I guess I'm kind of sad. My entire life basically fell apart in two weeks. So I feel like writing something sad. Please forgive me.

"You're leaving?" Haru frowned at the sound of his voice. He didn't intend to sound so hollow... so wounded, but as hard as he tried, his voice betrayed him. As did the weight he felt overcome his chest, the pressure growing more intense the longer he stared blankly at the back of Makoto's shoulders.

"Mmhmm, at the end of the week.."

The pain of his friend's words settled uncomfortably in his heart when he realized that this was real. Haru held his breath when he saw Makoto stir.

"I got an offer from Tokyo University to study in their medical program. Full ride," Makoto paused trying to collect his thoughts, "I thought... well, the opportunity, you know?" The normally warm and cheerful voice came across unsure and shaky; it was something that Haru would never get used to hearing.

"Yeah, it is a good opportunity..."

Makoto nodded in response and the following space was filled with silence, neither knowing what to say. Haru looked down at his hands that were shaking with the realization that Makoto, the one absolute constant in his life, was in fact, like everybody else before him, leaving.

Everyone was always leaving.

"Haru-chan!"

The knocking on the door grew louder and more hasty. The little blond shivered, pulling his thick jacket around himself tighter before knocking again.

"Haru-chan, please open the door! It's really cold out here and I don't have much time!" Nagisa cried wearily. His quick breaths were visible on the cold air, which was incredibly unusual for mid October. Normally, it didn't get this cold until early winter and yet a thick scarf adorned Nagisa's pale neck. If the weather stayed like this, it could even snow. Nagisa's eyes wandered across the gray sky at the thought, still tapping his foot impatiently. He knew Haru was home, the lights were on upstairs. He moved closer to the door, peering through the glass and squinting to get a better look. When he saw a figure slowly walking towards the door, he sighed in relief. The lock clicked and the door opened.

"About time!" Nagisa moved to quickly shuffle inside but stopped just past the door frame, that was where he got a good look at the person standing before him.

"Haru-chan?" Nagisa's voice came out small and high pitched, almost in shock. The violet eyes were locked on as Haru closed the door, shivering for a moment from the wind. His eyes met Nagisa's gaze and narrowed.

"What is it?" Haru asked, sounding annoyed, "Why are you here anyway?"

Nagisa shook his head, forcing his eyes elsewhere as he held up two small boxes.

"I was in the area for work, I thought I'd bring you lunch since I haven't seen you in a while," he forced his normal energetic tone, "I think we should catch up!"

"You didn't have to," Haru mumbled, pulling his blue sweater closer around him. Haru kept his distance from the blond, pushing his back up against the wall. Nagisa caught on to his strange mannerisms and it came as no surprise to him. The very few phone conversations they've had over the past month were never longer than five minutes. Any offer to come over was quickly denied with an excuse. Every text was just a struggle to get an answer. It's been over a month.. and it was slowly starting to fall together. Nagisa sighed, placing the food onto the bare table in the kitchen.

"Haru-chan, it looks like you don't even live here!" he groaned. Nagisa quickly flung open the pantry doors only to reveal it was practically empty.

"There's no food here! You know you're starting to look sickly.." his voice quieted out when he saw visible pain flash across Haru's features. But it wasn't a lie in the least bit. In fact, when he really thought about it, Nagisa truly felt scared for his sake. Before Haru pulled his sweater around himself, he could see how loosely the shirt hung around his frame. Haru's normal complexion was much paler than usual. Even his hair was too long, his bangs now hanging over most of his eyes.

"Am not," Haru answered in annoyance. He sat down at the table, eyes carefully focused on Nagisa as he took the seat closest to him.

Why.

"Ah, just my imagination then. Maybe it's because I haven't seen you in so long," Nagisa lied, "Have you been swimming lately? Is that why you never have time to see me? Eeeeh, Haru-chan, that's it, isn't it?"

Haru frowned, "No, it's been too cold."

"Ah, I'm glad to hear you say that. Mako-chan wanted me to make sure you weren't swimming in this weather."

Nagisa watched Haru carefully, taking note of how he noticeably flinched at the mention of Makoto. His entire demeanor changed. His hands tugged at the sleeves of his sweater and he compulsively shook his legs, refusing to make eye contact with the blond.

That was it.

Nagisa wondered why he didn't figure it out sooner.

"This is about Mako-chan, isn't it?"

Haru shifted uncomfortably, he'd been avoiding the thought for so long now..

"What do you mean 'this' is about Makoto, what is 'this'"? Haru responded quietly, still looking away.

"Haru-chan, you honestly look like you haven't eaten in days. When was the last time you ate?"

Haru didn't answer. The truth was he couldn't really remember. He couldn't remember much of anything. What day of the week it was, what time it was, how many days he'd just lay in bed motionless before sleep took him again, or how many times his lungs felt too compressed to breathe. Only one number still lingered through Haru's thoughts.

"49."

49 days since he last saw Makoto.

"WHAT?" Nagisa cried leaping from his seat, "You can't be serious!" The color drained from the blond's face as he latched his hands onto Haru's shoulders. "You can't do that! You'll surely drop dead at any second!"

Haru sighed, "Don't be stupid. It's probably been a day or two."

"Stupid Haru-chan, don't scare me!" Nagisa pouted sitting back down, "If this is affecting you so much, why haven't you gone to see him?"

"It isn't affecting me."

Nagisa rolled his eyes, "Okay fine, it isn't affecting you, even so, why haven't you gone to see him? Mako-chan says you rarely pick up the phone."

Haru shrugged.

"He's busy. I don't want to bother him."

"I doubt he would be calling you if you were a bother to him!" Nagisa argued. What was so difficult to grasp about the situation? He knew Haru was stubborn but it was never like this when it came to Makoto.

"Look, Haru-chan, I get it. You miss him. I miss him too, and Rei-chan, but it won't be like this forever. You need to start taking better care of yourself. Mako-chan could probably tell something was up when you weren't answering your phone, I was surprised when he told me to check up on you."

Haru looked up suddenly, the look in his eyes was distraught.

"Makoto sent you here?"

"Ehhh..." Nagisa realized he probably shouldn't have mentioned that little bit of information, "He's just worried about you! I mean... you two were always together, so having next to no contact must be freaking him out.."

Or was it the other way around?

"Even hundreds of miles away I'm burdening him..." Haru muttered.

"You WILL be burdening him if you don't start taking better care of yourself!" Nagisa reached for the boxes he placed on the edge of the table. He placed one in front of Haru, motioning for him to eat.

"Not now, Nagisa."

"Then when?"

"When I'm hungry."

"Which will be...?"

Haru bit his lip. His stomach felt hollow, but not from the lack of nutrients. The familiar pain resurfaced in his heart and spread like a fire across his body. Makoto was wasting time worrying about him and calling him when he should be focusing on school. His stomach was in knots and it has been for so long now.

"I've been holding Makoto back..."

Nagisa looked up surprised at the sudden honesty after struggling to get just a straight sentence out of Haru.

"What do you mean?" The little blond's curious eyes now focused on dull blue.

"Our whole lives, Makoto has always been the one taking care of others. He looked after Ren and Ran, he looked after our team, and … he's done so much for me. This might be the first thing that Makoto has done for himself and it's something really important."

"You mean school?"

Haru nodded, "I don't want to hold Makoto back from his life anymore."

"But I don't think Mako-chan has ever seen it that way. He takes care of people because that's just in his nature, isn't it?"

"Of course it is, but that's also a fatal flaw of his. He'll put others before himself at all cost. So..." Haru lowered his voice, "I need you to promise me that you won't tell Makoto about... uh..."

"About how terribly you're taking care of yourself?" Nagisa finished. Haru glared slightly offended, but nevertheless, it was the truth. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Nagisa, I really really need you not to say anything. Just... tell him everything is fine. Tell him I've been busy so I haven-"

"Why don't you tell him yourself?" Nagisa asked sadly, "He's been trying to contact you for a while now. And for more than just a two minute conversation."

Haru didn't answer.

"Okay how about this then. If you contact Mako-chan, then and only then, I won't say anything," Nagisa smiled wide.

"Nagisa..."

"You better make up your mind because I have to leave in five minutes~" Nagisa taunted.

Haru's eyes shifted to his cell phone laying in its usual place, neglected. The first few weeks, he would at least pick up for a few minutes, but now he just lets it ring. He couldn't even remember the last time they spoke over the phone.. or what it was they talked about.

But what he could remember was the sound of his voice and the sound of his laughter. He could remember the sorrow he heard from their last moments together and the way his voice shook when he said goodbye. It was a reassuring thought that ran through Haru's mind.

It's for the best after all.

"Fine."

If my life gets itself together somehow, I'll end the story happy. Otherwise... ~_~ Leave reviews plspls.