Samifer Week 2013 #6: Friday, October 18, 2013

Everything that Matters

Pairings: Samifer (SamxLucifer)
Ratings: PG
Warnings: Pre-K Teacher!Sam, Single Parent!Lucifer
Words: 5600
Beta: Bree (bowtiesanddeductions)
My Tumblr: talesfromperdition

Notes: When I was stuck, an anon on tumblr prompted me with "Sam is a pre-school teacher and Lucifer is the father of a rather rambunctious kid. At parent teacher conferences Sam finds out that Luci is a single parent, taking care of a kid he had out of a bad experience with an older girl."

Sam almost always met the kiddos and their parents before school started. Parents of four year olds going to school for the first time were always anxious. They wanted tours of the building – even though most of them had older sons and daughters in the school already and in this town, many of them had gone to that school themselves – and they wanted to help their children through the process to the best of their ability.

This meant they all came to the Pre-Kindergarten orientation that Sam threw two days before school started. Many of the students came from affluent families, and they were more than happy to send along giant bottles of hand sanitizer (dubbed magic soap in the pre-k rooms), boxes of Clorox wipes, and enough snacks for eighteen kids and two adults. They usually ended up with a ton of food – so many fricken animal crackers that it wasn't even funny – and enough goldfish to fill their snack cupboard three times over.

So it was pretty strange when one student and her parents didn't show up at orientation.

Sam didn't think too much of it – parents got busy, families waited to take vacations until the week before school – and it usually wasn't a precursor for things to come. Come the fourth of September, the first day of school, Sam had a sinking suspicion that there was a reason Ruby's parents hadn't come to orientation.

The first day of school brought a lot of tension. Some kids were ready to leave their home for seven hours – they enjoyed the crafts and stories and the preoccupation – but others, feeding on their parents' tears when they dropped them off, cried through the first day or so.

Tears were expected, as were parents, but when Ruby Milton walked off the school bus by herself, calmly marching herself to the front doors to wait calmly next to kids twice her size and three times older than her, Sam felt himself growing with pride. Ruby Milton wouldn't be a crier.

Sam sat on the bench inside the school with a handful of students whose parents already dropped their kids off. Outside the doors, a fourth grader pushed at Ruby's Hunger Games backpack, and the girl turned around. Sam stood, ready to console the girl's tears, but faster than the teacher could react, the girl leaned back, putting her full weight behind the punch that she threw at the kid's face.

The boy's hands went to his nose – it was most likely not broken, probably not even bleeding – but Sam was out of the doors in a second, gripping Ruby's wrist in case she had any funny ideas about throwing another punch. She was subdued in Sam's hand; she didn't even fight him. Sam sent the boy to the nurse, leading Ruby to sit next to him on the bench.

The principal came by to take her to her office to talk to her a couple of minutes later. The whole ordeal didn't faze Ruby. After she was back in the classroom, she didn't cry or feign innocence; she just printed her name in clear, precise letters between the lines Sam had provided for her.

She was the only kid who wrote her name perfectly.

It was incredibly rare for Sam to make it to Open House without meeting the parents or guardians of his students. But the third week in September came around and Sam had no idea about Ruby's home life with exception that someone signed her daily reports with "L" every night without fail and responded to Sam's notes about the occasional hitting, biting, and aggression with an apologetic, "I've talked to her. Keep me posted. –L"

Come Open House, Sam was ready to meet this mysterious Lu who took care of Ruby, and he greeted ever child who came through his door with familiarity – the parents somewhat less so – but come six o'clock, there was no Ruby, no L.

And October only brought worse.

Ruby was a quiet girl. Most days, she wasn't out of the ordinary. She had friends – a boy named Alistair, a girl named Meg – and she was highly intelligent, far succeeding her peers in most tasks. Unfortunately, three days of the week were too overwhelming for the girl and fights ensued. She was wild, fighting to defend her friends or what she presumed to be her territory, screaming as she tackled another student to the ground over one of the tricycles in the courtyard.

Sam would send a letter, sometimes an e-mail, home, and around the second week in October, in addition to Lu's usual reassurances of talking and time-outs and punishments, a simple line of overwhelming truth shined through.

"I don't know what to do. –L"

His heart broke for Lu. Sam remembered being a child. Their father was raising him and Dean by himself – none-too-well, Sam might add – and even at four or five or six, Sam could see his father was burned out from his grief and the stress of raising two loud, wild kids with no help.

And despite living through it – watching Dean being their father's little soldier for a long time, then morphing into the rebellious teen, only to fall back in line by the time he was eighteen – and going to school and double majoring in Early-Childhood/Childhood Education and Psychology for his undergraduate, Sam didn't really have any answers.

"It's hard for kids, sometimes, to adjust. Giving her time and reminding her of what is 'good behavior' is all you can do at this point," Sam wrote back. "It settles out of most kids as they get older."

Half an hour later, Sam checked his email and saw a response.

"Doesn't make it any easier now, for you or for me. I just want what's best for her. People remember a bully. If she doesn't shape up, her peers will remember her as such and it will be difficult for her to make friends, even later in life. I don't want her to be alone like I was at her age. –L"

And okay, every parent wanted what was best for their kid, but not every parent was as outspoken about it as Lu, and certainly not without ever actually visiting the classroom. And Sam didn't have any kids of his own, but he sort of viewed the eighteen kids in his class as his. He felt for them, and he felt for Ruby, fighting because she was scared and didn't know how to get by any other way.

After that, he watched her. He watched the way Ruby would act around her peers, and he started to learn her tells. She would grow violent when challenged, tired, or hungry, and those were easily identified and nipped in the bud.

Restraint was something kids learned as they grew older. Sam could keep the stressors to a minimum until she was a little older; then, maybe he could teach her ways to cope. But for now, Sam thought of L – who had never visited the classroom, who didn't know where his daughter spent her days – and thought that the man didn't need any more stressors either.

He could help teach Ruby to breathe. He could help them both.

Unfortunately, it backfired.

He didn't realize it at first – it was his third year of having his own classroom, and he'd had nearly sixty students already – that he was treating Ruby differently. Favoritism was the wrong word, but it was the first one to come to mind. He realized it one day in the middle of emailing L. He sent an email detailing Ruby's progress to L every night before he left to go back to his empty apartment (and sometimes, he would respond back from home, but nobody had to know that the most adult contact he got outside of his brother was the father of one of his students whom he'd never actually met), but one day, all the kids were lying down for a nap and he noticed it.

He read the email from L over again, and then three times, then frowned.

He hadn't mentioned Ruby once.

Sam looked back through their correspondence – emails twice, sometimes three or four times a day – and they brought up the girl only when she had done something praise worthy or punishable. They spent most of their emails talking about books, movies, and occasionally theology. Sam wasn't even sure how that had gotten brought up, but he was well aware he was in the middle of a four-paragraph email comparing Icarus to the Christian angels and suddenly, Sam realized he didn't even know this guy.

He had his daughter – was Ruby his daughter? Sam only knew him by L and for all Sam knew, he could be anyone – in class. Sam turned his head, glancing around at the sleeping or resting students before his eyes fell onto Ruby. The girl wasn't far from Sam, between two tables, and her eyes rested on him, fist tight over her blanket.

She didn't look away, not even when she caught him staring. Instead, she only smiled.

Sam had never ever lost a staring match with a four-year-old before, but when he turned away and faced back toward his computer, he realized something was very wrong here.

He ended up exiting out of the window, not responding to the email at all. His heart was hammering in his chest, and he avoided thinking about what why that was happening, opting to cut out some books the kiddos would me making on Monday instead.

He still hadn't answered L on Monday afternoon, right before he had to get the kids on the bus to go home. Ruby had been on-and-off all day, and Sam knew he needed to tell L that she had bitten a kid and had to go to the principal's office, but he couldn't muster up the courage to message the man he had ignored all weekend.

That was, until he checked his email and saw he had two new ones from his principal.

"Reminder to all teachers that the Friday before Thanksgiving Break is Parent-Teacher Conference day. Even if students are succeeding, teachers should make an effort to talk to all parents about their child's progress and behavior."

The other message was also from his principal.

"Sam, you need to do your best to get Ruby's father in here. We need to discuss her behavior with him. If it can't be remedied by Christmas, we will need to send her elsewhere. She is currently a danger to herself and the other children; we need to have a safe learning environment. Please stress that it is of the most importance that he attend this meeting."

The helper from sixth grade showed up, taking the bussers to their busses, and Sam didn't have time to concoct an elaborate ploy to get L in the classroom for the first time, despite it being the third month of school. Sam had never gone that long without putting a face to a parent before, and something about it made the whole thing seemed exotic.

Which was stupid, but still.

He had to take his kids out to meet their parents. He high-fived each one of them goodbye – an easy way to make sure he had seen each of them leave and who they had left with – but he watched the sixth grade helper walking Ruby to her bus. Usually, the kids fought over who got to hold the helper's hands, but Ruby never wanted small comforts like that. She swung her hands by her side, fingers brushing against her coat on every pass, content to accept nothing from nobody.

And Sam sighed. Their principal was right. It wasn't fair to Ruby to ignore her father; after all, everyone only what was best for her.

Sam was sitting on his couch, laptop on his coffee table next to his beer later that night, staring at an empty email. He needed to tell L what happened with Ruby, and he needed to pretty much demand a parent-teacher conference without it sounding like a demand or implying that L was an unfit parent who couldn't control his four-year-old daughter.

The teacher sighed and just started typing.

Sam was a little bit wordy to begin with – so he always ended up taking forever to write emails then editing out the chatter – but it took him a beer and a half and by the end of it, it was far more conversational than professional, probably because of the beers. He sent it, then cursed, realizing he should have been more careful. Drunk emailing one of the parents of his students – especially one he already felt too comfortable emailing back and forth with.

The teacher quickly downed the rest of his beer and stood up to get another one. After half an hour of no response, Sam responded to Dean's request for dinner and he walked over to his brother's house two blocks away. They did eat dinner, but big brothers must have desperation and terrible life choice sensors because he brought out the beer.

At seven thirty, he noticed he had a notification for a new email. He opened it with a smile on his face. It drained quickly, however, when he read the cool tone of the email.

"My lunch break is 11:30-12. I can conference then. –L"

After that, Sam slumped on his brother's couch as Dean brought out the shots.

It had been a long time since Sam was hungover in his classroom on a Tuesday morning, but he was nearly falling asleep in his chair during story time. The kids were frowning at him, not sure why he kept yawning through words, but when he let them get out puzzles if they promised to be quiet, they didn't care much anymore.

He was pulling out his cell phone to curse Dean to hell when he felt a small hand tug on his sleeve. The teacher turned, offering Ruby a small smile. The girl's face exploded, wide and excited, and Sam had never seen her so happy before. "Mister Winchester, you're going to talk to my daddy?"

"Yes, I am," Sam said. "On Friday. Is there anything you think he should know about school? I'll write it down so I don't forget."

Ruby ignored his question, her cool fingers brushing over the back of Sam's hand for a second before she adjusted their hands and gripped his. The younger Winchester brother gaped; he'd never seen Ruby hold hands with anyone before.

"My daddy knows all about school cause he asks me every night at dinnertime what I did," Ruby grinned, her smile morphing into something that made Sam's insides freeze with worry. "I telled him about you."

"What about me?" Sam asked, feeling breathless but unsure why.

"I telled him you're nice to me even when I do something bad. And I telled him you were taller than him. And I telled him that you were super smart and know everything."

Out of all of that, the first response out of Sam's mouth was, "I don't know everything, Ruby."

The girl squeezed his hand before letting go. "You know everything that matters," she said, before running off to knock over Alistair's block castle. Sam watched as they rebuilt it together, and then knocked it down again.

Sam was forever grateful he didn't still share an apartment with Dean because the argyle sweater he put on after his shower was the type of thing he would be mocked about until eternity. Sam was the only male kindergarten teacher – the only male teacher at all until second grade – and he always was walking the balance between comfort and professional. The argyle sweater looked fantastic on him, the perfect amount of tight and still looked smart, but it would be uncomfortable to wear all day when dealing with children.

But at least he didn't wear the suit and tie he had picked out the night before.

He was uncharacteristically nervous as he unlocked his classroom, and then met with several parents about their well behaved, beloved children. He told them how awesome they're doing – what the parents could do to support them at home – and the entire time, his eyes kept flicking toward the clock.

At 11:00, he escorted one parent to the door, but didn't catch sight of an unknown man lurking in the hall half an hour before he was intended to show. Instead of waiting by the door, Sam made another terrible decision. He grabbed his keys and headed out to pick up lunch.

When he got back to his classroom at 11:30, a man was standing in the hall by the door, peering in. He was a blond man, shorter than Sam but still over six foot, and Sam walked up to him, the man turned around. The first thing Sam noticed was his clear, blue eyes – and how he looked nothing like his daughter – and the second thing he noticed was how young he was.

Sam was twenty-four. The man standing in front of his door looked even younger than him. His suit didn't really fit too well – not that Sam's suit fit amazing either – but his were obviously second-hand. The bags under his eyes looked permanent, and even though he tried to straighten up and extend his hand, there was something undeniably tired in his attempt. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Winchester."

"Call me Sam," he said, but he kicked himself for it afterward. He never told parents to call him by his first name, but the man was already nodding, so Sam took the other man's hand and shook it. "What does L stand for?"

The man looked down at the carpet. "Lucifer. My parents named us all after angels, but I drew the short stick, I guess."

Sam didn't know what to say, so he pushed the pizza box toward him. He took it with a confused look, staring at it as Sam unlocked the door. "I just got cheese because it's safe. Hopefully you like the local pizzeria," Sam said, pushing his door in and hitting the lights.

"What?" the man asked, following him in.

Sam walked to the cupboard. There were plates and napkins galore, so he grabbed what he needed and walked back to Ruby's father. Sam gestured at one of the kiddie tables, and the man slid the pizza box onto it. After Sam pulled out Meg's chair and sat down, he opened the box. Lucifer stood there, a frown of confusion on his face, so Sam said, "That's where your daughter sits every day."

Lucifer's expression morphed from confusion to something easier. He leaned over to read Ruby's name on the back of the chair, letting his hand fall to the cool metal. It was only after he examined the chair that he sat down, and as uncomfortable as Sam felt with his long limbs tangled in the tiny chair, Lucifer looked twice as out of place. The teacher held out a paper plate and two napkins, and Lucifer took it, but didn't look like he knew what to do with it.

Sam started ripping a piece from the crust, setting it on his own plate. He licked the cheese off his fingers, and nodded at the pizza. "You don't like cheese?"

"What?" Lucifer asked. "I like pizza fine, but why…"

"You said it was your lunch break. I figured it was the least I could do to make up for making you miss lunch."

Finally, a tentative smile broke out on Lucifer's face. He reached into the box and pulled out a slice, adding, "I was just going to stop at the drive thru on the way back to work, but thank you, Sam."

"It's no problem."

They demolished the pizza. Lucifer must have been starving, and when Sam realized he wasn't being polite about it, he wasn't going to make the effort either. He hung out with four-year-olds all day. They never called him on his bad manners before. It only took fifteen minutes for them to finish the pizza, and Sam went to their fridge and got out two juice boxes. The man smiled around the tiny straw, and Sam couldn't help smiling at the sight of it.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make any of the meetings before this one," Lucifer admitted, trying to clean his grease-soaked fingers on a napkin. "I work two jobs, and I'm trying to take classes at the community college, so that… you know… I can provide better for her, but it's tough. I rarely get home before seven and as soon as I do, it's dinner and bed."

"Who watches Ruby?" Sam asked.

He was surprised when Lucifer didn't tell him to mind his own business. "The woman who lives in the apartment next to us. She doesn't see her grandkids much. She's lonely, so she charges nearly nothing to watch her after school. I… uh… I got my girlfriend pregnant in high school. My family disowned me, and when Lilith left… it was just me and Ruby. It's just been hard." Lucifer paused, looking up at Sam, his neck reddening under the collar. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so forward. What I meant to say was that I'm not sure why Ruby acts out in school, she's never a problem at home."

For a long time, neither one of them said anything more. Sam thought about an eighteen year old alone, scared, and with a child. At eighteen, Sam was still so co-dependent on Dean that he had a hard time leaving, and an even harder time staying away. Even now, Sam wasn't much more than an overgrown child; he couldn't imagine being the only one responsible for a child.

Well, he could imagine it in a classroom with eighteen children, but he couldn't imagine coming home and having to deal with it all over again.

Lucifer and Ruby had nobody except for each other, and unless something could be done to help Ruby's behavior in class, she would have to get sent to an alternative school. Looking at Lucifer, how much he was sacrificing for her, Sam realized that he needed to step up. It was kids like Ruby – families like the Miltons, who were so similar to the Winchesters – that made Sam want to become a teacher in the first place.

"What would you like me to do?" Sam asked.

"Well, I'd like to go to dinner with you," Lucifer said, then winced, raising his eyes to meet Sam's and shake his head. "No, I mean… I meant to say that…"

"You said you get done with work at seven?" Sam asked, heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't believe he was being so forward, but Lucifer nodded, diverting his eyes once again. "We can meet up somewhere after you pick up Ruby. I'd like to see how she acts around you.

"I… uh…" Lucifer rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at Sam once more. "Okay, sure. That would be… educational."

Sam knew what Lucifer was trying to do – the man was convincing himself Sam was only interested because he was Ruby's teacher and he was hell-bent on helping her – and, true, Sam did want to help Ruby, but this was about more than that.

This was about Lucifer's sad, exhausted eyes, and his huge, caring heart.

"It's a date," Sam said carefully, stating every word with intention, and Lucifer flushed and nodded his head. "Now that that's settled, what would you like me to do about Ruby?"

They ended up settling on a local family diner not far from either of them. When the father and daughter walked in, Sam saw their hands clasped together, but Ruby quickly yanked her hand away and ran up to the booth Sam was sitting in, yelling out, "Mister Winchester, it is so nice to see you."

Sam stood, offering his hand to the girl, but she just gripped his hand in both of hers and smiled up at him. "It's nice to see you, too, Ruby. Did you have a fun day with no school?"

"No," Ruby said, letting go of his hand and sliding into the booth across from Sam. The teacher smiled at Lucifer, before the father joined his daughter in the booth and Sam sat back down. "No school is boring. What about you? Did you have fun?"

"He still had to work," Lucifer told Ruby, not looking up from the menu.

Sam grinned, "But I still had fun. I had pizza for lunch with your dad."

Ruby gasped, frowning at her father like that was an important piece of information and he had committed a moral sin by not telling her. Lucifer ignored her, but his neck was growing red. Sam couldn't help but smile.

Sam knew he didn't have to walk the pair of them home – just like he knew he didn't have to pay for their dinner – but it felt right, walking next to Lucifer as the man held his sleeping daughter in his arms. He admitted that by staying for dessert, they had shot past her bedtime. Carrying her was the price he had to pay by giving in to Sam's request.

But he didn't seem to mind.

Sam was blown away by how natural the pair of them was together. Ruby had never shown any signs of strong attachment in school, not even to Alistair and Meg, but she clearly adored her father. And he clearly loved her back.

When Sam was Ruby's age, his father had been in a similar position. Their mothers had been gone for most of their lives, and their fathers had to make do as good as they can.

John Winchester moved them from motel to motel and drank his lost love away, forcing his eight-year-old son to take care of his four-year-old when he wouldn't come home at night.

Lucifer Milton worked two jobs and took classes at the community college so he could provide a better life for his daughter.

Sam was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice that Lucifer had stopped walking until Sam had walked past him and the man gave a small chuckle. The teacher grinned at the sound of it and turned around, facing the small family.

"So," Lucifer asked. "How did that compare with how she is in school?"

"She was an angel tonight," Sam said, reaching out his hand to pat the girl's sleeping back. "She didn't even get frustrated with all those strangers around. I wish I knew how to help her at school. I'm sure she'd like it a lot more if she didn't spend half the time in the principal's office."

Lucifer shifted his daughter's weight so he could hold her more easily, looking over her shoulder to tilt his head at Sam. "I told her – years ago, back when Lilith left, so she can't even remember it – but I told her that no matter what, I would be here to help her whenever she needed my help. Maybe all she needs to know is that someone is in her corner at school too. I'm not sure, but if you really do care – and you really do want to help her – then tell her. She likes you, and she'll respond well."

Sam smiled and nodded, but he didn't know what he could possibly say to that. In the end, he didn't have to. Ruby started waking up, and Lucifer had to take her upstairs to get ready for bed.

The teacher walked home; the biting cold of the late November night didn't even faze him. He was warm.

It was early Monday morning when they returned to school from Thanksgiving. The kids were excited for Santa already, and Kevin and Charlie were chattering loudly about how many more days until the next Hobbit movie came out. The rest of the kids were playing with the blocks, and Sam was sitting in his chair, reading over the email about Icarus he never sent to Lucifer that had gotten saved in his drafts.

Halfway through, he turned in his chair and saw Ruby putting bears in different color patterns quietly by herself. It was early in the day, so far there had been no incidents, but he could feel the air around her as she concentrated.

"Hey Ruby," Sam called. The girl looked up at him. "Can you come over here a second?"

Even as she stood and walked over to him, Sam could feel her tension drain from her body. The teacher had hung out two more times with the small family over Thanksgiving break – once they had watched some little kid movie in theaters and the second time he had gone to their small apartment so Lucifer could cook them all a nice dinner – and Sam could feel the bonds they were building grow stronger.

He could feel them now, as she stood smiling before him.

"When I was a little kid, my mom died," Sam said, and Ruby's face fell. "So I didn't have a mom when I was growing up either. It was just me and my dad and my brother."

"Were you sad?" Ruby asked. "Do you miss her?"

"I can't even remember what she looked like," Sam said. "Except for pictures."

Ruby nodded, hands playing with the hem of her shirt. Lucifer had one photo of Lilith, and it pained him to keep it out, but it was sitting next to Ruby's bed, anyway. It was where she wanted it, and it had been where Sam kept his picture of his parents, too.

"I wanted to tell you that I am here to help you. Whenever you feel angry or scared, I want you to find me before you do anything else. Whatever you need me to help you with, I'll be there. Do you understand?"

Ruby nodded for a few seconds, thinking the words over. Sam was sure she understood, but then her grin twisted into an evil little smile. "Can you help my daddy give me a little brother?"

"Go play," Sam sighed, and Ruby laughed, skipping back to her patterns of bears on the floor.

Sam ignored the email in front of him and pulled out his phone instead.

Sam: Your daughter just asked me if I could help you give her a little brother.

Lucifer: NO MORE KIDS UNTIL AFTER I FINISH SCHOOL I LEARNED THE FIRST TIME AROUND

Sam couldn't help but laugh, and when he looked up at Ruby, she was still grinning at him.

Sam wasn't exactly sure what ended up helping Ruby. It might have been the talk, or it might have been that she started associating Sam as a second father, so she treated him with the same awe, love, and respect that she treated Lucifer.

It could have been the first time she came to him instead of punching the kid who teased her, and he made good on his promise, talking her down with a funny story about Dean falling into the swimming pools at one of the motels when they were playing tag once. Sam told the other teachers Ruby had for gym, art, library, and music to call him if she started getting worked up. He came whenever they called – even if he was in the middle of eating lunch – and he took her out into the hall, held her hand or rubbed her back, and sent her back in when she was ready.

Children slip up all the time, but once when Sam was washing the dishes after one of Lucifer's home cooked meals, she had asked him, "Is it okay if I watch Tangled, daddy?"

Sam froze, looking across the room at Lucifer. His expression was unreadable, and when Sam looked at Ruby, the girl realized her mistake and backtracked, nearly screaming, "I meant Mister Winchester!" before she took off into the living room to escape the heavy silence that fell.

Sam turned around, drying his wet hands on a dishrag, opening his mouth to comfort Lucifer – to tell him it was normal and not to be mad about her slip up (last year a kid had called him mom and Dean laughed for thirty minutes, telling Sam that was proof he needed a haircut) – but before he could say anything, Lucifer was standing in front of him.

Lucifer was kissing him and pulling away before Sam had even processed that the kiss had happened in the first place, but he didn't let the man get far. Sam pulled him back in and felt the way the single father melted into his body.

"Are you guys gonna watch Tangled with me or what?" Ruby yelled from the living room, and this time, when Lucifer pulled back, Sam let him go.

The man was flushed, and he licked his lips, looking back up at Sam. For the first time, Sam noticed his eyes and the lack of bags under them. He looked rested; he looked at ease. The teacher leaned down, pressing his forehead against the other man's.

"Stay," Lucifer asked, and Sam pressed one more kiss against Lucifer's lips.

Then, they walked to the living room, one of them on either side of Ruby and watched the movie as a family.