The Lucky One

By Laura Schiller

Based on: Star Trek: Voyager Relaunch Novels

Copyright: Paramount/Kirsten Beyer

The eternal flame atop its white marble pillar, flickering orange among the quiet lawns and paths of Federation Park, was one of the loveliest memorials Captain Afsarah Eden had ever seen. It was a fitting tribute, in her mind, to Admiral Janeway, whose inner fire had refused to be extinguished even by years of hardship in the Delta Quadrant. Still, sometimes Afsarah couldn't help but wonder if the real Admiral she had met during their debriefing sessions – the funny, plain-spoken, self-deprecating woman from Indiana – might have been a bit embarrassed by the theatricality of it all.

Not, she thought ruefully, that I actually knew her.

She had a right to be here, but only as a member of the public. Not as a friend, and not as part of the Voyager family, even though – by a twist of fate and the unaccountable whim of her ex-husband – she was about to take command of that ship and lead it back into the Delta Quadrant, which was – to compound the irony – the last thing Kathryn Janeway would have wanted.

I'm sorry, she wanted to say. When I supported Willem's Project Full Circle in fear of another Borg attack, I never knew it would drive you to investigate that Borg Cube by yourself. I never meant for you to die.

The mature, experienced Starfleet captain in her knew this was nonsense, and Counselor Cambridge would have agreed. She had made enough difficult command decisions to feel guilty about over the years; she did not need to burden herself with Janeway's decisions as well. But some other part – the little girl who had begged Jobin and Tallar not to send her away to boarding school; the awkward ensign curled up in her quarters after hearing of their shuttle crash; the carelessly abandoned wife of Willem Batiste – was dangerously close to falling on her knees before the grave and shedding tears.

Not because she pitied the Admiral, but because she envied her … and it felt as if that envy, suppressed as it was, had somehow contributed to the forces of the universe leading to her death.

It seemed wrong to think of Janeway as lucky, considering the horrible way she had been assimilated and forced to attack her own people before she died. But for a crew as close-knit and loyal as Voyager's, for a man who would love her unconditionally as Chakotay had loved Janeway, and most of all for knowing exactly who she was and where she came from, Afsarah almost believed she could have accepted such a death.

But she was Captain Eden, insomniac, overachiever, known to many of her colleagues as the strongest person they had ever met. She did not break down in front of anyone, including the dead. Therefore, all she did was to place one slim, dark hand on the pillar, right above the inscription: "When a great person dies, for years the light they leave behind them lies on the paths of men."

"I will bring your crew home again, I promise," she whispered. "I will keep them safe, or die in the attempt."

It was, she felt, the least she could do.