Hello again. As usual I am slacking off and not doing my homework. Thought about this from morning, couldn't get it out of my head. This is Eren/Levi, even though I don't ship these two,for some reason I enjoy writing {and reading} it. AU. Need to write some more mikaere… don't hurt me. Taking a spin at present tense. Might switch back and forth tenses, sorry about that.

Trigger Warning: abuse.

I do not own snk, blah blah blah….

He could not remember the last time he felt safe. That was years and years ago, when he still had a kind mother and a doting sister. They left, though it wasn't their fault. She died suddenly, couldn't handle it anymore. After that, his sister ran, tears streaming down her face in an endless stream.

He couldn't understand. Why didn't he leave? What was keeping him here? Was it attachment? Love? Maybe hope? That someday his father would actually come to love him? No, he was the fuckup. He deserved this. Every hit, every scratch was punishment. For being born. For killing his mom. For not being able to stop anything. For being so angry all the time. For pushing Mikasa away. For staying here. For hoping. For…..

He didn't know anymore.

That's why he was surprised when he suddenly was sent to the principal's office, the student aide's brow creased in worry. For a split second, he panicked. Did they find out? Oh, he was going to be so screwed. His dad would not be happy. He should've done a better job at hiding it. He always was a terrible actor.

"...Eren."

He blinked, snapping out of his daze.

Saw the solemn face of the principal.

"We regret to inform you that your father, Grisha, passed earlier this-"

A strange buzzing filled his ears. No. That wasn't right. It couldn't be… his father was really gone.

How was he supposed to feel?

Regretful?

Sad? Relieved?

Guilty? Liberated?

.

Somebody needed to shut that alarm off. It really was getting annoying. The alarm turned into muffled screaming. Eren squeezed his eyes shut, willing it to go away. It sounded like someone was being strangled.

Slowly

He opened his eyes.

Realizing he was the source of the sound,

He quickly closed his mouth shut.

A shuffle of papers. Pity.

"As of right now, we don't have anyone willing to take custody of you. Is your older sister still available?

He shifted slightly in his seat, still in a mild state of shock. His mouth felt foreign,unattached from his body. Words felt funny on his lips. After some time and difficulty, he managed an answer.

"..Yes."

There was no need to make things harder. He could live by himself. That was the easiest thing to do. After all, what harm was another lie? He already told countless ones, to everyone around him, and himself. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice, but there were times he slipped dangerously close to the edge. Like the one day it was swelteringly hot, and he forgot to cover up his legs. The bruises were faint, had started to fade, but still, that was an incredibly stupid thing to do. If anyone had seen, he would've been done for. The last thing he needed was his father to be barricaded with questions, giving him another excuse to whip out his belt.

No. This was for the best. He didn't want to have to lean on anyone, cause them undue stress. This was his problem. He'd sort it out himself.

"Alright. I'm letting you get off school early. You need a break, kid. Tell Mikasa to take good care of you."

He nodded,excusing himself from his seat. It was a good thing he decided to bring his father's extra set of spare keys. Often, when he'd come home late at night,drunker than ever, he would throw them on the counter, not bothering to pick them up. Eren had gotten into the habit of switching them with a fake set when the old man wasn't looking. The next time the man would go out to a bar, he would be locked out of his house, Eren having left to go sit in the forest,contemplating whether he should tell anyone. When he would come back from his stroll, he'd face a seething dad and an even more painful punishment. It was still worth it, those few hours of solitude. It allowed him time to think, about things. About how he got himself into this mess. Why he was such a shitbag.

No answer ever came to him.

But the forest held comfort, the lush green trees inviting. Nothing could get him here. Nobody knew where he was. He had disappeared, become one with the earth. He was invisible.

Eren turned the lock in his father's apartment, wondering dimly if he should call Mikasa and bring her the news. He wasn't sure if she would be sad or relieved. He decided against it. Telling her would only put more stuff on her plate. Plus, it would prompt a flood of questions, none of which he wanted to answer. He didn't know why he stayed. Actually, he knew perfectly well why he stayed. He deserved it, every thrash, every lick of pain. But he couldn't tell his sister that. She didn't need to worry about him.

The apartment was surprisingly clean,devoid of any vomit or booze. Levi must've been here. His neighbor, across the hall. Eren didn't know if he suspected anything, and frankly, he didn't care. Sometimes, when his wounds ached with a fierceness that even he couldn't ignore, or when his sadness threatened to consume him, he would show up at Levi's door, battered and bruised. The elder would take him in, never asking any questions, steel eyes focused on bandaging the teen, while said teen would cry silently, burrowing his face in the crook of Levi's arm.

Grisha found out.

Eventually he stopped coming over

learned to hide it all.

But there were

still some days when

the sheer threat of pain wasn't enough

Those days

he broke.

I honestly have no idea what this accomplished. Once I started,I couldn't really stop. Tbh, it made me a bit sad. This is not done. Please leave comments if you want this to continue, I know I did not really start this.