"I Can be Second Today"

Hey guys! Sorry for delay updating, but my life has been kinda a busy. I hope you all enjoy! Also, feel free to comment.

The following morning, Olivia woke up and tried to forget the disaster that was yesterday. She closed her eyes and silently cursed herself for not stopping Jake. She should have followed him out to the driveway and begged him to stay. They could have worked this out.

"Ugh!" groaned Olivia as she rolled onto his side of the bed and stared out at the D.C. sunrise. She glanced over at their alarm clock and against her better judgment, she decided to call Jake. She quickly grabbed the phone of the nightstand and dialed his number before she lost her nerve.

"This is Ballard," answered Jake groggily on the first ring. "Talk fast."

"Come home," responded Olivia as she closed her to fight back the tears.

"What?" asked Jake as he rubbed the sleep out his eyes. He took a moment to process everything.

"Come home." She repeated. "I'm sorry. I overreacted yesterday. You were right about the whole fixing things for him. It is time for him to be an adult and take responsibility for his actions. From now on, I will stay out it and let you handle it. You're his father, and I should let you be his father."

"Okay…"

"Okay?' asked Olivia as she sat up against the headboard. "I just poured my heart out to you, and you respond with an 'okay.' Really? That's all?"

Jake took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "Liv, you broke us yesterday, and it cannot be fixed with a simple apology. I'm not your father! And I would never intentionally hurt any of my kids or bully them." He looked over at the clock and sighed. "Liv, it's six in the morning, and I have to be in my office by 7. I have to go." Without another word, Jake ended the call.

Olivia placed the phone on her night stand and continued to stare out of her windows, She silently prayed for things to work out. They had their fights over the years, but not like this. In the past, he would stay in the guest room for a night and return to her the next day. The last time he stayed safe house was when she asked him for a divorce. However, this time, something was different. It felt as if she was losing him for good.

Olivia slowly rolled onto her back, closed her eyes, and imagined a different morning. She imagined that Jake was beside her, with his arms wrapped around her waist, and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. She imagined herself smiling as he reminded her of how much he loved her and that everything would be fine. For a few moments, they were a normal, married couple. She wasn't dying of cancer, and he wasn't command. Then, she imagined him kissing her on the back of her head, rolling out of bed, and heading off to work. She replayed the scenario over and over in her head. It wasn't until the phone rang that she was reminded of her harsh reality. She glanced over the caller ID and immediately panicked. It was Providence Hospital, the home of her doctor.

"Hello," answered Olivia as she tried to calm her worries.

"Can I speak to Mrs. Ballard, please?"

"This is she…."

"Mrs. Ballard, this is Catherine Mosley, a nurse at Providence Hospital on Varnum Street. Do have you moment to talk?"

As Jake walked into Wonderland, he replayed his conversation with Olivia in his head. He thought about calling her or sending her short message to show that things weren't as bad as they seemed. He only needed some time to himself. He needed to process everything and to reassure himself he was doing the right thing about Jonathan.

"Good morning," smiled Joan as she looked up at Jake from over her red coffee mug.

"Morning," he grimaced as he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He took a deep breath, and it subsided. "It must have been indigestion," he thought.

Joan hesitated for moment. She looked into his eyes and quietly asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," responded Jake. "Any messages?"

"Just a few…Huck needs to see you ASAP. He wants to talk about Cooper and Operation Arizona. Next, you have two debriefings to review. Tommy and Kilner are back from the Middle East, and their interviews are on your desk. Then, you also have a meeting with all of the department heads about the budget for the upcoming fiscal year. Covert Ops wants more men, Tech needs more computers with new servers, and Admin Services wants a bigger piece of the pie, as usual."

"So, it's not going to be an easy day," spat Jake sarcastically. "I guess that it's good thing that I finished my Wheaties © this morning…" He quickly turned back around and headed towards his office. As he unlocked door, he felt a numbing sensation in his arm. He shook it off and continued towards his desk.

"Also, Jake" called Joan as she leaned against the doorway. "Just so you know, Christopher has a game on Friday. It's the last one of the season, so I have to be out of here by 4pm." She turned on her heels and started walking back to her desk.

"How is he?" called Jake as he turned on his computer.

"He's good," she responded without turning around.

"Good?"

"Yes," answered Joan. "If you don't believe me, you can always come to his game and see for yourself."

"Joan," he whispered back. "I'm not-. I just wanted more details…"

"It's fine," she answered. "Maybe next year…and I'll let Huck know that you'll be down in fifteen."

Jake closed his eyes and shook his head. Why couldn't he leave well enough alone?

"Jake," she said as turned around. "I know that you are trying your best, but maybe...it's time for you to cut ties with Chris. He doesn't need you anymore...I don't need you anymore. Because you are a good man, I know you want to do right by us, but I think that we...Chris and I...would be better off alone. It's time for you to let us go, and let us be."

As Joan left, Jake turned around in his chair and stared out his window at the Washington Monument. He closed his eyes and cursed himself for bringing up Chris. After a few minutes of beating himself up and imagining a different morning, he reached for the files on his desk and began flipping through them. As he signed one of the papers, he felt another sharp pain in his chest. He took another deep breath and waited for it to subside. However, it didn't. It became ten times worse. He stood up to call for Joan, but he began to feel dizzy. He could feel himself falling to the floor. "Joan…" He tried. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Then, he felt his head bounce against the edge of his desk, and everything went black. It was over. "All good things must come to an end…" he thought.

For the next twenty minutes, Jake laid on the floor of his office. Every now and then, he would drift in and out conscience. Maybe, it wasn't over. He would see his family again. He tried to call for Joan one more time. When she didn't rush in, he took a deep breath and hoped that he made it through this, whatever this was.

Olivia rushed into the emergency room at Providence and tried to calm herself one last time. She couldn't believe that she made it there in one piece, given her current state of mind. She jumped on the elevator and headed towards the sixth floor. After her father died of a heart attack six years ago, she never wanted to visit this place again, but here she was. She looked down at her wedding rings and a wave guilt washed over her. "What if he doesn't make it through?' she thought. "What if he dies thinking that our marriage…" She shook her head and banished those thoughts from her mind.

She stepped off the elevator, and her eyes immediately locked with Joan. "It's bad," she thought. She had never seen Joan so emotionally raw. To Olivia, Joan was always well put together, and she was cool during a crisis. They were similar in that respect. No matter how bad things were, the world would never have the pleasure of seeing them unravel. However, here was Joan, pacing in the waiting room, looking like her world was crumbling.

Olivia walked up to Joan and stopped. "He's dead…" she whispered as the tears began streaming down her face.

"Oh god," cried Joan as she mindless walked over to a chair. "I have to call Chris. He should be here…"

"No," corrected Olivia. "Is he dead?" She clarified. "Is my husband dead?!"

"No," she answered. "They haven't told me anything. They will only speak to family…"

"Oh…" Olivia took a seat beside Joan and placed her purse on the floor. She played with her rings once more and thought about the last thirty years. She slowly replayed their lives together, the good and the bad. She thought about the beginning of their relationship…about their first years of marriage…and their lives in London. She also thought about middle of their lives. She played memories of them moving back to DC when Jonathan was a preschooler…her father's death…and a few other moments. Last, she thought about the past few years. She remembered packing the car for weekends in Sugarloaf…the way he walked Ellie down aisle on her wedding day…and the smile on his face when he first held Charlie. She wanted him to make it. She needed for him to make it.

"Mrs. Ballard," called young man causing Olivia to come back down to earth. "Hi, I'm Dr. Carmichaels, and I've been working on your husband."

"Is he…" she trailed off. Joan grabbed Olivia's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze to remind Olivia that she wasn't alone.

"No…and you all can see him if you want." He answered curtly. "Mr. Ballard had a severe heart attack. We operated and removed most of the plaque. We'll keep him in recovery for the next week to monitor him, and it maybe a few months before he can resume all of his normal activities. However, he will be fine. He's one tough cookie. Most men in his condition would have died before they made it to the ER, but he didn't. You all are so lucky." Dr. Carmichael gave Olivia one last nod before heading back to the nurses' station.

Olivia took a deep breath and laid her hand across her mouth to muffle her sobs. Jake was fine. He would live to see another day. She turned to Joan and offered her hug.

"I have to call Chris," breathed Joan as she wrapped her arms around Olivia. "I should probably tell him that Jake had a heart attack, but he'll be fine. Have you told your kids?"

"No," whispered Olivia. "I wanted to see him first. I wanted to be sure one way or the other before I made that call. There was no need in disturbing everyone's lives, especially if he wasn't going to…" Olivia closed her eyes and fought back the tears collecting in her eyes. She felt Joan pull back, and she did the same. She watched as Joan stood up from her seat and stretched. This past few hours must have been extremely rough for her. "You can go in first," she started as she closed her eyes for strength. "…if you would like."

"I would like that," answered Joan as she grabbed her bag from the coffee table. "Are you sure? You don't want to go first?"

Olivia shook her head "no." She slowly opened her eyes and looked at Joan. "Joan, I've been where you have been, and it's not the best place to be. I've been first for the last thirty years. I can be second today."

"Thank you," whispered Joan as she tried to fight back the tears.

I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to review...