Summary: Assumes that Jason isn't anyone's boyfriend (yet), and features Leo and Piper teasing Jason about his crush on a certain Ghost King.

Warning: Puns, dirty jokes, and lame compliments are included. No actual act of coitus has been explained in detail in this fic. So, SFW probably?

Author's Note: I had no idea what came over me when I wrote this. This is purely for the sake of comedy.

Disclaimer: I don't own House of Hades or the Heroes of Olympus series.

Piper and Leo sat cross-legged on the floor of Jason's room in the Argo II. The son of Jupiter was pacing back and forth in front of them. He was still not over the fact that he had just confessed to them that he liked Nico di Angelo.

"Jason, calm down." Piper used a measure of Charmspeak just so she wouldn't have to watch the nervous wreck that is Jason Grace wear a permanent line of footprints on the carpeted floor. The blond stood perfectly still upon hearing her voice and breathed out slowly. He proceeded to sit down with his friends on the floor and bury his head in his hands.

"Seriously, man. It's okay. We understand, and we won't judge you for liking a dude," Leo smiled.

"Curious question, though. When did you realize that you liked the guy?" Piper smiled impishly.

Jason couldn't look them in the eyes. "It just happened. I feel really comfortable around him. And I really think he's cute."

"Never knew your type was short, dark and creepy," Leo chirped.

"Watch your tongue, Valdez." Jason's eyes narrowed as he raised his head to glare at Leo. Piper only rolled her eyes, thinking: Leo, you're just as tall as Nico.

"Chill, man. I was just kidding," the son of Hephaestus held up his hands defensively.

"Well, have you made your move on him yet?" Piper seemed really keen on the juicy details. Jason knew she always enjoyed a good love story.

"No," Jason replied weakly.

"You know you gotta do something, dude. Before someone else swoops in and takes di Angelo away from you." Leo folded his arms and tut-tutted at Jason's inaction.

"Hold up," Jason's face suddenly turned serious. "Nico was never mine, so he technically can't be taken away from me."

"Technically shmechnically. He totally needs to know that you have a thing for him." Jason could sense Piper brewing a matchmaking scheme in her head with that slowly widening grin on her face.

Leo proceeded to make the best Jason impression he could muster, pretending that Piper was Nico, and said, "Nico, your eyes are as deep as the depths of Tartarus," while looking into her kaleidoscope eyes. Leo took Piper's hands in his as he did this, and the daughter of Aphrodite was on the verge of laughter.

"Your soft hair is as dark as the night, and your skin's as fair and pure as bleached bone," Leo continued, releasing one of Piper's hands to put the back of his hand against his forehead, feigning fainting in her presence.

"Look, guys. I'm perfectly fine with the pace I've set for myself here. I want to get to know Nico better before doing anything remotely romantic." Jason leaned back with his hands on the floor.

"And you call private time up at the foremast with him notremotely romantic?" Piper raised one eyebrow at Jason. That smirk seemed like a permanent fixture on her face now.

"Jason and Nico sitting on the foremast. K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Leo scrunched his eyes closed, puckered up his lips, and made kissing noises while hugging air for added effect.

Jason's face reddened. "We don't kiss up there on the foremast."

"Oh really now, Grace? Then why's your face so red?" Piper teased. Leo ended up lying on the floor cackling.

"Their first kiss would probably be electrifying." Leo's eyes had a devilish gleam in them as his laughter subsided.

Piper did her own Nico impression and said in a really fake-sounding dramatic swooning voice, "Oh Jason, when we kissed, I felt a spark between us."

Leo sat up immediately and followed with a suave-sounding, "No, Nico, that's just me," and winked at Piper. They both burst out laughing.

"Guys…" Jason groaned.

"Jason Grace is gonna make it rain," Leo bit his lip and ran his hands slowly down his own torso for emphasis.

"That escalated quickly." Piper looked at Leo, clearly amused.

"Yeah, but Jason's lightning fast, if you know what I mean." Leo waggled his eyebrows, and Piper burst out laughing.

"Hey, not true, man," Jason huffed.

"We both know you want Nico's D Angelo," Leo grinned cheekily.

"Make sure not to break windwhen you guys do it, Jason," Piper chuckled.

"The dude will be blown away by Jason's mad skills."

"Literally blown." Piper nodded. Leo raised his fist and she bumped her closed fist against his.

Jason wanted to just sink into the floor in embarrassment.

"I'm betting di Angelo's a screamer," Piper's eyes suddenly brightened. Jason's face has never been redder. Mental images weren't helping.

"So loud, he'd raise the dead!" Leo wiggled his fingers as he tried to reanimate imaginary deceased people from Jason's carpet.

"Leo!" Jason snapped, feeling scandalized.

Piper giggled. "We'll find out eventually, Jason. We have faith in your ability to get laid."

"GUYS." Jason said through gritted teeth. Leo and Piper stopped for a while, just observing Jason breathe in and breathe out slowly. The son of Jupiter was about to say something when he looked up and suddenly went pale, his exasperated expression turning into one of horror.

Leo and Piper noticed this when they looked at him, and saw Jason's eyes staring at something behind them. They turned their heads and saw Nico, wide-eyed and probably mortified at whatever he heard, depending on how long he had been standing there. He must have shadow-traveled to Jason's room, which Nico tended to do lately ever since the son of Hades started to feel comfortable being around the Roman. The son of Hades was always silent and almost everyone else never notices whenever he enters a room, especially when he shadow-travels to one.

Nico turned and burst out of Jason's room without a single word.

"Nico, wait!" Jason called out. He bolted upright and shot glares at Piper and Leo as he ran out after the Ghost King.

Leo and Piper looked at each other and smiled mischievously. "They're so gonna do it," they both said at the same time.

BONUS: After a while, Jason came back to his room with a sleepy smile on his face, but that smile quickly turned into a grimace when he saw Piper and Leo still seated on the floor of his room, with highly amused smiles on their faces.

"I knew he was a screamer." Piper snickered.

"Way to go, Grace," Leo clapped his hands slowly as he smiled.