tormenter, rival, roommate, and surprisingly friend, Santanna.

She smiled a little despite her melancholy. Santanna had been a complete surprise. She had proven herself to be a good friend over the past few months. She challenged Rachel on a daily basis, often frustrating her with a willful disregard for boundaries and privacy, as well as manners. Those problems aside, Santanna had reminded Rachel of her talent and her worth and had protected her from making a huge mistake with Brody. Right now the Latina had her eyes on the scenery outside the window and was impatiently tapping her foot. Rachel often wondered where Santanna got all of that restless energy. The brunette never seemed to rest; she always had to be moving. Sometimes Rachel was frustrated by Santanna's emotional handicap. It often seemed that she was terrified of letting anyone see the sweet, sensitive person inside. For this reason, Rachel had been surprised by Santanna's breakdown at Finn's memorial. Santanna's walls were so high and so much had happened between the two of them that it was astonishing to see Santanna so broken.

Rachel's heart didn't just hurt for herself. She felt her friends' pain just as acutely. She knew that Finn was important to a great many people. Without knowing it, he had touched and influenced many lives. Finn had his faults – he had a temper, he could be selfish, and sometimes he lacked a backbone. He also had a lackluster approach to success, but he had so many important qualities. When it counted he was loyal, forgiving, funny, talented, and supportive of his friends. Rachel had seen the evidence of what Finn could achieve before he was even aware of it himself. Because of his closeness with glee, even the new kids in New Directions had her empathy. She had finally begun to see Finn embracing his potential and making a difference. To see that potential cut off so soon brought on its own pain, not just the loss of a friend and former lover. The pain of her friends, the loss of Finn's potential, and her own private anguish all swirled together in an ocean of suffering that threatened to isolate her from the people who were left behind. The memorial had been a blessing. It was a life preserver that kept her afloat until she could make her way to shore and find herself again.

Finn's death had left Rachel shaken. The knowledge that she had to rearrange her dreams and life plan without Finn had left Rachel in pieces and despite Mr. Shue trying to reassure her that there might be something better, Rachel just couldn't imagine it. She had mapped out her future too many times. She would have a career on Broadway, cut an album, and star in a movie. She would garner the coveted EGOT and get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. She would then retire and settle down with Finn and raise a family. Rachel would now have to remove Finn from the picture and that knowledge had her reeling. For so long, Finn had been her support and her shoulder. She needed to find her footing again.

Leaning her head on Kurt's shoulder, she closed her eyes and let her thoughts wander back to Finn's memorial. Despite the circumstances, it had been wonderful to see some of her friends. It was like being surrounded by warmth and understanding. She had missed Noah and his delinquent ways and Mercedes and her diva attitude, and Sam and his impressions. But even surrounded by her friends and wrapped up in her own pain, Rachel wanted comfort from someone else. She had unconsciously looked for Quinn, but the former cheerleader never showed, causing a wave of fresh pain in Rachel's chest. She needed her friend, the person she admired most, to be there. She wanted to hear Quinn's smoky voice and see those expressive hazel eyes. Kurt and Santanna had been wonderful, but Rachel inexplicably wanted Quinn.

Quinn's absence had caused a myriad of emotions to course through Rachel. Confusion, anger, and hurt led the pack, although frustration, loneliness, and disappointment were mixed in as well. Quinn had been pulling away in recent months. It had started after Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury's failed wedding and Rachel was at a loss to explain it. They had traded emails and texts and even Skyped a few times, but after the wedding debacle Quinn seemingly vanished. Rachel's emails and texts went unanswered and her calls always clicked over to voice-mail. Rachel had been planning to visit Quinn to confront her and the situation, but Finn's death and the aftermath had put those ideas on the back-burner.

Rachel sighed as she snuggled into Kurt and sent Santanna a weak smile. She would just try and sleep for a little while before they got to the city. Maybe a nap would clear the cobwebs in her mind and the ache in her heart. Her last thought as she drifted to sleep was that Quinn needed one hell of an explanation for her recent behavior.

A/N: The next chapter will deal with Quinn and what's been going on in her life.

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