This is what happens if you get me drunk and then sit me in a car for twelve hours. And I'm also totally not over this and I know that I really should be by now. Please don't judge me. I wrote this in the third person because I'm terrible at writing in the third person and I need practice and that. This is also a tiny bit wanky so don't read it if you're a child. And there will also be naughty words.

It's probably just a one-shot because I'm allergic to commitment, but if anyone leaves me a nice comment I may possibly write more. Who knows?

Unfortunately I own fuck all.

Twelve months is a long time.

But maybe twelve months isn't even nearly long enough to get over a woman like Lorraine Donnegan.

Because when Nikki sees her again, her heart still backflips. In the back garden of the schoolhouse on a stiflingly hot summer night. Lorraine is glowing, in her element. Or, at least, she should be. Seeing all the good work her money is being doing, celebrating the end of term with a garden party. Her blonde hair all pinned up, leaving the soft curves of her neck pale and exposed. Pale pink lipstick, her dress a little shorter than she normally used to wear for work, revealing an extra two inches of thigh, and tight in all the right places. Of course Nikki's heart still backflips.

Because she looks amazing. And tense. Highly strung perhaps. Most people would never notice, but Nikki can see that tiny nerve jumping a little in her jaw. Other than that, her facade is flawless. Her makeup perfect, her hair perfect, her outfit perfect. And her life without the school, without Nikki? Undoubtedly perfect too.

But Nikki still feels as though her breath has been slammed from her body as she looks at Lorraine. Because she sees nothing but the fading memory of what it was like to watch Lorraine fall apart. To make this highly strung woman come unstitched in her bed, in her arms. Naked, sweating, moaning. Sometimes crying. Sometimes begging, the word "please" falling from Lorraine's lips an octave lower than normal, the meaning lost amongst moans-

Nikki mentally shakes herself. No. No. She's over Lorraine, she has been over her for a long, long time. She's moved on. There have been other girls, before and after Lorraine, who she loved more, loved better. Not that she was really ever in love with Lorraine anyway. It was, as Lorraine had once said, fun. And that's all, nothing more than a bit of fun. It was never really going to work, Nikki knows that. But there's no denying that the mere memory of pulling that beautiful, controlled woman apart and making her crumble into something vulnerable and effortlessly beautiful doesn't still make Nikki's heart race.

"Hey" Lorraine's voice is soft, almost breathless. Her eyes flying over Nikki. And she smiles. Pretending that her heart doesn't instinctively race. All because they're close, not even touching. Just close.

"Hey, how are you?" Nikki's voice is keen, genuinely interested. And within seconds, it feels as though no time at all has passed. The last year has been nothing. Nothing at all.

And impossibly, inexplicitly, Nikki knows that Lorraine has not been with anyone else. No-one since her. She can tell by the way Lorraine holds herself. She can tell by the tight muscles in her back and the dark look in Lorraine's pale blue eyes. She can almost feel Lorraine's body screaming as she stands a little too close to Nikki. She's certain of it.

And that's why, when Nikki asks her back to hers for a drink, for "old time's sake", she knows Lorraine won't say no. She looks a little stunned though. Her bottom lip trembles. Her eyes wide, almost scared, before she nods and she smiles.

"Yeah, yeah okay." She's still smiling, her bottom lip grasped between her teeth now as she grins. That look in her eyes. Restless, sharp. It goes right through Nikki. "Shall I get my coat?"

They slip away from the party easily. No-one notices them leave, Nikki glancing back over her shoulder once, twice, just to be sure that no-one is watching them. And Lorraine hasn't brought a coat though, of course. And it suddenly gets cooler, the sun slipping away as they walk side by side down the hill towards Nikki's flat. Leaving the sky tie-dyed with soft blues and pinks. Lorraine shivers. Nikki strips off her jacket, and silently hands it to Lorraine. Who doesn't say anything, she just pulls it on. And breathes in. The scent of Nikki's cool perfume makes her knees weak, and she almost reaches out to hold Nikki's arm to steady herself. But she doesn't. Of course she doesn't. She's still so cool, so confident, and above all, composed.

"What've you been...umm...doing?" Nikki asks her rather hesitantly. They're sitting side by side on Nikki's sofa. Both silently thinking about the last time they sat here together. Or, perhaps more accurately, sprawled there, drunk lips and hot, desperate hands. She takes a sip of her wine. Lorraine's eyes flicker from her wine glass, up as far as Nikki's lips, before dropping back down to where her short fingernails are tapping a rather unsteady rhythm on her own knee.

"London" she murmurs, as though it's something she should be ashamed of.

"So you're seeing someone?" Nikki murmurs. And she can't help but smile at the shocked, almost offended look on Lorraine's face, as though Nikki had just suggested that she'd taken up class A drugs or weapons dealing. But Lorraine quickly claws back her composure.

"Why does that mean I'm seeing someone?" Her eyes are hard. Nikki wants to squirm.

"There's loads of hot girls in London, they must be falling all over you." Nikki looks right back at Lorraine, unflinching, waiting for that glorious moment when Lorraine just begins to unravel.

"I'm single" Lorraine mutters. And then catches the way Nikki's eyebrows raise sceptically. "Don't look at me like that, you know I'm shit at relationships."

"Yeah you are. But you must be casually fucking someone, come on Lo..."

"No-one. Ever. Not really. I mean, a couple of blokes, but-"

"Oh god, was I really so bad that you're screwing boys again?" Nikki raises her eyebrows a little again, teasing Lorraine. Wondering if she can make her squirm.

"Yeah you were" sniggers Lorraine lightly, sarcastically. But in an instant her voice is cool and serious again."No, you're great. And you know it. But them, they were both crap Nikki, crap." She shakes her head a little, blonde curls everywhere, tumbling over her shoulders and down her back. And she doesn't mention that when she was in bed with the first mostly-inoffensive man she'd met, she'd closed her eyes and tried so, so hard to think about Nikki touching her- "So bad I couldn't even be bothered to fake it. How about you, you're not single?"

"Yes. I mean, no...I mean, yes, I'm single." Lorraine starts to laugh a little as Nikki speaks.

And suddenly, Lorraine's shaky, unsteady fingers that were tapping a rough rhythm onto her own knee are now touching Nikki's leg. Still tapping out that rhythm. Moving quickly, nervously. And Nikki breathes in sharply, feeling as though some invisible line may have just been crossed, although Lorraine doesn't even seem to notice.

Nikki glances down. And so does Lorraine. The fingers tapping on Nikki's leg suddenly frozen still. Nikki can feel the heat radiating from Lorraine's cheeks as she blushes a little.

"Sorry." she mutters, and the palm of her hand now rests on Nikki's leg. Nikki is not sure if this is more or less suggestive. And there's still that crippling tension between them. Of course there is. There always has been. Boiling, undeniable chemistry. They can both taste it on their own tongues.

"I-"

"Nikki-"

They both speak at precisely the same time. Lorraine laughs a little nervously. "You go first." Nikki mutters.

"I've fucking missed you" Lorraine says, looking up at Nikki, her eyes wide. Her voice low.

"I've missed fucking you." Nikki murmurs seriously, watching as Lorraine's face cracks into a wide, genuine smile. Nikki's heart flutters in her chest. She likes making Lorraine laugh. She tips her head back and swallows the rest of her wine. Her hand shakes a little bit as she replaces it back on the coffee table. But Lorraine doesn't notice, her eyes are everywhere else. She's too busy mentally undressing her, and Nikki knows it.

"Shut up" Lorraine's eyes are perfectly blue. The blue of all the boring metaphors, and somehow infinitely more than all of them. Sky blue, sea blue, impossibly, piercingly blue. Not blurred at all by the wine she's drunk, but Nikki can feel Lorraine getting a little braver. Dutch courage maybe. "I thought you'd hate me...that's why I didn't call..."

"Or text, or let me know that you hadn't dropped off the face of the earth..." Suddenly Nikki is angry. Lorraine can hear it cracking through her words. And she wishes she hadn't brought it up. Why can't they both just forget about it? Forget about it and move on. Damn, why can't she move on?

"I'm sorry" is all she can manage. She can almost feel hands, Nikki's hands, on her throat, crushing away her air supply-

"A year is a long time Lo, stuff changes." Her voice is low and laced through and through with anger. Anger and frustration. God, that frustration. It sends hot shudders spinning through Lorraine's body. She moves a little, wriggling on the sofa.

"You were the one who wouldn't even listen to me-" She mutters.

"YOU HURT ME-" Nikki is shouting now. On her feet. Lorraine can feel wave upon wave of anger crashing from her skin. And Lorraine would be intimidated if she weren't so angry her blood felt as though it was bubbling through her heart.

"I was hurt too you know." Lorraine jumps to her feet too. Not shouting. She doesn't have enough emotion left for that. Her voice is simply empty, cold. Pointing to herself. Her heart hammering as she imagines making Nikki understand just how hurt she was. Telling Nikki about all the nights she'd cried and drank herself into a dark oblivion, images of Nikki swimming through her pissed-up head. And the other nights too, when she'd touched herself in the dark, moaning Nikki's name into the heel of her own hand-

"YOU ENDED IT LIKE I MEANT NOTHING TO YOU!" Nikki's voice is tight with nothing but anger. Months and months of built-up anger. Full of the memory of Lorraine's cold voice, coolly telling her that "it was fun" but absolutely nothing more.

"What was it you said? Ancient fucking history? I've been thinking about that for twelve months, driving myself mad because I was leaving and you didn't give a fuck-" Lorraine is on the brink of tears but still in control. Her voice cold, low, angry. Her heart hammering. But she takes a step closer to Nikki.

"DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT NOT CARING! WHAT ABOUT TOM'S FUNERAL? YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO SHOW YOUR BLOODY FACE AT HIS FUNERAL, NO, BECAUSE YOU DON'T GIVE A TOSS ABOUT ANYONE EXCEPT YOURSELF AND-"

They're face to face. Almost nose to nose. Hot breath. Hot, hot breath and freezing cold anger. And Lorraine's skin burning to be touched. She doesn't think she's ever wanted anyone more than she wants Nikki right now. Right now. Her back against the wall, wrists bruising as they're roughly held above her head-

"I LOVE YOU AND YOU NEVER EVEN GAVE ME A CHANCE TO-" Finally Lorraine is shouting. All her cool exterior crumbled away.

Nikki feels, despite all the anger threading through her body, as though she's just won a huge victory. And she can feel the foundations of their relationship shifting beneath her. And exhilaration floods the anger from her veins. Leaving her breathless.

And then they're almost kissing. Not exactly though. Lorraine's lips pressed against Nikki's. But Nikki doesn't move. Lorraine's lips are burning hot. Desperate. Friction. Her hands holding behind Nikki's neck, pulling her into the kiss. Pulling her body closer. Until she's sure that Nikki must be able to feel her hammering heart, her burning body. Nikki must know how shamelessly needy she is. And she doesn't even care. Lorraine whimpers against Nikki's lips, and Nikki hesitates for an instant, and then opens her mouth. Just a fraction. But that's enough, that's all the encouragement Lorraine needs.

And she's tipping her hips towards Nikki. The kiss is rough and sloppy. Too hot.

And then Nikki pulls away, grasping Lorraine's cheeks far too roughly. And Lorraine can still feel her lips burning, tingling, needing more. She gasps. And then instantly blushes, hating herself for being so weak. She bites on her bottom lip and tells herself that she doesn't need Nikki, that her body isn't burning up-

"I fucking hate you Lo." Nikki murmurs. Her eyes closing a little. Resting her forehead against Lorraine's. Her voice catching in her throat. Grating through desire.
"I know" Lorraine whispers. Not moans. Because she hates Nikki too. She hates how much she needs her. Nikki slowly raises her hands. Hovering either side of Lorraine's waist.

"Can I-?" The words slip from between Nikki's lips before she really knows what she's saying. It's not a question. Not really. Nor a plea. Because Nikki is totally in control here, and she already knows the answer. She knew where the evening would end when she saw Lorraine's pupils dilate a little when she looked at her, soaking into her ice blue pupils. She knew they'd end up like this when she saw Lorraine's bottom lip shake as she confidently asked her back for a drink.

So, of course, Lorraine nods.

And then her back is slammed against the wall. And Nikki's hands are all over her. Pulling her dress over her hips. Dancing over her skin. Doing exactly what she's been dreaming about, fantasising about, for the past twelve months-