His Golden Journey

Beverly L. Anderson

A Bleach Yaoi Fanfiction Novel

Uryū X Ichigo

shatter me

shatter me
into a million mistaken pieces.

(thirst of an internal drive
bringing my soul to your claws)

[No more I say]

Strip the flesh
and break the bones
to suck the marrow of my being
from vagrant soul.

[No more I beg]

Sear the flesh
and burn the bones
to leave only white and ash
from a sundered spirit.

[No more I scream]

Leave me here to rot
in this place, deep and wet.
Body bent and beaten
then there isn't anything left.

[You can't hear]

Water dripping down,
your unending, unyielding thirst
for what I have and
whatever I have to give.

[You can't see]

Shake me down,
until I can't move any more.
Make me a puppet
to your own ways.

(then throw me away
and trample on the remains)

Spirit and soul of mine
you will wind and whip
away from the very bone
of my body torn.

[You don't care]

Your ears have been deafened by my pleas.
No more do you hear them.
Tears of crimson colored ire
fall to the floor of black cracked tile
and my flesh melts away like candle wax
and here, I am no more.

shatter me
into a million aching pieces
as you have so many times before.

(nothing left except the elixir of life
dripping down your parched throat)

then gather me together
into a single aching form
as you have so many times before.

(nothing is left except everything
that I ever was to you, to me)

Slake it.
Take it.
Make it.

I am the water to cure your thirst.

Kintsugi (金継ぎ?, きんつぎ, "golden joinery"), also known as Kintsukuroi (金繕い?, きんつくろい, "golden repair"), is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. – Via Wikipedia

Chapter One

Shatter His Body

The first thing that happened when the smoke cleared was utter and complete confusions. Isshin Kurosaki fell to his knees in shock. Everyone else reacted much the same. Isshin knew there was a chance that this would go poorly for his son. He had known that he might not survive using Mungetsu. Now, looking at the field of battle, and seeing only the tattered remains of his shihakuso and a broken Bankai Zangetsu...

All that remained of Sōsuke Aizen was a cracked, blue sphere that had once been the hogyuku. They found nothing else of the traitor Shinigami. The broken hogyuku, confirmed by both Kurotsuchi and Urahara, was all that remained.

There was no sign of either Ichigo's reiatsu, nor Aizen's. They had both been destroyed in Ichigo's final attack. Of course, no one was sure at first, why would they be? There were many possibilities. After two months, everyone had concluded that there was no hope that either survived. There was no sign of the two Shinigami. The World of the Living, Soul Society, and Hueco Mundo was scoured and not the slightest trace of their spiritual presences could be found. Isshin couldn't stand to tell his daughters the truth. He knew that Karin knew that the Ichigo that sat each night at their table was not the same one. He suspected that Karin always knew when Kon inhabited her brother's body. She never spoke of it, but as her own reiatsu increased, and Urahara took on training her, he knew she was aware. He saw the glances she would send Kon's direction, and he suspected that she sensed the difference in reiatsu.

Chad, Uryū, and Orihime tried to relate to Kon as they had Ichigo, but soon, it seemed they distanced themselves from him. Isshin saw it in the mod soul as he would sit and stare out the window. He would often see Mizuiro and others, but he avoided Ichigo's three closest friends. Kon knew he was living a stolen life, and it killed him. Now and then, Rukia and Renji would come visit with him, but Isshin saw the pain in their eyes. Kon's presence was a reminder of who they had lost. There wasn't much to be done, of course. Isshin tried to treat Kon as he would have treated Ichigo, but knowing it wasn't Ichigo hurt more than he expected.

Isshin smiled at the boy; it was not his fault at all. But even he found it hard to look at the soul that made his son's human body move. He didn't show it, because Kon was as distraught as the rest of them. He would sit at Ichigo's desk and sketch in a book that Isshin had given him for his first "birthday" after Ichigo's death. He found that Kon had a talent for artistry rather than Ichigo's favored subjects, and he encouraged it. Somehow, it made him happy that Kon's interests varied as much as they did from his son's.

Still, two years later, when Kon moved out of the house to attend an art college in Tokyo, Isshin was happy. He was happy for Kon, of course, but he was happy that he no longer had to watch his son's body knowing he was gone. Kon rarely returned to Karakura Town. He found a new life, at least, he told them he had. The truth was that Kon's art became a reflection of the mod soul's pain.

Kon sat in a small studio apartment in central Tokyo surrounded by canvases and boards covered in pain, pastel, and pencil. Five years had passed so quickly. It was the anniversary. He looked up as the door opened and a young man walked into the the room.

"Kon..." he said and came and wrapped arms around his back tightly. "I missed you the last week. You haven't left the apartment to come to the coffee shop?"

"I know, Akio, I know. But...today's a hard day. I lost my twin five years ago..." he said and sighed.

Akio sat down beside him. "Then you shouldn't be alone," he said as he looked around the room.

Most the paintings and drawings looked like self-portraits to anyone that didn't know him. There were various versions of his own image, but if someone knew Kon well enough, they knew that the strawberry vines meant something. They knew that the skulls and the white masks were important. They knew that the sword wielding figures weren't simply imagined versions of himself.

There was a long pause. "Kon, um, I wanted to ask you something for a while."

Kon looked at the young man. They'd been lovers off and on over the last couple years, but even Akio didn't know everything about the enigmatic Kon. Kon reached out and brushed a hand over his head gently, tucking his long dyed blue hair behind his ear.

"What is it?"

"Why don't you settle down with someone? With us?" he said. "I mean, you and me, we've gone back and forth, and I can't tell you how much I love you...and Seres. She adores you so much. She would give you the world if you would just stay with us."

Kon smiled. Seres. Akio. And so many others. He had found comfort for a long time in physical pleasures. Seres and Akio were the closest to a boyfriend and a girlfriend he had, though. Neither minded that he cared for them both, and he really did care for them both. They were married already and begged him often to come live with them permanently instead of in the small art studio he rented. But no matter how much he tried, Kon couldn't love them completely with his stolen body. The pain was too much.

"I live a stolen life," he said and stared at his hands that were stained in orange paint. "I can't commit with a stolen life."

Akio had heard this so many times and he had yet to understand what he meant by a "stolen life". Then he frowned.

"Kon. Does that have something to do with the fact your name isn't really Kon?" he said in a quiet tone.

He nodded. "Yeah. I'm living his life," he said as he reached out and touched the last painting he'd drawn. But something was different about it and he didn't know why.

Akio frowned and looked at it for a long time. "I've never seen you do something like that."

Kon realized how true it was. He'd never painted something like this. He frowned, tracing his fingers down the image. "I...I don't remember painting it like this..."

It was supposed to be a picture of Ichigo the last time he'd seen him, standing proudly with Zangetsu over his shoulder. It was a present for Karin, one of the few people that knew he wasn't really Ichigo. It looked nothing like it. A beaten face stared at him from the canvas, drawn and hollow looking. Dark strands of dingy, matted hair cascaded down the nude form almost to his elbows. His hands were crossed over his lap, wide, metal cuffs encircling his forearms. Bruising and blood covered him, almost obscuring the flesh tones underneath. All around the figure, chains and implements of torture like branding irons and knives rested. His fingers were twisted and malformed and Kon had no idea why he'd done this.

Aiko looked at it with him a long time. "Do you feel like that?"

Kon shook his head. "No... but he does...how...he's dead..."

"I don't understand?" Aiko said as he watched Kon stand up and pace.

"He's dead, I'm living his life, in his body!" he exclaimed. His body, his life, and I've painted him but what if it was a trick, what if it was all a trick? What if my pain isn't my own, what if it belongs to him?" he said and looked at him. "I have to go back to Karakura Town. Will...will you and Seras come with me?"

Aiko nodded. "Anything you need, Kon, you know that."

Kon ran a hand over his long hair. For some reason, he hadn't cut it. He glanced at the painting, seeing that the hair in it was the same length. As though it hadn't been cut in five years either. He never painted Ichigo like that. He always painted him with the short hair. He looked back at Aiko.

"I can't promise that I'll come back with you," he whispered and felt a rush of horrible sadness at that though. "I...I might not be the same person when this is over, but I have to find out. I have to know if I've been tricked; if we've all been tricked."

Of course, illusions trick even the keenest observer, and they had all been tricked by the best illusionist of them all.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

[Five Years Ago]

Ichigo opened his eyes with painful slowness. He was being held up by someone on either side of him. His head felt like it was full of sand. The entirety of his body felt lax and loose. He looked up to see Aizen looming over him. He gasped, and looked to either side to find he was held tightly by Espada by each arm. Espada that were supposed to be dead. He frowned and saw a flash of blue, and a flash of pink.

Mungetsu. He'd used Mungetsu, and then…what happened? Everything went blank from there onward. He couldn't remember… Something had happened, in the middle of everything and the world had exploded in front of his eyes.

"Glad to see you wake up, Ichi-kun," Aizen practically purred as he leaned over and smirked at him.

I can't watch the Shikai, I can't see it, he thought and turned his head away screwing his eyes shut tight. He heard Aizen laugh and his head was turned to face him. Fingers were prying at his eyes until the brown orbs were opened. The sword flashed in front of Ichigo's face and Aizen stared at it for a minute.

"Shatter, Kyōka Suigetsu," he said and Ichigo's world wavered and fell around him.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Soul Society had moved on in those five years as well. Many things had changed, but also many had stayed the same. Renji stopped at the base of a monument. It was simple. They had all felt after his sacrifice that Ichigo needed some sort of representation. It was a beautiful fountain with stone Zangetsu in the center and a stone carving of the Vizard mask at the bottom. At the base of the fountain inside a glass case the remains of Zangetsu rested. The fountain's water ran freely over it. Renji smiled and looked at it.

Today was the fifth anniversary of Ichigo's death, his sacrifice. Renji stopped most days at Ichigo's Fountain. Today, there was a ceremony to commemorate the substitute Shinigami's gift for Soul Society.

"Taichou," Renji said as he glanced behind him to see Byakuya walk up behind him. "Did Rukia go to get the others from the World of the Living?" he asked.

"She did. They will be here soon," Byakuya asked, appearing quite serene today.

Renji cocked his head to the side as a sensation flooded him for the first time in a long time. "Taichou?" he asked.

Byakuya frowned and looked at him. "I sensed it, too," he said with a frown etching his brow. "It felt hollow."

"And close," Renji said as he glanced back at his captain.

There was a sudden splash in the fountain and both heard someone giggle on the other side of the statue. They walked around to see someone that should not be alive sitting on the side of the fountain trailing fingers in the water. The Arrancar turned bright purple eyes on both and smiled. His wide gapped front teeth caused him to look childish. His blond hair was short around his face much the same as when he had fought the Sou-Taichou during the winter war.

"What?" Renji said as he stepped back and pulled Zabimaru to point at him. Byakuya drew Senbonzakura as well, confused.

Wonderweiss smiled instead and stood up. He walked away from the foutain and flopped to the ground beside a blanket of some sort. Renji and Byakuya saw that it was a blanket wrapped around something large. Wonderweiss leaned over the bundle and put his arms over the bundle and sighed, cutting his eyes up at them.

"Help Pet?" he asked curiously. "Bring Pet."

Byakuya and Renji exchanged a look. They knew that Yamamoto had completely destroyed this particular Arrancar. Byakuya approached the dark cloth bundle, watching the Arrancar as he did. As he got closer he could see that at the end, near the Arrancar, there was a shock of bright orange hair sticking out of it. Renji saw it too and stared for a moment. The Arrancar smiled again at them.

"Help Pet? Hurt Pet."

"No, that's not…it can't be…" Renji whispered.

Byakuya knelt near the top where the Arrancar sat. As he got closer, Wonderweiss sat up and watched. Byakuya reached down and pulled the cloth down with care. He winced as he uncovered the face underneath.

"Ichigo…" he breathed and heard Renji gasp in shock behind him.

It was the assumed dead Shinigami substitute. Bruises littered Ichigo's face, old and new. There were cuts in varying stages of healing, some still bleeding, also covering his face and neck. A thick red ring ran around his neck, and finger shaped bruises peppered the sides of his neck. His breaths were short and shallow, almost nonexistent. Byakuya continued to pull the covering down, revealing that his chest. Like his face, bruising and abrasions covered his torso. Patches of skin had been stripped away from places on his stomach and ribs along with the bruising. Purple and red marks ran down his arms to his mangled looking hands. Silver cuffs covered his forearms from wrist halfway up to his elbows.

He was drawn incredibly thin, ribs stretching out the skin taunt. While soul form didn't require food, a person with high reiatsu needed substance. Ichigo had always had very strong reiatsu. The strangest thing was there was no sign of his spiritual energy at all now. He didn't want to continue, but he swallowed and scanned downward as he lifted the rest of the cloth.

Renji moved and tossed the cover back up, looking sick. His entire pelvis was a mass of purple and black, and he was sure it wasn't supposed to be at that angle. There were thick, red lines running down his thighs and pelvis, up into his lower stomach like the skin had been flayed off of his body. There were burns that looked like an iron had been used on his legs. His legs were twisted wrong, covered with bruising marks and cuts. Renji breathed harshly and looked back at his barely living friend.

"Kuchiki-Taichou, what did they do to him? Who did this to him?" he breathed.

Both Byakuya and Renji stared at the Arrancar who was watching them. "Help Pet?" he said again as Ichigo's eyes began to flutter.

Renji knelt beside his head in utter shock. How could anyone be conscious in this state? As soon as Ichigo's eyes opened, they saw abject terror in them. Ichigo's gaze went to Byakuya first and then to Renji. Ichigo gasped out loud and tried to back away from them.

"No, please, no more, Master!" he cried out. "Good Pet. Please, no more..."

Byakuya frowned. "Ichigo, what is it?"

He watched as his voice set the young man to shivering and cowering in fear. "Please, don't. Pet will be good!"

Ichigo pulled the dark cloth around him and was scrambling away from them inch by inch. Byakuya frowned and turned to Renji. Renji moved forward, surprised as Ichigo flinched hard enough to fall backward away from him. He fell on his back and let out a low whimpering sound. Wonderweiss crawled over next to him then and picked up his head, drawing it into his lap.

"Pet friend," he muttered sadly as he looked up at Renji and Byakuya. "Help?" he asked again as Ichigo didn't seem to react at all to the Arrancar touching him.

"Renji-sama, don't hurt Pet more," Ichigo whispered as he stared at him. Renji stared until Ichigo's eyes rolled up and he seemed to pass out. Renji and Byakuya exchanged confused glances.

"What…what's this?" Renji asked.

Byakuya shook his head. He had no idea what was happening. He just gathered up the young Shinigami in his arms. He took off and flashed back to the squad four headquarters as fast as he could. He had to take the beaten and broken boy to Unohana. Renji watched him go and then looked at the Arrancar who sat looking in the direction that Byakuya had gone. He cleared his throat.

"What's your name?" he asked as he reached for him.

"Wonderweiss. Pet friend?" he asked as he reached his hand toward Renji.

Renji took it, nodding woodenly. He had no idea what that meant when he said it. "Yeah, let's…let's go to where Ichigo's been taken…" he said as he walked the small Arrancar toward the fourth division.

It didn't take long for all Soul Society to be talking. Byakuya and Renji both waited in the fourth. The Arrancar had been taken to a secure room, and they waited in Unohana's office. Outside, in the front, people were beginning to gather, as the rumors had been quick to begin. More than one had sensed the presence of an Arrancar, if not a powerful one.

It also didn't take long for Rukia to return with Orihime, Uryū, and Chad. Upon finding out that an Arrancar had appeared near Ichigo's Fountain, she had taken the others to the fourth to find out what had happened. No one would give her any answers, and no one would say if anyone had been injured. Of course, she was afraid that something had happened to one of them if they were both in the fourth.

Finally, Renji emerged and Rukia gasped to see the haunted look on his face and how pale he was. He wandered into the room and dropped to a chair wordlessly staring into space.

"Renji!" Rukia said, bringing him out of his trance to look at her.

He swallowed and looked at her with wide eyes. "I…I can't even…"

"Are you okay? They said there was an Arrancar, and that you and Nii-sama were here…what happened?" she asked. The three humans stood behind her, looking just as concerned. They'd never seen such a look on Renji before.

"I…five years…" Renji whispered and let his head back backward into the wall behind him.

"Five years?" Rukia asked, completely confused by that statement.

Renji looked up between them all. "We looked. I scoured Hueco Mundo. I thought…I thought I'd looked everywhere…we missed him, Rukia, we completely missed him…"

"I don't understand what you're talking about," she said and frowned. She looked up as her brother came out of the back with a look on his face she wasn't sure she understood. It was confusions and anger and a lot of things she couldn't identify.

"Nii-sama!" she called and he turned and stared at her and the others. "What is going on?"

Byakuya looked at her for a long time. "I…we…we were wrong…" he said quietly. "He was alive. This whole time…and we didn't know."

"Who?" Rukia asked, her heart rising to her throat. She knew what she feared the answer would be.

"Kurosaki…" Byakuya said. "An Arrancar that should be dead appeared with him. We don't know more than that, I must go to the Sou Taichou." He sighed as he turned and left the fourth.

"What?" she responded and looked at Renji. "Ichigo?"

"If you can call it alive," Renji whispered and put his head in his hands. "I…that isn't him anyone…"

"I don't understand," Orihime whispered and glanced at Uryū and Chad. "Ichigo's alive?"

Unohana emerged after a few minutes and saw the three humans and Renji and Rukia waiting impatiently. "He's asleep, I want keep him that way. I…I could use your help Orihime," she said with a glance at her. "I think you might be able to reject some of the damage…I'm not sure though."

Orihime looked at her. Rukia stared. "I don't…what's happened?"

Unohana sighed. "I am unsure yet. An Arrancar that the Sou Taichou himself destroyed appeared at Ichigo's Fountain with him wrapped in a blanket. He asked Renji-san and Kuchiki-taichou to help him. I've put the Arrancar in a secure room for now until he can be questioned. As far as Ichigo...I…can only say that it appears that he's been subjected to…extreme abuse in the time he's been gone. I haven't been able to tell much other than he isn't in good shape. Please, come with me," she said and led them toward the room he was in. Renji followed but stopped at the door and refused to enter the room.

Rukia and the others walked toward the bed where he was laid. She put a hand to her lips and shook her head. His hair was almost brown it was so dirty and matted and fell around him long and unkempt. They'd put him into a light-colored yukata, and a beige blanket was pulled up over him. His arms laid outside it on either side, and just the pallor of his skin was shocking enough. His cheeks were horribly sunken and almost every bit of skin was covered with bruising, abrasions, or scars. Rukia reached out and picked up his hand. She bit her lip, running her hands over the bones in his fingers. She could tell easily that they had been broken, several times by the look. Deep scarring ran through the flesh in the backs of his hands.

On his forearms, though, were the silver cuffs that began at his wrist and went halfway up them. Rukia ran her fingers up to the cuffs. They were embedded into the skin, flush, and she wondered if there was even any skin below them. The skin at the edges had tried to grow around the imbedded metal. Just touching them, she felt a drain on her own spiritual energy and she shivered at it. There was writing on it, barely discernible anymore.

"This…this is…the Kuchiki seal," she whispered, realizing what the etching was.

Renji stepped forward then to look, as he had not noticed the seal. Unohana had left with Orihime to discuss what they were going to do about Ichigo's condition. There was a sudden gasp from Ichigo, which surprised her and the others.

"Ichigo! You're awake!" she said with a smile at him. It was a strained smile, but of course she didn't know how he'd reacted to waking previously.

Ichigo stared at her, his eyes wide with absolute terror. He flashed his eyes up to look at Renji again, and then around the room. He didn't seem to focus on either Chad or Uryū. His gaze just seemed to pass them by without pausing. He snatched his hand away from the shocked Rukia and backpedaled off the bed. He landed with a hard thump and whined as he jarred his injuries but it didn't stop him. He continued moving away from them, yanking off all the monitors as he went. Loud sounds resounded and he cringed away, covering his ears and pulling in on himself. He pulled his knees to his chest, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

Rukia ran around the bed and dropped in front of him, his head jerking up at her, his eyes wide. "No, pet be good, Rukia-sama, for Rukia-sama, please don't call Master…" he said whispering, looking up and staring at Renji. He pulledhis head down again and covered it with his hands. "No, no Renji-sama…please…"

Rukia looked up at Renji, a deep frown crossing her face. "Ichigo, why are you calling us that?"

Ichigo shook his head, still covering it with shaking arms. "Master says, master says…or Renji-sama and Rukia-sama will punish pet for Master."

Rukia looked up to see Unohana watching, wide eyed with Orihime standing beside her. Rukia tried to touch Ichigo and he flinched backward, pulling into the wall, shaking violently.

"Ichigo, what happened? Who did this to you?" she asked, desperately wanting to understand what had happened to him.

Ichigo shook his head. "No, Master, Master," he muttered hoarsely.

"Who is 'Master', Ichigo?" Renji asked, moving forward even with Rukia. He looked up and around.

"Was here but didn't punish pet," he said simply, resuming his protective stance. "Master always punishes Pet for being bad. Always bad Pet. Always monster. Always punished. Bad."

Unohana looked over as Ukitake entered, looking down at the cowering boy on the floor. Rukia looked up at her taichou with wide eyes. Renji moved forward to try and reach for Ichigo again, only to have him jerk away, reaching up to tug at his neck. Ichigo stopped , his eyes wide. Uryū and Chad both were just standing and staring because neither had any idea what to do.

"Where is it?" he gasped. "Where is it?" His hands grasped at his throat, and there was a definite deep red line where some sort of collar had been.

"Master will be mad, master will be mad, is that why Renji-sama is here? Is that why? Master is mad…" he said, franticly looking around the room. Then he froze.

Rukia looked up to see her brother in the doorway, and then looked back at Ichigo. "M-master is angry at pet," he said dejectedly and dropped to the floor folding his hands under his chin and pulling his knees up into his chest.

Byakuya was confused. Unohana placed a hand on his shoulder, and then looked at Ukitake. "Jūshirō, can you get him back into his bed? I think I know what's happened…I don't know for sure, but I have a suspicion."

She led the entire group other than Ukitake out of the room and across the hallway to an empty one.

"Ichigo is alive. That means there is a good possibility that Aizen is alive as well. If somehow, Aizen used his weapon again against us, it might be possible that he made us believe that he and Ichigo were both killed. And now, I think Aizen used Kyōka Suigetsu on him," she said softly. "He seems to believe that you three were his captors."

Byakuya was for once not stoic, a rise of the old un-tempered anger from his youth rushing in his veins. "He did this, with my likeness?"

Unohana nodded. "I've been listening to the way he's speaking. Something is wrong with his mind, and I don't know what it is yet. He calls himself 'pet', as though he's lost his entire sense of self-identity. Just the damage to his body… the strongest person would have broken from the look of the extensive damage." She paused. "You saw the Kuchiki seal engraved on the metal cuffs. I can't tell much about them, but they seem to be some sort of spiritual energy sealing items. Kurotsuchi-taichou is working on understanding it. As for the physical damage. I've not even begun to finish the diagnostic kido other than an initial pass. But it is more than physical from my initial exam."

Rukia visibly paled. "You mean…"

Unohana sighed. "There are extensive signs of prolonged abuse, both physical and sexual. There's traces of drugs in his system I cannot identify and have no idea what they were meant to do. That doesn't include any psychological abuse he's endured."

Rukia looked up at Renji and then her brother. To his credit, Byakuya hadn't lost his temper. Though it had been close. Orihime was standing with Chad and Uryū closer to the doorway just listening with tears glistening in her eyes.

"So, he thinks that we have done this to him?" Byakuya said with a dangerous softness to his voice.

"With every fiber of his being. Perfect hypnosis was enough that we believed Aizen was dead. I handled the body, everything was real. It isn't a stretch for him to have been using it to keep up the ruse. Though why he chose to use your likeness I'm unsure. Perhaps because of Rukia and Renji's affection for him. But we can't assume that you were the only ones used to torture him," she said as Ukitake stood in the door, looking pale.

"I can't get near him, he's put himself in the corner of the room, and I can't…I can't…" his voice was tight. "He asked me if I was there to punish him too."

Unohana sighed. "This is going to be harder than I thought if he's used us all on him. The torture is not part of the hypnosis. The damage is very physical. I'm assuming he would use hypnosis to convince him that those doing these things were us instead of him. There may have been others. A dead Arrancar has been brought back, so it is possible he brought others back as well. We need someone whose image wasn't used to torture him, or we're never going to get anywhere."

"We could try?" Orihime said with a glance at Unohana. "Maybe Urahara-kun?"

Unohana and Ukitake exchanged a glance. "I'll go to the head captain about Urahara-san, and I'll summon Hirako-taichou," Ukitake said with a nod of his head. "He will want to know about this immediately as well.

"I'll find someone that Aizen was unfamiliar with to work with him for now, perhaps to get him to eat or something. Kurotsuchi-Taichou is working on a way to extract the cuffs already, but he's not having much luck. Perhaps Urahara-san can help him," she said. "I'd rather wait until Urahara-san arrives before letting you three try to talk to him. Urahara-san is able to use kido to put him to sleep if he has another panic attack."

Everyone agreed that it was the best course of action to wait. They stood outside the room, watching as a young girl that was new to the division finally coaxed Ichigo from his corner and back into the bed. He possessively clutched at the sheets, as though he were afraid that they would be taken from him. Considering that he had a barely mended shattered pelvis, two fractured shins, and adislocated hip, she wasn't sure how he could move that much. She grimaced, though realizing that he must be used to that kind of pain. The gentle blond managed to talk him into having some broth and he took a couple sips, then frowned and gave it back. She looked at Rukia and Renji with tired eyes as she exited the room.

"I tried to tell him he was Ichigo, that he shouldn't call himself pet, but he won't have any of it. He just goes on muttering about how master says he's pet now," she said sighing.

They stood outside and watched as he curled on his side and clutched the sheets against his chest. It wasn't long until Rukia and Renji heard a familiar voice behind them.

"You've found him alive," he said quietly. Behind Urahara were Yoruichi and she saw Shinji had come up as well.

Rukia looked at him, tears streaming down her face all of a sudden. "But it isn't him anymore! He doesn't know anyone, and he calls us...sama...and thinks Nii-sama is his master!"

Urahara put a hand on her shoulder. "Let's see if we can't connect with him, and hope Aizen wasn't cruel enough to think to use us against him as well."

They entered the room together and Urahara put a chair near his head. He reached out to touch him and the expected flinch came, but Ichigo's wide eyes settled on unfamiliar faces. He looked between the three of them, no recognition in his eyes.

"Ichigo?" Urahara asked in a gentle tone. Ichigo shook his head.

"No, gone," he whispered, looking between the three of them from hooded eyes. He had his head tucked down and nearly buried in his chest.

"Ichigo, no it isn't. You are Ichigo, remember? Ichigo Kurosaki? Do you recognize me?" Urahara continued.

At first, he shook his head, but the stopped, and stared intently at Urahara's hat. Urahara reached up and took it off, handing it Ichigo. Ichigo reached a shaky hand out to take it. He stared at the stripes of green and white as if it was the only thing in the universe. Urahara leaned closer.

"You know my hat, right Ichigo?" he said in the same gentle tone.

Slowly, the substitute Shinigami turned the hat over in his hands, and nodded. It was there, right behind the picture of the hat. Just outside of the realm of touching. He suddenly threw it as though it had scorched him. Urahara flinched, biting his lip as he motioned Yoruichi forward.

"Ichigo?" she asked, trying to keep her voice as quiet as she could.

He stared at her now but just looked away. His eyes refused to focus on her for more than a second. Urahara wasn't sure how to help Ichigo if there was a problem with his mind. Something was there. His mind was trying to make connections, but Urahara could tell he was struggling greatly with it. He sighed and shook his head at her. She stepped back and Shinji moved next to him.

"You know me, right Ichigo?" Shinji said smiling his typical broad smile. "We've missed you, my friend…"

"Friends," Ichigo mused then shook his head. "No friends for pet, no friends for pet, no friends for pet," he began repeating, reaching up and holding his head. "Monster. No friends for monsters."

Urahara reached out and pulled his hand down. "Ichigo, you have friends. Friends that won't ever hurt you, okay?"

There were tears in his eyes. "Friends hurt pet. Monster, monster, punish monsters," he whispered, frightened by his own words. "Monsters get punished, Pet is a monster…Master said so."

Despite the glimmer of recognition at first Urahara sighed. He reached out and pulled Ichigo's hand closer to examine the cuffs. They had been on him a long time. Just being near them, he felt his own energy being sapped. And his eyes flashed in recognition as he looked between them and up at Ichigo.

He sighed and stood. "Will you stay with him? I'm going to see if I can help Mayuri-san. There is a possibility that they're interfering with his mind too. The reiatsu drain is enough, but there's no reason to have wired it directly into his nervous system unless it was to make it easier to 'train' him."

As he exited, Unohana stopped him. "I think you may be right, Urahara-san. When we did our scans, there seems to be something blocking signals in his brain. Some areas don't appear to be functioning at all, like the higher order thinking skills, problem solving, and long term memory."

Urahara nodded. "Something tells me he refused to give in to them easily with just Aizen's hypnosis. They used something else to make him more manageable and make sure that we wouldn't be able to help him."

"Why not just kill him?" Unohana said, glancing into the room as Shinji tried to talk with his broken friend.

Urahara sighed. "Because it would only have destroyed him. This way, he destroys him, and everyone who is close to him."