Broken

A broken love that can never be fixed. Or maybe it can.

We were perfectly fine. We had a wonderful relationship. What the hell happened to us? Why did it have to end this way?

He's chasing me down the streets of Ikebukero again. This has become a reoccurring theme ever since we broke up. He would get incredibly angry whenever he saw me and would rip stop signs out of the concrete, hurling them in my direction. He never hits me with them, possibly a sign that he still cares at least a little bit.

As soon as it ended, I noticed that he started smoking. I've never once seen him finish a cigarette though. He also blames me for getting him fired, but I never once interfered with his job. I want him to be able to take care of himself.

He seems to be doing a good job of it. I've been watching him silently from the shadows. Then again, if I wanted to I could easily get any amount of information I wanted to know about him, it's my job. But I promised I wouldn't interfere.

I'm suddenly hit in the head by the edge of a stop sign. Shit! I've not been paying attention to dodging his assault. I was daydreaming again.

My head is stinging and I feel a warm liquid, my blood, run down the side of my neck just behind my ear. I stumble a bit, dizzy from the force of the blow. He's a strong motherfucker, but I already knew this.

I hesitantly glance up at him. I'm afraid of what emotions I'll see in his eyes. Oh? This is surprising. He looks concerned, completely worried. Though I only see his reaction for a moment before I hit the ground and my vision goes black.

I'm being cuddled after quite a long day of work. Who knew my Shizu-chan would be a cuddler? What a welcome surprise that was.

I lean up and gently kiss his lips. God, I love this man. He knows it too. I had made absolutely sure he knew.

He gently pushes me away from him and I glance up at him in confusion. That's never happened before. He usually welcomes my kisses. I'm scared. Something is horribly wrong here. "Shizu-chan? What's the matter?" I ask, running my hand through his messy blonde hair.

He grabs my wrist and glares at me from behind his blue sunglasses. "Don't touch me flea… you'll just make it harder on me"

I smirk a bit, believing he's playing hard to get. "Oh come on, Shizu-chan~." I tease, emphasizing each syllable of his name.

His eyes widen and he looks like he's in pain. Now I'm positive something's wrong. "What did I do? Am I in trouble?"

"Izaya, don't. I can't take this anymore. All we do is argue anymore. You told me this last night." Oh no. No. No. No.

He looks like he's going to cry. Don't cry, Love, I couldn't bare it. Jeez, this is my fault. I should never have brought up our arguments. I feel myself beginning to tear up, my heart beginning to shatter. "Shizuo? What are you saying?" I can't force myself to look into his eyes; I'd see all his pain. The pain I know is going to be mirrored in my own eyes.

He pulls me into a gentle hug, and rubs circles into my back. Just then, I completely lose it. I begin crying uncontrollably against his shoulder. I hate this. I didn't want this. I just wanted him to fix everything. Make our arguments disappear.

Well this is one way to stop arguing. I think, hatefully. I don't hate him. I could never hate him. Especially not after everything we've been through. He was my first love.

"Izaya, I love you. I really do. I can't be there for you when you need me. I want you to be happy. Right now I don't think I can do that. We should see other people and maybe, if we can't find anyone we think we should be with, we can get back together."

I wrap my arms around him tightly, crying harder "I'm scared…" I say, barely above a whisper.

"I know. I am too. But who knows, maybe you'll find someone better than me." He says, smiling a bit. It's forced. I can tell.

I've somehow calmed down a bit and sneak a peek at his face. A few tears fall from his eyes and I lose it again. "NO! I don't want anyone else!"

He lets me cry in his shoulder a bit longer before slowly letting me go. "I've got to leave now. Be careful, please." Oh. He's strained the word please. I've hurt him and it's completely my fault.

I nod absentmindedly, leaning against the door frame of our apartment. I'm staring at the ground with my hood pulled up. There's absolutely no way I'd be able to watch him actually leave. My heart has been shattered.

"…-aya."

A few weeks after our break up, I ran into him by accident on the street. He had a cigarette in his mouth. It was new. He looked horrible. I wanted to puke thinking of the last time I saw him.

He's glaring at me and I've knocked the cigarette out of his mouth when I bumped into him. I pull my hood up over my head, wanting to hide from his menacing glare. What did I do wrong?

"The hell are you doing here flea? Last I heard you had moved to Shinjuku." He sounds absolutely hateful. I don't like it. It's not my Shizu-chan.

Out of the corner of my eye I see him yank a stop sign out from its spot and immediately I dart off. I don't know what I did to make him hate me. I thought we would still be friends…eventually at least.

When I got home, I have someone look into Shizuo's life without me. He's lost his bartending job. He got drunk on his last day of work, the day after we broke up. I vowed then that I would no longer look into his life.

"…-aya…-zaya…Izaya! God dammit, flea! Wake up!"

I slowly open my eyes and look around. I see Shinra. He's currently wrapping a bandage around my head. I wince in pain. Celty's in the corner of the room, attempting to hold a pissed off Shizuo back.

What happened? I don't remember. I just remember running away from Shizuo, like I always have since we broke up.

As soon as he gets the bandage on, I pull out my favorite knife and put it to Shinra's neck. "The fuck happened?" I demand. Damn my head hurts. Oh well.

Shinra smiles his stupid creepy grin. "Shizuo hit you with one of his stop signs. You passed out. He panicked and brought you here."

I put my knife away and shove Shinra back as I stand up, nearly falling over from a head rush and also pain. Shinra catches me though and steadies me, earning a clearly audible growl from Shizuo. I glance warily over in his direction. Upon closer look, he seems worried to hell and nervous. He's also jealous. Probably since Shinra touched me. He never did like when other people touched me.

But he's different now. He hates me doesn't he? Why would he care if some random guy holds me?

Then again, maybe he hasn't changed at all. Celty suddenly loses her grip on Shizuo and almost instantly he's in front of me. I'm frozen in place and I stare at the ground in between our shoes.

I vaguely notice Celty dragging Shinra out of the room. The only reason I know that is because I hear footsteps and the sound of a door closing, but Shizuo's feet don't move from in front of me.

He's staring at me. I can feel it. It's awkward and the atmosphere is tense. We stay like that for a long time. I don't even know how long we just stand there. I'm about to look up at him to see what he's thinking, when he slowly pulls me into a hug. He's careful, I assume so he doesn't hurt me more. "Izaya, I'm sorry. I've hurt you again."

Oh God. Why'd he have to bring it up? "I'm ok…" I whisper, struggling not to cry. I focus on the pain in my head rather than the thought of our break up.

He pulls me closer to him and I cringe. I'm feeling dizzy. Shizuo then says something I thought I'd never hear. "When you fell unconscious in front of me, I was worried I'd lost you for good this time…"