Pairings: Sabriel with lots of Destiel mentions.

Disclaimer: I do not own.

Part 1

Dean and Castiel were mind-numbingly stupid.

No one had told Gabriel when he'd signed up for Team Free Will that he'd be forced to witness hours of longing stares between his brother and the older Winchester. If someone had, he would have seriously considered letting humanity save itself, or at least, he would have demanded all love confessions be made before he joined the little group of rebels. He could picture Dean's sputtering reaction to such a demand as the human would mentally run through the short list of people he could claim to love, because of course the dimwit wouldn't consider Gabriel was referring to Castiel.

"Thanks, Cas." Dean sighed as he slumped onto the foot of the shabby motel bed he had claimed as his own. He rubbed his neck where a cut from a fight with a coven of witches had been prior to Castiel healing the wound.

Castiel hovered over Dean, his knee brushing against the human's as he pierced Dean with an intense blue gaze. "I believe the correct terminology is, 'No problem,' Dean."

Dean smiled, and if it wasn't full of adoration that screamed, "I'm so proud of my socially awkward angel and his many cute attempts to sound normal," Gabriel did not know what did.

Gabriel pushed down the urge to stick his finger in his mouth and feign gagging. He had to do something about this.

"Whatever you are scheming, don't do it on my bed," Sam's voice came from behind him.

Gabriel twisted his neck in time to see Sam dabbing at a cut on his cheek with a tissue. How the younger Winchester didn't comment on the obvious favoritism Castiel displayed, Gabriel did not know.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Sasquatch."

Sam shot Gabriel a warning look as he tossed the tissue into the trashcan then marched himself into the bathroom. That of course left Gabriel alone with Romeo and frickin' Juliet, both of who were still staring at each other as if a minute had not just gone by. Such behavior was expected of Castiel—the little weirdo—but Dean "I don't do chick flick moments" Winchester? How had the older Winchester not caught on to his crush yet?

Gabriel stood up and whistled sharply as if trying to get a dog's attention. He chuckled when Dean and Castiel's heads popped up in unison. "Sorry to break up this love fest, but it seems my little brother and I need a heart to heart before everyone dies of sexual tension."

"I don't believe it is possible to—"

"Oh, it is possible, Castiel." Gabriel grinned at the ultimate head-tilt of confusion Castiel gave him.

Dean's body went rigid, and his fingers twitched as he glanced at his angel crush, giving away his not-so-secret desire to grab Castiel. "If there's something you have to say to Cas then—"

"Dean, Dean, Dean," Gabriel sing-songed as he shook his head in feigned disappointment. "The reason we've had so many issues in the past is because I don't want to harm any of my siblings. Trust me, your future boyfriend is safe with me."

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Gabriel really did not need to hear anymore of the hunter's grating voice. With a snap of his fingers he transported Castiel and himself within the Impala, because wouldn't it be hilarious if Dean came outside and spotted the two angels fooling around in his vehicle?

"What do you wish to discuss?" Castiel asked.

Gabriel's lips curled upward. "Ah, Castiel, this is why your one of my favorites, straight to the point. I just want to know when you're going to make an honest man out of Dean."

Castiel frowned. "While Dean can be deceitful at times, it is usually when he is attempting to protect unsuspecting humans from the supernatural or discover the reason behind mysterious deaths. Otherwise, he is quite honest."

Gabriel sighed and slumped in his seat. "It's just an expression, Castiel. It means I want to know when you and Dean will finally do the horizontal tango."

Castiel's brow knitted in concentration. "I believe I have heard Dean use that phrase in reference to sex."

Gabriel's face lit up. "Now we're getting somewhere. So when are you two going to do it, because, trust me, all that pent up sexual tension isn't good for either of you."

Castiel's shoulders rammed together and a look of utter panic fell across his face. "Dean is in danger?"

Gabriel smacked a hand over his face. He groaned. This was exactly why he hadn't zapped Castiel and Dean into another world like the TV land scenario. Castiel would never figure out what he was supposed to learn, and even if the two miraculously did admit their feelings, Dean would go back to hiding them as soon as he was free. The stupid hunter would probably brush it all aside by saying that they had to confess such feelings because of the spell, so they shouldn't hold themselves to it in real life, and naïve Castiel would nod his head and go along with it.

Sighing, Gabriel dropped his hand from his face. It was time to change battle tactics. "Okay, forget the sex talk. Just confirm one thing for me." He held up one finger to demonstrate. "Do you love Dean Winchester?"

"Yes."

Gabriel's eyebrows shot up his forehead. Okay, so he'd known for months that his little brother had feelings for Dean, but he had expected to go through a labyrinth of questioning to force the realization upon Castiel. "Well, if you know that then why haven't you jumped on that fine piece of ass? Oh, and no telling Dean-o I said that about him."

Castiel bowed his head. "If you are asking why I haven't pursued a relationship with him, it is because I am uncertain how to proceed. I am also currently in a male vessel, and Dean seems very uncomfortable with the notion of being intimate with another man. It is just easier this way, and I enjoy my time with him as it is."

Gabriel nodded, soaking in the new information while simultaneously formulating a plan in his head to help his baby brother. He smiled and clamped his hands on Castiel's shoulders. "All right little bro, as your big brother it is my duty to demonstrate to you how to seduce Dean Winchester and motivate you into action."

"That really isn't necessary."

Gabriel smirked. "Oh, it is, Cassie. It is."

A few days after his conversation with Castiel, Gabriel found himself in Casa de Winchester of the week, also known as another rat hole of a motel room, but hey, at least it had character and was inspirational. Yes, the brown water from the sink had inspired Gabriel to turn the liquid into Cola. He had considered making the poor excuse for H2O into a chocolate river, but the soda looked so close to what flowed from the tap prior, Gabriel wanted to see if one of the Winchesters wouldn't notice the difference until they tasted the Cola in their coffee.

He sat at the small table, barely big enough for two, with three boxes of pies as Gabriel waited for the Winchesters to come stumbling into the room.

He heard the Impala's door slam and the angry grumblings of Dean as he marched toward the motel room.

Gabriel glanced up at the ceiling. "Oh Castiel, if you aren't already with the love of your life, I suggest you come down here and see what you're missing."

Castiel appeared beside Gabriel. "Gabriel, what are you—"

The doorknob twisted with a click and was pushed aside to reveal Dean. Dean instinctually stiffened at the sight of two unexpected guests in the motel room. Right behind him, Sam reached for the gun at his waist; the younger Winchester was at a bad angle, and couldn't see what lay beyond the door, so he movements were based entirely on Dean's reaction. Dean's eyes flicked to Castiel and he visibly relaxed.

Like a chain reaction, the stiffness in Castiel's shoulders vanished.

Then Dean's eyes landed on Gabriel and all the tension returned to the room. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Nice seeing you too, Dean-o."

"Gabriel?" Sam poked his head over Dean's shoulder. A frown marred that normally baby sweet face of his.

Gabriel threw his hands out at his sides and beamed. "The one and only."

"That still doesn't tell us why you are here." Dean had planted himself in the doorframe, refusing to budge an inch, even as Sam tried to circle around him to get inside the room.

"Jeez, Dean. You act like I haven't agreed to join your team." Gabriel cocked his head at the boxes of pie. "Guess I'll just take these and be going then."

Dean's suspicious gaze jumped to the stack of beige boxes. Slowly, he trudged into the room, earning a grateful sigh from Sam as he moved out of the taller boy's way. Dean stopped in the middle of the room, his eyes widened when he finally saw through the plastic covering what lay inside the boxes. He took an involuntary step forward then scowled and returned to his previous position. "This better not be some trick, you sick bastard."

Sam, who had paused in front of his bed to fling down his bag, frowned at the exchange between Gabriel and Dean.

Castiel wore a similar expression, albeit slightly intrigued.

Gabriel held up one hand. "Please, Dean, if you knew anything about me, you would know sweets are off limits when it comes to pranks."

"Oh really?" Disbelief coated Dean's voice.

Gabriel rolled his eyes then snapped his fingers, making a plate with a slice from one of the pies appear in his hands with a fork. He plucked up the utensil and hummed in delight as he scooped up a sweet bite of apple pie and swallowed it.

Gabriel did his best not grin like the cat who caught the canary when Dean's fingers subtly twitched and his posture shifted so he leaned ever so slightly toward the pie.

A flash of understanding passed through Castiel's blue eyes and he shot Gabriel a disapproving look.

Gabriel grinned up at his little brother. "What's wrong, Cassie? Jealous?"

Castiel opened his mouth to protest—that's what Gabriel assumed—but before he could utter anything Gabriel snapped a forkful of pie into the angel's mouth.

Castiel made a choking sound then swallowed the dessert. "Gabriel," he coughed in warning.

Dean covered his mouth to stifle a chuckle, but his quaking shoulders and the glimmer of amusement in his eyes gave away his true feelings. When Castiel pouted in his own special way, because of course the angel was so socially awkward he couldn't even pout properly, Dean chuckled once more. "Sorry, man, but that was funny." Dean strolled over to the table and pulled out the second rickety chair.

"I don't see the humor."

Dean rolled his eyes as he yanked one of the boxes toward him.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow at the action.

Dean smirked. "You're not the only one with a sweet tooth. Now how about you using some of your powers and summoning me a fork?"

"That would be a grievous misuse of his—"

"Here you go." Gabriel cut Castiel off with a snap that brought a fork into existence right in front of Dean. He then twisted in his seat to wink at Castiel. "Not like using my powers to fetch a fork is going to kill someone, Cassie. Lighten up."

Castiel slumped in defeat, his eyes sliding towards Dean, who had flipped open the box's lid.

That's when Gabriel noticed that one member of their quartet was being very quiet and had yet to join the group by the shoddy table built for one and a half.

Sam hadn't moved from his spot in front of his bed. Wrinkles lined his forehead as he studied the trio, or more specifically, Gabriel. At first, Gabriel thought that the younger Winchester was looking on with distrust, but upon further inspection, that wasn't quite the right emotion on the young hunter's face. His features were pinched in concentration as if he were trying to solve a puzzle or come up with a strategy of some sort.

Whatever the look, it wasn't important. "You going to continue to stand there wallflower, or are you going to join the rest of the boys and girls at prom?"

The corner of Sam's mouth twitched upward. "This is a poor excuse for a prom."

"Like you would know," Gabriel countered, shoving a bite of pie into his mouth. He moaned at the delicious taste. He almost giggled in glee when at the exact same time Dean took his first mouthful of pie and made a similar sound.

Sam and Castiel both jerked in startlement at the shared action between their brothers—Castiel's being far more subtle than Sam.

After a moment of stunned silence between the younger siblings in the room that had Gabriel internally cackling, Sam finally decided to join the group. He maneuvered himself around the bed, charging toward the trio, only for the toe of his foot to get caught on the bed frame's foot.

Some distant part of Gabriel mentally shouted, "Timber!" as Sam stumbled toward the table. Complete horror and amazement at what Gabriel knew was to come held him in place. Sam toppled into the table, his chest smashing into the boxes of the pies, sending blueberry and cherry bits splattering across the room. Not even the apple pie that Dean had yanked closer to his chest upon Sam's initial trip was safe, as Gigantor's flailing arm knocked it from Dean's hands onto his lap.

Silence filled the room.

Aghast, Dean looked down at his lap that was stained with apple and pie crust. "You killed my pie," he whispered as if broken.

Gabriel slow clapped then whistled. "I heard tall people were clumsy, but I always thought you were the exception Sasquatch. Guess I was wrong."

Sam's cheeks reddened and he pushed himself off the table. His chest was coated in a mishmash of pie entrails.

"Are you all right, Sam?" Castiel stepped forward, looking ready to heal if needed.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Sam ran his hand over his chest, his nose scrunching as he brought his hand covered in a blue and red mess to his face. He hooked his hands around the bottom of his shirt and eased it off him, revealing a well-toned set of abs, that Gabriel couldn't help but glance at—seriously, how did the Winchesters get so ripped? Gabriel had seen plenty of hunters in his time, and while most of them were fit, none of them had the type of body made for modeling, unlike the duo of angst and repressed emotions.

Sam strolled into the bathroom. The lock clicking into place, snapped Gabriel out of his musings in time to see Dean gather up the crushed boxes of pies and carry them to the garbage bin. A forlorn expression occupied his face, and Gabriel wouldn't be surprised if Dean were giving the pies a silent ode before tossing them away.

"I could always snap in more," Gabriel said.

Dean perked up like a dog promised a bone. "You're not fucking with me, right?"

Gabriel tried to speak, but Castiel placed a hand in front of his chest, silently communicating that Gabriel needed to back off from his man (that's how Gabriel was interpreting it no matter what anyone said). "Summoning pie into existence is unnecessary. If you want sustenance, Dean, then I will fetch it for you."

It was barely noticeable, but a tinge of pink tainted Dean's cheeks even as he maintained his gruff expression. He shrugged off Castiel's offer. "Nah. It'd be weird. It's be like I was treating you like some errand boy."

Gabriel snorted. Send Castiel to fetch a pie? That's demeaning and an abuse of friendship. Demand Castiel say, "Fuck you" to the divine plan and constantly come in to save Dean's ass? That was love and respect. Dean needed his head cracked open to check for sanity and be given a road map to his feelings, because obviously somewhere along the route of falling for Castiel he had gotten lost.

Castiel lips pressed together in a small pout. "Are you certain, Dean? I can fetch a pie within a few seconds for you."

Dean smiled. "Don't worry about it. Besides, someone's gotta clean up this mess while Klutz-erella makes herself beautiful for the ball."

Castiel nodded, his lips curling into a small, dainty smile.

…And the intense loving stare match began again.

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

The bathroom door banged open, and a fuming Sam with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist stormed out. Even from a distance he smelled exceptionally sweet, and Gabriel was momentarily puzzled as he ruminated on the possible cause. Sam pushed back dripping locks of hair from his face as he scowled at Gabriel. "Why does our shower produce nothing but soda?"

Gabriel blinked, recalling what he had done only minutes ago. He grinned, putting a finger to his lips as he hummed exaggeratedly in thought. "I suppose changing the water in the sink to Cola would effect the shower, wouldn't it?"

Gabriel spent the next few days tormenting some scumbag that was siphoning money from donation funds to terminally ill children. It had been fun to watch as with each dollar the man spent from his stolen cache, he slowly went insane from the cries of the children he'd stolen from, until he fessed up to his crime to his executive assistant. Gabriel had been certain the man was going to kill himself, but having the man arrested and the money returned to the children was satisfying.

It was as the man was being cuffed and taken to jail that Gabriel heard Dean's plea for help aimed at Castiel. "Angel Radio" was quite the apt description for Heaven's little gossip channel, because just like a radio all it took was a few adjustments, and even a prayer sent to Castiel could be picked up by another angel.

Gabriel flew to where the distress call had come from, finding himself in the parlor of a ritzy manor. There wasn't time for admiring the over-priced rug on the floor or the hundreds of plates of fine china stuffed in mahogany cabinets. Dean was pinned on a broken coffee table—Gabriel guessed Dean's impact was what broke the innocent piece of furniture—by a ghoul who was chomping at the bit to get at Dean's throat.

Well, since the female ghoul seemed to like necks so much, it only seemed appropriate to seized her by the jugular and fling her into the china cabinet, shattering the glass doors and plates.

Castiel appeared next to Dean right then. "Gabriel?" It would take a deaf person not to hear the shock in Castiel's voice at finding his older brother there.

Dean gasped for air and scrambled for the machete that had been flung aside during his struggle with the ghoul.

The ghoul growled as its legs wobbled.

Gabriel and Castiel drew their blades at the same time, but Gabriel was closer. With one swing he sliced off the ghoul's head. The body hit the ground like a sack of potatoes while the head bounced and rolled like a dropped coin.

Dean pushed himself onto his feet, staring slack-jawed at Gabriel as he tried to catch his breath. Castiel touched Dean's elbow, helping the human up.

"Gabriel?" Dean gasped. "I thought—"

Gabriel flung himself at Dean, wrapping his arms around the hunter's neck. "Oh Dean! I thought I almost lost you!"

Dean flinched and jumped in Gabriel's arms. His hand went straight for Gabriel's elbows. He desperately tried to dislodge the archangel. "Get off of me."

"But Dean," Gabriel whined. "I saved your life. I'm supposed to get a kiss."

Undetectable to the human eye, Castiel's grace flared with indignation.

Gabriel turned to see that the normal blank expression on Castiel's face was replaced with a glare that was reserved only for enemies. It took all of Gabriel's willpower not to snicker.

"Dean does not appreciate your embrace. Release him."

The venom that laced Castiel's voice had the opposite effect of what was intended. Instead of making Gabriel's courage shrivel like a dried out plant, it made his mischief and sadistic glee blossom at the promise of mayhem.

"Don't wanna." Gabriel nuzzled his face into Dean's shoulder.

Dean spluttered and shoved at Gabriel to no avail. In fact, it made Gabriel squeeze tighter as a stream of scenes from a bunch of Looney Toon cartoons featuring Pepé Le Pew filled his head. What could he say? He admired the skunk's tenacity, even if he was a stalker with a rapist mentality. Besides, it was really the black cat's reactions to his advances that made the cartoon so funny, just like how Dean's minor panic attack tickled his insides.

Castiel's grip on his blade tightened. He made to grab Gabriel and forcibly remove him when footsteps interrupted their little tug-of-war.

Sam ran into the room with his machete raised. Drops of blood decorated his face and clothes. He skidded to a halt at the edge of the room.

A moment passed in which everyone stared at each other.

Then Sam bitch-faced. "Are you kidding me?" He sheathed his machete and stomped out of the room.

Dean reached for his brother. "Wait, Sam! Friggin' help me, at least!"

Gabriel sniggered, closing his eyes in the process. Suddenly two fingers pressed onto his forehead, and before Gabriel could stop his little brother, he was whisked away by Castiel, reappearing in a park a few blocks away from where they had left Dean and Sam.

Castiel stood in front of Gabriel, seething. "You will cease your romantic advances toward Dean Winchester."

Gabriel clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in a reprimanding manner as he wagged his finger at Castiel. "Now, now Castiel. I was only trying to help."

"By making Dean uncomfortable?"

Gabriel huffed. "No, you moron. By demonstrating what it is you gotta do to win Dean over."

"Considering his reactions toward you, I doubt—"

Gabriel pressed his finger to Castiel's lips, effectively silencing his brother. "Toward me." He wiggled his eyebrows knowingly. "Now if it were you, he might be thrown off a bit at first, but after a while…" Gabriel made a flourished gesture with his hand. "Well, you know."

The shoulders of Castiel's vessel bunched together, and his eyes darted about as if searching for an argument against Gabriel. Finally, his gaze settled and he leveled Gabriel with a serious look. "Even so, do not demonstrate on Dean."

"No can do, bro."

Castiel took a step toward Gabriel, leaving only a few inches between them as he tried to intimidate Gabriel into obedience. It was actually kind of cute that Castiel thought he could put any bit of fear into Gabriel. Really. It was like watching a kitten chase a Rottweiler. "You will stop."

Gabriel poked Castiel on the forehead, pushing the angel's face a few inches away from his. "You see, I can't do that, because this isn't just about teaching you how to pursue Dean. This is also about getting it through your thick skull that as long as you wait on the sidelines people are just going to keep coming in and taking what's yours."

"Dean is not a possession."

Gabriel smacked Castiel on the shoulder. "Well, then maybe you shouldn't have marked him."

"It wasn't intentional. It was the only way to—"

"Yada yada yada." Gabriel shoved one hand in his jeans and used the other one to make talking puppet gestures. He backed away from Castiel. "Listen, you want me to leave Dean alone, there's only one way I am going to do that, and now that you know what it is, I'll be going." With a snap, he returned to his life of teaching the morally corrupt lessons through cruel and unusual means.

The air in the strip club was rife with various smokes ranging from innocent uses of tobacco to much stronger means of relaxation and an overabundance of cheap perfume. Dean looked like a kid in the candy store as he watched the scantily clad strippers work the stage and poles.

Gabriel would be the first to admit taking Dean out to a strip club seemed detrimental to the whole "get Dean and Castiel to finally admit their feelings" plan, but hey, Castiel wasn't the only one who needed some loving. Also, as crazy as it sounded, taking Dean out for one hell of show still fell under teaching Castiel what to do to seduce Dean. Obviously, the strippers knew how to do it, so if Castiel paid attention to them then he could pick up a few pointers—too bad Castiel wasn't there. The other point that Gabriel could argue, is that he was demonstrating the need to find common interests. It just so happened Dean and Gabriel shared an appreciation for the female body.

"Awesome," Dean whispered as one of the strippers approached him, a look that promised wicked things to come on her rouge lips.

Gabriel sipped his martini as he smirked into the glass, enjoying the view of two twins working the pole together.

"I never would have believed it," Sam's voice cut through Gabriel's thoughts of twisting bodies and an amazing threesome. Gabriel craned his head back, prepared to hit Sam with one of his flirtatious smirks and offer the man a lap dance when he saw that Sam wasn't alone.

Storm cloud Castiel was back with a vengeance. "You took Dean to a den of iniquity."

Just as Sam's voice had interrupted Gabriel's fun time, it seemed even with hot girl rubbing herself against Dean, the older Winchester could not ignore the voice of his angel. "Cas?" Incredulity coated his voice. Indecision flashed through his eyes as he looked between Castiel and the stripper.

The girl paused in her ministrations, taking in the sight of Sam and Castiel. Sam was pinching his nose as if he were suffering a migraine and Castiel looked positively livid. Keeping up her act of professionalism, she smiled and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Want me to come back when you boys are done with your discussion?"

Mind finally catching up to the situation, Dean flashed her a smile. "Yeah."

The girl left, beelining it to a group of men in suits seated closer to the stage.

Once she was gone, Dean scowled. "Scaring away the strippers is not cool, Cas."

Cas stepped toward Dean. "While I would normally not interfere with your… carnal activities, this seems to be part of one of my brother's ploys."

Gabriel laughed. "Oh yes, Cassie. Tell Dean-o exactly what my master plan is."

Castiel's jaw snapped shut tight. He couldn't reveal Gabriel's reasons for bringing Dean to the strip joint without casting suspicion on himself.

Someone swatted Gabriel on the head.

Sam glared down at Gabriel. "Play nice."

Gabriel raised a thin eyebrow at Sam then focused his attention on Castiel. "You really brought bucko here as your back up?"

"Okay will someone explain to me what's going on? Quickly too, I'd like to get back to enjoying myself." Dean's face was red with annoyance as he looked between his three companions for answers.

Castiel looked sheepishly down at his feet.

Gabriel smirked.

Sam crossed his arms and huffed.

"So no one wants to tell me anything?"

Sam sighed, unfolding his arms and moving toward his brother. "Not exactly my story to tell. Just go back to the motel. Gabriel is being an ass, even if you can't tell how so." Seconds passed in which the brothers communicated silently with one another in away that would be almost as sickening as Castiel and Dean's stare fests, but it didn't carry any of the adoration or same level of entrancement as the angel-human couple's. There was a lot of frowning, head shaking, glances between strippers and the angels that ended with Dean gazing longingly at the stage before nodding in assent.

Head hanging low, Dean strolled toward the exit, with Sam by his side, patting his shoulder in sympathetic reassurance.

Gabriel brow scrunched as he watched the two make their exit. It seemed he had underestimated the power of brotherly trust.

Castiel wasn't smiling as he watched the two hunters go, but his grace glowed brightly within his vessel, making his joy obvious to any angel nearby.

It made Gabriel feel like he'd lost the game, and he wasn't always the best of losers, especially when the winners were radiating with joy. He launched out of his seat. "Hey, Dean."

The Winchester siblings paused but didn't look back.

Oh, but they would look back.

Gabriel grinned wickedly. "You're about to miss the best part." Gabriel snapped his fingers.

There was a cry of surprise from Castiel right before he vanished from Gabriel's side.

The Winchesters whirled. Their hands reached for their weapons, even though no danger was imminent.

Castiel reappeared on the stage a second later gripping the stripper pole with nothing but a pair of black boxers on. Wide-eyed and panicked, Castiel flinched, desperate to remove his hands from the pole and flee, but something invisible held him in place.

Gabriel pressed his fingers to his lips and wolf-whistled as a beam of light from out of nowhere landed on Castiel.

Either the crowd appreciated the male form as much as the female one or the people were seeing something much different than what was actually on stage.

Dean cursed, barreling through the throng of people to the edge of the stage, Sam hot on his heels. Dean pressed his palms against the stage, ready to heave himself onto it, but the same force that held Castiel in place shoved Dean two steps back. Like an animal, Dean snarled as he spun on Gabriel.

Dean dashed forward and seized Gabriel by his jacket's lapel. "You get him off that stage, now."

Gabriel held up his hands in an insincere placating gesture. "Sorry, it's out of my hands now. If Castiel wants down, then it's up to him."

"You sick sonofa—" Dean cut himself off, ducking his gaze down as he scrounged for some argument that might actually help Castiel. "He's your brother!"

"Oh please, Dean, like you haven't humiliated your brother before."

"I never put him on a stripper pole."

"Want to?" Gabriel lifted his hand, posed to snap, in offering.

Sam, who had been scrutinizing the area around the stage for any indication of a weakness in the barrier that was preventing the Winchesters from rescuing Castiel, flinched. His expression twisted into one of distaste, but him didn't aim it at Gabriel—probably hoping that if he ignored Gabriel's bait he wouldn't be the next victim of the archangel.

Dean shoved Gabriel's shoulder. "Just get him off stage."

Gabriel huffed, and batted Dean's grimy hands off his jacket. "I told you, I can't. If Castiel wants off he's got to work it like those fine ladies just a few moments ago."

Dean's jaw dropped for a millisecond, then quickly rammed his mouth shut. There was scrunch of Dean's face as he staved off a reaction. Red rose up his neck to his cheeks as he cleared his throat. "All right. Turn around." Dean didn't even give, Gabriel an opportunity to protest before clasping his hand on Gabriel's back and "forcing" Gabriel to look away from Castiel.

"You too, Sam," Dean hollered over his shoulder.

"Dean?" Castiel inquired.

"Just," Dean swallowed hard on a lump in his throat. "Just copy what you saw the girls doing earlier. It's not like anyone will see what you do." Dean tightened his grip on Gabriel. "Right?" His tone was a warning.

Gabriel scoffed. "As if I want to see my brother shaking his butt on a stripper pole."

"Says the guy who put us in this situation," Sam grumbled.

Without thinking, Gabriel turned his head toward Sam, ready to respond with a witticism, but Dean grabbed Gabriel by the head and forced him to break eye contact.

"I said no looking!"

Gabriel resisted the urge to smack Dean. "I wasn't peeping at your boyfriend."

"Shut up!" Dean shoulders jumped to his ears, and the dust of red across his cheeks turned crimson. "Just let us know when the spell wears off, Cas, okay?" Dean said in a soft voice.

"Yes, Dean."

"Aw…" Gabriel poked Dean's cheek. "Aren't you two precious?"

"I said, 'Shut up!'"

Gabriel took his time answering Dean's prayer when the older Winchester contacted him the next day. He was not stupid; he knew Dean would want to bitch him out for his little stint with Castiel in the strip joint the other day. So he took his time being spoon-fed a three tier fudge cake by two super models he'd conjured in the luxury suite of a hotel two states away from where Team Free Will had taken residence for the week. He believed the Winchester's had mentioned something about a ghost, but he had been too busy caring about anything else.

As the brunette model in nothing but a bikini pressed the last bite of cake to Gabriel's lips, the archangel raised his fingers to snap away the beauties and any evidence that he had been in the hotel. The final piece of cake slid between his lips and he snapped while groaning in delight at the sheer sweetness. He took a few seconds to enjoy the after taste, then snapped himself to where Dean had prayed for him.

The expensive furniture and decorations of the suite were replaced by a warehouse missing chunks of its ceiling. Forgotten metal crates lined the walls, and Dean leaned against one with his eyes shut and his arms crossed.

Gabriel whistled lowly. "You boys really are stubborn. You called, what? A half hour ago, and you're still waiting?"

Dean's eyelids flew open and his face hardened.

"Aw, don't look so mad, babe. I was just being fashionably late."

Dean grunted, pushing himself off the crate. He kept his arms crossed with his right hand tucked in his left elbow. He sauntered toward Gabriel with a metaphorical gray cloud over his head that Gabriel was tempted to make less metaphorical. "What you did to Cas was not right."

Gabriel feigned exasperation with a sigh. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "Do we really have to go over this again?" He removed one hand from his coat and pointed at his face. "Trickster, remember? And Cas is my little brother. C'mon, Dean. Like you couldn't see that coming?"

"Yeah, and I also know that you like to target assholes, which Cas isn't. …Most days." Dean scrunched his face as if mulling something over then shook his head to clear it. "The point is, you know Cas didn't deserve what you did to him."

"Aw," Gabriel did his best impression of a woman cooing over a baby. "Are you going to make me apologize? Play knight in shining armor?"

The permanent frown on Dean's face melted into a smirk. "No, but since Cas is not used to this game, I'm tapping in."

Gabriel frowned as Dean unfolded his arms. Sunlight from the cheese-grater like roof bounced off the surface of something shiny in Dean's right hand. There was a click and an orange flame sparked to life.

Realization slammed into Gabriel. His grace flared and his wings beat as flames burst around him, encircling him. Panic crashed into Gabriel, and his vessel's heart pounded in his chest. Gabriel kept his features in check, hiding away any signs of nervousness at being trapped in a ring of holy fire and at the mercy of Dean Winchester. "Ooooh. What are you going to do to me? Poke me with a ninety-nine and a half foot pole?"

The smugness wouldn't leave Dean's face. Even his strut as he returned to the crate he'd leaned against prior revealed just how utterly proud of himself he was. "I'm glad to hear you like musicals, Gabriel."

Oh, Dean would pay. Gabriel could have let the mortal off the hook for capturing him since it was done in the name of Castiel, but the arrogance Dean emitted guaranteed retribution.

Dean rounded the crate and for a moment, Gabriel couldn't see the older Winchester. There was a scraping sound, and Dean carted out a small TV with a built-in VCR on a dolly. A thick, orange extension cord was attached to said TV.

Dean grinned from ear to ear as he hit the power button followed by the play button.

A young Julie Andrews in a green field singing The Hills Are Alive flickered onto the screen.

Gabriel sucked in a sharp breath. "You son of a bitch!"

Dean patted the top of TV. "Enjoy." He whistled to himself as he sashayed—because no matter how much Dean would argue later, that was exactly what he was doing right then—out of the warehouse, leaving Gabriel there to watch the The Sound of Music.

One screening was torture enough.

Gabriel almost screamed when the VCR automatically rewound the tape and played the movie again.

Gabriel relaxed and crossed his feet at his ankles as he admired Dean's sleeping face next to him. Even in his sleep, the older Winchester, looked like he was having a bad day. Gabriel was all too happy to make it worse.

"Excuse me, sir?" A flight attendant dressed in blue with her hair done up in a ponytail smiled politely at Gabriel as she pushed the snack cart just a little past him. "Would you like something to drink?"

"No, thank you." Gabriel waved her away cordially.

"How about your friend?"

Gabriel glanced at Dean then back at the woman. "Perhaps later." Gabriel resisted the upward curling of his lips that would giveaway his mischievous intent.

The woman moved on, and Gabriel took a moment to enjoy how her uniform hugged her bottom perfectly.

He then leaned into Dean's side and breathed in the sleeping hunter's ear. Dean's brow furrowed and he squirmed in his seat. The sight made Gabriel positively giddy. "Oh, Dean-o. Wake up, sunshine, or you're going to miss the best part of the day."

Dean's shoulders rammed together and his hand flew behind himself for his gun before he had even opened his eyes. The second those hazel peepers were open though, the blood drained from Dean's face, and the hunter white-knuckled the arms of his seat. "What the hell?" He whispered harshly. His head darted about as he tried to make sense of what he was doing on a plane.

Phase One: complete. Phase Two: Initiate.

The plane quaked, and Gabriel did not miss the high pitched squeak that escaped Dean.

The hunter's knees smacked together, and his already pale grip on his seat's arms grew whiter.

A musical chime filled the aircraft. "We're are experiencing some turbulence. The seatbelt light should be on," The captain's voice came over the intercom just as the yellow seatbelt light flashed above Gabriel and Dean's heads. "If you have not already put on your seatbelt, please do so now."

Dean looked down at his lap to find that he wasn't strapped in. His breathing increased as he pried his hand from his seat and patted the area around his lap for his seatbelt. His jaw dropped and his hands trembled when he found none. "I-I don't have a seatbelt."

Gabriel put on a mocking frown. "Really, Dean? That's not good. That has to be against regulation to take off with a seatbelt missing. I mean, someone could die."

Dean shoved his head between his knees and took deep breaths. Suddenly his hand squeezed Gabriel's leg in what human's would consider a bone-crushing grip. "You get me the fuck out of here, you sick bastard."

"But Dean," Gabriel whined, "we're going to Vegas."

Dean lifted his head out from between his legs long enough to shake his head—his face was looking a little green. "Don't want to go to Vegas."

"But Dean, I hear there's a special showing of The Sound of Music at one of the strip clubs there."

Dean body shot up like a rod, and he gaped at Gabriel.

Gabriel smirked. "Payback's a bitch, ain't it?"

Dean scowled for a second just before the plane dropped several feet and shook. He gasped for breath as the plane stabled itself.

Taking one last look around, Dean's face scrunched as if in pain. "Cas." His voice trembled over the name.

"Gabriel."

Gabriel looked up at Castiel, who was staring down at him disapprovingly from the narrow aisle of the plane. "Hey, little bro. What's up?"

Castiel reached across Gabriel, placing two fingers to Dean's forehead. The hunter visibly relaxed at the small contact. Castiel leveled his blue gaze with Gabriel. "You will cease aggravating, Dean Winchester."

Castiel and Dean vanished with the sound of flapping wings.

Gabriel sunk into his chair and snapped a Mud Slide into his hand. Really, Castiel should be thanking him. After all, Gabriel's little revenge scheme had given Castiel the chance to play Superman for his Lois Lane. What could be more romantic than rescuing a damsel in distress from her greatest fear?

Something was up, but Gabriel had no idea what. It had been two weeks since the airplane incident and until just a few minutes ago, there had been no word from the Winchesters. He'd expected at least one of them to bitch at him. Now he was sitting in a cheap booth in some random diner in the middle of nowhere with a waiting staff that looked ready to retire.

Sam shifted next to him as he nibbled on a leaf of lettuce from his salad. The giant was plastered against Gabriel's side, and while normally Gabriel would make comment, the bench was so obviously not meant for two and there was no bigger booth. Sure there were tables and chairs, but even Gabriel had to admit that he didn't trust the rickety pieces of furniture to hold the massive weight of the Winchesters.

Gabriel eyed the pepper bottle and the cheese burger Dean had left unprotected across from him—the older Winchester had made some comment about using the restroom. His fingers twitched with the urge to play such a simple and easy prank. He reached out for the pepper, only for a large hand to engulf his.

Gabriel glanced up at Sam, who had his "no nonsense" face on.

Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. "Are you really always a killjoy, or do you just want to touch me?"

"You flirt with everyone, or am I just special?"

Excitement and anticipation sparked in Gabriel's stomach. He wasn't a fighter, but that didn't mean he didn't enjoy a game of witty banter, and sadly, Sam Winchester was the only person even slightly on par with him. Dean could reference movies until he was blue in the face and had the sass, but take Dean out of his element and he floundered. Castiel had the knowledge, but he lacked finesse in his presentation.

Gabriel batted his eyelashes. "Oh Sam, you'll always be special to me."

Sam bowed his head and shook it, causing the tresses to brush against his cheeks. "That's depressing."

"Why is that, Sasquatch?"

Sam shrugged. "You're just one on a list things I needed to stab."

Gabriel threw his hand over his heart. "Ouch. Sam that hurt. After I have dedicated my life to your cause, I am nothing more than a trickster to you?"

A light danced in Sam's eyes, and Gabriel was pleased to see the younger Winchester amused. He became sick of Sam's somber attitude real quick, so whenever he could encourage any emotion that wasn't agnst from Sam he always gave himself a mental pat on the back.

"Maybe if you left Cas and Dean alone, I might see you as something more."

Gabriel held up is his hands in a helpless gesture. "I would if I could."

Sam's pursed his lips then opened his mouth to speak, but that was when Dean slid into the bench across from the archangel and Sam.

"Gabriel, you're not going to believe what I saw on the TV on the way to the bathroom."

"I really don't think I want to know what you saw," Gabriel deadpanned.

"I think you would." Dean picked up his burger with both hands, trying to play it casual, but that same air of smugness that had surrounded Dean when he captured Gabriel was back. "It was the newest episode of Dr. Sexy M.D. It was right at the end too. Dr. Sexy had just proposed to Callie in the elevator when Dr. Piccolo walked in on them, causing Callie to run off because she still thinks Dr. Sexy and Dr. Piccolo have a thing. Then just as she's running out of the hospital—bam!" Dean slammed his foot on the ground, jostling the table. "Gets hit by a car, driven by her deadbeat brother, who came back to town wanting make amends with her."

Gabriel was a statue.

Dean bit into his burger and hummed in delight. "This thing is so delicious. In fact, orgasmic. Speaking of orgasms, Dr. Sanders confessed that he hasn't had an orgasm since his wife passed."

Something died inside Gabriel, shuddering its last breath.

Sam touched Gabriel's shoulder. "Are you all right?"

The simple question ignited something in Gabriel and he slammed his hands down on the table. He jumped to his feet and glowered at Dean. "No one spoils my TV shows for me. No one."

"I believe I just did." Dean stood up and leaned across the table, his face inches from Gabriel's. "Bring it, bitch."

Sam buried his face in his hand. "Damn it, Dean."

Operation: Stop the Eye-fucking was on hold until Gabriel could exact proper revenge, that was until an idea popped into Gabriel's head that still fell under the category of "helping". After all, Gabriel's prank would also work as a demonstration for Castiel and might get a fire burning under that angel butt of his.

Gabriel appeared in the middle of the motel room Sam and Dean were staying at. The room was dark and Dean's snores could be heard from his bed. The older hunter was sprawled across the covers, mouth open, and drool staining his pillow. A bottle of whiskey dangled from his fingers.

Gabriel glanced at the other bed were Sam was bundled up. His hair peeked out from under the blankets.

Perfect. Well… not entirely perfect, Gabriel did prefer changing up his pranks a bit and this would be the second time he did something to Dean in his sleep, but the prank Gabriel had in mind was just too tempting.

He snapped Dean's and his clothes away, allowing himself to ogling the well-built specimen that would soon belong to his brother, which was why it was perfectly reasonable for Gabriel to look now. Once Castiel finally got his hands on Dean, Gabriel would never get another chance. Although, considering the handprint on Dean's shoulder, Gabriel might have to reconsider his wording, because Castiel had clearly had his hands on Dean at one point.

Humming to himself as he pictured the look on Dean's when he woke up naked next to Gabriel, the archangel merrily strolled to the bed. Just as his ass touched the edge of the mattress the lamp on the nightstand next to Sam clicked on.

Big, round eyes met Gabriel's and for a moment the archangel wasn't sure what was running through Sam's head. Gabriel flashed a grin, hoping to dissipate any negative feelings that might have a hold on Sam, but the younger Winchester just continued to stare at Gabriel in a way that looked like the earth had been pulled out from under him and he couldn't understand why he wasn't falling, why he was still there.

Sam sucked in a deep breath. "Gabriel, I swear if you have done anything besides remove his clothes, I am walking out that door and not coming back as long as you're around."

There was sharp sting in Gabriel's chest that had Gabriel momentarily baffled. He scoffed and sneered. "Jeez, bucko. I'm not a rapist."

"I don't care if it was willingly." Sam held his hand to his head and batted his hand about as if he could somehow physically shove away the unwanted thoughts in his head.

Gabriel contemplated diving into that train wreck of a brain, but he really didn't need to experience Sam's disgust at the notion of Dean and him having sex.

Sam rolled over so he was seated on the edge of his bed. He hunched and ran his hands through his hair as he dragged on a sigh. "You gotta stop doing this."

Gabriel cocked his head and raised one eyebrow. "Messing with Dean?" He shook his head. "Sorry, no can do."

Sam was as silent and ponderous as The Thinker. The thought sent a chill down Gabriel's spine as he remembered that The Thinker sat atop an art piece known as The Gates of Hell. The comparison was a little too fitting for Gabriel's tastes, and he scrambled for a witty comment or joke to distract himself. "Is the thought of Dean and I having a roll around in the sack really so bad, kiddo? Because last time I checked, you weren't a cockblocker."

Sam raised his head, and a flash of calculation passed through his gaze. "I guess you could say, I'm a Destiel fan."

Gabriel almost fell off the bed at the admission. He sputtered. He raised a hand to his ear. "Say it again? I think my vessel must be broken, because there was no way I just heard that come out of your mouth."

Dean snores cut off and the older hunter's brow furrowed.

Gabriel waved his hand over Dean and the older Winchester's face went lax. His roaring snores returned a moment later.

Sam shrugged, playing off his confession like it wasn't a big deal. "Cas loves my brother, and Dean loves Cas. The only thing keeping them apart at this point is Dean's stubbornness."

"Just stubbornness?" Gabriel said playfully, although he was curious to hear more of Sam's thoughts on the matter.

"Considering his man-crush on Dr. Sexy isn't his first one, and I have caught him staring at Cas' ass more times than I want to remember, I am a little more than confident that Dean has a thing for women and men."

Gabriel grinned. "Glad to see we are on the same page."

Sam's face hardened. "Which is why I am not going to let his first relationship with a male be with someone who's just in it for sex."

Shock rippled through Gabriel and he sat up straight. He held up one hand in a placating manner. "Wow, hold on there, Gigantor. I am not after your brother's ass. I am on Team Destiel. I'm just trying to motivate Castiel while giving him a few ideas how to pursue Dean."

"Well, stop, because you suck at it."

Gabriel's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

Sam gestured at Gabriel. "All of this? You really think it's going to suddenly make Dean open up about his feelings? Dean can't screw the lid shut on his feelings fast enough." Sam narrowed his gaze. "Also, how stupid do you think I am? You and I know this prank you were about to pull was just that: a prank."

Gabriel stood up and snapped his clothes back on. "Fine, you got me. I just wanted to make Dean squirm, but that doesn't change the fact that I want our brothers together as much as you do." Gabriel flashed a charming smile as he sauntered over to Sam. He stuffed one hand in his jacket pocket while holding the other one out to Sam. "So come on, why don't we work together?"

Sam stared at the hand. His mouth formed a thin line as he mulled over Gabriel's offer. He raised his hand as if to accept Gabriel's.

Glee warmed Gabriel's insides.

Sam batted the hand away and rolled himself onto his bed. His back facing Gabriel. "Sorry, but I have my own plan, and you'd just ruin it."

Gabriel gaped. His thoughts collided like bumper cars. Sam was rejecting his help? A human was rejecting the help of an archangel—no the help of trickster—for a scheme? The sheer audacity! No! The idiocy! Sam should be begging for his help!

Gabriel's insides curled and knotted in an emotion he couldn't quite define. All he knew was that he was highly displeased. He'd planned to humiliate Dean, but now all of his ire belonged to Sam. He didn't have any plans concocted for the young Winchester, though.

He glanced at the window.

An idea hit him.

A few seconds later, Gabriel stood in the parking lot, admiring the once black Impala turned hot pink with flamingo rims and the Barbie logo on its trunk. Inside the seats were a neon pink leopard print and matching fuzzy dice hung from the mirror. Dean would be roiling when he saw his new and improved baby, which would be punishment enough for Sam. Of course, the real torture would be on the road when the only song flowing out the car's speakers would be I'm a Barbie Girl.

Gabriel ran over his prank again in his head and snapped his fingers. He'd almost forgotten to make sure the boy's wouldn't be able to turn off the radio.