Finally the last part to all the scenes i used in "An episode of Ayanami Rei." I will start work on the epilogue now. As always, i do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion, regardless of how much i wished i did.

Your Hand

NERV gardens

Peace. Serenity. Tranquillity. Those are the words that describe this place. This state of mind. This calmness.

The artificial sunlight reflected of the river of water. There was no sound besides the soft fall of water from the artificial waterfall. We stood, Ikari and I at the entrance to this garden, this place, this oddity which existed within NERV headquarters. Ikari brought me here. Does it reflect his state of mind? His mind at peace within a sea of emotions.

"It's so pretty," I comment surveying the scenery, "I didn't know this place was on the grounds."

"You've worked here so long and you didn't know?" Ikari asks me. I slowly make my way to the artificial lake, my hand disappears under it's cool depths as I kneel by its shore.

"I was never ordered to come here."

That's right. Orders. That has been my life. One decision followed by another by an outside factor. I never knew anything besides what existed outside that sphere, that knowledge of others. But maybe I know enough to start to question those decisions. Right now I have chosen to be with Ikari rather than with Eva. My selfish decision has delayed my synchronisation test, my selfish act… brought Ikari back.

This is me for I am I.

We don't say anything. Maybe there is no need. Ikari and I don't communicate through words. A lot of things aren't said, maybe they should. I can feel his gaze on me, is this the feeling of pity, awe or longing? I am not sure.

"The first time we touched," I begin, my mouth forming words I'm not use to. But maybe this is a start, maybe all I need is a starting point and that's all. "I didn't feel anything."

"huh?" Ikari questions.

"Your hand."

Memories of nothingness. Memories of being lost and alone. It was just the commander, Eva, Doctor Akagi and I. Those were the memories which consumed me before Ikari arrived at NERV. Eva allowed me to meet him. The first time I touched his hand I felt nothing, it was just pain.

"The second time," I continue as Ikari slowly pieces the memories in his head. "It felt a little queasy… I think. "

"Ahhh… about that, I'm sorry," Ikari apologises, so many months and angel attacks later. It is of no consequence, he did nothing to upset me. There was no need for forgiveness for there was nothing to forgive.

The second time we touched, it felt a little queasy… I think. Ikari showed me disobedience to the commander. Anger. Betrayal. Hate. Compassion. Awe. Longing. All those emotions were directed to the commander. However none to himself or anyone else. The second time we touched, was the closest I have gotten with another human.

"The third time we touched, I felt warm inside," I continue to speak, unfazed by Ikari's response. Why was I still speaking? Why am I talking about these inconsequential thoughts that exist within me? Why do I want Ikari to listen? Is it for the sake of that promise? "It was the heat from your hand, even through the suit.

The third time we touched, I felt warm inside. I was a shield, he was a sword. He would run I would remain… always that and always just that. But, he would always return and I would always wait. It didn't make logical sense, this relationship that formed between us. This was the first time that the distance which separated us closed. For the first time it was just him and I, just for the sake of that promise.

"We might not have anything besides the eva program right now, but… as long as we stay alive, someday we'll be glad that we survived. It might be far in the future but until then, let's live on."

Ikari doesn't respond. Is that a sign for me to continue? "But the fourth time… I was just happy." That's it. That simple fact. When he was there, outside of NERV, Eva and school. It was just him and I. "Happy that you were concerned about me."

The fourth time we touched, I was just happy. I was happy that Ikari was here. I was happy for that simple contact between human beings, that the distance between us was closing until we may eventually one day collide. After all, since then, since the first time we touched, who was there besides him and I?

I look at him, his hazel eyes reflect my crimson ones just like the artificial lake. I was talking to the water this entire time, talking about the inconsequential thoughts that exist within me, I couldn't even look at him then. Is this a reflection of myself? I must reflect these inconsequential thoughts of something in order for them to be heard? In order for them to have meaning? His eyes reflect himself. They reflect the serenity, peace and tranquillity that exist within him, just like this garden that exists within NERV. What do my eyes reflect? What do my eyes hold? Will you be able to tell me one day Ikari? Will you be able to justify the existence of Ayanami Rei?

"Could I hold your hand again?" I ask, making the first request of him. The first time it was a question and not a statement or order. He looks at me confused, those eyes that reflect his inner soul, those eyes never once wavered or changed. It reflected the same feeling of content as it had from the beginning.

"Yeah," Ikari responds holding out his hand. Was he offering or was he accepting? Did it matter in this relationship that had formed between us?

I reached my hand towards his, was I accepting or offering? I did not know. Ikari is here, he is in front of me. This would be the fifth time we touched. This time it was a request, this time it was an acceptance between us. I hope the distance between us continues to grow smaller, after all who was there besides him and I?

The fifth time we touched, I felt -