Song: Tearin' Up My Heart by *Nsync

She didn't know what to say, hell she didn't even know what to think. Her mind had gone blank in shock.

What was he saying? Probably exactly what he meant. Heichou wasn't one for beating around the bush, she knew that, but this confession was just...It was so...

She couldn't fathom it.

He wanted her to look at him.

"Get out of here, Ackerman."

Startled, she hadn't noticed him stand, but there he was opening the door.

"They're going to come here if you don't leave soon and I'm liable to hurt Jaeger if I see him right now. Damn brat has what I want and doesn't even fucking know it."

She flinched at the insinuation, yet to her surprise found that his threats against Eren failed to raise her usual anger. It wasn't that she didn't think him serious, his tone said he was, but she was too caught up in his statements about herself to be wrathful.

He was right about how Eren viewed her; he'd never seen her as more than a sister and likely never would. In anything else Eren would act without restraint, but never when it came to her. While she was apt to lose her head with the slightest provocation, the smallest word against him, he'd never been so inclined when it came to her. Not that he had much chance, few had anything bad to say about Mikasa, but Levi had criticized her before and Eren'd never taken issue with it.

Eren never took her advice. Eren never asked her what she thought. Eren never considered how she felt.

"Leave, Ackerman."

She found it difficult to walk past him, especially with the way he insisted on staring, but she manged with her head held high. If anyone were to see her now they wouldn't suspect her inner turmoil; the last thing she wanted was to be questioned over a change in disposition.

His hand snatched hers, stopping her mid-step.

"You better think about what I said to you, bitch. I won't wait around forever. I'm not some love-sick fool, alright? I don't fucking need you."

As she walked away she felt he left something unsaid. "Not yet", perhaps. Or maybe she was putting words in his mouth. He couldn't think that way. There was nothing in this world, aside from the basic human necessities, that Levi needed for survival and for her to think, even for a moment, that she could be elevated to that unimaginable position was the height of stupidity. Not only that, but it was selfish. Who would wish something like that on a person? Especially her. She knew too well the way it felt to need someone who was in constant danger.

Needing Eren, it was the wrong way to feel, but she'd never reasoned that there was another way to live. He'd saved her and she owed him so much for that.

Maybe even her trust.

She tended to ignore the significance of fact that it was Eren who had allowed her to live, though in an abstract way she'd never forgotten what he'd done and that was where her gratefulness stemmed from. If not for him she would have either died at the hands of the traffickers or been sold for who knew what kind of purpose, he'd been the one to motivate her into fighting back, but since then she'd thought of herself as the only one capable of fighting at all.

Eren was too impulsive and too ready to battle.

Armin was a genius, but his combat skills were lacking.

She was the fighter.

Why was it that she could trust Armin to take care of himself, she wondered. If anything he was the one most likely to die. She should be more worried about Armin's safety than Eren's when it came to that. He was family too.

She knew the reason. She loved Eren in a way she could never love Armin and that was the difference. She loved Eren.

He didn't feel the same way.

What needed to be done?

She realized she hadn't ever thought of changing herself for herself. When Eren said she should cut her hair she did it without a second thought. When Eren asked her to trust him she refused because it might harm him. Every decision she made, just about every thing she did, had something to do with Eren.

Everything except those dreams.

Everything expect that story.

Everything except what she'd done with Levi.

It was the first time in years that she'd done something because she wanted to.

"If I didn't love Eren."

What would change? He would still be her family, she would always hate to see him hurt, but could she bear it without flying into a rage?

To see Levi train Eren into exhaustion without wanting to beat the shit out of him for it, to allow Hanji to coerce Eren into participating in experiments without preparing to end the scientist, it seemed like an impossible aspiration. Her emotions were always a little beyond the border of acceptable when it came to her savior.

The idea of not feeling that way was almost repugnant; it was hard to believe she hadn't always held onto those thoughts, but once she'd been a normal girl living with her parents in a cabin outside the main town. She'd known nothing of Eren, nothing of loss and little of fear.

What she wouldn't give to go back to those times. To live those days again.

But that couldn't happen. Until the titans were gone, and she found herself doubting that they could be eliminated, no one could be that carefree. So what was the point of fighting at all?

There were moments when she felt like she wanted to stop, dark hours when she wanted to abandon her duties and run, but surrender was unacceptable and she would never do it. She was no quitter.

Would giving up on Eren constitute quitting?

Something inside told her "no", that it wasn't the same thing. Loving Eren the way she did was a lost cause. It would be a tactical advantage to let it go. If she could do that she could let him reach his full potential.

Maybe that was the ultimate way of showing her love.

No one came looking for her. There was no knock on the door, no one whispered "Mikasa," through the crack. She wasn't sure if she was grateful for the privacy or disappointed by it; either way it was for the best because she was in no state to entertain.

Crying wasn't something she made a habit of, she was rarely emotional that way, but she couldn't put herself down for this instance of weakness. It was natural, wasn't it? Letting go of Eren was something she'd actively fought against for years and now she was faced with a reality that told her it had to happen.

She wouldn't tell him outright, he'd be confused and saddened by her admittance, so she would pull away instead. Slowly disengage, gently remove herself from his presence. She would do it so carefully that he would be unaware of the change while it happened. She would stop jumping to his defense when he was criticized, stop trying to persuade him to make the decisions she thought best and she would try to let go of her romantic feelings for him.

That would be easier said than done. Perhaps with help...

No.

That would be wrong. To use him that way, when he had been so honest with her, was out of the question. Nevertheless she thought he had a right to know of her decision. If not for him she would have never considered doing any of this.

Before she realized what she was doing she was in the hall, her feet leading her back upstairs. With each step her heart rate increased. She was anxious in a way she'd never been before.

What would she say to him? Tell him that he was right about Eren and then what? She didn't have any kind of answer for him.

Outside his door she halted, leaning against the wall opposite the entrance.

She had to respond. Thanking him wasn't enough, he needed to know that she wouldn't string him along. Giving up on Eren was one thing, replacing him was another.

"I want you to look at me."

Look.

Just look.

"Look at him."

She could do that.

The End

A/N: Maybe there'll be a one-shot sequel or something someday. Yeah. There probably will be. In fact there definitely will be and it'll be called "Experimental Relationship" so look forward to that!