The Emotion Amplification

Author's Note: This. This is what I should have been posting, but Within Darkness and Entropy reared its head. Luckily I have a lot of this written already so here is the first chapter...There's a lot of Sheldon POV out there lately. Haha, here's one more for the Shamy community. ;)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Big Bang Theory or any of its amazing characters.

Chapter 1-

It was a popular theory amongst his friends that Sheldon was extremely stunted in the emotional department, and for the longest time, Sheldon never bothered to tell them otherwise. What was the point in correcting them? He had plenty of emotions, just like everyone else, but he chose to put said emotions towards important matters. Like physics (specifically string theory), maintaining absolute order in his life, and keeping all the people around him at as safe a distance as possible.

And with Leonard and company partaking in ridiculous activities such as personal social interaction, going out to less than sterile eating facilities, and even more disturbing, sexual encounters with more than a few female partners, Sheldon wanted to keep them as far away from him as possible. It was all a bunch of nonsense that he wanted absolutely no part in, and that opinion would never change. Of that, he was certain.

Years later, against Sheldon's will, that certainty was abruptly tossed under a bus and ran off the edge of a deep, deep canyon as he stood at the counter of a small, quaint coffee shop next to a petite woman in a clashing, chaotic arrangement of clothing whom he was forced to meet under the theoretical threat of hidden soiled hosiery in his living quarters.

Amy Farrah Fowler, quite possibly the closest being in existence to match his intellect and quirky charm, had walked into his life like a quiet breeze of fresh air. When was the last time Sheldon was able to freely be himself without being reprimanded or judged? When he invented ridiculous (Leonard's words, not his) games to stimulate the senses and challenge the mind, Amy was always, always willing to play along. So, when did this friendship with this female, a rare fellow Homo Novus, get flipped into a frighteningly different trajectory?

Sheldon could recall it down the very seconds; the moment that he sat in three seconds of silence as he weighed his options between rekindling a boy-slash-friend-slash-girl-slash-friend status with the now no longer quiet breeze, but bold gust that was Amy. He was one hundred percent certain that diving back into any sort of relationship with her would drag him unceremoniously and unmercifully under an unknown current, and that feeling of uncertainty as to whether he could escape from it ate at him from the inside.

He wasn't a fool; even he vaguely knew what Leonard and his mother were plotting. He merely went along with their little ploy simply because he wasn't about to admit that he missed the neurobiologist.

Because he hadn't, just so the world knows. Conversing with her was mentally stimulating, dealing with her was much less tedious than dealing with Leonard or Penny, and much less annoying than Howard or Rajesh. Nothing more, nothing less.

He could call it whatever he wanted, but that didn't change the indisputable fact that this single decision had ultimately altered nearly every single paradigm he had painstakingly carved for himself over his thirty years of life. Even now, looking back on it, Sheldon still felt a nostalgic tingle in his brain of the subtle buzz that had begun ringing ever since that day. A warning he was never quite able to decipher.

After that, life had more or less returned to normal. Sheldon was still on his set path to a Nobel Prize, he still mused happily about the prospect of cities being named after him in dedication of his greatness. He didn't understand for the life of him why his friends always insisted on making a fuss about the whole ordeal.

The fact that she was female (a woman) didn't make one lick a difference to Sheldon. One is not able to choose the gender they are born, who was he to treat her any different because she had the components of a female human being? Besides, theirs was 'a relationship of the mind', he reminded himself and his friends. Over time, Sheldon found himself having to restate that claim, over and over until he was no longer sure whether the mantra was more for them for himself.

Regardless, he repeated the phrase endlessly until it slowly became a dull trill in the back of his mind.

It wasn't until one random day when he and Amy were having tea that he started to really question his very own motives. They had spent the afternoon at a small seminar with speaker Brian Greene, a so called noted physicist (Sheldon scoffed at the notion) who used hogwash methods to dumb down his research for the simple-minded. He had brought Amy on the guise of unwinding and as Amy herself had put it, to goof off for once.

Apparently, goofing off also including trivial involvements with gossip circulating within their mutual circle of friends. Sheldon humored her (because, also apparently, he did that for her too) and listened as she gave him the '411'. He couldn't have cared less about Howard's rare successful romance with the pint-sized, downright frightening blonde, Bernadette, nor the rocky trajectory of their love life. But color him interested when the speed of which the rumor had spread spurred Amy to propose an experiment utilizing meme theory.

Ah, experiments, that was something Sheldon would thoroughly enjoy. He'd told her just that, humorously adding that she was pulling him into the social sciences.

That was when the warning bell sounded too late.

"You're a vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler."

It wasn't until Amy's eyes averted in a bashful manner that he froze, tea mug lingering at his lips. Hidden behind a poker face, Sheldon's mind was chastising him with rapid fire precision. What did you just say? Where did that affectionate tone come from? What was with that look you gave her? Are you a ravenous wolf eying a lamb? He carefully recovered his frantic mind as Amy started to formulate the details.

"How about a flower garden as the control?" A suitable suggestion, it sure sounded dull enough for Sheldon. "Now, what could be tantalizing enough for-"

"What if we told them that we engaged in coitus?"

Wait, what? His brain was in an uproar once again. Where did THAT come from? Has being around the rest of your sex-crazed friends altered your cognitive functions? Sheldon caught Amy watching him silently, the cogs turning in her vast mind.

"Indeed. As...unrealistic as that event is, I doubt anyone in our circle would be intuitive enough to find suspicion in our claims. ...Acceptable," she smiled, her gaze rose to meet Sheldon's, green eyes shining with mirth and hints of mischief. Sheldon felt an indescribable tug in his chest at that moment.

One second later, he abruptly buried it, and that was that.

He wasn't allowed a long period of reprieve though, as Sheldon would soon find that physical anomaly would return with fervent force only a week or so later. And what was the reason for that?

She kissed him. Amy had kissed him. Amy Farrah Fowler kissed Sheldon Lee Cooper. No matter how he worded that statement, his brain simply stumbled in circles trying to file that particular piece of reality away into the proper sector of his memory. She had closed in on him in a flash (like The Flash flash fast in his eyes) and not even two seconds later, she retreated. Sheldon was left momentarily stunned and waited for the rush of panic that typically came when someone invaded his personal territory, or imbued upon him germy touches.

Thoughts of the multitude of germs that could be passed from lip-to-lip contact and displeasure of physical contact never came to the forefront; they weren't present at all. As a matter of fact, the same tug in his chest from before was now accompanied by a sensation, warm and tingling, left on his lips.

Warmth that came from her own lips, warm and soft. Soft. Soft.

"Fascinating," was all he could voice, since that's all it was. Correction, that was all he was going to let it be. She was a friend who is a girl, she was a friend who is a girl, Amy was just a friend who is a girl.

That's not all she is. A new voice retorted, and he swallowed it just as quickly as Amy had retreated from the room.

For the longest while, Sheldon ignored the idea that he was potentially going insane, hearing voices in his head, speaking boldly in his ears and vibrating his foreign senses. That nonsense was for crazy people and psychology; for one, he was not crazy as his mother had him tested. Confirmed, out of the picture, no chance, no way. Psychology was a subject that was strictly taboo...anywhere. Period. Don't even go there, Sheldon would mentally threaten, he'd strike you down with all the arsenal in his brain, which for the record, was a hell of a lot. He had more weaponry in his cranium than he had weapons unlocked in Halo. All four of them.

The reality of the matter, however, was rearing its ugly head. He allowed himself to fashion a false sense of comfort in the unalterable continuity that was his relationship with Amy, but within a matter of a few months, he was once again thrust into frightening territory that left him quivering in his skin.

This is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! His hands dropped to his sides.

"What do you mean by that?" Sheldon's voice cracked against his will. The words of his best friend flew in one ear and out the other, he filtered out the unimportant mess and focused on the words that left a sick feeling in his gut.

Loosen up...Good time...Groin...Worse for wear.

In the next instant, he struck Leonard with a surprisingly hard judo chop. There was a voice speaking in Sheldon's mind again, telling him to lay down the law- put that happy pants man in his place. So, for some unknown reason (and he wasn't about to ponder on it now), he instinctively listened to it.

"She is not for you."

"...what?"

"Not for you!"

As Sheldon stomped away from his roommate, his head pounded. What was the matter with him? He was acting like a petulant child whose toy was being taken by another kid. By all means, this happened to him all the time growing up, but Amy was not a toy, she was a woman- his friend.

And that voice, that inner voice was so familiar; his mind was spinning, emotions erratic and suffocating that he felt like the wind was knocked out of him.

She...she is for me. It told him, and Sheldon shook his head as he entered his bedroom. He absolutely refused to acknowledge the voice that sounded very much like his own.

The day that Amy literally dropped off his radar, Sheldon had been reduced to a literal stone. He had tried literally everything. Everything! She was unreachable; this had never happened before, she was always available for contact. He fought down the shaking of his fingers as he typed the same message on her Facebook page as he did her Twitter, her cellular device, and her email. Was this what most people called a mental breakdown? He felt like he treading into obsessive territory; when had Amy become this necessary in his life? This woman, his friend, was throwing his life off kilter, altering systems and cycles and his eyes were burned with the memory of her face and he just wanted to see it. Hear her voice.

Maybe he had gone insane?

Sheldon showed up to her apartment with what he thought was well hidden concern (he was not panicking, okay?), only to find a red, teary eyed woman who had a paler than normal complexion. His mind reeled and uneasiness caused him to linger awkwardly in the hallway.

He couldn't do this, he reasoned, he saw her face and that was enough. It was enough. Go, the other voice demanded as she left the door open to return to the couch. Again, like a man possessed, Sheldon listened without further prompting. He walked in, conversed, and eventually sat on the couch with her and let her explain her woes. The longer he stayed, the more he couldn't make sense of the stirring in his stomach. While he didn't really understand why something as trivial as being left out of dress shopping (because it's dress shopping for crying out loud, like that's fun) was upsetting Amy, but the fact that she was upset at all in turn upset him.

But why did it upset him?

When she asked him to engage in 'a night of torrid love making' with him, Sheldon resisted the urge to run away from the room, from Amy, from that tingling feeling. They countered back and forth until she made her final offer and once again, he was letting her have her way. Since when had this become a normal thing? Even as they awkwardly molded together, his arms around her and pulling her close, and her head nestled on his sternum, Sheldon tried to make sense of it all.

For the nth time since meeting this small, quirky woman, Sheldon simply could not solve the internal equation.

Then suddenly, two weeks later, Amy Farrah Fowler was his girlfriend.

She was his; they had a contract and everything. There would be no Stuart, Amy, pumpkin lattes, intercourse, or any combination of the four in the future. The knowledge of that alone let him rest at ease.

Now they could go back to being a pair of Homo Novus, pursuing knowledge of the universe and all its components, right?

Apparently, Amy, and Sheldon himself, had other plans.

He bought her a tiara in apology for upsetting her because, really, that whole thing with Amy being upset still bothered the daylights out of him, not that he would admit that out loud. He didn't really understand what had upset her, but Leonard insisted he buy her something and Penny insisted that is had to be jewelry, since apparently that humidifier wasn't a proper apology gift. (He would have accepted one for an apology, but whatever.) Amy was seemingly placated none the less, her jubilant reaction was endearing, up until she planted an awkward and off position kiss upon him.

Sheldon swore his heart stopped, and yelled at his brain to shut up as thoughts of softness and desires of repeating the action bubbled up to the forefront. He was really getting good at producing a poker face, probably even better than that one weirdo singer that Penny always listened to in the car. But, Amy was pleased, Penny was amused, and Sheldon just simply didn't care anymore as he lightly raised his hands to return his girlfriend's cobra-tight embrace. Warmth spread through him like wild fire, and again he fought down the suffocating thoughts prodding him.

A date after dark in Amy's apartment much later that year was the start of a crazy increase in...inappropriate thoughts in Sheldon. She wanted to experiment with neurobiological mumbo jumbo to see if she could further alter the paradigm of their boy-girl relationship.

As if she wasn't doing enough damage as it were, what with the delicate curves of her shoulders and hips, the tantalizing hue of her green eyes, and that low, low hum that was her sultry voice. See? Catastrophic damage, critical damage, maximum damage! His thoughts could be quiet anytime now, he berated himself with a tap of his foot. He was instantly roped in with Mario Bros. tunes, strawberry Quik, spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it, and a grinning vixen of a woman who knew very well she had Sheldon caught in her gambit. Amy was chaos, Amy was destruction of his walls, Amy was vixen incarnate.

And Sheldon was drawn to it– to her.

The following year was riddled with emotional riptides; Sheldon couldn't even refute the idea that Amy was indeed increasing his affections for him, and she wasn't even trying most of the time. He was hitting a breaking point, where his brain was beginning to separate into two divisions: Logic telling him to back away before it's too late, and Feelings reminding him that it was okay to fall, because it was her.

Date nights at the Cheesecake Factory, fights with his childhood idol–enemy–good friend Wil Wheaton over his girlfriend's honor, parking spot shenanigans and that puzzling amount of band-aids, Amy being sick and Sheldon nursing her back to health because he was concerned for her well being, her lying about her illness which resulted in what he though was appropriate punishment for her deceit, him lying about their sex life to Kripke, dealing with the prospects of living together. He felt like he was slowly backing into a corner, and when an event too heart-altering happened, the metaphorical floor cracked beneath his feet.

Valentine's Day– Amy wanted a romantic evening with a low-lit dinner and acts of intimacy; Sheldon abhorred evenings like this. Penny and Bernadette had obvioulys infused her brilliant mind with sappy nonsense that was so far away from how they operated that Amy seemed like a completely different woman. It really did puzzle him, and to a degree, disappointed him. She was a woman, but she wasn't any woman, so why did she insist on acting like the collective half of the world's female population?

When she arrived at his apartment, Sheldon opened the door with a feeling of apprehension. The faster they got this over with, the better. Yet then, she did something that made his heart stop dead in his chest.

She canceled their date. The dinner, the romance, everything– she was willing to bury all that just to enjoy an evening at home with him. He whirled around to look at her, awe-struck and breathless. What was happening? His breath was caught in his throat, his heart severely palpitating, and his face extremely warm. There was never another instance that he felt so in...

His mind froze instantly. No. No no no.

He found himself next to her on the couch; simply hearing her speak in that low voice was sending rushes of madness and hotness through his nerves. What was happening here? He handed over his gift for her, mouth forming words automatically as she fell into an adorably emotional state. He knew this would affect her, so much more than any of those material gifts that he had his assistant buy, but as she pulled him into her arms, the floor under him seemed to give way.

Soon after, the feeling of being caught in a corner, and the increasing feelings for this alluring female that had ensnared his heart and mind were seeping between the cracks of his logic and reason. Ultimately, this caused him to lash out at her. Words, accusations, negative feelings, an overwhelming darkness that crushed him and made him nauseous. The looks of hurt made his heart heavy, but the biting remarks wouldn't cease.

This maddening push and pull was sending Sheldon into a tizzy. He knew this would happen, he knew! She was gently pushing him, then she wasn't; He was stubbornly resisting her, then he wasn't. It reminded him vaguely of a game of tug and war, but neither of them were winning, only ending up with hands burned.

Sheldon knew she was getting hurt over his backpedaling and abrupt behavior. Heck, Sheldon himself felt hurt on more than one occasion from his own actions. Who says funerals are barely more tedious than spending time with one's girlfriend? Apparently an internally and emotionally distraught Sheldon Cooper did. Feeling stuck in such a twisted labyrinth, he had no idea where to begin navigating it, and the sense of being in the middle of a great unknown shook him to the very core and caused him to act out whichever way charged to the forefront first.

This wasn't working, he would tell himself.

Upset and fed up with the chaos in his brain, and crushed by the very real concept of his behavior creating an unrepairable tear in his relationship with the most important person to him in his entire existence outside of familial ties, he pleaded for the little voice that before always seemed to show up at the most inopportune moments to guide him in solving those nauseatingly difficult equations.

Stop listening to your brain for once, it doesn't have all the answers, was all his inner voice said.

He couldn't even will himself to ignore it; the notion that something other than his omniscient brain would be the thing to solve this dilemma hit him hard like a truck.

End Note: This was supposed to be a one-shot. Seriously, it was. But as of posting this chapter, I currently have 30 pages worth of story and it's about ¾ of the way done. Can you believe that noise? Well, I can, I'm crazy. (I don't need to be tested for such things.) Next chapter will have some steamy moments, and will delve into non-canon territory too. (Season 7 is void in this since I started this when it was just starting, so maybe it's slightly AU?) Next chapter should be posted within a couple days once I alter one or two details. Leave a comment with your thoughts, I love hearing from you guys! Until next chapter~