"Rick, what…?" She's baffled, so completely thrown off by his demeanor. His eyes start to roam and she can tell the exact second when he realizes where he is.

"Am I in the hospital?" he rumbles. "Why am I in the hospital? Why are you even here?" He's glaring at her again, and she grabs for the call button, pushes it rapidly.

"Castle, just…calm down." She places a hand on his shoulder and he jerks.

"Don't touch me!"

"Okay! Okay." She jumps back, tears clouding her vision. "The doctor's on his way."

He doesn't acknowledge that. Instead, he pointedly stares at the far corner, clearly avoiding her eyes. "You didn't say why you're here."

She chokes on a strangled laugh. "Why wouldn't I be? I'm your-"

The door opens and the doctor strides in. "Mr. Castle, I'm Dr. Redmond. How are you feeling?"

Castle shrugs. "Sore, tired, irritated. What happened to me exactly?"

Dr. Redmond frowns. "You don't remember?"

"No." His eyes flick to hers and then back to the doctor. "Was it something during the case? Another bomb went off and I hit my head or something?"

Everything suddenly clicks and her heart plummets. "Castle, what's the last case you remember?"

He stares at her like she's just asked him the most ridiculous question of his life. "The Wall Street protest bombing."

She presses a hand to the wall for support, has to fight back the urge to sob. "Sixteen months," she says to the doctor. "He's forgotten the last sixteen months."

They spend the next few hours putting him through test upon test. First are the questions: what is your name? What year is it? What city are you in?

Her heart breaks a little more every time he gets one wrong.

Next come the seemingly endless brain scans. They move him from room to room, hooking him up from one machine to another. She can see how it's wearing him down – how the panic in his eyes is starting to set – and it keeps her by his side despite the dirty looks he keeps giving her. She desperately wants to take his hand and give him the support he so clearly needs, but she also doesn't want to irritate him further.

She's terrified she'll break down completely if he yells at her again.

Martha, Alexis, and Pi are waiting outside his room when they finally wheel him back in. He's slumped over, looking utterly defeated, and only manages to offer his mother and daughter a feeble smile and wave as he passes. Kate pulls them aside to explain the memory loss, her voice cracking every few words.

Alexis immediately demands to see him and drags Pi into her father's hospital room while the doctors are still inside, closing the door behind them. Martha, however, stays behind.

"If he's forgotten the last sixteen months," she begins quietly, "then does that mean he doesn't remember you two…?"

Kate shakes her head, not wanting to speak lest she start sobbing again. Tears have already sprung to her eyes against her will.

But of course, Martha notices this and pulls her into a tight hug.

"It's going to be alright," she insists, and never has Kate been so appreciative of the strength and confidence that the older woman constantly exudes.

"He still thinks I betrayed him," she confesses. "He's so angry at me."

Martha pulls back to look her in the eye, gripping her upper arms tightly. "Katherine, if there's one thing I am absolutely sure of, it's that my son loves you very much," she says. "Believe me, a little thing like memory loss is not going to be able to keep him from you for very long."

Kate nods and tries to give Martha a smile despite the tears that are once again falling. The older woman gives her shoulders a pat and moves for her son's hospital room, turning back at the last second.

"Are you coming in, my dear?"

Kate shakes her head. "No," she says, wiping at her eyes. "I'm going to step outside for a bit, try to get some air."

"Get something to eat too while you're at it, darling." Martha's eyeing her warily, and now that she thinks about it, she really is famished.

After she promises that yes, she'll visit the cafeteria, her fiancé's mother gives her a sad little smile and leaves her standing alone in the hallway.

It hurts more than she expects it to.

She sneaks back into his room after Martha, Alexis, and Pi have gone. She'd offered them what little space she has at her apartment, but Martha graciously waved her off, saying they'd be perfectly fine in the hotel down the block. All the better to be closer.

Kate is grateful for the woman's kindness at a time when all she wants to do is beg for her forgiveness, when she feels so much more deserving of the stern looks that Alexis keeps throwing her every now and then.

She's completely given herself over to the idea that what happened to Castle was indeed her fault.

He's sleeping when she walks in and she decides to take comfort in that – that he won't be kicking her out anytime soon and she can at least take some time to pretend that this nightmare isn't happening. Nevertheless, she takes a seat by the window, as though her mere presence at his side will be enough to wake both him and his wrath.

That's what it is, isn't it? His fury because he still thinks that she betrayed his feelings? That she doesn't love him back? And she's too afraid to even entertain the hope that a single "I love you" will be able to make this all better. The doctor warned her of personality changes, that while Castle still has most of his memories, his responses to them might be very different this time around.

The bottom line is that he might never forgive her.

She doesn't know what she'll do if the day comes where he shuts her out completely; she doesn't know how she'll survive it. Amazing how a man whom she utterly loathed upon first meeting him has become the one person she can't imagine her life without.

She holds her breath when he cracks an eye open, braces herself for impact. But he merely heaves a sigh and shuts his eyes again.

"You're killing me, Kate," he grumbles.

"I'm sorry." It's all she can think to say. She rubs a hand over her face and when she looks back up, he's staring at her slack jawed.

"What is it? Are you in pain?"

She's halfway to the call button when he says, "You're engaged."

"Yes." She lifts her hand to fidget with her ring, frowning. "No one told you?"

"No. No one told me." He sinks back, no longer looking angry, just defeated.

It gives her hope.

"Who's the guy?" he quickly asks, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

She dares to step closer. "You."

And suddenly he's looking back at her. "What?"

"You," she says again. "You're the guy. We've been engaged for almost three months."

He suddenly finds his hands very interesting as he fiddles with the bed sheets, the silence stretching miles between them. "I don't believe it," he says finally.

Damn, that stings.

"You can ask anyone, Castle. It's true," she half-pleads. "Ask your mother and daughter when they come back tomorrow."

But he just shakes his head sadly, still smoothing his blankets.

She can't help it – she goes right up to his bedside and leans over to press her forehead to his, ignoring the fact that his whole body stiffens almost violently at the contact.

"Please," she whispers. "Please, sweetheart."

For a moment, she thinks he's going to kiss her.

But then he's reaching up to pull her hand away from where it rests on his face, leaning back as much as he can.

"Beckett, I need you to leave."

She feels her heart shatter. Only when her mother died has she felt pain quite like this before.

"When you were shot, I gave you time," he murmurs. "I need you to do the same for me."

She steps back, trying desperately not to cry. She's so damn sick of crying.

"Okay," she says. "Okay."

She walks towards the door and then turns to face him. "But before I go, I need to say this." She pauses to make sure he's looking at her, and when he is she says, "I love you. I know I don't say it nearly as much as I should, but I do, Castle. I love you so much."

She doesn't wait for his reaction.

She leaves.

A/N: I just wanted to say that I am so incredibly humbled by the overnight response that this fic got. I was not expecting this many followers in such a short amount of time. Thank you all.

tumblr: seeker15 dot tumblr dot com