Old habits die hard, Rachel B

Full summary: Rachel's had a hard life and a very difficult past. Everyone had thought that her old habits had stopped completely after her older brother had helped her through her latest episode but as the saying goes 'old habits die hard' and no one knows this more than Rachel as she's shipped off to live and travel with her older brother and his 4 best friends. NOTE: Rachel doesn't have 2 gay dads and her older brother is a One Direction member. Also Santana and Puck are not at McKinley, so they are not in glee club. Just saying

A/N. Thank you for reading. Thanks for reviewing; I hope you are liking it and that you keep on reviewing. I would appreciate it.

Chapter 3 – warm welcome.

Rachel's POV

It had been a couple of days since I'd arrived in LA with Harry, we were now with his what Harry would call 'adopted brothers', I'd gotten my own bedroom, but all I wanted to do was isolate myself. I didn't even want to come in the first place, I'd told my parents that I was fine, but they didn't believe me. Neither did Harry. They didn't get though that I didn't want to come because I didn't want to disrupt anything.

I layed in bed not wanting to get up for anything, I didn't want anything to eat. I grabbed my iPod from the side with my earphones and started to listen to music. The only thing I have left.

After ten minutes, my earphones were taken out of my ears, and I turned not impressed to see my big brother Harry there stood over me, "Rae, breakfast is downstairs."

I sighed, "I'm not hungry." Before turning over to sleep again.

Harry sat down on the bed next to me playing with my hair as he said, "C'mon Rae, I've let you not eat for the last couple of days you've been here. But now, I'm not having it. Today is the first day of your recovery, please Rae."

I closed my eyes for a second. The thought of eating made me feel sick, but a small part of me wanted to eat, which I could usually ignore but Harry.

"Rae, I promise I won't make you eat a lot. Just small steps. For your big brother." Harry teased.

I sighed before I sat up, getting out of bed and not caring how I looked like; I headed in the kitchen where I could smell the pancakes. I didn't say anything to anyone, Harry following behind. I sat at the kitchen table staring down at the chocolate chip pancakes not noticing the boys sat around me until one of them spoke.

"Hi… Rachel, I'm Liam. It's nice to finally meet you." I looked up shocked and scared he'd spoken to me. They wouldn't like me. They would hate me, just like everyone else does. Glee club, Jesse. No one liked me, it was impossible for that to happen.

"Rae, its fine. They're not going to hurt you, I promise." Harry said his hand on my shoulder. I relaxed almost instantly.

I nodded my head,"H-Hi, I'm, erm… R-Rachel."

"I'm Zayn, don't worry Rachel, you will have a great time here." He grinned, I tried to smile back.

"I'm Niall, also known as the best out of this group." Niall laughed jokingly, he looked down smiling to himself.

"And I'm Louis, ten times better than these guys," He joked,"Nah, they are basically my adopted brothers. And Zayn's right, you will have a good time here. We'll make sure of it." Louis grinned.

I laughed at that, "Thank you, guys. I appreciate it."

"There's no need to thank us," Liam replied,"We'll always be here, just give any of us a shout if you need anything. Of course, that's if we're here…"

"Alright," I try to smile, looking down at my food, hoping that maybe Harry would forget if maybe I changed the subject.

"So, what are you guys doing today?" I asked them not touching my plate.

"Nothing, we've got the whole day off, we wanted to make sure you're comfortable here, and so that we get on." Liam explained.

I nod, smiling. I was doing good for now, so far. Harry hadn't mentioned anything about the pancakes. He'd purposely put a whole pancake in front of me, because he knew that these chocolate chip pancakes used to be my favourite, from when I was a little girl. I'm a different person now, I've changed. Food is my enemy, shouldn't he know that?

I began talking to the boys about what they were going to do next, which I found out that they are actually making another album at the moment. Something I would already know, if I spoke to my brother more often.

"So exciting," I grinned, "I bet you guys can't wait for when you go on tour after you've made this new album." I can't even believe I'm making conversation, this isn't like me.

"Hey, Rachel," I turn as I hear Harry say my name, "You haven't touched any of your breakfast yet."

Dammit, I forgot about that. I was stupid to even think that he'd ever let me get away with no eating.

I could feel the boys staring at me; I truly didn't know what to say. What could I say to him? He wouldn't believe me with whatever I say.

"I… erm… I'm not really hungry." I state, it wasn't like I was lying.

Harry sighs, "Rachel, what did I say before we entered the kitchen?" He looked sad, but he must know I can't just eat like that.

I looked down at my hands, I felt sick to the stomach, physically and emotionally.

"I can't do it, Harry. You… I'm sorry. I'm… I'm j-just damn well sorry!" I shout, the tears already falling down my face. I ran out, and into my room, slamming the door behind me and cried my eyes out. I'd disappointed my brother already and it hadn't even been a week. I was so damn useless. Why am I even here? Why would my brother even want me? After everything, I'd screwed up my promise up.

Just at that moment, there was a knock on the door; I stayed silent for a moment. It was probably Harry.

"I don't want to speak to you right now, Harry." I murmur, sniffling.

"It's, erm, not Harry." The guy replied awkwardly which I soon realised was Zayn's voice.

Why was he here? What did he want?

"What do you want?" I asked trying to wipe my face so that no tears were noticeable.

"I just wanted to talk."

I looked down, why would anyone want to talk to me? I'm nothing special. In fact, I'm literally nothing.

I hesitate, unknown if to let him in or not.

"Please let me in. I just want to make sure you're-"

"I'm fine!" I finish for him.

Zayn chuckled silently,"I doubt that. I… Please let me in. Rachel, I won't hurt you."

Why would he hurt me? It would be me hurting him, if anything.

I sighed, before feeling compelled to open the door. I stood there whilst he walked in the room and sat on the bed.

I don't know why, but I suddenly felt like I belonged here. Like, I was meant to be here, which wasn't true. I didn't belong anywhere.

I closed the door, but not fully. I went to sit on the bed too, but chose to sit away from Zayn as I didn't really feel comfortable to sit next to him. It was slightly… awkward.

"You remind me of someone," Zayn finally spoke.

I raised my eyebrows in concern, and confusion. I reminded him of someone? What is he talking about? He knows nothing about me.

"Erm, I don't-"

"He was my best friend," He looked at me, "He was like you, pretending to be fine all the time. When, I knew that he wasn't. He pushed people away, not wanting them to get too close. I knew that he wasn't fine at all. He would always keep himself to himself, I didn't think anything of it at first, of course. I thought that maybe he just didn't like to open up," Zayn looks down at his hands, regret clearly in his eyes. I felt a sudden urge to comfort him, but I was too scared so I stayed where I was.

"Until eventually, I realised this wasn't him. This wasn't my best friend, and for those next couple of months, I watched him, I focused on him. I saw the scars he'd try to hide on his arms, I saw that whenever we would get something to eat he'd make conversation as much as he can so that I wouldn't realise. So that I wouldn't know... it took me a while to realise this, but when I did, I just… I didn't know what to do." Zayn stared at the wall, a tear falling down his face, "I was a horrible friend to him." He admits. I note how he says 'was'…

I'm speechless, because I'm still confused but because Zayn is opening up to me and I don't understand why. I stay silent, reaching over to touch his arm, willing him to go on, however, the arm barely touches his shoulder before its by my side again.

"I watched him sink. He was sinking, emotionally. He was breaking every single day, and I did nothing. I didn't know what to do," He presses on, "Every time I'd see him, I wanted to tell him that I was here for him, that I knew but I couldn't do it, somehow I thought to myself that it wouldn't have helped, because he was too far gone in. He was too broken. But, every day that is one thing I will always regret."

What happened to this dude? He seems so… angry at himself but he shouldn't be…it wasn't his fault.

Suddenly, I found myself speaking, "What, did he, did he erm…"

"He didn't die, he tried to, but he didn't. When his parents found out they sent him straight to rehab. And, from this day on, he's better. But I will never forgive myself for that, and I guess I'm telling you all this because you remind me of him." Zayn smiled, finally looking up at me,"And so that you know things will get better. You're one of the lucky ones, you have your brother here, looking out for you, he just wants you to get better. So, instead of rushing you to rehab, he's giving you a chance to get better by your own help and of course ours." Zayn says, referring to the rest of the group.

"I d-don't think I'll ever get better," I quietly admit, unsure if he'd actually heard me.

"You will. You're strong enough to." He states.

"I'm not," I start, "I got better before. And now look at me…"

"Your life is so much different to how you had it before, it will change. Everything will get better, I promise." Zayn grinned and I feel an urge to hug him, so I do.

"Thanks," I mutter, "For the little pep talk. You didn't have to, I appreciate it."

"It's fine. What are friends for?" I smile at the thought of Zayn calling me his 'friend' it was weird, I'd never really had them.

I giggle, "It wasn't your fault, you know." I said, staring up at him now that we're no longer hugging.

"That's exactly what he said, but you know from my point of view, I don't really see that…"

"I understand. But it wasn't," I reply, "I never knew this about you, Harry never mentioned this."

"Probably because he doesn't know, neither of them do And, I'd like to keep it that way."

"That's fine." I reply

There was another knock on the door, we both stood up, as I opened the door. Zayn let himself out; seeing Harry stood there clearly obvious he wanted to talk to me, alone.

"I'm sorry, Rae. I shouldn't have tried to make-"

"You didn't make me do anything," I try to smile; "You were just trying to help me. And, I'm sorry for pushing you away. I should have talked to you about it before."

"Aw, Sis," Harry smiled, so close to crying, "I love you. No matter what, you're my little sister, and I promise from now on, I won't let no one hurt you." He hugged me, squeezing me so much that I thought I was going to die. It's times like these, that I really wish my life was different. That I could convince myself that I was really happy, even if it was only for a small amount of time.

I will always love my brother, is all I know.

End of chapter 3 –

A/N. Hope you review. Tell me what you think in a review, and what you want to happen next!