Rating: T

Warning: Brief mentions of rape.

Disclaimer: I do not own BBC Merlin.

I'm not really comfortable with how little control I seemed to have over where this chapter went, had to rewrite it a few times too. Please let me know asap if you notice anything glaring.

-Chapter 6—

Recovering

Waking up was officially the hardest task Merlin had ever had to commit himself to.

Ever.

His chest ached, he felt unbearably hot, and the room totally refused to stop spinning.

But he was getting there. With each passing moment that he woke he became just a little bit more coherent. The first few times were awful, however, for everyone around him. He asked again and again for his family, wondering where they were and strangely asking Arthur if he could have his freedom back several times. Only Gaius knew what that one meant and it pulled at his old heartstrings like it may make them snap. Arthur had sent word out to Hunith, hoping, after Merlin had asked him for the sixth time where his father had gone off to, that she may be able to absolve the situation a little. But it was for naught as the messenger returned a few days later half frozen to death in the blizzard that had begun two days ago.

It seemed some heavenly force was trying to keep poor Merlin as far away from familial happiness as it could.

A cautious groan ripped from his throat when a particularly nasty throb threatened to expel his breakfast. At least, he told himself, he was allowed a bit of privacy back in his own room now.

"Merlin?"

Well, kind of. The door creaked open and Gaius's head peered past it, eyeing his ward for any signs of sickness. It was vital that Merlin did not allow anything that went down his throat to come back out, for more than the just the reason of keeping him from starving to death. His internal organs may be healed but Gaius wasn't willing to risk any form of tear to the still weakened man's body.

Didn't stop Merlin from feeling nauseous though.

"I'm fine," he smiled to his elder, head resting back against the pillows. He'd been unconscious for one week and delirious for the other. He done nothing but sleep, sleep, sleep, and he still wanted to sleep. But the nightmares…

Gaius seemed all kinds of relieved to see that Merlin was physically healing and did the best he could to help him psychologically as well. But this was something past him and his ward made it clear that he had no desire to talk about it, not even to his greatest confident.

Not yet anyway.

Nothing was said of it outside of; "where is Hunith? Is she okay? Gaius, where is my mother, I need to know she's alright-ow,ow,ow!"

The old man smiled at him and stepped into the room, coming to sit on the stool beside his ward's bed. Having warily closed his eyes Merlin felt rather than saw the gnarled hand feel his forehead for the fever they both knew was still there. It had gone down considerably these past few days and for that they were both grateful but despite its small level it still lingered, hindering the healing process in doing so.

After a moment Gaius leaned back and began to speak but Merlin wasn't listening. He'd been up for a while now, almost fifteen minutes, reading a book the other had lent him on healing spells. It really shouldn't have surprised Merlin to find out his magic is what saved him but it still did. Especially when Gaius insisted that his magic instinctively knew what to do, it was just that Merlin needed to learn how to use it properly.

And as tired as Merlin was he wanted anything but rest at this stage of his recovery. His dreams had been replaced by horrible nightmares, replaying over and over again what had happened. Terrors that haunted him through waking and sleeping as though it was a sin to forget the danger that had loomed over his mother even for a moment. He dreamed of each night spent in the dark, listening to the horrifying things going on this house. He dreamed of the scent of smoke and the crackle of flame as it lapped over the straw roof. He dreamed of a dark figure fleeing in the night and watching it through a tunnel vision that seemed to think it was running towards him and not away. But most of all he dreamed of Hunith's wailing and screaming.

No, he didn't want to rest at all.

"Is he asleep?" a new voice roused him from the near-slumber he realized he'd almost fallen victim to once again and though it was at a whisper he instantly recognized it as his prince's.

"Mm 'mm," Merlin hummed his dismissal before the physician could say otherwise. Opening his eyes he let them rest upon the uncertain noble, standing at the bottom of the stairs and looking a little awkward all by his lonesome. The first time the serf woke up and found someone seated beside him it had, quite fittingly, been Gaius to greet him. And calm him down after his latest nightmare. Apparently, Merlin had a tenacity of being almost dangerously 'magic twitchy' when fevered. Almost all week Gaius had been watching pots, vials, herbs, even things still in his hands float off around the room. Because of it he couldn't really allow Arthur or Gwaine to come in as much as either would like. (And he was also beginning to suspect the raging blizzard outside wasn't entirely natural either.)

Next had been Lancelot, someone he was as equally happy to see and thankful to know was still there for him. He'd been told that Gwaine was getting quite distressed, hearing these happy tales of Merlin waking and holding brief but at least coherent conversations with everyone but him. And secretly, so had Arthur, who had been drawn back to his duties a little more than he'd have liked.

And all the stress really showed on his face too. It showed in the shadows beneath his eyes. It showed in the lines on his around his mouth. It showed in the slumped, hunched up, defeated way he held himself. And it caused Merlin to automatically begin worrying for him.

What kind of diplomatic hell had Arthur been suffering through these past few days to look so haggard?

"Geeze," he grumbled, voice gravelly and soft with weakness, "you look even worse than I do."

Merlin was pleased to see a small smile light up the prince's face and he stepped further into the room, "heh, have you seen yourself lately?" And it was true too; the serf's face was as pale as death and sweat shimmered over his brow. The bruises beneath his eyes were thick and his head lolled back against the pillows as though he didn't have the strength to keep it up himself. A book lay open across his lap and Arthur recognized the image of yarrow drawn over the page in ink; ah, so Gaius was making him read herbology books.* One hand was wedged between the pages to keep his place, the other limp beside him.

Gaius reached out and gently took the book away, Merlin allowing him to do so with very little protest. It seemed that any small movement caused his serf some form of discomfort and he was trying to move as little as possible because of it. Commiseration passed through his eyes when he once again realized the extent of Merlin's pain.

Arthur had never met a man who had survived such a mortal wound- hence why it was considered mortal. He wondered, though, if that made him selfish to be happy Merlin had become the only man he knew to do so.

He certainly seemed to have a knack for that, didn't he? Surviving, that is.

Merlin gave him a wry smile and Arthur smiled back, happy to finally see his friend lucid again. And call him selfish for this but he really just couldn't help himself.

With an imploring look sent Gaius's way he nodded his head toward the stool the old man sat on, "may I?"

He was immediately given a concerned version of The Eyebrow before Gaius turned his eyes back on Merlin, "I'm not sure if now is a good time-" he began.

"I'm fine, Gaius," Merlin interrupted, "I keep telling you that."

The physician huffed, "and I'll believe that when pigs begin flying without any magical persuasion."

A small grimace tightened the prince's face for a moment, he really couldn't be so selfish about this right now, Merlin was clearly exhausted. He'd simply have to ask Gaius to send for him the next time he woke, again. No doubt there was a servant looking around his room to tell him that Merlin had woken right now, one that he'd missed on his way here from the council chambers. He moved to speak but before he could get a word out of his mouth, his manservant beat him to it.

"I'll be fine, Gaius, please," as tired as his serf appeared it startled the prince to see how insistent he was being. With a disbelieving look on his face, the physician glanced between the two for a moment before he sighed and pushed himself to his feet.

"Alright, alright, but only for a few minutes," he breathed and from the disapproving look on his face, compared with the relief on Merlin's, Arthur had to wonder if his serf's nightmares had gotten worse.

Taking Gaius's seat beside his wounded serf Arthur raised an eyebrow at him, looking the weakened man up and down.

"Would you stop that already?" Merlin asked, "I feel like one of those buck's you hunt so obsessively."

Arthur scoffed, "I'd say you look the part but you're far too along to be worth a good chase." The grin on Merlin's face did not falter but his prince easily saw the look of pain flash through his eyes. When his friend made no retort the blond looked away, suddenly serious, "Merlin, how are you really feeling?" His serf opened his mouth but couldn't get a word out before his friend continued, "and I don't just mean physically."

The warlock's response was a moment of silence and a sobering smile. A surprisingly lucid gaze peered into Arthur's with something almost akin to suspicion. He felt like he was being analyzed, taken apart piece by piece, from the very soul outwards. There were times when this gaze of Merlin's set him on edge and it was reasonably so. In mere seconds his servant could go from the clumsy fool to the wizened, battle-scarred man he saw before him now.

Arthur understood, a little grimly, why there were times Merlin seemed so much more experienced than he did. In fact, from the way the man had behaved it hadn't seemed Morgana's betrayal surprised him one bit.

For someone his age Merlin was far too knowledgeable.

"I'm f-"

"And Lords, Merlin, if you say you're fine to me I swear I'll give you so much work to do your bloody back will break."

His manservant paused, doubt and confusion in his eyes.

"I don't know what else to say," and with the weakness of the past few weeks heavy in his voice his drudge seemed so much smaller than usual.

Arthur didn't like it, "well, Merlin, there are other words in the world for you to use, you know."

Merlin frowned at him, obviously trying to think of another way to say; "I'm fine."

Eventually he gave up, and Arthur broke the silence; "alright, look, no matter what you tell me I know you're not fine. And, honestly Merlin, all I care about is you coming back to work with a stable mind," at this Merlin raised a disbelieving eyebrow but allowed him to continue, "whatever it was that happened between you and your uncle, I want you to know that," here he trailed off and looked away. Swallowing thickly he forced down his pride and looked his weakened friend in the eyes, "I want you to know that while the knights might not be related by blood, we are, in a delusional, dysfunctional, ridiculous way, a family of our own accord." Subdued he looked at Merlin, stared into his confused, cobalt eyes and past the sickly false bravado to the man hurting beneath it all, "and I want you to know that you're a part of that."

When he was done, Merlin stared at him. Long and hard and Arthur could almost feel his face warm with a blush. But as mortified as he was these words needed to be said and they needed to be said by him. No jokes could be made either because he wanted Merlin to know that he was serious and that he-they were all there for him should he want to talk.

Because, by god, when Morgana had betrayed them he had needed someone to talk to too. Without Merlin there to share the weight Arthur wondered how well he would have handled the truth. And at least he hadn't literally been stabbed in the back!

Finally Merlin spoke, "if that's really how you feel…?"

Arthur nodded, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and shifting to a more comfortable position, "It is."

It was obvious that Merlin was uncomfortable with the situation and there was a selfish part of Arthur that felt upset by it, like the man did not trust him despite everything they had gone through up to this point.

But then the warlock looked away, his gaze on the high window across his little room and a hand fisted in the sheets.

"For a few moments I believed Capricorn had changed," he grimaced, "he flew off on some ridiculous rant on how he was sorry for what he had done to my mother and despite everything; using her as a tool to satisfy himself, threatening us, and even burning our house after almost killing her," the fist in the sheets tightened considerably and Arthur watched with his breath held in his lungs the dark rage that passed through his usually docile servant's eyes, "I was foolish enough to believe that he had changed." He lowered his head and heaved a gentle sigh, releasing the sheets but still unable to meet his prince's eyes, "please understand that it is not myself I am worried for, Arthur, it is my mother." This time Merlin did look to the prince and he could see pain both physical and mental reflected in those eyes, "Capricorn told me he visited her, before he cut me down-" it was disturbing how easily those words slid off his servant's tongue, "-he said he'd visited the house and 'asked her for forgiveness'."

Arthur understood his servant's worries but still did not believe that he was fine and it hurt to see that his friend wouldn't tell him the truth of how he felt.

"I've been trying to send someone to Ealdor but no-one can reach it in this blizzard. Once it is safe, you have my word, Merlin, I'll send Percival and Elyan out to see if she is alright and to tell her of what's happened."

At this Merlin very nearly shot up out of bed, only stopping because of the pain that exploded across his chest, "No!" he gasped, Arthur's hands on his shoulders to keep him down, "no, don't tell her what's happened."

"Merlin, how can I not?" he demanded, "once she sees knights of Camelot in the village she'll know that something happened," sure that Merlin wasn't going to try and jump out of bed again he sat back on his stool.

"Then have them go in disguise!"

"Merlin-"

"Please Arthur, I cannot have her worrying about me." He was begging, Arthur knew he was begging. Yet- "please."

"Alright!" he cried in submission, "I'll have them go in bloody disguise! For gods sake, Merlin, you look like a kicked puppy."

Seeming to realize the same thing his servant scowled at him, forcing himself not to sigh in relief, and the insult rolled off his lips without flaw, "better than a drunken bear."

"Mm," Arthur held out his hands, palms facing the ceiling, "I don't know, "he gestured to one hand with a slight raise, "bear verses," he gestured to the other, "puppy. You really sure you're not still delirious, Merlin?"

"Merlin," Gaius's voice interrupted and the old man stepped in through the door with a vile in hand. At the sight of the horrible thing Merlin nearly groaned, but it was for the pain so he didn't protest. The physician gave his ward The Eyebrow and handed him the tonic, watching as the warlock uncorked it and with only a moment's pause, downed the whole thing. Arthur watched sympathetically; he knew well how horrible those things tended to taste. Nodding his approval Gaius gave the prince a quick glance and he waddled down the steps without another word.

His steadily declining servant gave a tired smile, head pressed back into the pillows once more and eyelids drooping, "You're right, I must be delirious; you are being nice to me, after all. I'll have to ask Gaius what he put in that tonic earlier," he clamped his jaw shut suddenly and Arthur felt worry slide back into place, monitoring the way his friend's muscles clenched. "Oh, that was not a pain killer," he groaned through his teeth. When Merlin opened his eyes again, having never realized they had been closed, he noticed through a blurry haze the worry etched in his friend's face and suddenly remembered something.

Through the thickness of sleep and fever a face peered down at him from above. It was covered by a blanket that made his vision incredibly fuzzy but the distinct lines of worry marred it, soft blue eyes staring at him with obvious guilt and high levels of concern.

Exhausted by the conversation he'd just had Merlin smiled, dopey in his state of rapidly approaching unconsciousness, and said, "baw, you do care."

Arthur scoffed, "of course I care, or are you too much of an idiot to even figure that out?" he asked seriously. Merlin just smiled.

"Gwaine's going to get mad," he warned his prince.

But the blond just waved it off, "He'll just have to wait his turn."

It was clear now that the only thing keeping his best friend awake was a bit of luck and a prayer. Drowsily, the young serf scanned his master's face as though he was once again looking for something and Arthur suddenly found himself dreading the next words to come from his mouth.

"Thank you Arthur, you're a good friend yourself."

For a while the prince sat in stunned silence and fought against the urge to deny it now that he could be sure Merlin wasn't dying anymore but he realized that even if he did, only Gaius would hear him.

His serf had collapsed back into exhaustion again, leaving his prince with the sound of a fire crackling in the hearth, the grinding of a pestle in a mortar, and the lonely moan of wind out in the cold. Arthur resigned himself to another silent vigil, glad for the time he'd so far had with his servant lucid.

Suddenly the door blew open and Gwaine threw himself into the room, "I heard he was awake!"

Almost as though he'd been expecting it Gaius immediately shushed him.

And like that the touching moment ended

XXXX

*yes, yes, herbology is a simple, silly play of words. This thing does not actually exist. :P

I was hit in the face with a carnivorous writers block this time. ;_; *writhes*

Anyway, *looks at reviews* okay, so, the answer here could not be more clear. o.o

I would like to just make my warning known that due to college reasons there will be those terrifyingly long spaces between updates sometimes. You know, the ones that make your readers try to chew you out and I have to hide in my closet for fear of them. When it comes to drabbles I always pick them back up, sometimes I just, sadly, have to make people wait. And, come on, I'm attending two schools right now, homework is doubtlessly going to pick up sooner or later.

Thank you so much for all the reviews, guys! I'll answer all of them! (just as soon as I finish this quesadilla. ._.)

Cheers!

-FT

NOTICE: Got into a car crash a few days ago. No new updates for a long while. Sorry.

Cheers.