Warning: this is pure unadulterated fluff. I couldn't help it, I just kept on typing. Artemis and Holly will have a tendency to act like protagonists of a young-adult, coming-of-age novel. I felt like indulging myself with a dose of Holly-Arty BroTP, which, knowing myself, would inevitably lead to OTP but what the hell. Apologies in advance.

Normalcy

Being best friends over a long distance was difficult, but they persevered. Like any other relationships distanced by zip codes, and in their case, the earth's crust, they survived through video calls and texts. On Artemis' part, he survived on occasionally hacking into Police Plaza's reports. He didn't tell Holly, partly because he knew that she knew and also partly because hacking was usually associated with blatant creepy stalking. But it eased Artemis knowing what part of the world Holly was flying off to on field missions.

Not even the highest definition of video (and they do have the highest definition of video) can make up for the sight before him. Holly had just emerged from the McGraney hill, from the hidden shuttleport. One of her hand was waving at him, while the other clutched a bulky backpack to her shoulder.

He gave a timid wave back, silently amused. Holly didn't even bother to hide her enthusiasm, half running towards him with a radiant smile plastered on her face. He didn't blame her though; he himself was beyond ecstatic, but he kept at his usual impassive self.

"Hey mud boy!" Holly playfully bumped her fist at his abdomen once, unconsciously noticing how soft he was. Same old wimpy Artemis.

"Holly," He greeted back. Ever the gentleman, he pried the backpack from Holly, who willingly yielded it to him. He immediately regretted it, seeing as the thing felt like she had stuffed her whole house in it.

"What is in here? Steel boxes of make-up and ten thousand pairs of stilettos?" The man kidded.

"Haha," She took the pack from him. He might as well have given it willingly for all the good his resistance gave him. To make up for her luggage, Artemis instead opened the door of the car for her. Holly dumped her backpack in before jumping in herself.

Artemis closed the door behind her and went around to the other side. He slid inside the driver's seat and casually revved the engine, waiting for Holly's comment, which she eventually gave.

"You drive?" Holly gave out an unbelieving laugh.

"No, Holly. I sat in the driver's seat and started the engine just for the sake of grandstanding. My driver is in fact, hiding behind that cow."

Holly decided to make Artemis regret goading her and play along his stupid line of sarcasm. "He's one thin man, being able hide behind those skinny cow legs. Why don't you call him so we can get out of here?"

Artemis resisted the urge to sigh and instead drove the car into the farm's driveway. Soon, the Irish countryside's rich emerald trees were whipping past them.

"You get your first prolonged paid vacation in decades and you decide to spend it all with me? Why, Captain, if I didn't know better I'd think you have ulterior motives."

"I do have an ulterior motive. Visas for vacations aboveground are easier to get when you tell Customs you're staying in the place most secure from human detection. Really, Customs is this close to asking you if fairies can stay on the Fowl estate on peak seasons. The other secured sites are just always too crowded."

"So after all these years I'm really just your free above ground ticket?" Artemis pretended to be wounded. He was enjoying Holly's game.

"Yup. Don't forget the free meal ticket. Man, you'll never get rid of me if Butler keeps feeding me with free gourmet food. And the free sauna. Plus the entertainment of watching you," Artemis eyebrows rose and smirked. Holly punched him before continuing. "Watching you do embarrassing things on a daily basis."

"Anyways," Holly continued. "I had all this planned out since you kidnapped me. You were doomed to be my free aboveground accommodations the moment you took that ransom."

"A plan, I see." Artemis' voice was smooth as the car driving along the country road. "Was the kiss by the gorilla cage part of you plan?"

Holly's face puckered into a sour, aghast expression. If she had been drinking a beverage, she would have spitted it out in a cartoon fashion. His comment came out of nowhere, with not so much of a warning. When and where did he pick up the guts to bring that up so casually?

Artemis, well aware of Holly's mental state, only chuckled.

"So, since when did you drive?" Holly asked. Artemis graciously accepted her pathetic attempt to change the topic.

He smirked. "Since I was seven."

Of course, Holly grimaced. "There's nothing to smirk about. You're driving automatic. You even have GPS."

"Holly, you're digging yourself a hole. You use technology when you fly shuttles and pods, correct? I'm sure they're all automatic and have programmed GPS, not to mention Foaly whispering in your ear. The presence of those technological add-ons doesn't diminish the fact that you fly extremely well, correct? In fact, you cannot fly without them."

"Let's see you try, mud boy." Holly grabbed the small screen on the dashboard and flicked it out the window in one fluid motion.

"Holly!" Artemis' cry was too late. He stopped the car, and got out. Holly was surprised; Artemis never willingly dives into a muddy terrain without coercion. Yet there he was, several meters from the road and scanning the underbrush for the GPS. Perhaps he really can't drive without it. Admittedly, it was foolish of Holly to throw it. She stepped off the road to join Artemis.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you couldn't find your way without the GPS."

Artemis looked at Holly sourly. "Holly, I've lived in this side of Ireland all my life. I can find Dublin well enough. That GPS you threw also happened to be my phone, which in the wrong hands can plunge the world into an interspecies war. Familiar with the scenario?"

Holly felt really stupid, now. She silently joined Artemis in the hunt, trying to recall where it landed. It couldn't have been that far off. She lifted up a large broadleaf.

"Artemis, I found your phone." The man quickly strode beside her and looked down at the half-foot deep rain puddle. His phone was many things but waterproof was not one of them. He picked up the device, water spilling from its sides and from the cracks on the screen.

Artemis pocketed the broken device and wordlessly made his way back to the car. Biting her lip, Holly followed.

xxx

Tara was not that far from Dublin, so Holly started to wonder when three hours has passed and still no city skylines came to sight.

"Artemis, where are we? I'm really missing that free sauna I was talking about."

"Why don't I check my GPS?"

Holly sighed. If you thought about it, chucking a phone out the window was nothing compared to kidnapping and manipulation and lying, right? "I thought you, and I quote, 'can find Dublin well enough'."

"My mother's hosting a gala tomorrow night. Do you really want to go back to Fowl Manor, help my mother choose the perfect menu and color scheme, get conned into a dress and watch me be coerced by my mother to dance with every single affluent bachelorette in attendance?"

It was tempting, but the dress won't be worth it, she decided. Especially if it would be a thousand-euro dress. "So where are we going?"

"I have a private beach along the west coast. It's a twelve hour drive. And yes, Holly, there's a sauna."

Holly's suspicion sparked. A week on the beach with only Artemis was unnerving. Not that she suspected him of taking advantage of her; they were too close in friendship for that. She was more worried that he was actually taking her to a secret nuclear weapons factory or a mafia rendezvous. "And you didn't tell me this before because?"

"It only occurred to me after standing in the woods in the back roads of rural Ireland and seeing my iPhone dysfunctional in a rain puddle." Holly sighed. He was never going to let that go. "I realized that my mother cannot contact me if my phone was, say, irrationally chucked out the window of a moving car by a maniacal elf."

"So spontaneous planning is your thing now, eh? Fine, just as long as you don't spontaneously plan to sacrifice yourself again. But then again, its okay for you to do that because that's nothing compared to the ghastly deed of plunging your phone in water. Why don't you tell me I started a plague while you're at it?"

Artemis found himself amused that Holly felt the need to play that card. Or shall he say those cards. However will he gain the upper hand if Holly keeps on bringing up those things? Nevertheless, it was all a challenge to him. Really, he should thank Holly for providing them. This would be one interesting ride.

"Look, I'm sorry for the phone, okay?" Holly said, after Artemis served her fifteen minutes of cold silence. When he didn't so much as blink in response, Holly dropped the mother bomb. "I really am sorry, Arty."

Even though his eyes were on the road, Holly still felt a fear when Artemis' face split into his vampire smile. "Yes, Holly, I'm sure you will be."

xxx

A few hours has passed when Holly woke to the sound of something flopping. The car, previously smooth as any luxury vehicle Artemis buys, was now bubbling along the road as if it was a horse-drawn carriage.

"What is that?"

Artemis stopped the car. Luckily, the country road was deserted and nothing but a lone cow could witness Artemis' impending embarrassment. With his karma and knack for awkward situations, he knew it was only a matter of time until this happened.

"I believe that was the sound of a flat tire." The genius said wryly. He got out of the car, and Holly followed suit.

"A flat tire?" Holly had already upped her usual game, with her hands characteristically flailing and her voice shrill. She joined Artemis, who was surveying the deflated front left tire as if merely staring at it would return its previously mint condition.

He sighed. Artemis had a feeling that the elf will once again find a way to blame him for their current predicament.

"Well, you just had to insist on driving." Holly rolled her eyes. "This would never have happened if I drove."

"Correct. If you drove, we would never have arrived here. After all, you can't reach the pedals." Artemis retorted, deadpan.

"At least you could've brought Butler. But nooo-"

"Don't you have your communicator?" Artemis interrupted, inwardly berating himself for not thinking of this earlier.

Holly clicked her tongue, dashing Artemis' hopes. "I'm on vacation. Vacation-visa holders aren't allowed to bring fairy tech outside shuttleports for security. I did have the regulation tourist tracker, but I chucked it in the trash the moment I stepped out of the airport. Didn't make a fuss since Foaly kind of expected me to trash the tracker. So nope. Not a millimeter of fairy wire on me."

Artemis bit his lip, repressing his urge to groan theatrically. "Holly, please. Just change the tire."

"Are you ordering me to change the tire?" At first she thought she misheard, but the mud whelp really was asking her to change the tire. "You're the man here. I'm the little girl who can't reach the pedals, remember? You change the tire."

"I thought you were against female stereotyping." Artemis retorted.

"It does have its perks sometimes. Like right now. I'm not changing a tire while you park your pale ass under some tree and lament over your dunked phone. Besides, I have no idea how to change a tire. Fairy vehicles haven't got tires for centuries now."

"Holly, do I look like someone who knows how to change a tire?" Holly had to admit: dressed in his usual dress shirt and slacks, Artemis looked like he would die if so much as a tiny grease smear stains his millionaire garments.

"Fine. We'll figure it out together, okay? Unless you rather live here in the middle of grassy nowhere."

For a moment, Artemis entertained the idea of actually living in this place with Holly. They could make adequate money with the milk from that lone cow and take pleasure in the small, important things of life. Perhaps he'll call his assistant tomorrow and have him buy this whole mountainside, and the mountain as well to be efficient.

"These looks like the screw-bolt thing that's holding the tire in place." Holly was already crouched in front of the tire, her handy omnitool in hand. She clicked it so it whirred to life. One by one, the lug nuts came off.

Artemis opened the trunk and took out the tool box. He handed Holly the jack. Holly just looked at him. Are you doing this to annoy me? Her face asked. In truth, her features almost always looked like this.

"This is a jack." Artemis explained, to which Holly rolled her eyes to. Obviously, her eyes said. "It lifts the car so we can get the flat tire out."

"You said we, correct?"

Artemis sighed and rolled his sleeves up. Resigned, he gingerly crouched beside the elf, making sure that not a single blade of grass grazes his Armani pants.

"We should never have done this." He muttered, his long, pristine fingers clutching the jack. As he pulled it up, inevitable rust and dirt smeared itself throughout his hand. An involuntary groan rumbled in his throat.

"What, impending humanity-erasing spells didn't stop you but suddenly a flat tire is too much?" Holly taunted, removing the tire. On a whim, she scooped up a handful of clay and smeared it up Artemis' pale arm. Utterly mortified, the man made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a whine.

Though Artemis was at the age where the government classifies him as an adult and at the intellect where his brain mature him far beyond his actual years (which in itself was undefined, thanks to his three-year Hybras stint), Artemis did the most immature respond. His features went hard and his eyes went cold as he raked a handful of dirt with his already dirty hand and smacked it straight to her face.

Holly let out a small oof, instantly regretting making a sound after she tasted the earthy soil. When he lifted his hand off her face, she slowly wiped the dirt from her eyes in one fluid motion. Just as slowly, she opened her eyes, and both were blazing with fury.

"Fowl," She actually snarled. The sound made Artemis calculate if his revenge was worth what was coming.

She pounced on him, pinning him on his back with her body, locking him in place by putting her legs on his opposite sides. She started smearing all the stones, earth and uprooted plant life. Her small hands grazed across his chest and down his arm in repetitive, aggressive strokes. It was only after a few minutes that she realized that she was sitting on top of the man. She froze; Artemis was under her and was looking at her with his customary pleased expression.

Definitely worth it, Artemis thought.

"Mud whelp." Holly spat, covering her mortification with a miserable pun. She threw one last mud pie at him before she rose.

"Thank you, Holly," The elf shot him a murderous look. His smirk only deepened. "Thank you for sullying my three thousand-dollar shirt."

Who pays bloody thousands for a shirt? Holly thought. Artemis Fowl, that's who.

Artemis proceeded to unbutton the said shirt. The elf's eyes watched as his nimble fingers popped each fastening one by one. The shirt he wore under was a black, V-neck: a stark contrast to his almost-white skin and a window to his protruding collar bones.

"What are you doing?" Holly finally said when Artemis was halfway through undressing.

"I am not getting mud in my car, Holly." Artemis' left eyebrow salaciously. Well, for Holly it looked salacious. "Relax, I have an undershirt. Besides, thou shall be forever chaste lest I, Orion, will perish."

Holly slammed her omnitool against the tire's rim aggressively. "Shut the hell up, Orion. And what makes you think I'm chaste?"

Artemis sniggered, not pausing from folding his sullied Ralph Lauren button-down.

They were at a landmark. Who would ever know that the little evil boy would someday openly and comfortably bring up chastity with Holly? He seemed totally unperturbed. But why am I bothered? Holly thought.

"Don't get your worry nut in a fuss, Arty. With those skinny white trash arms and putty chest, I'm sure my chastity is well-protected from you for the rest of our relationship." Holly instantly regretted it as Artemis treated her with one of his vampire gazes, but unlike his customary smile, his gaze was more intent, the blue twisted with something darker. What she had said was a lie of course, and they both knew it. He was thin, yes. And that skinny white trash arms remark had some merit to it. However, his body was far from putty ever since Butler's incessant nagging put Artemis inside a gym and gave him taut muscles.

"Just make yourself useful and hand me the spare tire." She snapped, prying her eyes away. D'arvit. If it weren't for the new Artemis' restored Fowl-blue eyes. Really, his dichromatic ones were less…less…

"Though unlicensed, I am a trained psychologist. Even if I haven't intimately known you for almost a decade, I still know that aggression is a smoke screen for whenever you feel vulnerable. That's how I now know you are, indeed, chaste."

"D'arvitting- look, Artemis. Just give me the damn tire or I'll park my well-toned ass under some tree and lament over my lost sauna while you can do all the work."

Artemis chuckled once more, amused beyond all levels. His chuckle stopped short when he opened the spare tire compartment of the vehicle. It was empty.

"Holly," He called out. When she didn't answer, presumably still fuming at the wake of his mind torture, he went back around to where she was crouched. Bending beside her, he patted a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Remember that incident we were stuck in a troll-infested amusement park and you told me we're going to be fine?"

Holly froze. "What is it? Is it a troll? A bio bomb?"

"No, no. Nothing so drastic." Artemis straightened up and backed away. Surely, Holly would go violent after she hears the news. "There is no spare tire in the compartment."

Artemis had already long since filed the fact that Holly's face was very expressive, especially in dire situations. She was just always brimming with fire and emotion. Right now, she wore her most used expression when she was around Artemis: are you freaking kidding me?

"What?" The word was spat out and drawn out. She seemed to be always saying that expletive lately.

"The twins used this car last, on a road trip to Wexford. I didn't know they used the spare tire. Don't worry. I could always call for help." Artemis smiled sweetly as he showed Holly his dead smartphone.

"What are we going to do?"

"What, impending humanity-erasing spells didn't stop you but suddenly a flat tire is too much?" Artemis shot, returning Holly's own statement to her.

"Just tell me what our next move is, genius." Holly extracted two wet wipes from her back pack and was already wiping the mud off of her face. After her guilt prodded her, she offered one to Artemis, who graciously accepted.

"Someone must own that cow. I drove past a barn about thirty minutes ago. It would be about a mile away from us now. Or we could stay here for the night."

The sun was just a few minutes shy from disappearing beneath the horizon. Already the trees were bathed in an orange glow, preparing for darkness. "Clearly, with my lack of walking prowess, we won't make it to the said barn by sundown. Besides, unlike a possibly hostile-owned wooden barn, this custom-made Maserati Grandturismo is missile proof and has a specially designed security system. Also, it has a heater."

"Dibs on the back seat." Holly shouted; already, she was busy spreading the contents of her backpack across the back seat, like a dog marking his territory.

Logically, Holly can still comfortably lie straight with plenty of leg room in one of the single front seats as opposed to Artemis, who can barely stretch out if he were to lie straight on the back seat. But Artemis wasn't one to deprive a woman of comforts, even if the said woman was a mud-smearing, phone-destroying Holly Short.

He regretted this a few hours later, when he was trying to find a comfortable position on the shotgun seat. Meanwhile, Holly's shirts and socks were having the time of their lives, having twice the space they need on the oxblood leather back seats. Already, he wished he had brought the Fowl Bentley instead, which has a spacious enough legroom in the backseat to accommodate both of their bulks. Heck, even the Bentley's trunk was more comfortable than the Maserati's front seat.

Holly returned, having come from behind a tree to do her business. Upon shutting the door, the car light that had automatically switched on turned off, plunging the two in darkness again. Once she was cozy, she went for a stretch, slightly moaning. The black shirt she was wearing hitched up, exposing her LEP-regulation abs in the night's shadows.

Artemis cleared his throat. "How have you been, Holly Short?"

"You mean since the last time we talked which was yesterday? Nothing much. Just a shuttle ride and some shuttle port bureaucracy." Holly said, still in her snapping mood. She propped her head on her backpack, fluffing it like a pillow. "Artemis?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you bring us here? Really."

"To be honest, I am sick of mother holding these charity galas to find me a girlfriend. She's almost half-convinced I'm homosexual. Perhaps I'll tell her just that, if it would stop her, though I think it would just make her introduce me to bachelors rather than bachelorettes."

"You really can't handle women, can you, Arty?"

"My dear friend Holly, there is a distinct difference between can't and won't. I am the latter. I simply refuse to deal with those trivialities. I have far more important things to busy myself with."

"Like getting stuck on an unmapped road in the middle of a deserted meadow?"

"No. Like receiving my best friend who has visited me for a vacation. Though I admit I am not doing much of a good job at it. We will get to that beach, eventually."

"Admit it, Artemis. You can't talk to girls. You're a twenty-two-year-old man who can't talk to girls." Holly teased. "Besides, if you don't call your mother, won't she think you got stuck in Limbo again or something?"

"Holly, as you have succinctly put, I am a twenty-two-year-old man. I can do whatever I want and disappear for however long I want."

"Not that age has stopped you before, eh?"

"You really are feeling vicious today. Are you on your cycle?"

Holly kicked the backrest of Artemis' seat. Hard. "Don't you have social barriers? Gods, you're on a roll today. No wonder you're running away from women. I bet women are running away from you too as we speak."

"I am a doctor and a scientist, Holly. These things are inconsequential to me."

"It ain't for the rest of us, Artemis. So shut up about it."

"I'm sorry. It slipped my mind that you are chaste. " Holly could almost hear his smug smile.

"Artemis, I have existed for 89 years already. Plus, unlike you, I am not a socially-disabled egotistical twat who is detached from society because of my family's ill-gotten wealth. I am working in a male-dominated work environment and I studied in co-ed schools. Not to mention I had no parental supervision after my parents died halfway through my adolescence."

"Interesting. Those things you stated paint an accurate picture of your society. It seems your mere exposure to-"

"Artemis, I just travelled through thousands of miles of bedrock and thousands of kilometers of Irish countryside and I am tired. Mind if I doze off? Feel free to continue your sociology prattle though. It always lulls me to sleep."

"Good night, Holly. I am sorry for our predicament, and for the loss of your access to my mother's sauna." Artemis said, already feeling the tendrils of sleep creeping into his eyes.

"It's okay, Artemis." Holly sighed, her voice already heavy with the traces of impending sleep. "It's kind of nice, just talking, being on this road trip with you."

"It does feel rather surreal. A road trip with a friend is just so-"

"Normal?" Holly supplied. "It is mundane if we compare it to our other adventures."

"It does have its own charm though. Normalcy has its own charm." Artemis concluded.

Holly didn't reply. In the absence of their conversation, the night was filled with a deafening silence, the kind that only lingered in untouched rural settings. The occasional cricket sung as the night went deeper. Soon, Artemis was in deep sleep himself.

Xxx

A/N: Every Howl author had written that Holly-comes-up-and-visits-Fowl-Manor fic, so I decided to make one of my own. With a twist, of course (the twist being they go on a road trip rather than fool around the manor). I did warn you that this was 99% plotless. I'm sorry for posting it despite its worthlessness, but I know there are readers out there who are occasionally in a Howl fluffy mood. I know I should be working on other stuff (like Glimpse ehehehe) but I found this old thing floating around and decided to tweak it up and post it. There's two more chapters of this, so hang-around if you want more.

Inspired by The Edge of Never by J Redmerski. (If you're thinking about checking out this novel, know that it was an okay/meh book at best and cliché at its worst. Kind of like this Howl drabble-ish thing of mine.)