The Accidental Occurrence

By Queen of Curses

Disclaimer: All of u kno I don't own anything.

A/N: HA! I AM BACK! Let me see . . . my excuse this time for updating after so long (almost a year) is that the file kept corrupting on my floppy disk. ya, and i had to keep rewriting from memory. the original was MUCH longer and BETTER, but i couldn't remember some parts in it. to solve that problem in the future, i am now saving my stuff onto a data CD.

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"..." - Speech

/.../ - Thought

Chapter 4 - The Preparations

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~The following morning~

"Malik, wake up!" Bakura shouted from the kitchen of their small little apartment.

"What the hell do you want?" Malik sleepily shouted right back from his bedroom.

"I made breakfast, and if you don't eat up every single bit off your plate, I swear I'm going to murder you!"

/Oh, Ra . . . Bakura making breakfast? This must be a nightmare. I must not be awake yet, either. But if I _am_ awake, I hope I don't choke and die from whatever he cooked . . ./ Malik thought to himself as he got out of bed in nothing but his purple boxers. (Nice little image to input in your mind, ne?)

When he arrived in the kitchen the first thing he saw was his best friend wearing a gas mask and holding up a spatula. At this, Malik's eyes widened, and he started praying inside his mind.

/To all the Egyptian Gods out there, if you produce a miracle to let me survive Bakura's cooking, I'll do anything! ANYTHING!!! I'll be a good boy, I'll give back all the shampoo bottles I stole from Isis, I'll never threaten anyone ever again, I'll stay out of trouble for the rest of my life, I'll give up sex . . . . . ANYTHING!!!! Oh, wait, I take back that giving up sex part. Can't live without it. ^_^ So, please, all you lazy-assed Gods produce a miracle so that I live to see the day our child will terrorize pigeons at age three! Or else . . . I will hunt you all down and give you a slow and painful death . . . MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!/

After that short little prayer, Malik reluctantly sat down at the small kitchen table. He was scared. Yes, we're talking about Mr. nobody-scares-me-because-I-can-easily-take-over-your-mind-and-make-you-pull-your-brain-out-of-your-own-head-through-your-nose-with-a-spoon.

After a few seconds of making sure what he cooked was all right, Bakura set a plate of what looked like perfectly normal food in front of Malik.

"Here's your breakfast." Bakura said roughly. "You better not throw it all up after you eat it, or I'll force you to consume your own vomit. I worked very hard on this. You should appreciate my efforts."

The blonde teen just stared at the plate. Slowly, Malik took a fork and a knife and started consuming his breakfast.

After he had consumed all of it, he just smiled at Bakura, and ran to the bathroom as fast as he possibly could, leaving the white-haired teen looking confused.

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Now, the two were walking up and down the isles of Toys'R'Us about an hour after the breakfast incident. (their apartment was only half a mile away) Of course, they were looking for things for the baby.

One was rushing down the isles dropping things into their shopping cart, while the other was slowly lagging behind and thinking of his bad condition of diarrhea. And I'm pretty sure you all can guess which person was doing what.

/Oh . . ./ Malik thought, grabbing hold of the piece of stomach where his intestines were right under. /It could've been much worse than diarrhea . . . but I survived! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! I actually survived!/

"Hey, Malik!" Bakura shouted from three isles away. "It might take me a while to get all the things I need, so you can just go on to whatever place you want in the store, if you think shopping with me is a bore."

"Oh, it's no bore," Malik lied, "but since I'm probably slowing you down, I'll just stay out of the way!" Bakura just nodded and continued with what he was doing.

"It's only been ten minutes," Malik whispered to himself, looking at his hourglass-watch on his wrist, "and he already has six full shopping carts."

/HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO CARRY THAT ALL HOME?!/

/Well, I better not fret about it now, I'll just go over to the video game section and play some demos./

When our favorite crazy dude got his nice firm ass over there, the first thing he saw was a long line of young teenage guys. Being quite curious, he went over to investigate what they were waiting in line for. It seems that they were all waiting in line for that popular Playstation2 game, DDRMAX2. The demo at this store even included a dancepad to dance on.

(A/N: To those unfamiliar with DDR: Dance Dance Revolution, why don't you all do some research? Go to www.ddrfreak.com after you read this fic. i rock at DDR, btw! I'm a level 9. ^_^)

/Isn't that the game Isis and Ryou always bring to me and Bakura's apartment? Yeah, it is! Heh, she's been playing for months now, and she still isn't very good at it. Neither is Ryou. Unlike both of them, I'm a pretty fast learner. I turned into a pro the first day I played it. I was just bored and Bakura pushed me into keeping Ryou company with the game./

/So if I'm a pro, WHY THE HECK AM I STILL STANDING HERE LIKE AN IDIOT WHEN I CAN BE GETTING ON THE LINE TO SHOW ALL THOSE OTHER BASTARDS I COULD WHOOP THEIR ASSES ANY DAY AT THIS GAME!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!/

So Malik took out his Millennium Rod, which he brought with him wherever he went, and ordered every single person to get off the line as fast as they could to go to the Barbie Doll department, using his Millennium Item. But Malik couldn't get the last person on the line to get off because his mind was already exhausted from controlling over a hundred people. So he marched on right up there to tell whomever it was to move.

It was Anzu. Or Tea, as her friends called her.

"Move." Malik ordered.

"Why should I? I have friends, you don't!" Tea answered back.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?!"

"Umm . . . nothing, I guess, but friends can help me through anything!"

"They won't be around to help you when I wipe the floor with you at DDR!" Malik challenged.

"Challenge accepted!"

So the two started their dancing duel. They agreed they would both dance two songs. Whoever had a higher score won. Pretty simple, right?

Tea danced first. She chose the songs "Peace Out" and "True", both on the easiest difficulty level. She passed them both with A's. Malik danced "Sandstorm" and "MAX300", both on the hardest difficulty level. Malik got a double A on "Sandstorm", but during "MAX300", one of the fastest songs ever created in Konami history (going at 300 beats per minute), Malik felt his breakfast side effects returning. He held on as long as he could, but during the middle of the song he couldn't take it anymore and ran for the nearest bathroom to take care of his problem, while in the background he faintly heard a voice: "Haha! I won!"

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~In the men's restroom at Toys'R'Us~

"Urrggh . . . eww . . ." Came a voice from one of the stalls. "Yeah, that's better . . ." A flush was heard, and out walked Malik.

/I can't believe I lost to that bitch just because I had a friggin' case of diarrhea./ He thought to himself as he washed his hands thoroughly with five different anti-bacterial liquid soaps that Bakura carried with him everywhere. Malik was lucky he volunteered to hold his best friend's purse--er, I mean--bag, where the soaps were contained. Or else his hands would have smelled so bad, the birds flying in the sky would have dropped dead the minute he walked outside.

After exiting the restroom, he found himself face to face with a permanent-marker-holding Tea. Malik eyes widened as he thought: "Oh, no . . ." And he began to run, like someone was chasing after him. The thing was, someone WAS chasing after him.

"Malik!!!" Tea screeched as she tried her best to catch up to the Egyptian.

"Get away from me you little bitch!" Malik screamed, running a little faster.

"Let me draw a smiley face on your hand!"

"NEVER! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"It's a sign of friendship! EVERYONE needs friendship in quantities! I can get Tristan and Joey to be your friends!"

"Those motherfuckers? No way! All I need as a friend is Bakura, and I already got him! So . . . GO AWAY!!!!!"

And the chase went on for a few minutes, both weaving through the aisles like strands of hair through a braid. Finally, when Malik seemed to have lost her, he rushed up to the paying counter, where Bakura was arguing with the salesperson. He quickly took out both of his solid-gold earrings and lay them atop the counter.

"Hey you," Malik hurriedly said to the salesperson, "these earrings are worth $500 apiece. That's a thousand dollars in total. That should cover all the expenses. Keep the change. Oh, it's okay; I have plenty more pairs of these earrings at home."

The salesperson just nodded as Malik proceed to steal belts from every employee nearby. With the pilfered belts, our Egyptian strung together all ten (full) shopping carts with unmatched skill. A few seconds later all the Toys'R'Us were left blinking, dumbstruck, by the strange behavior of the two main characters in this fic.

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"Malik! What the hell do you think you did back there? I was in a perfectly controversial argument with that nasty old salesperson!" Bakura growled as his best friend dragged him the half-mile way back to their apartment building.

"You really do love arguing, don't you?!" Malik hysterically said, suddenly stopping his dragging of Bakura and the ten linked shopping carts right in front of their apartment building's first-floor elevator. "Is that the reason we get into so many verbal-abuse fights? Just for your own twisted pleasure?!"

"Umm . . . yeah . . . DUH!" Bakura said, in a voice that made anyone feel stupid.

"Oh. Okay." The other said, losing all traces of his previous temporary psycho-rage. After some arguing on how to get all the stuff up the stairs to the place they called home, the elevator beside them opened with a DING and out came the same random dude from the last chapter.

"Dudes, there's an elevator . . ." The random guy said, in the slow dialect of one of those blonde-haired, blue-eyed, surf-obsessed guys that you always see at the beach during summer.

"SHUT UP!" Bakura and Malik shouted in unison as the random guy ran for his life and took shelter in the nearest surfboard shop. Malik stepped into the elevator.

"Every time I come back down, you hand me a shopping cart. Then I'll go up and wheel it into our place. You okay with that?" Malik asked after explaining his plan.

"Sure, whatever." Bakura answered.

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~Much later, in their apartment~

One pale-blonde teen was lying down lazily on the black leather couch. Asleep, no doubt. The other was hastily finding places to put all their new items, all the while removing some other things by chucking them out the window. When our tattooed beauty awoke, he found quite a surprise in the form of his environment.

"Oh my Ra . . ." Malik started as he stared in mortal horror at his new atmosphere. Then, he began to walk around the room. First of all, a light blue velvet one replaced the black leather couch he was sleeping on. The walls of the living room were not black, gold, and purple anymore, as Malik had painted them when the two first moved in. Now, they were colored a simple white with swirls of lines of light green, depicting the visible form of wind like that in a child's imagination.

The wide screen television was gone, too, along with Malik's Playstation 2, XBOX, and Gameboy Advanced. Instead, in their place, were toys of all sorts, from beach balls to rubber ducks to plastic knives to large building blocks.

/Plastic knives?!/ Malik thought to himself in relief. /At least Bakura had enough common sense to know that we can't raise our baby as a terrorist to pedestrians with all this "goody-goody" shit. Using plastic knives is a pretty subtle and discreet way to turn our child into a rebel when he or she is old enough to go to school./

So basically, our guy was okay with the new makeover for their apartment.

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QOC: Wow. How short. Heh. Whatever. Please review. I'll love you forever if you do. 3 btw, a reviewer said that the dress would be better in white, so i'll make the lavender one "accidentally" catch fire in the next chapter. ^_^