Noxi: This was written in the heat of all the Mary Winchester feels that I felt today – no thanks to Tumblr. It's AU Chestervelle, with a lot of other canon deviation and End!Verse. This is In Remembrance of Mama Winchester.
Supernatural belongs to Kripke and the CW
When Angels Bring You Home
She lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling the emptiness at her side. She wanted to get up and go to him. She knew what today meant to him, how it still hurt no matter how much he may have tried to hide it.
But she knew. She always knew.
She closed her eyes, fingers trailing gently over her stomach.
"Good morning," she whispered, wishing she could have met the woman that still held that place in his heart. She knew that today would be hard, but she did her best for him.
She sat up, slipping her feet over the edge of the bed and shivered, the chilly new November air ghosting across her skin. She gripped her bare legs and stretched down to her toes, when she heard a knock on the door.
She stood up, grabbing her robe as she went and jogged down the stairs. She could see a shoulder just through the side window of the door, and recognized the blue sweater. Tying her robe she pulled the door open with a smile.
"Cas," she greeted.
"Jo," Cas responded, pulling her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him, and for a moment, remembered what the old Cas had been like. She laughed into his chest. The old Cas would never have initiated a hug like this. The old Cas was awkward, and naïve. He'd been loyal to a fault, but he was still like a child.
Now, he was more than that. Almost as if he'd been tainted. Nearly facing the End will do that she suspected. Losing the essence of your being, and facing the world as a human for the first time in a millennia would change someone.
Cas pulled back, eyeing her suspiciously.
"You're remembering something," he said, and if she didn't watch it, he would figure it out.
"Come inside Cas," she said with a laugh, pulling him in by his arm. He hesitated a moment before walking in quickly, passing her by and going straight for the kitchen.
"I brought him pie," he said, looking around the kitchen, searching for him. She shook her head, and closed the door.
"I noticed," she said after him, following him into the kitchen, watching as he placed the bag on the counter. "Not sure when Sam will come," he admitted, sounding ashamed by that, "or if he even will this year. Haven't seen him in a while so I can't say if he'll show up." She nodded, knowing that things had gotten strained recently. She'd been trying to mend the rift that had drifted between them, but she couldn't fix what either of them didn't want to do themselves.
Cas stopped moving, his face shifting, suddenly serious and forlorn.
"He's by the lake, isn't he." He nodded, his hands clutching at the sink.
"When did he start with the chair?" She went to stand by his side and saw him, Dean, sitting by the edge of the lake.
She sighed, crossing her arms, twisting the ring on her finger.
"Don't you remember? Two years ago." He nodded, face lighting up in realization. "Of course, he's always talked to her, regardless," she said, watching as he glanced at the empty chair at his side, talking gently, his face withdrawn. Every year it was like a new pain. Every year she realized it wasn't going to change.
"One day, he'll be alright," Cas said, nudging her with his shoulder. "One day, he won't need this." She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder.
She wanted to believe Cas. He had been an angel of the lord once. In her eyes, he still was though he would deny it till his last dying breath. But there were things that she couldn't believe. Like his grace just existing in the world out there. Like Sam being able to give up hunting to settle down. Like a world without monsters and demons and angels.
She couldn't believe those things. And she was okay with that. She was practical. In a way, too much like her own mother. But she didn't mind. She'd been born a hunter, raised a hunter, and she would die that way if need be.
And as she watched Dean, sitting there at the lakeside, talking quietly with his dead mother, she just couldn't believe him.
And she was okay with that too.
xXx
He sat by the edge of the lake, the other chair beside him. He looked up at the gray morning sky, and felt his chest tighten. This time, something was different. This time it hurt differently.
"Hey Mom," he whispered, talking to her like he always did. He needed to talk, especially on today. "Up even earlier than usual." He looked out across the lake, watching the fog hang over the water, shrouding it heavily. Jo would have liked to be out here.
"Jo's gonna notice, but I couldn't sleep." He laughed, slightly, edging back the sadness that creeped in. Always creeping in on today.
"She's gotten into these mystery novels lately. Don't know what the hell for," he said, rubbing a hand over his face as he babbled. "Guess I should just be glad they ain't paranormals," he muttered. He didn't know what she needed to read them for when their own whole life was one big supernatural horror fest.
"Haven't been hunting lately. Sammy's been taking care of that with Cas." He wondered how Mom would take that. If she'd be happy he wasn't out risking his life everyday against the monsters, and was instead living it out with Jo. Or if she would be upset that he wasn't out there still protecting Sam.
"Haven't seen Sammy in a while," he admitted, knowing that that would upset her more than anything.
"I know, I know," he muttered, "I'll call him. It's just…" he remembered back on the last time they had talked, and Dean had tried to convince Sam to come back and stay with them for a while.
"He won't even take a break from hunting Mom. You'd think it would be me who didn't want to give up hunting, but now it's him. It's like…it's like ever since the angels and the End he just won't stop. I guess I can't blame him," he said defeated.
"But what can I do? I had to save him Mom. That was my job!" He leaned forward on his knees, cradling his head in his hands, closing his eyes. "It was either him or me. And he was never an option, you know that," he said with finality.
Dean thought back to that night, knowing after everything they had been through, after hell and the near collapse of the gates. After almost winning against the angels and the demons, and the Leviathan, the angels falling from heaven, it didn't even matter.
The End had still come.
"I did all I could Mom," he muttered, "but…we still ended up here." He'd saved Sam. He didn't know how it had happened, and it sure as hell didn't matter, but they still ended up here. The virus still came.
"The virus is running rampant and Sam thinks that's his fault." Dean shook his head, leaning back in the chair. "He's always thinks it's his fault. I wish I could convince him otherwise," he muttered.
"But you know how much Sammy listens to me," he growled softly.
Dean closed his eyes, his arms resting beside him, hands gripping the chair tight.
"I miss you Mom," he whispered hoarsely, "every day." He swallowed hard, as his eyes burned.
"I wish I could see you, one more time," he murmured. It was like he could feel the fire all over again. It was like he could see her face disappearing before his eyes as Sammy grew heavier in his arms.
And then he felt something, so soft, rest gently over his hand. His eyes flew open and he looked at the empty chair next to his and he couldn't breathe.
"Mom?" And Mary smiled at him, like she always did. She was beautiful, and glowing, her blue eyes as bright as he remembered them. Her head tilted to the side, and her hair fell across her shoulder, just like in every memory, just like from every dream, from every bad nightmare that the monsters had visited on him, and the past memories he'd revisited.
She was the same. Ghost, or no. She was here. An angel.
"Mom," he stuttered, leaning toward her, his heart racing, his eyes welling up, blurring her image before him.
"Shh," she soothed, reaching up to caress his face softly, and he closed his eyes, and the tears fell down his cheeks. This couldn't be real. This wasn't happening. But he didn't care.
"I love you Mom," he murmured, leaning further into her hand, feeling the soft warmth seep into his cheek as he reached up to hold her hand against his face. He didn't care if this was another trick. For this one day, he had her and that was all he wanted.
"I know baby," she said softly, caressing his face. "I love you too."
"I'm sorry about Sammy," he said quickly, reaching out and taking hold of her hand. She smiled knowingly, gripping his hand back.
"Dean," she said sternly, holding his gaze, "its okay." He bit his lip, to stop the tears, and nodded.
"It's okay, baby." She smiled, searching the face of her son, and there was so much pride on her face.
"You've always done everything for your family. Given them everything. I know that hasn't changed Dean. Sam knows that. Your father knows that," she murmured. He nodded, biting back the tears, thinking about Dad watching him now. "He's so proud of you Dean," she whispered, sweeping her fingers across his forehead, lovingly. "I'm proud of you." He bit back the sob. He was stronger than this. He wasn't going to cry like this.
He watched as she stood up, eyes on the lake, and he just couldn't let her go yet.
"Don't leave me Mom," he cried out softly, knowing that his time was short but not wanting to let her go.
She smiled, and leaned down, kissing his forehead softly. He closed his eyes, feeling the ghost of her lips on his skin. Every random chance he had ever gotten with her over the past years he had never taken for granted. And he wasn't going to do that now.
"Dean," she started, as he stood up with her, frantic to keep her here longer.
"Guess what?" he said, holding her here just a little bit longer, needing her to hear this. He'd been afraid, he knew that now. But he knew that part of it was because he wouldn't be able to tell her. And now, he was getting that last chance.
She nodded.
"Jo's pregnant," he said thickly, swallowing back what he realized hurt so badly.
And she smiled, beamed so proudly, and he nearly started choked. "I know," she whispered. She squeezed his shoulder gently, and pulled him in for a hug. "And you're going to be an amazing father. Jo won't let you forget that." He laughed, knowing she was right. Jo wasn't going to let him live being a dad down.
He buried his face into her shoulder, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair that he had almost forgotten. The smell of Mom. He breathed her in, held the memory down, held her close.
"I'll never leave you, baby," she whispered, her arms growing lighter around him. He gripped her tighter, and he heard her laugh softly.
And then she was gone, his arms holding nothing.
xXx
"So how have you been?" he asked, cradling his mug of coffee with a hand, his feet propped up on the chair across from him. She pulled the thick white candle down from the top cabinet above the fridge and eyed his feet.
He chuckled, and dropped them from the chair.
"We're fine," she said softly, searching for a lighter in the drawers. A house of hunters and not one damn lighter? She would have to fix that.
"Here," Cas offered, holding out his own lighter. She shook her head.
"Still smoking?" she asked. She wasn't particularly fond of what he smoked. "You know you aren't the best in a hunt when you do." He chuckled.
"Yes Mama Jo," he teased, and she swatted his arm as she walked by him, snatching the lighter from his hand and taking the candle to the front room. She heard Cas follow, and watch as she bent over the candle and lit it like she had done since the day they had started this life of theirs together. Like she had done each year before.
She closed her eyes, and muttered a small prayer.
"Stay with him," she whispered, "because you're the only he wants today." She stood for a moment staring at the flickering flame, ironic really, terrible in too many ways.
She leaned back, as a sadness she didn't really know consumed her. She had never known Mary Winchester and the pain of that hurt. Dean would always miss her, would always want her back in his life, and nothing would ever change that.
She glanced out the window, as the sun peeked between the gray clouds.
He loves you.
And then Mary was standing before her, smiling broadly. She knew it was her, from the photo that Dean kept on him at all times, setting it aside only when he showered and slept.
She was more beautiful in person.
"Mary?" she whispered, not quite believing, but still believing it all the same. Nothing was impossible in their lives.
Mary reached out and touched her face, and she felt the ghost of her fingers across her cheek.
I'm not the only one he wants in his life.
Jo smiled back, holding the tears at bay as Mary reached down to touch her stomach softly.
She's going to be beautiful.
The tears fell as she realized what Mary had just given her, and she couldn't stop from crying, and laughing at the same time.
"I wish you were here," she whispered, her hand closing over Mary's. And Mary laughed as she wrapped her arms around Jo, and hugged her softly. Jo had never felt something so soft, but she wrapped her arms around Mary gently, laying her head against her shoulder.
"I always am," she said in her ear.
And then she was pulling away, and Jo felt the warmth leave her suddenly. She wanted to protest but knew it wouldn't do any good. Mary took one last glance at Jo, and then looked over her shoulder.
"Thank you for looking after my son," she said, as she disappeared.
Jo turned as the last of Mary's image vanished and saw, for the first time in three years, something she had not thought she would ever see again.
Castiel was crying.
xXx
Sam walked toward the house, and then stopped. He wasn't ready for this. Dean was going to be in the same mood he was in every year. And he understood. He didn't blame him.
But he wasn't sure he wanted to be around that. And after their last conversation he wasn't sure today was the right day to come back, to confront it.
He sat down on the steps with a sigh and pulled out the bracelet in his pocket.
"We need you Mom," he said quietly, fingering each symbol individually. He wanted to give it to Jo. On the chance they would have a girl she could wear it, just like Mom did.
I'm right here Sammy.
He jerked up to the touch of someone's arms wrapping around him. He froze, as the gentle warmth on his back made his chest clench. Then it was gone, and he saw someone walking away, down the sidewalk. He stood up quickly, running toward them, but he never got close enough.
"Mom?" he called frantically, knowing in his heart who it was fading away in front of him.
And then she turned, smiling.
I'm always with you Sam.
He watched as she disappeared and he knew it was time to go home.
xXx
Dean knew someone was inside. He could hear Jo talking to them, could hear her laughter. He smiled.
He loved her laughter.
Jo.
"I got it Mom," he murmured.
He looked up at the house, and saw her standing in the front of window by the sink. She was looking up at someone, talking to them, smiling. And then she saw him, and it was like she knew.
She knew.
And he knew why Mom had come to see him today, why she had pushed him away from her. Because right in front of him, right where she'd always been, was the woman he loved.
Was the woman who had never left him.
She smiled, and then Cas was there, leaning over her shoulder, wrapping an arm around her. She laughed, pushing him away playfully as he kissed her cheek.
Dean knew Cas was just messing around, but sometimes he couldn't stop the jealousy that worked its way over him. Cas wasn't just a baby in trenchcoat anymore. He wasn't Castiel. He was family. And he was still a pain in his ass sometimes, ever since things had changed him. Ever since he had lost his grace, and his wings three years ago.
And then Sam appeared in the window behind them, his head cut off, pulling Cas off of Jo, saying something. And Dean felt his chest clench at the sight of Sam. It didn't even matter what they had fought about. Sam was here. His family had come home.
He watched as they both started in on an argument, something stupid, but Jo only smiled and turned back to the window.
She placed her hand on the glass, calling him back and he could hear a voice, singing faintly to him as he went back inside. And he smiled, sending a silent thank you up to Mom for bringing them all home.
"You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better."
A/N: There is so much plot deviation, and probably a bit of OOC from each of the characters. But I got carried away by my feelings. Thanks for reading kittens!