I ground my teeth together as a choked sob escaped my lips. I took a shaky breath as the fire blossomed in my side. A dark red, rust smelling liquid oozed out of the fire. With each weak breath I could hear the gentle 'plink' of my blood as it rained down on the tub below me. My hands were bound together in rusty steel manacles, a metal chain looped between them, and that metal chain was then looped over a thick wooden rafter. I floated inches above the round wooden tub. When he had hoisted me up the first time my shoulders had lifted up violently, the tension instantly gave way with a series of pops. I knew then, that my arms had finally broken. It didn't matter, I didn't have much longer to live. Sullen drops of blood leaked down my from chaffed wrists. I couldn't begin to guess how long I had been up here. Each minute with Master, as he liked to be called, lasted decades.
Each day was the same, He plagued me day and night. I endured the suffering by hiding inside the warmth that lived in the pit of my stomach. My constant hunger also hid there with us. It had been so long since I had enjoyed a meal that I almost didn't remember what food tasted like. My eyes closed of their own volition, they felt so heavy. Life had a way of constantly keeping me on my toes. Just when I believed that I could not sink no lower-BAM!-there life was with another miraculous level for me to crawl down to. The first few nights I prayed constantly to the Gods, I held steadfast in my belief that my pain had a purpose. They would not lead me aimlessly down a path of suffering for no reason. Now I was not so sure. Did the Gods even exist? Or were they simply fairy tales told to small children in order to get them to behave? My prayers now were few and far between.
The first night I began to truly doubt my faith was the night I had begged him for food. His response was to unzip his pants. "Eat this," he had commanded. That night the hunger had gnawed so forcefully in my stomach that I had actually trapped a beetle and ate it. The next day he invited me to dine at his table, he had forgotten to mention that I was not allowed to partake in the dining. I watched in silence as he drank goblets of wine and feasted on some type of strange beast. I wasn't sure which was worse; the physical or psychological torture he subjected me to. After dinner he had renewed energy to violate my body. I didn't so much as utter a whimper. Mid way through his ministrations I blacked out. After that night I was allowed a small scrap of bread and one bottle of water per day.
Other than that night where I had dined with Master I had never left my room (cell). It was not furnished like a traditional room or cell; as a matter of fact, it was not furnished at all. There had once been a sturdy wooden chair, but after I resisted him on my first night he had used that chair to teach me my first of many "lessons." The gray stone walls were bare, except for several sets of steel shackles affixed to the walls. When I had first entered the barren space I had been tempted to laugh. It was such a cliche. This room resembled every single depiction or story of a dungeon that had ever been created. I suppose it was shock that had made me smirk, or perhaps not. Sakura always said I could find the humor in every situation, now I was proving just how true her words had been.
I had grown accustomed to sleeping on the cold concrete floor. Usually once he left I was too exhausted to do anything else. Being weakened by hunger only aided my peaceful slumbers. Not having a proper space to sleep was something I could live with, what I couldn't adjust to was not having a proper bathroom. Instead I had a corner, just one single corner. One of the good things about being malnourished and dehydrated was that my body fought to hold onto any food (even stale bread and stagnate water) that it received so I didn't have to use the corner as much, but it was still humiliating. The first time Master noticed that I had relieved myself in the corner he had demanded that I mop it up. When I pointed out the fact that I was missing the proper cleaning supplies he simply ripped my robe off and insisted that I use that. More humiliating than any other torment I had undergone was when he left me alone in the cold dark room with nothing else to cover myself with, but the soiled robe.
That night I made a declaration to myself, to my fallen friends, and to the Gods: "He can have my body, but he will never have my soul." Clutching my soiled robe to my scarred chest I shed my last tears. This would be the end of it, there would be no more mourning for Midoriko, Sakura, or the other nameless females I could not save. Once the last few drops of tears escaped my eyes; I swallowed hard, took all of my grief and anguish inside, and locked it all away.
That was the last night I spoke.
The edges of my vision blurred together, images of a life lived long ago swam before my eyes. Sakura, a sob escaped my lips, I'm coming home soon. Had it just been a few days before this nightmare started that I was standing with Sakura and Midoriko at the finish line of my first full marathon? Images of my favorite duo flooded my brain. Sakura with her blonde hair unbound, a slender cigaret poised in between her ruby lips. She was so beautiful, so full of life and love. Whether she cared to admit it or not, she loved Midoriko with all of her heart; they were such a nice couple. Midoriko flashed before my eyes, she was tall with dark brown hair, carmel eyes, and porcelain skin. Sakura and Midoriko were such a nice couple, they had felt more love for each other than most people know in a lifetime.
My eyes filled with tears; nothing mattered now. They were gone now, the only family I had ever known, and soon I would be too. I could feel the cold beginning to fester in my lower extremities. Soon the cold would spread, even the warmth that I held onto in the pit of my stomach would succumb. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed the tears away. When I had first gotten to the compound I was filled with white hot rage for my situation, for the death of my friends, for the other women. My anger was so intense I could feel it flowing through my veins, a rich almost palpable rage that claimed my heart and ensared my soul. In the beginning the rage had made me strong. I could withstand anything this putrid man could throw at me.
Now after weeks of torment it was different.
I was different.
Weak.
Broken.
"Pathetic," the word came out a little more than a whisper. I hated the way the word rolled off my too dry tongue. It tasted as wretched as it felt. These were just a few of the many words I now associated myself with. I hadn't meant to voice my self-worth out loud, so imagine my surprise when my sudden outburst elicited a response.
"What," savage green eyes flickered up to my dangling form, "was that?" His question came off as a violent hiss. I hadn't noticed it before, but there was something eerily serpent-like about this man-demon. I could see him now for what he was. I used to be part of the common delusion that demons did not exist, but the veil covering my sapphire eyes had been ripped off. We belonged to a reality where these creature-these demons-roamed among us. By the apparent lack of control I was experiencing first hand, it seemed as if they did so freely. There was no governing body telling them to play nicely with the human race, they took what they wanted, when they wanted it. My presence here proved that much. I had been sold into this life.
Sold, like cattle to the highest bidder in some perverse auction.
Who was I kidding? Cattle were not treated this badly.
"Answer me wench!" Master's voice bellowed loudly.
I licked my lips trying to formulate an adequate response. It had been so long since I'd last spoken. My mouth was as dry as a dessert in the middle of the day, and just as gritty as I suspected dessert sand to be. "I said," my tongue ran over the bottom of my dry, cracked lip, "that you're a pathetic excuse for a man." The words burst from my mouth like water; with all of the same cool and refreshing properties. "You're a disgusting piece of trash. Do you hear me? Disgusting!" My monologue ceased with a guttural gasp. I looked down at the piece of steel that was currently occupying the space in-between my ribs.
"SHUT UP!" He screamed twisting the sword deeper. "In case you've forgotten…I OWN YOU!" He bellowed once more before ripping the weapon out of my ribs. Have you ever popped open a piece of plastic that was stretched tight across something, kind of like the film on a TV dinner? That was the sound my lung made when he pierced it. All of the air left my body in a low 'whoosh.'
"You," I inhaled sharply, "may have my"-another sharp breath-"body, but you will"-another stinging inhalation-"never have my soul."
"We'll just see about that."
The cold in my limbs was spreading, deeper, and deeper. I closed my eyes, I was done fighting. All I wanted was to be reunited with my family. I can see them, I inhaled deeply, Oh Gods I can smell them. Sakura and Midoriko's scents were as clear to me as they were the last time I had scene them. The sickly sweet smell of Sakura's menthol cigarettes and Midori's musky perfume, two scents I had adamantly protested to liking, now offered me such joyous comfort. I inhaled deeply, well as deep as someone with a pierced lung could. I wrapped myself in that delightfully familiar scent like one would wrap themselves in a favorite blanket. All of my senses faded until the only thing left were the two scents I had come to cherish so much.
"SPIRIT GUN!" A sound ripped through the inky darkness that was slowly extinguishing my consciousness. It sounded as if I were underwater, everything was coming in foggy and unclear. A bright light danced before my closed eyelids. My head lolled bonelessly around my body. I tried in vain to open my eyelids, they were so heavy now. I could hear signs of a struggle below me, or at least I thought I could. I was so tired now, that I didn't care what the maniac was trying to do to me. A gentle warmth was building in my stomach, chasing out the cold. It was the same familiar warmth that I had used to surround myself with in the beginning. What was the word for it?
Hope.
Warmer and warmer, it continued to build; traveling the intravenous network until soard down to my toes and out through my head. It felt absolutely wonderful! I gave into the building warmth. Suddenly I became aware of a pressure in my lower abdomen. It was the same spot where the most intense blast of heat was coming from. The heat wave boiled hotter and hotter, until I could almost feel my blood boiling with it. I thought, 'What fresh hell is this?'
"Hot," My already too dry mouth was now bone dry. There was no trace of saliva, my throat felt as though it was going to seize up. "It's too hot!" The pressure in my abdomen had climaxed into a agonizing pain, twice as intense as any of the other wounds I had suffered. A scream ripped its way through my scorched vocal chords.
"Yusuke, look she's alive!" A frantic voice called out.
"What's that on her side? Ew, look it's really sticking out!" Another voice answered.
"The crystal, it's activating!"
"Hold her still, I'll-" The voice was cut off as another scream richoteched off the walls. Who was that scream-surely it wasn't mine? There was a throb as the pressure localized and my side exploded. It was with that agonizing pain that my eyes finally snapped open, just long enough to see a small grape-sized stone explode out of my stomach. That was the last straw, my head rolled back, the sight and putrid stench of blood made my stomach churn violently. I tried to lean as far to the side as my chains would allow, and wretched straight stomach acid.
I had the distinct feeling of being passed over many hands before my naked back connected with firm ground.
"Kurama we're losing her man, can you do something to stop the bleeding?"
"Her wounds are deep, but I do have a plant that might be able to help…"
My body was overcome with this bizarre sensation of slithering. It instantly recalled my many abusive sessions with Master and his serpent like properties. I struggled against my confines. A cool hand was placed on my forehead. I could hear low words, but I wasn't sure what he was saying. There was a blast of warmth and a sensation of being both pushed and pulled; lifted and dropped-all at the same time. It was disorienting to say the least…
I woke up with a small start, I tried to cough but a stabbing pain in my lungs trapped the cough within my chest. Rolling over to my side I took a few aching breaths trying to soothe the burning in my sternum.
"Easy does it, you have to be careful Miss," A kind gentle voice said. I opened my eyes, and immediately regretted the decision. Everything was white, it was as if I were floating on a cloud. 'Oh Gods,' I thought, 'I really am dead.' I sat up abruptly, my chest throbbed savagely. 'Wait, if I'm dead then why am I in pain?' My bewildered expression must have gave away my thoughts because the girl took many moments to ensure me that I was indeed still amongst the living.
My throat burned with a white hot intensity. I began to cough hoarsely. I reached a hand to massage my burning throat.
"Oh yes, of course! How are you feeling? You're mostly healed up; you had extensive internal organ damage, scarred vocal chords, and other trauma. All of the superficial wounds are healed, but the internal ones will take a few days longer!" The girl continued to prattle on endlessly, but I didn't care. After so many weeks without human contact it was refreshing to hear this girl talk so freely. She stuck a small straw in between my perched lips. I sucked hard on the apparatus.
Big mistake.
HUGE. MISTAKE.
Fire blazed up my throat.
"Yes, dear drink slowly, like I said you're still not well," She smoothed my hair back.
A silence lapsed as I sipped the water slowly; painfully slowly. I wanted nothing more than to douse myself in the divine liquid.
"You've been here about a twelve hours, are you feeling well enough to get up?" She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I'm sure you have loads of questions, I've been ordered to take you to Prince Koenma he'll clear things up for you!" She tucked a stray piece of pale blue hair behind her ear. "Oh my! I've been so rude, my name is Botan! What's your name?"
I looked at her blankly. My name? What was my name?
In the foggy background of my thoughts I could hear a deep melodious laughter followed by:"Oh Hikari, you're such a goof ball, take that costume off." I could recognize that laughter anywhere. 'Sakura,' I thought to myself, 'Oh Sakura, I miss you.' I closed my eyes as the memories swept through my mind. Sakura chasing me around our apartment one night while I was dressed in a silly monster mask. "Hikari come back here!"
"Are you okay, dear?" Botan asked. I stared at her blankly for a moment before I remembered her question. "Oh, I know just the thing you need! How about a nice refreshing bath?"
"Are you feeling well enough for that?" A cool voice responded. I hadn't noticed another presence in the room. He was as charming as his voice with ruby red locks and sparkling emerald eyes. Even though his eyes were a different hue than my captors, when his gaze flickered to my face (much to my embarrassment) I flinched.
"Oh hello Kurama!" Botan squealed throwing her arms around the red head.
"Why Botan, you're looking well," He greeted. "And how is our little doll?" I could feel his emerald eyes boring into my bed ridden form. I tucked my chin down, refusing to meet his gaze. Hiding behind my dirty curtain of hair.
"Thanks Kurama, and she's doing quite well!" Botan said, smiling. A look of puzzlement fell on the girl's features. "Hang on, why did you call her your 'little doll'?"
Kurama chuckled amicably, "Well, the credit of that moniker falls to Kuwabara. He was quite amused at Hikari's size, 'just like a doll' he said. So the name just stuck, forgive me."
I nodded my head, still refusing to meet his gaze. Even though he was nothing like him for whatever reason I was still leary of males. He reached over to grab my shoulder, without even noticing it I twisted sharply out of the way. Kurama instantly retracted his hand. He didn't even seem perturbed in the slightest about my behavior.
"Well, I'm glad to see that you're doing well, I just came to let you know that Koenma is ready whenever Hikari is feeling up to it." When I made a motion to get off the bed, Kurama hastily added: "Only when you're ready; please do not rush on our account."
"I'm going to take Hikari to the bath house, and when we're done we'll see how she feels, sound okay?" Botan ruffled my dirty hair, trying her best to conceal a look of disgust. I must look absolutely repellant to these people. I hadn't showered in who knew how long, I'm sure the stank rolling off me could bring any normal person to their knees. My hands, no longer covered in cuts and bruises, were streaked by dirt and grit. I could only begin to imagine how my face looked.
"Here," Botan said reaching out her hand, "I'll help you." There was such a tremendous kindness within her gum drop eyes that a sob choked it's way out of my mouth; however, no tears accompanied them and for that I was grateful. It had been so long since I had cried or spoken, I honestly didn't remember what it felt like. Although pain blazed up and down my physical body; mentally I was numb. I felt like the Gods had taken a ladle and scooped out all of my essence.
It was disorienting.
She grabbed me by my shoulders and forced my eyes to meet her gaze, "none of this is your fault. You have been through horrors that I can't even begin to imagine, which is truly saying something considering who I am." She chuckled at her own joke, which drew weird looks from me. Botan pulled me in another hug before releasing me. She grabbed my hand, and gently lifted me off the bed.
"Now, what you need is a nice, hot bath!" She gushed as she led me down the hallway.
I was hesitant to shed my robe at first, but the thought of an actual shower was something I couldn't pass up. It was not a modern bathroom, and for that I was a little surprised. Set up the same way as a traditional Japanese bath house, with a small shower stall and a large round tub with bubbling water in the next room for soaking. I shouldn't have been half as surprised as I was to discover that I was not in fact at a hospital. I mean hospitals could never heal someone this fast. They practically had to bring me back from the dead.
I shuddered. I didn't want these thoughts to be my only company. I turned the shower on full blast, generously lathering myself with the bar soap Botan had provided me with. It smelled like the bubbly woman; heavy lavender and vanilla. I lathered my hair next. 'Yikes,' I thought to myself running a hand through my locks. This was definitely going to take a rinse and repeat. The water below my feet turned into various shades of brown and red as I rinsed all of the soap off. There was grit on my body layered nearly two inches deep. 'Disgusting.' I massaged my hair, silently willing all of my troubled memories to flow down the drain along with the filth.
It took nearly thirty minutes to get all of the dirt off my body and out of my hair. I felt ten pounds lighter once all of the scum was gone. I looked down at the bottom of the shower watching all of the water circle the drain, it was nearly black. I felt bad for whoever had to clean this mess up.
As bad as being covered in dirt and filth was; what lurked underneath the scum was even worse. Pink puckered scars marred my pale skin; the lines twisted up and down my body harsh and jagged. The surface of my body was carpeted with them. My arms, legs, and face were the least populated areas, with just a few white lines sloping and twisting. My abdomen and back on the other hand…
I ran my fingers over my stomach and suddenly it was like I was there again. In my cold room, his rancid breath fanning across my face. I could feel the heat of the steel blade piercing my skin. I could hear the drip drop of my blood as it rained down on him like some sort of macabre shower. I pressed the palms of my hands into my eye sockets until my fuzzy lights danced beneath my closed lids. I sank down to the shower floor, letting the scalding water pummel my body over and over again; knowing full well that both the hottest water and the strongest soap would never cleanse me of what he had done.
The scars would be a constant reminder of that.
By the time I summoned the strength to turn the faucet off the water that had long been pummeling my body was icy cold. Wrapping a fresh white towel around my body I stepped out of the shower and approached the tub. It was massive to behold. By my estimates it was a nearly six feet across and at least four feet deep. As much as I longed to dive deep within the water something held me back. The tub reminded me too much of my last night with him.
Perhaps I would pass on it this time.
"Helloooo," a chipper voice sang to me. "I have some fresh clothes for you!" Botan peeked around the corner. "I hope you don't mind the kimono. I borrowed it from another girl who seemed to be about your size,"
My eyes widened considerably when I saw the mounds of fabric in her hands. I stared up at her questioningly. Was she for real? A kimono? Although, I will admit that those fabrics did look inviting. They reminded me of the festival Sakura, Midoriko, and I had attended last May. I ran my fingers lightly across the fabric.
"Of course, I forget that it's not really common these days, don't worry about a thing I'll help you!" She rolled up the sleeves of her own pale pink kimono and tucked a few more strands of her hair back. She held out a stark white cotton top and skirt. I looked at her blankly for a moment. Sensing my discomfort Botan's face instantly went cherry red. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" Her eyes immediately snapped closed.
Speaking while her eyes were still closed she said, "This is called a 'juban' it's a two piece undergarment." Still feeling a little self conscious I hesitantly lowered my towel and slipped on the two fabrics.
"Are you in?" Botan asked hesitantly opening one eye. Without waiting for my response she held out a royal blue silk robe. Feeling a little more sure of myself I stepped into the robe, Botan knotted haori top closed. Next she produced an orange floor length kimono, made from the same stiff cotton as my juban. I stared at the robe blankly.
"What's the matter?" Botan lowered the robe. "Do you not like it?" She looked as though I had kicked a small puppy in her presence.
I shook my head no. It really was the most beautiful garment I had ever laid eyes on, and I was going to wear it. Me! The same girl who hours before had been clothed in soiled rags, was going to be wearing this elegant cloth. There were no words in the entire Japanese language-in any language for that matter-worthy enough of describing how happy the sight of this kimono made me. With shaking hands I motioned for her to continue. With a simple nod of the head Botan heeded my command. She eased the robe around my body, taking great care in folding the seam correctly. After that, she wrapped a thick royal blue obi (the same shade of blue as my haori) sash around my waist. I noticed as she knotted the sash behind my back that she had a small frown on her face.
"First order of business is fattening you up!" She smiled once more, but I noticed that her smile did not reach those pink eyes. With skillful, deft movements she knotted my obijime, around my obi. She set down a pair of small wooden geta sandals and tabi socks.
"Okay," Botan began, "just put those on and you're all done!"
She grabbed my hand and began to lead me out of the bath house and down a long dark corridor. Gas lanterns affixed to the walls were the only lighting. There was a medieval air floating around the architecture of this place. Soon we arrived in front of a large set of ornate doors. Without hesitation Botan swung the doors open and pulled me excitedly inside.
"Lord Koenma, we have a visitor," she cooed. The doors slammed ominously behind us. The first thing I was instantly aware of was the large blue...monster seated next to a child. Terror rose into the depths of my stomach, I felt my lungs expand and contract as I took frantic breaths. I searched frantically for a way out.
"Hey, why is she staring at George like that?" The creature scratched his chin. With one clawed talon he pointed towards me. That was the last thing my eyes saw before I sank to the floor in darkness.
A/N: Hi everybody! It's been a very long time since I've had time to really start writing again! To be honest I really don't have time, but I've decided to make time! :) I will strive to update every week, but it may be necessary to update every two weeks on some occasions! Hope you guys enjoy it! If you do (or don't I suppose) leave me a review! I love hearing from you guys!