Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS nor do I profit from this story.

AN: In season 7 Tony admits (accidentally) to McGee that he has a therapist and it made me wonder how long he has gone and why. This is my take on that. I will be following cannon as much as I can but some things will be my imagination such as my take on the death of his mother. I also believe Tony suffers from a mild form of Borderline Personality Disorder but not sure if I will diagnose him or not.

If you are interested in reading any further, I am thinking of doing this as a series of one shots based on each therapy session following episodes of the series starting from Ep 1 Season 7. Due to Tony's workload there might be gaps between each session of up to a month especially following episodes where there is not much development of Tony's character.

I am happy to receive any comments including anything you may want me to concentrate on as his "therapist".

Session 1: October 29 2009 7:00 PM

Tony walked into the waiting room, flicked the switch as instructed and took a seat. The room was small but tastefully decorated in dark browns and beige, with a soft leather couch, dark timber coffee table with the obligatory magazines on top, and a few abstract paintings on the wall. Tony looked at a few of the magazine titles but decided against reading any.

Sighing he asked himself for the hundredth time today "What an I doing! Why am I here?" Making up his mind Tony stood to high tail it out of there and just as he got to the door he heard the door to the inner office open. Turning he felt somewhat like a deer in the headlights. It was quite obvious he was about to leave but the Doctor simply smiled and stood back making a motion for him to come in to the room.

"That's it, she thinks I am nuts … well obviously she thinks I am nuts otherwise I wouldn't be here." Taking a deep breath he stepped forward and into the therapists office for the first time.

The room had similar colour scheme to outside but the colours were accented somewhat warmer shades of maroon. Her office was spacious with a large timber desk and leather high back chair at one end, and a sitting area consisting of a leather armchair and couch large enough to seat two people comfortably. Between the chairs was another large coffee table with a file, notebook and a large box of tissues on it. There was also a small kitchenette with a rather impressive espresso machine and small bar fridge. Next to that was what Tony assumed to be the exit door.

"Please, have a seat," she said indicating the sitting area.

"Well that isn't big enough to lie down on?" Tony said with his most charming smile.

"I can throw a pillow on the floor if that makes you more comfortable Mr DiNozzo," she responds with a smile of her own.

"No, I can sit. Sitting's fine."

"Would you like anything to drink? Coffee, tea, water?"

"Whisky?" Tony winces at his own attempt at humour realising that a psychologist was probably not the best person to make that joke to. "Sorry, joking. I'm fine thank you doctor." Tony took a seat and made himself comfortable. Well as comfortable as he could, considering the circumstances, but he looked comfortable and that was what counted.

"I am not that formal here, just call me Barb." Dr Barbra Dawson was an attractive woman in her late 50's who reminded Tony somewhat of Susan Sarandon but less intimidating. She took a seat in the armchair and picked up the notepad.

"So, what brings you here today Mr DiNozzo?" And so it begins.

Putting on his most charming smile he replies, "Please, call me Tony."

"OK, Tony, what brings you here today?"

Tony stopped to think. What exactly did bring him here today? His mind was a whirlwind of competing images and thoughts that he didn't know how to put into words or even where to start. "I'm not sure really, I haven't done this since I was a kid, apart from the work Psych Evals of course." She nods, starts jotting down some notes and waits for him to continue. "I just have all these thoughts going around in my head and I can't get them straight I guess."

"OK, well how about we start with you telling me a bit about yourself. When Dr Mallard asked if I would be able to see you he told me you were a colleague. You work at NCIS too I assume?"

"Yes. I am a Senior Field Agent with them. Ducky didn't tell you anything else?" Tony was quite surprised by that considering the MEs propensity for story telling.

Raising an eyebrow her response was a mysterious, "That for me to know any you to find out. So what exactly does a Senior Field Agent with NCIS do?"

"Well NCIS investigate crimes involving members of the Navy or Marines and the Senior Field Agent is the second in command of the team. Technically my job is to ensure that the rest of the team are doing their job, that procedures are followed and compile and report findings to the Team Leader. I also am in charge of training Probationary Agents in all aspects of the investigations and responsible for performance reviews of the Probies."

Without looking up from her notebook Barb asks, "Why do you say 'technically'?"

"Well, I suppose the team has been together so long now that everyone knows their job, knows the procedures and we all report our findings to Gibbs," Shrugging his shoulders he says, "so it's just a title really."

"So, you are no longer satisfied with your job, is that it?"

"What, no, no! Not at all, I love my job, love my team mates. No, my job isn't why I am here. Well not directly I don't think."

"OK then, what sort of crimes do you investigate?"

"I am on the MCRT which is the Major Crimes Response Team and we investigates all the big ones. We do terrorist threats, homicides, any major assaults or attacks, major thefts. That sort of thing."

"Sounds exciting."

"Yeah, it has its moments I suppose." Tony looked down and started clearing off imaginary lint from his suit pants. Something about his job was definitely bothering the man, despite his protests to the contrary. Barb decided to change tack for a bit.

"So, what else is there to know about Tony DiNozzo?" She asked jotting down some notes on her pad.

"Not much really, I am 41, single, work too much and love to watch movies."

"Single, so you are not seeing anyone?"

"Nope, not seeing anyone." Tony was smiling politely but Barb didn't miss the micro expression that flitted across his face first. Disappointment? Regret? Yearning maybe?

"I would imagine a handsome man such as yourself would have a bevy of beauties beating down your door," Barb said with a smile.

Throwing his head back and laughing, "Wow, bevy of beauties, really Barb! No I have not had any door beating for quite some time now. But thank you for that ego boost, I needed that."

"And why do you need the boost?"

Tony looked across at the doctor and asked with a smirk "Ah, trying to trick me are you Doc?"

"No tricks Tony, why do you need the boost?" Barb studied Tony as he had an internal battle with himself. The fact he was about the leave when she opened the office door and his subtle emotional masking proved he was not quite ready to trust her just yet. Leaning forward she spoke gently to him, "Tony, you came to me because you needed to talk and straighten out some things. I can't help you unless you are completely honest with me. I know it is hard to place your trust in someone you don't know but I assure you that anything you say or do will not leave this room. It's in the vault if you will."

"Seinfeld reference. Nice!" Tony took time and considered her words carefully and then he seemed to come to a decision. Tony gave a small nod of his head and straightened in his seat. "OK, I suppose I need the boost because things haven't been going so well in that department recently. I seem to have hit a dry patch."

"And why is that do you think?"

Sighing, "I don't know, I haven't been on my game lately. Don't seem to have the drive I used to. I mean the drive to meet women that is, not my sex drive, my sex drive is just fine. Well I assume it is that is." This bought a smile to Barb's face. Humour was definitely a way to bond with Tony. "I guess I am just sick of dating nameless women. I think I am growing up."

"Ouch, scary!"

"I KNOW! Right!"

"So you have preferred to have short term relationships with these 'nameless' women over something more meaningful. Is that right?"

"Yeah, I suppose. I mean obviously they are not 'nameless', I just didn't really bother learning them if I was going to leave before morning."

"So there have been no significant relationships in your life?"

"There have been a couple, but neither ended well."

Tony was showing obvious signs of discomfort with where this conversation could lead and was avoiding eye contact by looking around the room, no doubt searching for a change in topic. That wasn't going to wash with Barb so of course she asked, "Why don't you tell me about them."

"How did I know you were going to ask that? Shrinks are so predictable, you guys really need to come up with some new material." Barb refused to take the bait, simply looking at Tony and waiting him out. "Ok fine I'll tell you, but they are not the reason I came here. They're old news."

"So you don't think your past has any bearing on your present?" she asked.

"Well yes, I mean …. " he said, almost stumbling over his words, "I suppose it does to some extent but what's done is done, nothing I can do to change the past so I need to look forward, that's all."

"But if you don't address your errors of the past aren't you just likely to make the same mistakes again?"

The sudden look of anger on Tony's face was quite striking considering all the smiles to this point, "What makes you think I made the mistakes?"

Barb took a moment to make some notations before continuing in the same calm tone. "Everybody makes mistakes Tony, it is human nature to be imperfect." Again Barb gave pause to allow Tony to gather his thoughts. "So, how about you tell me about these relationships from the past that can't be changed."

Tony shrugged and rolled his eyes, "Fine, I was engage to a girl when I was in my early 30's but we broke up before the wedding. I haven't spoken to her since. Then there was someone I met while undercover but that was never going to work. She fell in love with my undercover persona and not me. When she found out she left and I only saw here one time since then, and let's just say that meeting didn't go well."

"What happened?"

"She accused me of murdering her father." Tony looked up to see Barb raising a nervous eyebrow, "I didn't do it, you can relax. She falsely accused me … long story and partly classified."

"O… K … I would definitely say that fits the definition of 'didn't go well'," Barb responded. "That must have been a very stressful situation for you."

"Not one of my best days, but sadly not one of my worst either," Tony responded with a wistful smile.

"OK, so you have had one major relationship, one relationship that was built on false pretences, and nothing but short term and one night stands in between. You say you no longer have the drive for these sorts of relationships, so what is it that you want? Are you ready to try for a more permanent relationship?"

Tony sighed, "I think so but I just can't see that happening any time soon though."

"And why is that?"

"Women don't seem to stick around me for long."

Frowning Barb asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Well the longest relationship I have had with a woman is with a co-worker. Abby has been in my life for almost 9 years now and that beats the previous record by a year."

"And who held the previous record, your fiancé?"

"No my mother."

"So your mother…?" She left the question hanging as she didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"Died, when I was eight."

Barb stopped writing at this stage and looked at Tony, "I'm sorry to hear that Tony. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She could see Tony's jaw clench and a tenseness in his shoulders that was not there before. However, he put on a somewhat sad smile and responded, "She committed suicide. Alcohol, sleeping pills and slit her wrists."

"That must have been very upsetting to lose your mother at such a young age."

"It wasn't great. She was still alive when I found her but she had taken too many pills so by the time they got her to hospital she was in a coma. Died a couple of days later."

"You found her?"

She could see Tony was struggling and he only responded with a quiet, "yeah."

Barb didn't want to push this just yet as it was obviously still a very painful memory for Tony. She hoped to come back to it another time, if he decided to come back. For now she asked, "What about your father? Was he with you when you found her?"

"Nope, he was in London on business." Tony didn't expand on that so she decided to push a bit further.

"He travelled often when you were young?"

"You could say that. Still does as far as I know."

"You aren't in contact with him anymore?"

Tony shrugged, "We talk on the phone maybe twice a year for about five or ten minutes but that is it. Last time I saw him was about six years ago when I was in New York for a work conference. Caught up for dinner with him and his latest wife. Dinner consisted of great steak, copious amounts of alcohol and little by way of conversation."

"Did you have a falling out?"

"Nope, we just never really got along. After mum died our relationship deteriorated and he started drinking more and more. I don't think he really knew what to do with a grieving eight year old"

"What about before your mother died? Did you get on well then?"

"From what I can remember I think we were a semi normal happy family. Well as happy as you can be with an alcoholic depressive mother that is. I don't remember too much really but there were a few moments that we all seemed happy at the same time."

"Your mother was an alcoholic?"

"I think so, I mean I always remember her with a drink in her hand and she did some weird stuff too."

"Like?"

"She used to make me dress up in a sailor suit whenever we had company, and my bedroom was decorated in some Louis the fourteenth theme which gave me nightmares about vampires. Spent more nights asleep in my cupboard then my bed after she first did it. I don't think she really understood that a kid just wanted toys and bed to jump on. The DiNozzo's were all about image and opulence."

"Sounds like you missed out on some kid time growing up."

"It wasn't all bad. She was weird and sad but sometimes she was just really sweet and loving. My favourite time was when she would play the piano in the parlour. She had this huge grand piano and when I was tiny I would grab my teddy and lie on the floor under the piano and listen to her for hours." Tony's face had a soft smile, obviously lost in the memory of his mother. "She tried to teach me but I just kept mucking up and making her laugh so she got someone else in to teach me. That wasn't as fun though because the teacher would hit me on the knuckles with a ruler when I got the notes wrong. After she died I stopped playing for a long time." Tony paused lost in thought, "We did go to the movies a lot. Even Dad would come with us when he was in town. One of the few things we did as a family actually. After mum died I spent a lot of time on my own and would watch any movie that the TV stations played. Later I would get into trouble at school for sneaking out after dark to go to the movies."

"Why were you at school after dark?"

"I was sent to boarding school from the age of 12. It made sense I suppose considering how much dad travelled."

"So between the age of eight and twelve it was just you and your dad?"

"And the maids, and the nannies and the gardeners … we had a large staff. There ware also a couple of new mummies thrown in for good measure too. I think step mummy number two was the driving force behind me going to boarding school."

"How many times has your father remarried?"

Tony let out a bitter laugh, "Wow, that's a hard one. I think he is up to number 4. Maybe it is 5. Will have to get back to you on that one Doc."

Whilst these were obviously painful memories and needed further examination, Barbra really wanted to find out the reason Tony was here now. If these were his main issues he would have sought counselling earlier. There was obviously something recent that has caused the emotional turmoil he described earlier.

"OK, so you mentioned that your longest female relationship has been with your work mate …" she refers back to her notes, "Abby was it?" Tony nods to indicate she was correct. "Are you close to Abby?"

Tony shrugs, "We're good friends but we are not romantic or anything, she is more like a little sister, which is strange because she is actually the same age as me."

"What about your other work colleagues, are you close to any of them?"

"Oh god yeah, they are like family to me. Well probably better than family considering the dysfunctional parents I just told you about. I don't know what I would do without them." At this point, Tony leans forward with his elbows on his knees and starts to play with his nails. Quietly he says, "Thought we had lost one until a week ago. I guess that's really why I am here."

Finally, Dr Dawson thinks. It has taken a while but she finally feels she might be on the verge of finding out Tony's true motivation for seeking her help. She remains quiet hoping Tony will say more on his own so she can gauge what is troubling the man. When it was obvious Tony was lost in his own thoughts and wasn't rushing to discuss the matter, Barb tried to prompt him, "What happened?"

Tony's only response was one word, "Somalia."