Shapes are blurring gorgeously in front of my eyes as I'm sliding down the cold wall to the floor. I'm keeping my eyes open with the remains of my will. They have become heavy, as if they were made from lead. The world seems to spin in slow motion. With every second I'm going more and more off to the land of Nod and in my ears there's only the muffled giggle of this couple who find my death so amusing that they have decided to wait until the end of the show. I don't care about it much now, because I've been waiting for what's happening with me for a long time.

Seconds seem to pass slower, thoughts are becoming clearer and more understandable. Dulled senses ignore the overwhelming pain, peacefully drifting away to a land they cannot get back from.

What a wonderful perspective: getting away and never coming back. What should I come back to? To my parents, friends, girlfriend, everyone would say. Yes... To my parents who don't love me, but only want a perfect son with A-Levels and great marks? To the friends who don't exist? To the girlfriend who knows about me as much as my parents, that is, nothing? Exactly... There's no one who cares about me even a little bit.

I'm cursing the day when I let myself think that it might be a little different with Aleks, that maybe I meant something to him. Even now, when I'm dying, there's an ironic smile appears on my face when I think about it. Another cynical in this world who thinks that he can toy with people's emotions without any consequences. And he's right, he's right again. Because why should he care about that sucker Santorski, who walks around the school alone, hoping there would be a person who would talk to him this time? What if after some stupid drunk kiss this sucker would fall in love with him? What if Aleks humiliated him to this point that he wouldn't want to live anymore or maybe would even kill himself? Nothing, completely nothing, because no one would accuse him. Because nobody would say that it was his fault. For them he would be just this peevish kid who thought he was homosexual and, in order to gain fame and admiration of his peers, decided to take away his life.

I'm completely aware that it will be exactly like that after my death. Everyone would make a scene like 'but he was okay, he didn't even give us a sign something was wrong, why did he do it?' and then everyone will get over it and continue with their everyday life.

Finally, the laughter in my head have goes silent and a continuous hum takes its place. My muscles are loosening and I fell like jelly. I'm going to close my eyes and drown in this heavenly sleep, when suddenly Aleks' face appears in front of me. He's shouting something, shaking me, but I'm unable to hear the dark haired man's words. The last thing Isee is Aleks taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans.

~~.~~

"Damn it, Dominik!" I shout, falling onto my knees in front of the boy.

He looks horrible; dark hair falls onto his face, which is paler than usual. He is holding a completely empty alcohol bottle and two tiny round pills, which are glued to his skin.

I take his face in my hands and look deep into his dark eyes. They're almost completely glassy due to the deadly mix of alcohol and tablets.

"Dominik, can you hear me? Don't do this, don't fall asleep, okay? Stay with me!" I scream as loud as I can, eliciting next peals of laughter from the couple standing behind me.

I'm shaking his frail body, trying to bring his awareness back, but unsuccessfully. I hold his body with one arm, while I'm trying to fish my phone out of the pocket with the other.

I chose the emergency number as fast as I can and put the phone next to my ear, not letting the unconscious Dominik out of my sight. Don't do this to me, idiot! Every signal of the phone takes me away from him. Every signal of the phone makes me squeeze the boy's arm with more force.

"Hello?" the telephone is answered by a clearly bored woman.

"I need an ambulance at the Sixty Eight club, Bialska Street 64. Quick, it was a suicide attempt!"

~~.~~
I'm awakened from a peaceful dream by a headache, which makes me feel as if someone hit my head with a hammer. I decide that before I open my eyes, I better check the state of my body.
I move my fingers and toes slightly, waking up from stupor. After a short evaluation of my body's state, my eyelids slowly flutter open. At first, my vision is blurred and I have to blink a few times to see anything. There's only a perfectly white wall and my bed in front of me. I turn my head slightly and I almost get a heart attack when I see Aleks beside my bed.

"What are you doing here?" a faint and hoarse voice comes out of my throat.

Aleks immediately lifts his head which has been rested on his hands. I see the mixture of feelings in his eyes: relief, sorrow, fear and something that looks like happiness. He gently places his warm hand on top of mine and looks deep into my eyes. I take my hand away and turn my glance from him. A painful moan that tears my throat into pieces accompanies this sudden movement.

"Do you want me to call the doctor?" asks the worried man.

I take a deep breath and send Aleks an angry look. What the heck is he doing here?

"Sure, I understand. No doctors," says Aleks quickly.

I stare stubbornly at a hole in my cover, as if I were trying to make it bigger with my murderous look. Aleks takes another try and grabs my hand with his.

"Listen, Dominik. You misunderstood everything..." Aleks begins.

My murderous look shifts from the harmless cover to him and makes him squirm under it. The only words I manage to hiss are:
"Get out of here! Right now! I don't want to see you here anymore!"

Aleks stands up, resigned, takes his jacket from the chair he has been sitting on and slowly leaves the hospital room I've been staying in. A moment later my mother appears at the door, worry written all over her face.

"Did something happen? Why did you make him go away? Or rather throw him out, because he was running as if you were following him with an axe."

"He was just in a hurry," I mutter under my breath.

"You know that you can talk to me about everything..."

"Yes, I know. But I don't want to talk because I have nothing to say."

Mum just looks at me with sadness and strokes my cheek.

For the rest of the afternoon she tries to give me various kinds of fruit and huge amounts of water. However, I don't want anything my mother has brought with her. My thoughts are stubbornly spinning around Aleks. What the heck is he thinking?! That he can come here and sit beside my bed like some kind of a damn widow? Cheeky bastard. I get so angry that I snort into the tea my mother has given me, which causes her to look at me with surprise.

"What? Too hot, not enough sugar?" she asks.

I quickly deny and turn my eyes to the television. There is some stupid western on. For the next two hours I am pretending to be busy with watching the film. Mom decides to go home, which I welcome with relief, because I'm not used to having her around for more than ten minutes per day.
She waves at me at the door and goes to the exit. I breathe in deeply and bury myself in the hospital sheets, which smell of medicine and formalin. My head pounds mercilessly. Doctors have told me that it's an effect of those pills I took in the club. By the way, you have to be a complete failure not to be able to kill yourself.

My thoughts are interrupted by a nurse with a huge syringe containing hypnotic. She tells me that this should ease the pain. Indeed, when the cold liquid fills my veins, the thumping in my head stops and the pain goes away. I close my eyes and drift away.

~~.~~

The morning rays break into the room and fall on my face. I moan, unhappy, when I realize that it's time to get back to reality. Dreams were much more pleasant and easier to take than this annoying activity around me.

The doctor comes around nine. He says that I'm slowly but successfully coming back to health. The most important thing now is to avoid stressful situations. However, the information that I take with most joy is that I can come back to reading.

When the doctor is gone, I take "Hamlet" from my nightstand and begin to read. Swallowed in by the book's reality, I forget about the pain and lose the sense of time passing by.

"(...) What do you read, my lord?
Words, words, words(...)"

"What are you reading?" Aleks' silky voice soaks into my awareness.

I glance at him with as much venom as I can muster. But he just takes a chair with stoicism and places it beside my bed.

"You came here again? Can't you understand that Idon't want your company?"

For a moment I can see a pained expression on Aleks' face. He tilts his head as if he was gathering strength and looks deep into my eyes again.

"I'm here because I care, because I was the one who found you half dead in the club, because I can't sleep at night because you're here. I have nightmares which include you dying and I don't like it at all. Please, let me stay here..." Aleks whispers the last sentence.

I'm completely shocked, unable to utter even a word. Luckily, Aleks doesn't look like someone who is waiting for them. Still looking me into my eyes, he grabs my hand. The warmth of his body helps to ease throbbing pain in my head.

We sit like this in silence, our palms connected, for quite a long time. Finally, the evening comes.

"Don't go away..." this sentence has been stuck in the back of my throat for a long time; however, only under the cover of the falling night I dare to say it out loud.

"I will stay as long as you want me to," Aleks promises.

"Forever?"

"If it keeps you from doing other stupid things..."

"Come here," I ask the man.

"What?" he questions, surprised.

"Come to my bed, " I offer.

Aleks climbs into my bed, hugs me and rests his head on mine. I bury my face in his neck and wait peacefully for the sleep to come.

~~.~~

After two weeks and the whole list of medical tests, I'm finally allowed to go home. There are some moments when I hear a noise in my head and my knees buckle, but it happens more and more rarely now.

During my stay at the hospital my contact with my mother has clearly improved. We have began to talk more and we're getting to know each other again. A psychologist helps us with building the right relations.

I should tell you what's happening with me and Aleks, right? Well... We do lots of things together, but in silence. It accompanies us during walks, dinners and sometimes even breakfasts. We don't need poems or sophisticated language to know what the other one feels. I see it all in Aleks' eyes. So why would we need words?