Peter thinks that high school is kind of idiotic. He's a freaking junior for gods' sakes, and he doesn't need this kind of stress. He should be more worried about where to take Gwen on their next date, or how he's going to finish his latest essay when he's out all night saving the world with the Avengers. Not what kind of humiliating things Tony's going to say at Midtown's 'Bring your Parent to School Day'. (Granted, Tony's not his real father. The Avengers just took him in after Aunt May died.)

Percy, that lucky bastard, gets to take in Steve in to Goode. Heaven knows Captain America, of all people, is going to be a perfect guest. He'll be all 'Please' and 'Thank-you', and not an embarrassing, egotistic billionaire Peter could mention. He doesn't though (mention said billionaire, that is), because Tony's been monitoring Peter's internet use very closely, and if he sees anything like that coming from Peter, well, there's going to be hell to pay.

Percy's parents are still alive too. Why can't he just ask Paul to skip like five minutes of class to pop in and say hello?

But back to issue at hand. Peter's not even sure why Midtown High has a 'Bring Your Parent to School Day'. Literally, the high school is home to some of the best and brightest in the city, and here they are practicing kindergarten rituals. Peter would not be surprised if he walks in to class one day, and instead of writing timed essays on the molecular structure of the elements, they have recess and nap-time and grape juice boxes. (Watch it happen. When it does, Peter totally called it.)

Obviously, Peter was not the only one to react the way he did. When Mr. Wittaker had gone and announced that they were going to have a career day, of all things, you couldn't have heard a fire alarm over the protests he got.

"Now class," he had said, prefacing the news, "it's time for you to start taking your careers very seriously. Therefore, tomorrow I will be inviting your parents to come in and discuss what they do for a living. From there you will be able to successfully build a basis of what you would like to do when you're grown."

The replies were far from positive, from "What?" to "You mean like Bring Your Parent to School Day? For juniors?" to "I cannot believe the route the American education system has taken," to "Are they fucking serious?" to "What the hell?"

Peter had stayed silent, opting to groan and smack his forehead repeatedly upon his desk instead.

Tony loves to humiliate Percy and Peter, the two teenagers on the team (if you didn't count Percy's cousins, Thalia and Nico, who only work with the Avengers on occasion), and Percy already called Steve – who happens to be the only other team member willing to sacrifice his dignity to actually show up at a high school.

Peter really thinks it's unfair that Goode High is hosting a Career Day on the same day as Midtown High, but that they were told an entire freaking week ago. Not fair at all.

Tony had originally offered to go to Percy's, but the teen had been quick to turn him down, saying Steve had already agreed to go, and Percy had told his teacher Steve was his uncle.

Which wasn't really the truth, but Percy couldn't very well say he was Whirlwind, the resident water-mutant on the team. Nope. His way is much easier. Unfortunately now, Peter is faced with the impossible task of telling Tony that he doesn't have to tag along after Percy and Steve because he's supposed to be represented by a guardian too.

(Really, though, Steve standing in front of a class of high-schoolers and their parents and saying "Yeah, I work as Captain America for a living" is going to be A. The most hilarious thing Peter would ever see, and B. The most humiliating thing Peter would ever experience. So maybe it was kind of good Steve wasn't coming. Keyword: Kind of. Besides. Tony is still worse.)

Tony was going to be bouncing off the walls when he heard. It wasn't every day he was presented with a golden opportunity to humiliate Peter in front of kids who continually like to poke fun at the awkward and nerdy photographer/aspiring scientist.

("Mr. Parker. Who are you bringing in tomorrow? I am aware that you were recently adopted…" Mr. Wittaker trailed off awkwardly. Peter grimaced at the thought of Tony strutting around. He already knew the billionaire was going to be coming in the suit. Yeah. That suit.

"One of my foster parents, sir… They're a really close group of friends." He wasn't willing to say much more than that. He was already going to experience the most humiliating scene ever tomorrow when Tony walked through that door in his Iron Man suit. Which Peter already knew was going to happen. Tony had told Percy that was what he was going to do.

"Of course Mr. Parker. We'll just have to wait and see for ourselves, hmm?"

Peter nodded, grateful to drop the issue.)

.

"Tony!" Peter yells, throwing his backpack onto the sofa in the living area. Natasha pokes her head out of the kitchen, her hair pulled up in a bun. She holds a spoon in one hand and her other arm is wrapped around a bowl of batter. It's so funny, because damn it. Black Widow should be slitting throats and interrogating mass-murderers, not baking and wearing peppy pink aprons smeared in cake mix.

"He's with Bruce and Percy in the lab. Something about studying Percy's sword some more," she says, furiously beating the batter in the glass bowl. Peter yells his thanks to Natasha, who's already returned to whatever she's making, and hits the button down button on the elevator. Jarvis, who heard the entire conversation, takes him down the few levels without being asked.

How nice it is to have a super computer as a butler, doing all your work for you.

Tony and Bruce are running scanners over Percy's sword while Percy lounges atop one of the various countertops. Peter strolls in, mind still reeling about how he's going to break the question. He wishes he could take Bruce, but he'd probably get in trouble for bringing the Hulk to school. His classmates would definitely have spitball marathons. Winner is the one who makes the Hulk come out.

"Hey, man!" Percy calls, waving a lazy hand at the said teenager. Percy's school gets out a full twenty minutes earlier than Peter's for some unknown and unfair reason. Also, Goode is ten blocks closer to the Tower. "I feel like an old lady for saying this, but how was school?" Peter groans and rolls his eyes. Percy sends a sympathetic grimace to him. Usually he's the one bringing back the bad news. "That bad, huh? I know how that feels."

Bruce pushes his glasses down his nose and turns his attention on Peter. "What happened?" he asks, concerned. Peter rolls his eyes and clears his throat at Tony, who is still writing down data from the scans. For an irresponsible slack-off, he sure can be determined to work when Peter really needs him to pay attention. And yet when Pepper is trying to make sure Tony's newest project gets done on time, all he wants to do is watch football and eat pizza.

Bruce elbows him sharply in the ribs and jerks his head towards Peter. "Hmm?" Tony hums absentmindedly. The sword still holds a good majority of the billionaire's attention. "Oh yeah… What happened?" Peter rolls his eyes again. Yes, way to be melodramatic Peter. Tony and Bruce both raise an eyebrow. Percy doesn't even react. He's so used to being in the situation Peter's in now, he already knows Peter doesn't want any more attention than needed.

"Should I be calling anybody's parents?" Tony asks, sounding for all the world like a stern father.

Peter sighs and hands Tony a crumpled sheet of paper, who smoothes it out and clears his throat.

"Hmm… Dear Parent slash guardian of Mr. Peter Parker. As you may be aware, our school, Midtown High, will be hosting a Career Day for our junior students, as the time frame between the present and when they will be choosing a career is rapidly shrinking, and you have been invited to attend. We will be discussing the importance of choosing the correct career for each student, and we wish you would take a few moments to discuss what you do for a living, and how your career has shaped you. Thank you. Signed, Mister Wittaker, homeroom teachers." Tony looks up, playful malice in his eyes. Percy has a grimace on his face, and his eyebrows are scrunched together in a worried expression.

"Man, that sucks. I feel bad for you," Percy says, shaking his head dejectedly. Bruce mimics Percy's sympathetic head shake, even if it is a little more subtle.

"Tony," Bruce warns, shaking the billionaire out of his torturous thoughts. The grin on his lips is wide and very worrying. "You are not going to humiliate Peter, and you are going to make sure that nobody finds out any confidential secrets they should not be made aware of. If you cannot do that, I will send Clint instead," Bruce warns; Peter sends up a silent thanks for Bruce, aka Team Mom. "Or, better yet, Pepper will go. Actually, that's not a bad idea."

Tony shakes his head, still grinning his stupid evil grin. "She's busy tomorrow. She'll be out in Malibu tying up some loose ends in the business. And I think Clint leaves on a mission tonight for Fury. Don't worry, I can go." Both Peter and Percy mutter swear words under their breaths, and Bruce sends them stern looks.

Tony claps Peter on the back and shoots him a grin. "Don't worry, tomorrow is going to be… fun."

Percy grabs him by the arm and sends a glare at Tony. "I'll get Steve to sign me out when he's done. We'll be there as soon as we can," Percy promises his friend. Peter gives Percy a grateful look. (Seventeen year old juniors with weird powers have to look out for each other after all. Where would they be without each other? Who would they endure constant suffering from Tony alongside?) "Let's go see if we can find Thor." He then turns to address the two scientists. "Can I have Riptide back yet?"

"No. Get out." Tony points to the door; Percy's scowl is evident. The kid can't stand being away from his sword.

On the way out the door, Peter shoots a web and snags Percy's weapon from the table, then hands it to him in one swift movement. The two teens can't help but laugh at the indignant protests coming from behind them.

.

Steve, Natasha, Thor and Clint are in the kitchen. A large roast chicken, courtesy of Clint, sits in the oven; Natasha is still working on the batter she was making before, and Steve tosses a salad in a large glass bowl. Thor sits at the table, eating a blueberry muffin and talking loudly to air. Percy hops up onto the counter next to Steve and Peter (always the show-off) scales one of the walls and crawls across the ceiling to perch atop the fridge with Clint. Natasha sends him a scolding look.

"Remember what Stark said about footprints on the ceiling?" she says, shaking the spoon at him in a mock-threatening way. Clint ignores Peter's sudden presence, too busy playing on a Stark phone and cussing occasionally to look up. (Angry Birds, Peter notes. Clint quietly mutters "Fuck," and restarts a level.)

"Yeah, well that's my payback for tomorrow," Peter responds, craning his head down to look at Percy for back-up. He doesn't need to. Being the only two teenagers on the team, they have an unspoken agreement to stick together. Percy's already nodding.

"Turns out Peter's school does a 'Bring Your Parent to School Day' too. Tony's already decided he's going." He nudges Steve with one of his feet. "We're going to have to hurry so we can save a class full of teenagers a lot of entertainment, Peter from a speech of pure embarrassment, and most likely everyone from a few mental scars."

Peter scans the faces below him. Everyone, including Thor, is giving him a sympathetic frown or a shaking of their head. Clint goes so far as to take a hand off his phone and pat him on the shoulder. At least he has allies in the matter. "Sure thing," Steve says, shaking his head as he returns to the salad he's making. He knows how bad Stark can be – before Peter and Percy came along, Steve was taking the brunt of the billionaire's comments.

(While completely off topic, Peter's not sure why Steve still makes salad for the entire team. Half of the time, no one eats it, and the other half, they only eat the olives and the carrots.)

"Man of the Spiders, my deepest condolences are with you. Be brave tomorrow when the Man of Iron attempts to strike you down with words worthy of my brother," Thor contributes, his eyes completely serious about the matter. Percy's shoulders shake silently as he tries to stifle a snicker at the thought of Tony and Loki dueling it out with words.

"Sorry dude," Clint adds. He even goes so far as to put down his cell phone for a minute, which is big. Natasha massages her temples absentmindedly.

"I can already feel this headache coming," she mutters. Peter feels a lot better all of a sudden. The team is on his side on this one.

.

"Peter?" Percy's voice rings through the cell phone speaker. Peter pulls it back at the loud noise.

"I'm here. What's up? Are there like, aliens attacking or something? Please tell me aliens are attacking," he replies, eyes scanning the hall for teachers. His head is buried in his locker as he pretends to search for a paper.

Percy laughs. "Sorry man. Just robots. Tony and Steve are handling it. They might not show up," he explains. Peter isn't sure whether to cheer or groan. The parent presentation is a grade…

"Are you sure? I have Whittaker's class next. When's yours?" he says, rooting through his backpack to buy more time before he has to step foot in that dreaded classroom. The bell doesn't ring for another three minutes.

"Same. And it's pretty doubtful that they'll make it. When Dooley gets to me I'll just tell her Steve got called away last night. Say Tony was like, I don't know, pre-engaged or something. Very important meeting he could not miss or something." Peter imagines Percy shrugging over the phone. "I have to go. I'm taking refuge in Paul's class, and his seniors are starting to look at me weird. See you later. Good luck."

"Yeah, sure. Bye." Peter slides his thumb across the glass screen of the Stark phone to shut it off. He tries to ignore the evil looks from the teachers who are patrolling the hallways. He risks a glance at the clock.

"Forty seven seconds?!" He balks in disbelief. His class is all the way on the other end of school!

.

"Welcome, parents and guardians, to our Career Day, where we will be exploring the different career options we have in this world. I'd like to have each of the parents come up for maybe a few moments and just talk about what they do, and the benefits of their occupation. Let's start from the top of the alphabet, shall we? Miss Anderson, you may begin," Professor Whittaker says, pacing the front of the room; he smacks a ruler against his palm like a military general.

Lilah Anderson, a girl who has long black hair and brown eyes and who could talk to a brick wall for days on end, gives a middle aged woman a gentle shove to the front of the room. Her mother smiles and waves before launching off into what Peter can tell is a well-rehearsed speech. He can already guess that Lilah's mom is a spokesperson. (Peter discovers that the talking trait runs in the family – the presentation is almost ten minutes long.)

Each demonstration is as boring as the next, and it feels like it takes forever to get to his name. Not that Peter is complaining. Tony still hasn't arrived when Mr. Whittaker calls his name. Peter feels his face burn when he says that his foster dad is either going to be showing up late, or possibly not at all.

"He's a very busy man, Mr. Whittaker. I'm really sorry. He probably got held up," Peter explains, ignoring the curious glances he gets from classmates and parents alike. Mr. Whittaker is about to move on when a knock sounds on the classroom door.

Tony is standing in the doorway, wearing a suit (not the suit, thank god) and a tie. He wears a professional smile. "Hey there Peter. Sorry I'm late. Grandpa and I got held up by a squad of robots in Nebraska." Tony scowls and shakes his head. "And I just built that suit too. It's going to take weeks to repair." Mr. Whittaker sends a bewildered look at Peter, who lets his head fall to his desk without a word.

"Right, well," Tony says, adjusting his tie. "Obviously, I am a very successful business man, and the owner of Stark Industries. Being the co-CEO of a business as successful as mine has plenty of benefits, and a great pay." Tony chuckles at his own joke, which is really terrible. "And I am also Iron Man, as all of you know. I work with the Avengers when I am not helping Ms. Potts run my company. We kind of adopted Peter as a group – the Avengers, Ms. Potts, and I. So you could call me a dad too, although anybody and everybody working for the magazines these days are pretty convinced he's some elaborate scheme to attract women. That's about it."

The classroom is dead silent; half of its occupants are staring incredulously at Peter (his classmates and his teacher) while the parents are staring skeptically at Tony. Peter shrugs awkwardly to his friends and shoots Tony a glance that clearly says 'Get me outta here'. "Erm, right. I'll be taking Peter the rest of the day," Tony adds. Peter ducks his head and shoves his things into the backpack under his desk, before hurrying to join Tony at the head of the room. His hand is on the doorknob when the door bursts open.

"We're here! Are we too late?" Percy yells, busting in through the open doorway. Steve stands behind him, an apologetic grimace on his face. Tony's expression breaks out into a massive grin. Uh-oh. Time to panic.

"Hey, I thought you couldn't make it! Good to see you're healed Spangles! I thought that one wound was gonna keep you down for at least another day!" Tony says, flinging an arm around Steve's neck. A red tinge creeps up Steve's face when he pushes Tony's arm off of him. (Nobody misses the wince of pain Steve makes when Tony jars him.) "You're a little late. Don't worry, I took care of it. Besides," Tony elbows Steve in the ribs. "Being Iron Man is way cooler than being Captain America." Percy rolls his eyes and shoves past Steve to stand toe to toe with Tony.

"Butt off, Stark. Everyone knows Captain America is the best!" Percy says, winking at Steve good-naturedly; Steve's eyebrows furrow in confusion. Peter ducks his head and tries to retreat out the door while keeping as low a profile as possible.

The entire class watches the scene in front of them in silence. (Peter is sure he sees the camera app open in Flash's hands.) "Yes, Iron Man is the best, Captain America is number two. Sorry Steve." Peter urges them out the door with a less than friendly shove. "Don't you guys have a world to save or something?" He practically runs out the door himself, stopping only to send an apologetic glance behind him. "Sorry Mr. Whittaker. I wanted to bring Hawkeye or Pepper, but Tony was insistent."

.

Peter glares at Tony the entire ride to the Tower. Percy sits in the backseat of Tony's flashy, expensive car, looking back and forth between Peter and Tony. Steve had taken his motorcycle, and is driving behind them. Lucky him, Peter thinks.

"Come on Peter," Tony says, giving him a sideways glance before returning his gaze to the road. The car is moving at a speed much slower than the ones Tony normally drives at. He's only ten miles over the speed limit – a telltale sign that he feels bad about the classroom incident. "It wasn't that bad. It could have gone worse." Percy shakes his head.

"No way in hell could it have gone worse Tony. That was humiliating for me, and I don't even have to face them on Monday," Percy comments. Peter nods his appreciation, although he feels the urge to point out that Percy made a comment as well.

"Shut up, Percy," Tony mumbles, causing Percy to snicker and turn to face out the window, signaling his exiting the conversation. "Come on Human Spider Boy," he jokes, using one of his unoriginal and obnoxious nicknames. "I wasn't even trying to embarrass you that bad. Just a wittle bit." Peter scowls, but he is forcing it just a bit now. Tony may be a jerk, but he means well… most of the time.

"Can't wait to find out what my classmates are going to do next week. I think Flash got a picture of the four of us. It's going to be all over the Internet," Peter mutters. Tony grins, knowing that he's won back Peter's favor, and that Peter isn't mad anymore. (Peter notices the subtle increase of speed. Tony's pressing down a little harder on the gas, making them go five faster.)

"What do you think Fury's gonna say?" Percy asks, having turned back around after the mood lightened. They all imagine an embarrassing photo of Percy and Tony squaring off in the middle of a high school classroom while Steve blushes in the background and Peter tries to sneak out of the frame. Tony chuckles and shakes his head. The engine starts to purr. The speed increases another five miles.

"What do you think Steve is gonna say?" Tony counters. "He was blushing and everything! Guy's face was as red as a tomato!" Percy snickers and the car starts to move a little faster still. Steve is getting farther away behind them.

"Forget Steve. What about Natasha and Bruce?" Percy and Tony continue the banter and the teasing the rest of the ride, Percy even going so far as to suggest, "What do you think that stuck up Hill is gonna say?" which causes Tony to floor the pedal and then swerve from how hard he's laughing. Peter rolls his eyes and grips the handle on the roof of the car tightly.

At least some things never change.