Pri, thank you so much for being a wonderful beta with this rather half-baked story! Love you loads!

Empty Eyes

"I love you," he whispered, but it felt fake, just like always.

But it wasn't.

He stood like a madman on the edge of desperation (which was closer to the truth than he'd like to admit), clutching on to the cold dregs of a future he wasn't sure of.

"I love you, damnit!" he swore roughly, cursing at the image he saw in the Mirror of Erised, hating himself for falling in love and disgusted at himself for being unable to do anything about it.

He held hands with her and smiled into her eyes. Her eyes fluttered shut as he leaned forward to kiss her lips, and a blush crept upon her cheek.

(But those were just pretty images in a mirror that stayed still while the world around him shattered).

"Marlene," he whispered brokenly, wildly lurching forward to grab the edge of the mirror in a last attempt to see himself with the girl of his dreams.

As his hand reached the cold glass on the wrong side of the mirror, Sirius closed his eyes and turned around. He couldn't keep staring at a perfect, unblemished world while the real one was nothing but a pile of broken glass drawing blood from his exposed feet.

And he walked away, locking away the happiest of his memories along with the deepest of his fantasies in an iron chest that he vowed never to open.

He marched up and down the common rooms in a spate of nervousness. There were new lines on his forehead, another mark of the war as it constantly snuffed the light out of the happiest of souls. His tread was heavy with worry and regret and he constantly clenched and unclenched his fists like a reluctant soldier.

I wish I had never met you.

The thought hatched from his desperation and slithered its way through his sanity, seducing him with images of a carefree life as a bachelor.

(The lies are only an ugly smoke screen, though, and soon the colourful images of James and Remus and Lily and Marlene, his dear sweet Marlene come hurtling through his smoke screen, vaporizing his defences in a flash of colours and emotions).

And it brings him down to his knees, all the pain and anger and the knowledge that there's no going back to the careless days of dancing at midnight by the lake, or frenzied kissing in the abandoned transfiguration classroom (because it gave them both thrills to know that they could have been caught just so damn easily) or hexing annoying old Snivelly, letting him go only when the frown on Marlene's lips deepened into an angry scowl.

Now Snape was nowhere to be found, and Marlene was too fragile to be loved.

Because if he loved her, she'd die.

The rules of the game were simple, for this war was but a game for the crazed purists in constant pursuit of yet another bloodbath.

When James enters the common room with a thud, Sirius jumps visibly. His once laughing, fiery eyes were reduced to hard lumps of coal.

"What's gotten you so wired up, mate?"

"You know, James. You know."

"Awh, Sirius. Come on. Live a little!"

"Only Merlin knows how long we'll be doing of that…"

"What?"

"You know. Living."

"There'll be other girls, Padfoot!"

"Will there be another Lily for you, Prongs?

That's when he knew that he'd peeled just another layer off before James. His best friend's eyes widened and he went all slack-jawed while Sirius nodded grimly.

"Yeah, I thought not. I am as much in love with Marlene McKinnon as you are. But while you and Lily can get some more time together, I need to spend whatever little time I have left distancing myself from Marlene."

He can't bear to see James' eyes melt with genuine sympathy.

'But why is that, mate?"

"Because Bellatrix will kill her in a heartbeat if she knew."

It's been two years since, the hardest years he's had to live through. The war changed everyone, even his friends, and he'd been nursing suspicions about Remus that left him sick to the stomach. He couldn't bear to be around James anymore because the sight of him with Lily brought hot tears to his eyes and bile racing up his throat. (He hated himself day in and day out and every time in between for feeling jealous about his best friend when he should have been celebrating this little victory instead). But the war changes people and tears them apart and inside out till they hardly recognised themselves anymore.

"Sirus."

He smells the delicate fragrance of midnight and dewdrops and a touch of jasmine before he sees her, but his eyes don't quite meet hers and he pretends to ignore the teardrops that are silently making their way down her soft cheeks.

"Talk to me, Sirius," she implores, placing a soft palm on his face. That's when his resolve breaks.

"Leave me alone!" he growls harshly, but his heart lurches at the sight of her crumpled face and it takes everything he's got to get up from his table at the Hog's Head and walk far away from her.

His heart thrashes around in agony and his pulse is a strangled thud in his ears but he doesn't care, can't care anymore.

"Bella, you bitch," he curses below his breath as his boots crunch the snow beneath his feet and his hands grow numb from the cold. All he can do is walk on, on; on to a place he can go to forget the world.

Why would anyone one to remember a world devoid of happiness?

We all have secrets, and we all make mistakes.

(But not all secrets can stay secret, and not all mistakes can be corrected). Sometimes they're just burdens we carry with us till the day life decides to trickle out of the material body, and their weight only grows and grows and grows with time. (Who ever said that time heals all, was a bloody fool).

Sirius Black was a man in love, and all he wanted to do was protect the love of his life.

But when he saw her cold, lifeless body slammed against the stone walls of the alley way, he knew he'd made a mistake that would take several lifetimes to fix.

When Death had claimed his due, there was nothing you could do.

A/N: Entered for

The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Round 10 – prompt: write about your mascot (Sirius Black) making a mistake. (Position: Seeker)

The Word Count Game Challenge, week 7 – prompts: The Mirror of Erised, "We all make mistakes", "Come on. Live a little", Transfiguration class, "I wish I had never met you".

The story beginnings challenge, prompt: the first line of this fic.